When Onion Satire Is the Most Accurate News!

On October 7, Hamas launched violent attacks on Israel, and Israel has since responded with violent attacks on the Gaza Strip, a bloody escalation of a conflict that has persisted for generations. The Onion tells you what you need to know about what’s happening in Israel and Gaza.

Q: Where is the Gaza Strip?
A: Don’t worry about it. It won’t exist by the end of the week.

Q: How has the media approached the conflict?
A: Swiftly and irresponsibly.

Q: How many people have died?
A: That depends on whether you count Palestinian deaths as well.

Q: Am I allowed to be sad for all of the victims?
A: Absolutely not. You have to pick a side.

Q: What’s been the international response?
A: People across the world have contributed an outpouring of infographics.

Q: How has the United States responded?
A: U.S. leaders reminded Americans that their nation has a responsibility to be a frothing worshipper at the altar of death.

Q: How is Israel working to avoid civilian casualties?
A: Civilians in Gaza are being given the opportunity to be driven out of their homeland forever.

Q: Where can I learn more?
A: This is a logistically and morally complex situation involving decades of recent history and thousands of years of context, so try your cousin’s Instagram stories.

Q: What lessons should I take from this conflict?

A: That dehumanization begets dehumanization, terror begets terror, and none of us will be free until all of us are free; or, you know, that it might be easier to just look away.

Published on Onion at What To Know About What’s Happening In Israel And Gaza

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