Pray for me please

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Salaam Alaikum Hayfa! 
There you are! I was wondering where you were!
It's so good to hear from you

Love is the ability and willingness to allow those that you care for to be what they choose for themselves without any insistence that they satisfy you.
Dr Dyer
Mrs. Dia: Alhamidlah- so haqq... This is exactly how I feel about my family especially my husband. I'm not an emotionally clingy woman wanting to suck the life out of men. I entered my marriage making it very clear neither one of was the hero responsible for one's personal happiness or contentment with life. For one, I learned early on , it's just about impossible! You can't please everybody all the time and trying to be some one's superwoman is just crazy!
I liken this to making sure that I keep perspective on my life.  First is not to �expect� things from people. For often they fail, just like I do. 
 Mrs. Dia: I also believe the same thing Hayfa, but let me ask you sister, perhaps I've just wigged out here, but is it too much to expect common courtsey or dignity from your fellow Muslim? I am honestly not used to dealing with such ill mannered behaviour or such hard dispositions so often all the time? I don't expect anything from Muslims anymore not even respect or dignity. Let me give you another example sis, when I first became Muslim nobody was willing to teach me how to pray or wear hijab and I had to buy my first Qur'an. I know money and time for most of is tight but gosh dang? Is it that bad sis? Why is everything a burden when it comes to Muslim? Think about this: " it's a waste of one's time to teach somebody how to perform salah or wear hijab?" Please educate me here.. Where or where am I missing the point sis?
I also look at it from the other side. Sometimes people expect more from me then I can do or give.  
Mrs. Dia: Okay check this out. I believe hijab is wahjib or fard, but I'm not running around keeping inventory for Allah of those who don't wear it. They are not my concern. After I was assualted when I was pregnant, ended with an emergency C-section, I was getting calls from people I didn't even know ( I was on nation wide news stations for a couple days) pressuring me to not take off hijab, my husband attitude was basically " hell hath no fury, the fight is on" and I'm sitting back extra hypervilligant, and parnoid to death. I'm black, in fact really black, and I was shocked this even happened to me because of this fact. Never mind my feelings or even our saftey, I was being condemned for temporarily removing my hijab. Now not a single one of thes e people came to the hospital when the my baby was delievered via C-section and was ordered to have a complete transfusion, not a single person sent me a card- noughta- In my first post on here I mentioned that people have these predetermined ideas of what they believe should be your limits and possibilities this is what I'm talking about.

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UmmAminata Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 21 October 2006 Status: Offline Points: 227	Post Options Post Reply Quote UmmAminata Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 16 January 2007 at 5:42am
	Salaam Alaikum Hayfa! There you are! I was wondering where you were! It's so good to hear from you Love is the ability and willingness to allow those that you care for to be what they choose for themselves without any insistence that they satisfy you. Dr Dyer Mrs. Dia: Alhamidlah- so haqq... This is exactly how I feel about my family especially my husband. I'm not an emotionally clingy woman wanting to suck the life out of men. I entered my marriage making it very clear neither one of was the hero responsible for one's personal happiness or contentment with life. For one, I learned early on , it's just about impossible! You can't please everybody all the time and trying to be some one's superwoman is just crazy! I liken this to making sure that I keep perspective on my life. First is not to �expect� things from people. For often they fail, just like I do. Mrs. Dia: I also believe the same thing Hayfa, but let me ask you sister, perhaps I've just wigged out here, but is it too much to expect common courtsey or dignity from your fellow Muslim? I am honestly not used to dealing with such ill mannered behaviour or such hard dispositions so often all the time? I don't expect anything from Muslims anymore not even respect or dignity. Let me give you another example sis, when I first became Muslim nobody was willing to teach me how to pray or wear hijab and I had to buy my first Qur'an. I know money and time for most of is tight but gosh dang? Is it that bad sis? Why is everything a burden when it comes to Muslim? Think about this: " it's a waste of one's time to teach somebody how to perform salah or wear hijab?" Please educate me here.. Where or where am I missing the point sis? I also look at it from the other side. Sometimes people expect more from me then I can do or give. Mrs. Dia: Okay check this out. I believe hijab is wahjib or fard, but I'm not running around keeping inventory for Allah of those who don't wear it. They are not my concern. After I was assualted when I was pregnant, ended with an emergency C-section, I was getting calls from people I didn't even know ( I was on nation wide news stations for a couple days) pressuring me to not take off hijab, my husband attitude was basically " hell hath no fury, the fight is on" and I'm sitting back extra hypervilligant, and parnoid to death. I'm black, in fact really black, and I was shocked this even happened to me because of this fact. Never mind my feelings or even our saftey, I was being condemned for temporarily removing my hijab. Now not a single one of thes e people came to the hospital when the my baby was delievered via C-section and was ordered to have a complete transfusion, not a single person sent me a card- noughta- In my first post on here I mentioned that people have these predetermined ideas of what they believe should be your limits and possibilities this is what I'm talking about.
	Mrs. Dia

UmmAminata Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 21 October 2006 Status: Offline Points: 227	Post Options Post Reply Quote UmmAminata Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 16 January 2007 at 5:49am
	I don�t blame you for wanting to leave, especially after the assault. You are taking positive steps to change. I am sorry you were assaulted. The jerk Mrs. Dia: Hayfa, thank you so much for respecting my experience and not dismssing me or it as an isolated event that isnt your concern which I how I was treated and even told by other Muslims. To be fair, CAIR did help the best they could and I ended up dropping the charges because it was too stressful. I had just had a baby via C-section, my mom died ten month prior to the birth of my child, and I had a high risk pregnancy in which I had a false diagnosis of Spina Bifida and other nueral tube defects. I couldn't handle so much at one time. I know there is no perfect Muslim community, just like there is no perfect Jewish, Christian community etc, but to be totally real sis Hayfa, the behaviour I have encountered in our community has left me feeling bitter, and parnoid. I hate to say this but I'm afraid to have my daughter around certian groups of Muslims, I'm literally afraid! But I am doing something about. I know people want me to dismiss me by demanind that I get over it, but I'm not getting over it, its going to take time. As my psychologist already told me it's going to take some major life choices to move beyond the PTSD. Be strong and seek to live your life as is given to you by Allah and according to Allah. Take what you can that is good or you like from people and leave t he rest. They can deflect you from your ultimate growth as a Moslem and as a human being. Mrs. Dia: You're abosultely right. And if not so be it and I can take it as a learning time for me. What can I learn from this situation? Mrs. Dia: This is exactly why I decided to see a professional counselor one so I can work through my feelings of being assualted or I'd go crazy and two, I'm trying to evaluate my entire experience since being Muslim. In to be totally real, it's been really, really, really, awful. I'm trying desperately hard to find my eman or taqwa, it's like my heart has hardned and my soul washed away. But I have learned the mistakes I made, mainly trusting, and holding on to soon or too long. I know better now. And as you can proubably "feel" from my post, I'm still angry and hurt- or perhaps deeply disappointed. I've sacrificed allot trying to be Muslim and support the community. As I'm certian so have other converts. The journey is not always a bed or roses. Thank you Hayfa, make dua for me sister, this eman issue is a real jihad for me.
	Mrs. Dia

Hayfa Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Female Joined: 07 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2368	Post Options Post Reply Quote Hayfa Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 18 January 2007 at 12:10am
	Salaams Mrs. Dia, Sorry for not writing sooner but I actually left my job and my apartment to travel for several months. I am currently living with friends in Karachi, Pakistan. Yes a long ways away from DC. It has been an enlightening experience. It stinks that you have had such a difficult time. People so often miss the point!! The point is not about covering your head.. is that the sum of a woman�s life? Have we really lost the message that has been sent to us? It is like there are exceptions for all kinds of situations.. even you can kill in self-defense. Gee you could have died.. People are very, very short-sighted. I tend to think that there is life and death all around us.. to remind us NOT to be short-sighted. As you are dealing with the pain and stress of your situation why would people care if you took off your covering on your head? You will answer for your actions.. and do they not find that Allah is merciful? I think this happens to people cause whether we like it or not the head scarf has become a symbol by many people for and against. The average woman is put under an additional burden that is not just about answering to Allah. I�ve been in Turkey for a week and now Pakistan for a week and let me tell you in is so nice not to have this whole thing be an issue.. in a sense that it is normal to see and not such a representation of Islam. It should be just one and it should be about ourselves. Women�s dress , no matter the form or the place is always up for discussion. It really annoys me that we cannot ever just leave people alone. Community: It is interesting, I�ve been very slow about participating with joining a group or community. First, I am not a �group� person in that I tend to relate better one-on-one. Group dynamics tend to be a minefield for me�to much to process I guess. I have come to accept that this is my personality. So I cannot relate to some of what you have found. I for one have found people to help, sometimes too many! Lol I too brought my first Quran and did my Shahada on my own with a couple of men as witnesses I had never met or have ever seen again. I actually go the other way and I dip my toes in the water.. very, very carefully. Hence if people seem a bit �off� I veer away. Sometimes hearing about peoples� struggles you want to do simple breaking the ice games! Get people to mix and mingle and get to know each other. People are so blind they cannot see the forest through the trees! Islam is about how we live each and every moment. Not just about doing 5 prayers a day, giving zakat, fasting and doing hajj.. This is why we have the Quran and Sunnah.. are we not supposed to follow the Prophet�s (PBUH) example of how to be the best human being possible?? Edited by Hayfa
	When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi

Hayfa Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Female Joined: 07 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2368	Post Options Post Reply Quote Hayfa Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 18 January 2007 at 12:39am
	Sorry for the bit of a rant. Take time for yourself. You need a break to heal, reflect and connect to feel whole again. There is nothing wrong with this. We all need breaks every now and then. If we have the opportunity to do so that is a blessing from Allah. Some people do not have this time. I find this quote appropriate: The obstacle is the path ~ Zen Proverb If you can find the time to reflect then do so. Treat yourself well.. talk to the people YOU want to talk to. And if there isn�t anyone, read a good book, eat lot of chocolate� you get my drift. We need to nurture ourselves in order to be better at other people. And we all are at different places on the continuum of life. Find humor.. some of my favorite quotes are: "You should never pick up a newspaper when you're feeling good, because every newspaper has a special department, called the Bummer Desk, which is responsible for digging up depressing front-page stories with headlines like DOORBELL USE LINKED TO LEUKEMIA and OZONE LAYER COMPLETELY GONE DIRECTLY OVER YOUR HOUSE." Dave Barry There's a territorial ritual to an aerobics class. I entered a class for the first time a few years ago and ended up where no one wanted to be...in the front row next to the mirror. It was three years before I could work my way to the back row. Erma Bombeck We�ve all met people who are supposedly incredibly intelligent but don�t know which way to sit on a lavatory. -- Stephen Fry I go on-line to find inspirational or funny quotes. Resolve to laugh.. I laugh at myself alot. Kind of like my own self-comedy. Honestly, without sounding too.. um� whatever.. feel bad (let your emotions out to yourself (acknowledge them)-, then get angry and then move on.. Anger can help if used in a positive way. Don�t let other people decide your happiness. Don�t give them that power!!! Remember that we should do good for Allah.. Sometimes we all get caught up in the challenges of all sharing this earth. Peace. Hayfa
	When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi

UmmAminata Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 21 October 2006 Status: Offline Points: 227	Post Options Post Reply Quote UmmAminata Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 18 January 2007 at 5:15am
	Salaam Hayfa! I loved those jokes! Especially the door knob and Ozone Layer ones! I can tell you're a happy person Ma'sha'Allah. Its so funny you mentioned take to heal, get angry, and than move on. SupanaAllah, I was just journaling that statement out this morning! What a coincidence!! It's funny that I'm trying to heal from my own community and faith tradition? I expected the faith tradition to be the source of healing. Oh well, life goes on. Thanks for your time Hayfa, really enjoy reading your post's. by the way just call me Miriam.
	Mrs. Dia

shymuslima Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Joined: 18 January 2007 Location: Malaysia Status: Offline Points: 31	Post Options Post Reply Quote shymuslima Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 24 January 2007 at 11:42am
	Salaam alaikum I understand what you are going throught. Since i am going through difficult time, I kee[ reminding myself that this is a test and I should not give u[ on my faith in Allah and for his guideness. I will pray for you and I need your prayers as well. Shy muslina My probems are also posted

shymuslima Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Joined: 18 January 2007 Location: Malaysia Status: Offline Points: 31	Post Options Post Reply Quote shymuslima Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 25 January 2007 at 12:04pm
	Salaam alaikum My prayers will always be with you and your daughter. I will continue to keep you in my prayers. By the way, I am also and American convert..converted at an early age. However, I live in Malaysia. Shy muslima

shymuslima Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Joined: 18 January 2007 Location: Malaysia Status: Offline Points: 31	Post Options Post Reply Quote shymuslima Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 28 January 2007 at 7:18am
	My dear sister I will make du'a for you. Please let me know how things are going for you. Shymuslima