Salaam o alaikum

If it's not too much to ask, could you all please keep me and my daughter in your dua's. I'd greatly appreciate all the prayer I could get!

Sister Hayfa, could you e-mail me if you have time.

Salaam

Thank you Neemah

Salaam

Have you any ever gone through a phase in your life where you have just simply out grown the people, places, and things in your life? Have you ever felt stuck or prevented from advancing.

Sometimes I find my self feeling awfully disconted with the affects of my decision to be Muslim- how it has affected every aspect of my life. I'm not sure if becomming Muslim has helped or harmed me.

Allah forgive me, as far as I'm concerned I have and will always love Allah, I don't want to worship Islam and I'd rather worship Allah and I see tremendous difference between the two.

Suppose it's time to go back to the basics and find emotional support outside of the community from people who are not afraid of growing beyond what others have decided would be their limits and possibilities.

Anybody understand?

Anybody get through this?

also, I'm hoping to relocate to another area. I've gone through that disillusioned phase with our ummah and am not seeking any type of support at least in person. The pay back for doing so is just too much for me and now that I'm a mama I really don't have the energy to deal with fitnah.

Ive tried very hard to be patient, tolerant, proactive, and solutions oriented but to no avail.. SupanaAllah..

I seek refuge from Shaytan the outcast

UmmAminata wrote:   also, I'm hoping to relocate to another area. I've gone through that disillusioned phase with our ummah and am not seeking any type of support at least in person. The pay back for doing so is just too much for me and now that I'm a mama I really don't have the energy to deal with fitnah. Ive tried very hard to be patient, tolerant, proactive, and solutions oriented but to no avail.. SupanaAllah.. I seek refuge from Shaytan the outcast

Bismillah and Salaams,

Dear Sister-In-Islaam,  May Allah, The All-Knowing protect and guide you and your daughter. 

I would say that very often we can't find the things we're looking for.  Maybe it is that we have to reacess our strategy of how we search and be open to new possibilities for answers.  When something isn't working, it's good to try a different way of achieving our goals.  And maybe we need a new set of goals. 

But our Loving Lord will guide us.  What are His goals for us?  What is our fate?  Only He knows.  We can only try to follow the Islaamic way of life and be patient in terms of our faith and belief that Allah is One, Eternal, that He is neither male nor female and has no partners. 

Prayer strengthens our spirit.  Fasting strenghthens our ability to be patient.  Hajj unifies us with our community.  Zakkah opens us up to Allah's generosity for us.

Don't leave Islaam.  Leave the path that is bothering you for one that is amenable to your Deen.  Ameen.

Dear Sister-In-Islaam,  May Allah, The All-Knowing protect and guide you and your daughter. 

Mrs. Dia: Amen

I would say that very often we can't find the things we're looking for.  Maybe it is that we have to reacess our strategy of how we search and be open to new possibilities for answers.  When something isn't working, it's good to try a different way of achieving our goals.  And maybe we need a new set of goals. 

Mrs. Dia: I agree with you 100%. It's obvious that my method isn't working for me and it's up to me do something about it. I've found a Psychologist and I'm planning on taking this year to really sort through my feelings, experiences, needs, and life goals so that I can make a decision and just move on. Peace is important to me. I believe that your faith should offer an oppurtunity for inner peace and contenment.

I've experienced so much negative side effects as a result of being a convert Muslim that the degree and quanitity of those side affects is beginning to out weight any good, and that is where I'm falling off at.

But our Loving Lord will guide us.  What are His goals for us?  What is our fate?  Only He knows.  We can only try to follow the Islaamic way of life and be patient in terms of our faith and belief that Allah is One, Eternal, that He is neither male nor female and has no partners. 

Mrs. Dia: Yes, Allah is Yal-Hadi! And boy is Allah's guidance the best of them all! As for patience, some times, I'm feeling confused about being patient versus becomming a marytar. Recall that hadith about a woman is like a bint rib. You can bend, and bend, and bend, and bend, but if you bend too hard, too long, it will snapp or break off. That describes my emotional and spiritual place at the moment. I'm completely shocked and caught off guard as I thought I had worked my way through this.

Prayer strengthens our spirit.  Fasting strenghthens our ability to be patient.  Hajj unifies us with our community.  Zakkah opens us up to Allah's generosity for us.

Mrs. Dia: Ma'sha'Allah, thank you for the reminder and the way it is said is very poetic.

Don't leave Islaam.  Leave the path that is bothering you for one that is amenable to your Deen.  Ameen.

Mrs. Dia: You're abosoultely right! Leave that path that is bothering me...........

Sister, my psychologist told me I'm suffering from Post-Trumatic stress disorder as a result of my overal experience as a Muslim.  Her opinion is that as long as I remain Muslim in this manner in this type of community I'll never be able to heal and move forward with my life. What would you say about this?

And to be fair and honest, I recently just worked through a rough patch of my relationship with my husband as we have been struggling with my issues regarding personal advancement economically and educationally. That did put quite a damper on my spirit and make me look at what Islam really teaches about women. Alhamdilal our couneslor is helping us isolate problem areas of our relationship and attack the problem versus each and other.

Salaam

ummAminata, i dont know the nitty gritties of what the root of your problem is, but my advise to u is, let Allah SWT guide u in these troubled times. im very surprised to learn that u are a revert to Islam. i have read many inspirational posts from u in the past. i even once commented and asked what qualifications u hold, cos u were always able to get to the crux of the matter.

whether a sister needed help with marital problems, had problem children, polygamy, u name it, but still u had a systematic approach as to how one should tackle the issue. and u even quoted the relevant sources. therefore im now surprised to learn that you are a revert to islam.  cos u have vast knowledge and understanding n i have learnt so much about our beautiful religion from u. it would be a great loss if u decide to leave the deen. And Allah knows best.

you and your daughter are in my duas. i pray that Allah SWT guides u and helps u find your path to true happiness. AAmeen

Salaam O Alaikum

I'm feeling and doing much better now, alhamdilal!  Thank you all for your support, understanding, and prayers.

My husband and I had been experencing a rough patch for a couple of months and it just happened out of the blue .

We hada very long talk and it turns out his company lost a 2.5 million dollar contract with our local government and the comapny is firing people left and right I had no idea this was going on.  I couldn't understand the change in his behaviour. We have a very close relationship, so I didn't understand why he didn't tell me earlier instead of act crazy! LOL .  So I'm  grateful for the relief! He said he didn't want to alarm me, and make feel insecure about our financial conditions. So alhamdilal, that's over and done with.  I know some men can't focus on a relationship if their money/career isn't right.

We also talked intensely about relocating out the area. I've spent two years trying to convince him { you know gentlying pushing your husband ) and it's finally worked!  Instead of five days in Michigan were going to stay two weeks and try to get set up and than just move.  My parents have allot of social connections there so we will have contacts even if they are non Muslim.  Just knowing that I'm leaving Virginia for good in sha Allah, brings so much comfort and joy to my heart, I don't know what to do Sisters I am so happy and I sure won't miss this place.  I never want to live in high paced millitary area again.  I was actually physcially assualted by a solider when I was 38 weeks pregnant.  After that incident, I decided that something was going to have to change. I will not miss this place for anything.

I personally believe this is a horrible community and a horrible place to live if you care enough about your own deen and that of your family.

Thank you all again especially USA Niqabi

Mrs. Dia

Salaam O Alaikum  Rookiyah

You're such a sweet sister

I am convert, of seven years now, which isn't a really long time I suppose.

I never truly contemplated leaving Islam, however, I did think about disassocating my self from the Muslim community and the practice of Islam and seeking spiritual support from another place for awhile.

The truth is Im Muslim to my bones, however, I'm human, and had just felt emotionally spent to the point where I was broke. I can only only tolerate so much negativity and dysfunction and than I just  shut down.

Alhamdilal, my problems are resolved and I'm just moving on. No one is perfect and I certiantly don't hold my self or others to a standard of perfection either.

Based off the horror of dealing with Muslims here and my overal experience as a Muslim, when I relocate, I will implement the  emotional, social, and spiritual skills I've learned as a reuslt of my past experiences. I'm only seeking community services for our daughter and subsquent children.  I'm no longer seeking social or emotional support from Muslims, the price is too high.

Thank you Rookiayh

Mrs. Dia

wa alaikum salam mrs Dia

im glad that theres relief after difficulty for u. sorry to hear about the incident with the soldier when u were 38 weeks pregnant. Subhanallah!

all the best to u and hubby in the futre. may u both proper and may allah SWT shower his blessing upon u. Aameen

Salaam Alaikum Hayfa!

There you are! I was wondering where you were!

It's so good to hear from you

Mrs. Dia: Alhamidlah- so haqq... This is exactly how I feel about my family especially my husband. I'm not an emotionally clingy woman wanting to suck the life out of men. I entered my marriage making it very clear neither one of was the hero responsible for one's personal happiness or contentment with life. For one, I learned early on , it's just about impossible! You can't please everybody all the time and trying to be some one's superwoman is just crazy!

I liken this to making sure that I keep perspective on my life.  First is not to �expect� things from people. For often they fail, just like I do.

 Mrs. Dia: I also believe the same thing Hayfa, but let me ask you sister, perhaps I've just wigged out here, but is it too much to expect common courtsey or dignity from your fellow Muslim? I am honestly not used to dealing with such ill mannered behaviour or such hard dispositions so often all the time? I don't expect anything from Muslims anymore not even respect or dignity. Let me give you another example sis, when I first became Muslim nobody was willing to teach me how to pray or wear hijab and I had to buy my first Qur'an. I know money and time for most of is tight but gosh dang? Is it that bad sis? Why is everything a burden when it comes to Muslim? Think about this: " it's a waste of one's time to teach somebody how to perform salah or wear hijab?" Please educate me here.. Where or where am I missing the point sis?

I also look at it from the other side. Sometimes people expect more from me then I can do or give. 

Mrs. Dia: Okay check this out. I believe hijab is wahjib or fard, but I'm not running around keeping inventory for Allah of those who don't wear it. They are not my concern. After I was assualted when I was pregnant, ended with an emergency C-section, I was getting calls from people I didn't even know ( I was on nation wide news stations for a couple days) pressuring me to not take off hijab, my husband attitude was basically " hell hath no fury, the fight is on" and I'm sitting back extra hypervilligant, and parnoid to death. I'm black, in fact really black, and I was shocked this even happened to me because of this fact. Never mind my feelings or even our saftey, I was being condemned for temporarily removing my hijab. Now not a single one of thes e people came to the hospital when the my baby was delievered via C-section and was ordered to have a complete transfusion, not a single person sent me a card- noughta- In my first post on here I mentioned that people have these predetermined ideas of what they believe should be your limits and possibilities this is what I'm talking about.

Sorry for the bit of a rant.

Take time for yourself. You need a break to heal, reflect and connect to feel whole again. There is nothing wrong with this. We all need breaks every now and then. If we have the opportunity to do so that is a blessing from Allah. Some people do not have this time.   

I find this quote appropriate:  The obstacle is the path ~ Zen Proverb

If you can find the time to reflect then do so. Treat yourself well.. talk to the people YOU want to talk to. And if there isn�t anyone, read a good book, eat lot of chocolate� you get my drift.  We need to nurture ourselves in order to be better at other people. And we all are at different places on the continuum of life.

Find humor.. some of my favorite quotes are:

"You should never pick up a newspaper when you're feeling good, because every newspaper has a special department, called the Bummer Desk, which is responsible for digging up depressing front-page stories with headlines like DOORBELL USE LINKED TO LEUKEMIA and OZONE LAYER COMPLETELY GONE DIRECTLY OVER YOUR HOUSE."  Dave Barry

Salaam Hayfa!

I loved those jokes! Especially the door knob and Ozone Layer ones!   

I can tell you're a happy person Ma'sha'Allah.

Its so funny you mentioned take to heal, get angry, and than move on.  SupanaAllah, I was just journaling that statement out this morning! What a coincidence!! It's funny that I'm trying to heal from my own community and faith tradition? I expected the faith tradition to be the source of healing.

Oh well, life goes on.

Thanks for your time Hayfa, really enjoy reading your post's.

by the way just call me Miriam.