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polygamy.........???????? |
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Mishmish 
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Joined: 01 November 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 1694 |
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 Topic: polygamy.........????????Posted: 15 April 2006 at 9:42pm |
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Assalamu Alaikum Sisters: Actually, the word Muslims should use is polygyny as it referes to having more than one wife, whereas polygamy refers to either sex having more than one mate. Personally I could not be a co-wife, but that is just me. I do wonder about the laws in this country though. A man can have 10 girlfriends, or a wife and 10 girlfriends, all living next door to each other and having his children, yet this is perfectly legal and accepted in our society. However, if a man or woman wants to make more than one person thier spouse it is illegal. I don't understand the rationale behind this. A man can have any number of children by any number of women and still legally give these children his name, yet he cannot legally marry more than one of the women. Why not? He's already being sexual with all of them and starting families with all of them. Just some thoughts. |
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It is only with the heart that one can see clearly, what is essential is invisible to the eye. (The Little Prince)
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M E X I
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Joined: 27 February 2006 Status: Offline Points: 24 |
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Posted: 14 April 2006 at 11:25pm |
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as'salam alaykum wara7matu Allah wa barakatuh... Sister Iman....Polygyny is a reality that many muslimahs face, some willingly, some may need more religious, understanding and encouragment, no matter what the initial reaction, living in polygamy requires tawakul on Allah [swt] and much sabr. You need to hear suggestions and positive thoughts from other women on how to have success with this aspect of our deen. Make more supplication to Allah [swt] to give you strength and comfort your heart; ask Allah [swt] for confidence in yourself and in your relationship; Count the blessings in your life, including all the blessings you have received through your marriage. Increase your worship: Make your prayers more perfect , recite more Qur'an in them, make longer du3a; pray more additional voluntary prayers; read Qur'an daily; fast, attend a women's lesson, stay focused on pleasing Allah [swt] and not falling victim to your desires and jealosy. Try to remember that you don't own the man, he belongs to Allah [swt]. Stay away from arguing about complaining, comparing to the other wife. Don't argue with your husband in front of your co-wife or with your co-wife in front of your husband. Polygyny my dear sister It is one of the many rights that our husbands have in this religion and a Sunnah of Allah's Messenger [sallallahu alayhi wa'salam] that many brothers will choose to practice. And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphangirls, then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (the captives and the slaves) that your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice. [4:3] Here is the reality, we were placed upon this earth to worship Allah [swt], alone. We are going to have trials and we must call on Allah to help us with them. You sisters that feel anger and jealousy, think more about the grave, think more about your meeting with Allah [swt], ask youself, is harboring ill feelings worth wasting precious time that could be spent on good deeds to try and please Allah [swt]. O you who believe! Do your duty to Allah and fear Him. And seek the means of approach to Him, and strive hard in His Cause (as much as you can), so that you may be successful. [5:35] This is a reality, we all must die, who is the first to say that they are ready and that they don't have anything to worry about? Do we really have time to spare on anything other than worshipping and trying to please Allah [swt]? And if polygyny is in the qadr for you then accept it, deal with it. Read about how the mothers of the believers dealt with it. Read about how the sa7abiyat dealt with it. Turn to Qur'an and the Sunnah of our Prophet [sallallahu alayhi wa'salam] to deal with it, make sincere du3a and ask Allah to help you to deal with it, for sure Allah [swt] is the best of Planners. He knows what we don't know and he knows what is best for us. May Allah bless you sis Iman with good in this world and hereafter, and give you strength and comfort to your heart ameen. I wish the best for you and in the case this happens to you try to have sabr... ensha'Allah everything will be fine. ameen ya rab Barakallahu feekon..
Edited by M E X I |
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Moona
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Joined: 11 April 2006 Status: Offline Points: 48 |
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Posted: 13 April 2006 at 2:26pm |
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My husband and I have talked about this subject alot. I am first wife,so,it is up to me to agree to a second wife. I would not only agree,but I would pick her for my husband. I am much older than my husband.I am not able to have children. If he decides he wants children,we would have to choose a second wife,she would be good,and kind,gentle and with a whiteheart,and be able to have children.And she and I would be as sisters.If my husband and I felt that having a second wife would cause me saddness and pain,we would not do it.My husband would never want to cause me any saddness. We currently live in America,so we would not have a second wife here.It is a NORMAL feeling to feel sad at the prospect of a second wife.But once you get past that,once you can put your mind in that direction,I dont see it as a bad thing at all. I think now,it can actually be a very nice thing.I used to cry when we would talk of it..but my husband assured me,it would ONLY happen IF I say so.
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Moonie
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iman
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Joined: 30 March 2005 Location: Yemen Status: Offline Points: 20 |
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Posted: 12 April 2005 at 11:39pm |
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salam ummziba. mashallah ur advices are always good, may Allah bless u. yes im doing wat u said, it is better for ever1. yes he is trying to be more religion so i dont leave him olso so Allah will give him wat he wants. but i do pray that Allah will not let this happen cose i cant do it eather way if i leave him or not still i will have a brake donw, i think. anyway right now its quite so i keep quite. thanx.love iman |
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ummziba
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Female Joined: 16 March 2005 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 1158 |
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Posted: 12 April 2005 at 10:32am |
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Hello Iman, It sounds like your husband has become more "religious" lately. Perhaps things will be O.K. Keep talking to him about Islam and Allah. Don't think about revenge for what he has already done, dear. Revenge may feel good at the time, but really, it will only hurt your own soul. If he brings up the idea of another wife again, let him know, repsectfully, that you are against it and why. Don't get mad or talk with disrespect. Maybe, Allah willing, the two of you might be able to work this out. I sure hope so. My best to you and may Allah help you both see the right way through this. Peace, ummziba. |
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Sticks and stones may break my bones, but your words...they break my soul ~
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iman
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Joined: 30 March 2005 Location: Yemen Status: Offline Points: 20 |
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Posted: 11 April 2005 at 11:15pm |
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salams, jazakala Khayrun to all & especily to ummziba. ummziba all wat u are saying its right and i do think about that to be strong & excpt it but they are other reosons that i dont want to do it for him. my felings are broken so as the trust on him. im find it difficult living with him& not trus him. when he told for the firsttime he wants to have 2wife (this was 3years ago) i told him. ok when the time comes i will try to do this for u. he was happy with me. but wat he did he went & propose one girl & just talking with her for long time & no marrige anywher. now again resently he was seeing another girl & he intend to marry her. but bcose he is not ready fanacialy for that yet he was just talking to her every single day, msg, calls etc. i find this out & i was mad bcose this was his last chance with me as this happen before with some other girls. & he sais oppenly to me that i like this girla & i want to marry her. I ask him when, he sais i dont know but i want to do it my way. now he has realised throwgh me that wat he was doing all this time is wronge, he realised that there is no other way but Allah's way. i really talked to him isalmicly. he stoped talikng to her .....but i cant trust him anymore & bcose wat i have gone thrwogh i dont want to do this for him. i know u will say but u do it for Allah, but i cant. he hurt me so much & still he will get married??? no. he does not deserve it. i want to hurt him. anyway right now we are happy we act that we forgot everthgn. but when it will happen i dont know wat will happen...........inshallah khayr. yes we will be in touch inshallah, its good to have u all alhamdulilah. with my family i cant talk about this, they are in albania & they cant understand this at all. islam is new there & they never practise poligamy. love iman. |
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SimplyMuslim
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Joined: 10 April 2005 Location: United Kingdom Status: Offline Points: 20 |
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Posted: 11 April 2005 at 6:06am |
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Assalamu Alaikum, Ameen, Ummziba, MashaAllah your words are laden with wisdom. Great advice for us all is contained within what you said. May Allah (swt) bless us all in this life and the next! Salam |
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SimplyMuslim
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Posted: 11 April 2005 at 6:01am |
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Assalamu Alaikum Sister Iman, I have to apologize for my earlier post sister. I thought that the husband needed the consent of the first wife; I was wrong as Abuayisha pointed out to me. JazakAllah brother for putting me straight on that point. I too do not understand why a husband would want/need a second wife if everything is fine with the first, surely the respect and accountability of the first wife's feelings should outweigh the carnal desires of the husband. Some will argue that it is better than him committing adultery...in both cases the wife feels that she is/has 'shared' her husband. Again I reiterate that there are many reasons why it is beneficial and agreeable to marry a second, third and/or fourth wife. However, the question is, when there is no valid reason for it, should it still be done? Does the need and benefit still exist to such a great extent? The stipulation that the man must treat each wife equally in all respects is usually enough of a deterrent to the idea itself since it is difficult to do. It is, again, a very difficult issue to deal with and not only for the wife I guess, the husband goes through emotional turmoil too...more than one wife?? One is usually enough to drive the sanest man mad!! Salaam
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although he is very good to me.....bcose we are good to each other. & he gets very upset when he thinks that i will leave him. &n bsp; 
