Marraige

Whisper, you said the early Pakis pretended not to speak English in the early days of being in Britain. I can assure you that still exists, not out of ignorance with the language, but just so they can get whatever they want, even visas.

Martha, the irony is that after all they still believe they are better beings than anyone else on our earth. And, specially, in Britian, which is a generous and a very gentle host and, possibly, the only country with a model welfare system!

Salaams,

Understanding that you want the parents of this man to change their minds... but if they have not met you, that probably will not happen.  Pakistan is a very socially conservative society.

Keep in mind that marriages are arranged in that society. And for the most part, it does work. It is not a matter of getting along soley with the spouse but the family as well. It is  not all that strange that they are reluctant to do a marriage to a person they have not seen. Especially if you would possibly live in that culture and family. They don't know the qaulity of the person you are, and marriage is for life. 

I am not saying that are right for not giving you a chance. But they are cautious. My friend married a nonPaksitani woman. He brought her to his home in Karachi and she has a VERY diffficult time. They ended up divorcing. Caution is not a bad thing. At least the man is being honest with you and telling you. He is not gonig to marry you and then end up divorcing you, or marrying you for a green card.

Martha, I have to disagree with you, that if he did marry her,  he would have to marry a Pakistani wife. This is not necessarily the case. I know a number of people married to Pakistani people and their families are fine. It does depend upon the individual family.

And also about mothers vs. wife etc..  it s inot always that typoe of conflict. One thing that I noticed is that everyone is expected to obey their elders.  And their are different tensions in a household where everyone lives together. Yes you obey your parents, just as your kids will obey you.

 Martha is right. The British are good and wise people. They were the first to behave themsleves, getting rid of the divine right of kings. They occupied many places in the world and developed / educated the people there. They enforced decent laws and upheld civil liberties and supported secular social good behaviour.

Even now they are very easy and loving people. But what to do about the pakistanis who cannot digest decency. It is the misbehaviour of the Pakistanis and generally the Muslims who is putting them at odd with the things.

The story of Martha is very moving, and a typical common case. Her husband was at fault. Now martha should have trust in God, more than before. I wonder if they had any children. Martha should keep meeting the Muslims and attend all gatherings. That will make life easy and may pick up some new interest in life. She supported the man and his second spouse +parents financially . That is a matter of the past.

I wonder what that man was doing himself and why was he not earning enough to support Martha. So let bygone be bygone. Good-bye to the bad guy. Good riddence.

Thanks minuteman for your comments. I was previously married and had 3 children. But no children with the Pakistani man, though I would have liked that. I now live alone. I wouldnt wish my situation on anybody, but it will improve I'm sure

Rubs, I wish you well. And I really hope your boyfriend is honest with you. At least that way your mind will be clear as to how to move foreward with your life. Keep us updated. We all care about eachother in this forum, even if we dont always agree. Without the members I would be quite alone.