Searching for Mr. Right!

Category: Americas, Life & Society, Nature & Science Channel: Humor Views: 4993

I seem to be meeting two different types of men.The first type is the extremely religious-almost-everything-is-haram man. They all look the same; same fist-long beard, same white hat that hides a mass of hair, same shaved mustache and white trousers with a long white shirt that goes over the knees. I don't believe these kind of men are "extremists" or "terrorists" just because they live like that.

If he is interested in you he will get to know you by introducing himself to your family and have frequent meetings with you all together, probably with his family involved too. During these informal "meetings" you'll probably learn his "everything-is-haram" views.

Then there is the second type of man. The "part-time Muslim". The almost-everything-is-halal man. He is liberal in his beliefs, does not really pray, may drink alcohol, thinks it's fine to hang out with his "girl friends" and thinks the first type of man explained above is an extremist. If he's interested in you he will think that dating is an essential part in getting to know you. 

That means you and him should be alone. He thinks it is great that you wear the hijab, because he wants to show off to his family and friends that he has landed himself a religious wife. This is also quite suffocating.

I'm not interested in either of these types of men that I've met. There is however a third type of man (there could be a fourth and fifth but I don't have time). They are in the middle-ground of the two men described above. They are not too strict and they are not too loose. They are just right. I've seen some American Muslims and Canadian Muslims who are "just right", so I know they do exist. But of course marriage is naseeb. You can't ask why it didn't work out, that's just destiny for you.

But they are out there. They are lovely men with beautiful personalities, they have the faith in their hearts and minds and they live life to their fullest potential. They make you laugh, they don't have complex personalities due to cultural baggage. They would never oppress you. They would want to love you for the rest of their lives. 

They would regard you as an equal.

I wonder if there's more of them in stock somewhere ... because it seems some of us have missed out on a "available for a limited-time only."

The writer of this blog writes under the pen name Unique Muslimah. Unique's blog opened back in February 2007, when she decided it was time she wrote on issues she felt passionate about. Unique Muslimah writes to you from the West but spends most of her time traveling to other countries and blogging about her experiences. 



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  21 Comments   Comment

  1. Sister Carla from U.S.A.

    Salaam Sister,

    I think that you have just made the perfect point. Since my conversion, I have had intentions given but by both ends of the sphere. If you find these brothers would you please tell me where they are. I would like to get married but Islamic marriage encountering is very different for me as a 1 year revert and American. I seem to be lost. Insha-Allah, Allah will bless you and bless us other sisters looking for the same.

    Salaam,

    Sister C

  2. maha from UK

    i guess everyone is going through the same problem. i had one saying you are gr8 sister but i wasn't' gr8 enough to b his wife. the other one was saying im bless to have someone like u in my life but still i don't see anything happening.He said once i come over i will meet ur father and ask for your hand to marry but still no sign of him so what do we do. we cant wait around for such. yes have faith but Allah has given us brain and eyes to see& work on.where are those brothers who wants to marry you for you and for the sake of Allah and to guide oneself without picking and chosen. the question is if im so gr8 or the best then why im i still single?where are we going wrong?all i ask for is simple, understanding, sincere, honesty and trustworthy man in my life. May Allah grant us the best of both world that is all i can say...Amen. we need to have more artical like this where we can express our inner thoughts. so it help us to even help each other over come certain problem we may be facing so we can better ourself. thank you sister for this.

  3. Bryan from US

    Great article which made me smile. All too often I feel us men are generalized as being one type or the other type, but I'm glad you brought it out that there is a middle ground.

    Salaam Sister,

    Bryan

  4. hanifa from indonesia

    well, to get for a mr. right, we must be a miss. right..it means that we must behave very well...by then, Alloh will give U the best one..as you have tried tobe the best

  5. Asiya from USA

    I have the simalar frustrations regarding "Mr. Right", except that I want a very religious person but NOT the first category (such as the one who tries to make everyting haram. The way he dresses is not a big problem if he's not trying to fit into a fad, which is the way it seems (bur Allah knows better). What I mean by very religious is someone who is sincere in faith (who behaves closes to the prophet (of course can't quite as good), such as being honest, kind, patient, scincere, considerate, caring and so forth. In other words I looking for someone who's righteous with strong personality intead of a self righteous person.

    I hope that Allah bless you with a very good husband. Thank you for the article sister!:)

  6. sammy from usa

    I have a best friend who has a beard and is very modern does not think that every thing is haraam and is very open minded but very spritual.I think this artilce is stero typing men. Meet the person and then decide he may surprise you

  7. Simple Muslimah from USA

    Assalamu aliakum Wr. Wb,

    Crisp and well-written.

    I can totally relate myself with the article

    jazak allah khair for the thoughtful article.

  8. Nayla from canada

    i totally agree with u because im married to one of those man he is a great real muslim guy and im sure that there are many of these guys that where ever u are god sob7anaho w ta3ala will meet u with.

  9. Iman from USA, living in Morocco

    As salaamu aleikum,

    I have a couple of blogs, too, so I know what it is like to compose your thoughts, dreams and wishes. And as an American Muslimah living in Morocco, I understand what the sister is saying.

    BUT, is this really an Islamicity article? Does it give information about how a woman, a westerner, a convert may improve her chances in the search for a spouse, in halaal? No.

    The "article" is cute, sweet, and I am sympathetic. But it isn't really an "article" so much as it is a blog.

    Ma salaama,

    IZ

  10. nermal from usa

    I agree 100%. Since converting to Islam over 2 years ago, it has

    been a constant struggle to find a man that is in the middle

    ground. I want someone that is strong in his beliefs but not so far

    to the left.. it's seems nearly impossible to find.

  11. Saj from Canada

    AA, nice article. But its not simple as it looks of have two extremes. Everyone claimS to be RIGHT but the real winner is the one that may not be praying and may be cleaned shaven but in the sight of Almight, he may be more beloved to Allah Subhaanahu Ta'ala because of certain acts. Its so hard not to be a judge even when our faith says Allah is the only and final JUDGE. MOST PEOPLE IN TODAYS WORLD MISSED THE POINT TOTALLY THAT BEST SUNNAH TO FOLLOW OR EMULATE IS MUHAMMAD'S (saw) BEST HABIT IN HOW HE TREATED PEOPLE (a shear marvel that no human can surpass). IS IT REALLY SO CRITICAL TO KEEP LONG OR A FASHIONABLE SHORT BEARD OR NOT WEARING TIE AND SHIRT OR HAVING A PERFECT MUSLIM OUTLOOK. Well, i think I am drifting away to a different topic. Ma'asSalaam.

  12. Dr Fathil Mohamed from Malaysia

    There are lots of Muslims that are in the middle category and I have to agree too that this middle category can be further subdivided into subs. I for one believe that I am in the middle category leaning more towards becoming a complete Muslim yet with open mind to live serving the Muslim community at best possible after achieving success that life has to offer in this world. I am a good family man, elderly in age but energetic and youthful in look and yet I crave to meet a Muslimah from the other side to share further into the nirwana of living and caring in this world and to prepare for the next. A dakwah can be from within and its immediate circle and having further association through marriage to more Muslimah when one is capable and able is a divine mission. Indeed it is a search and with understanding and consent of the rest of the family for the purpose.

  13. Arshad from USA

    Having a fist-long beard is waajid, covering hair with a cap is sunnah and having the trousers above ankles has been prescribed by Rasoolullah (SAW). if someone follows this, it is a commendable thing to do. Halal and Haraam are clearly explained. If due to nafs, someone does not want to follow, that is a different thing.

  14. Riel from US

    Excellent article. We should have patience for all "types" of our brothers and sisters. However, we should strive to be just right. Not too strict, not to loose.

  15. Tukur Lamido from Nigeria

    I quite agre with the opinion of Unique Muslimah about her categorisation of would be suitors for our muslim ladies.Our sisters have to be careful about their suitors,because if they make the wrong choice,it may end up ruining their lives,as the perfect live of a Muslimah is to have a good husband.

  16. hendon alias from malaysia

    assalamualaikum

    whatever you wish in this world please submit to Allah.I have long for a good husband and companion, all I know is that I can only ask from Allah. I spent a whole year,night after night,dua after dua,asking for the right man.When he came along,it seemed that he was not right too.But then again I endure the test,pray again and put everything back into Allah's hand and I knew that I have been given my mr right.What seems so wrong maybe so right because it is HE whoc will give you what is best for you,sometime without you knowing it.Believe in Allah, believe ccthat HE knows what best for you if you keep on asking from HIM and never stop believe that HE will give what you asked.

  17. Kris MacPherson from Malaysia

    Assalamualaikum,

    Brother H.A, please calm down. Take your ablution and pray. Mix with peers that have positive influence and may inspire you.

    While I am not denying that there are some truth to what you mentioned in your post, but hey ! Isn't that what lies the task for us a Muslims, being the vicegerent of ALLAH in this world.

    It is described in the Quran at the Chapter of al-Baqarah when ALLAH created man to be HIS vicegerent in this world, the angels protested and asked " Why have you created men who will do mischief on earth while we have always been abiding in worship to YOU ? ALLAH replied " I do what you do not "....

    Man was created for a purpose i.e to worship ALLAH and to serve HIS trust i.e to administer this world according to the HIS guidance. Both these are two fold and yes, now we see a chaotic world but we shouldn't sit down and wailed over it.

    Instead we should all be trying our best to put humanity to the right path, it's not just my duty but it's the duty of all of us, Muslims, who are handed down this trust. This is an amanah Brother, it doesn't matter whether we succeeded or failed, because even if we failed after trying, ALLAH will still confer HIS rewards on us.

    But never do I ever think that we have failed, there are still millions more Muslims praying and seeking guidance from ALLAH and trying to live up according to HIS guidance. We have made inroads everywhere, including Europe and I was one of the products of such inroads.

    Even in the differefnt times of almost every messengers of ALLAH, there were problems confranting them. But never were they in despair because they knew that they had ALLAH to turn to. Prophet Luth ( Luth - peace be upon him ) had to confrant gayism in his community but he didn't move an inch from his divine duties. So so did Moses ( a.s ) Jesus ( a.s ) and our beloved Muhammad ( s.a.w ).

    We are the continuing bear of the Divine trust and let's keep trying.....

  18. samira from mass usa

    asalamu alakum

    sister this is the most wondreful artical . i've looking for the same person all my life .but still non chance. but i have faith in allah. it's only a nasseb , don't give up ,your day is comming

  19. asiya from usa

    as-salaamu'alaikum. sister you took the words right out of my mouth. before Allah (swt) blessed me with my husband i felt the exact same way, and i made dua to Allah, and i was blessed with him and he is what you called " in the middle-ground", all i can say to you and all the sisters feeling the same way is to make dua to Allah (swt), and Insha Allah, he will bless you with your soul mate. salaams ( i loved your article & i look forward to reading more from you)

  20. H.A. from Yathrib

    THE WORLD IS FULL OF INFIDELS. EVERYTHING IS FAKE

    EVERY ACTION IS FAKE. PEOPLE ARE PRETENTIOUS.

    IT'S (LOVE) ALL ABOUT WHO HAS MORE MONEY, WEALTH, and BIGGER HOUSE and BIGGER CARS.

    ALL SO CALLED PIOUS PEOPLE ARE OSTENTATIOUS AND HYPOCRITES.

    MORE WEALTH = MORE LOVE FOR YOU.

    (I ,H.A., HATE TO GET MARRIED OR FALL IN LOVE. I WISH I COULD REMAIN UNINVOLVED WITH HUMANS or AVOID ACTIVITIES OF PROCREATION). THIS IS NOT BECAUSE I GOT DUMPED, BUT BECAUSE I AM NOT JEALOUS OF ANYTHING IN THE UNIVERSE . I AM A MAN and I KNOW HOW TO CONTROL MYSELF.

    I AM NEITHER ATTACTED TO "CIVILIZED FLUID" aka BOOZE NOR TO FREEDOM FRIES. And NOR TO THE Millions of SLUTS in the WEST and many thousands living in MUSLIM COUNTRIES.

    In conclusion, HUMAN BEINGS are a disgusting and sick creature. EVEN GOD FEELS, HE MADE A BIG MISTAKE CREATING HUMANS.

    THIS IS THE TRUTH. IF ANYONE HAS HARD TIME SWALLOWING THIS TRUTH, THAT'S JUST TOO BAD. JUST FIND A RANCH AND FEED COWS TO CONTROL YOUR ANGER - BEST MECHANISM TO RELIEVE YOUR ANGER after 9/11.

  21. abdurazaq from sudan

    asww.ur options is restricting.i definitely love this article.but its the way the sister see it.there are quite a no of sisters who prefered the so-called everythin is haram bro.while others dont want to have anythin to do with her choice,which i think i belong to,it actually cause me to lose a sister.she said am not strict enough.i closed by sayn,i pray may Allah guide us to pick the best spouse who will cause us success in this world and hereafter