A marriage based on love, mercy and cooperation


"... He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts):..." (Quran 30:21)

Living in Tranquility with Love, Mercy and Mutual Cooperation and Consultation

A marital relationship is conducted based on love and mercy so as to achieve peace both within ourselves and with our partner. We should strive conscientiously to make our home a Darussalam (Abode of Peace). A peaceful and loving home is truly a pleasure to return to after a hard day's work. Imagine being greeted with a warm smile, a kiss and soothing words to ease your frazzled nerves. Even the most ordinary meal shared with your spouse becomes the highlight of the day if it is served with care and enjoyed in peaceful companionship. Subsequently, having peace within the family will enable us to find Peace with our Creator.

To facilitate the task of building a harmonious marriage, it is essential that both spouses adopt a forgiving and merciful attitude which will enable them to put aside each other's mistakes, focusing instead on their strengths and their efforts to change. Helping each other is a crucial step in actualizing our desire to have a tranquil home. We should adopt a charitable attitude by assisting to remove any difficulties that our partner may encounter and anticipate his or her needs, trying to fulfill them without being asked. Each partner should look forward to being of assistance to the other. Such an attitude will create the impression of putting our partner's needs beside our own, serving to express the love and concern that we have for one another. One simple way to help one another is to try to make things easier for each other.

"Make things easy and convenient and do not make them harsh and difficult. Give cheers and glad tidings and do not create hatred..." (Hadith reported by Bukhari and Muslim)

Throughout our marriage we will be adjusting to each other's expectations and needs. This is to be expected because, as an individual develops and changes throughout their life, the dynamics of their relationship with their spouse will be affected. Adjustments will be most intensive during the early par: of the marriage. Thus, it is crucial that both parties adopt an attitude of making things easy for each other. The Prophet's attitude of not causing inconvenience to others, and his charm and care in ensuring that his family members were not unnecessarily 'pressurized', is poignantly illustrated in the following hadith:

"Jabir relates that the Holy Prophet once asked his household members for seasoning. They told him that there was nothing but vinegar. He called for it and started eating his food with it exclaiming: 'The best seasoning is vinegar; the best seasoning is vinegar'." (Hadith reported by Muslim)

When the marital relationship is conducted based on helping each other, the couple will develop mutual cooperation in their dealings. This could range from helping your partner when he or she is in financial need, to doing chores. The organization of the household, although seemingly mundane, can become a source of stress and inconvenience. A couple can actually quarrel over matters as simple as not putting the toothbrush in the right place! Therefore, we should never discount the importance of the management of our daily necessities. Although traditionally the wife is expected to manage the household, she may not be able to cope, especially if she is both working and having to care for the children. 

Not to offer help is like treading on thin ice. Therefore, we are advised to manage our household based on mutual co-operation.

The examples from the life of Prophet Muhammad demonstrate that he dealt with his wives most supportively. There are reports of the Prophet being self-sufficient by mending his own clothes and helping out with chores. All these were done with the clear understanding of mutually maintaining a home environment that would be conducive towards the attainment of peace. Aswa Bin Yazid, one of the companions, inquired from Aishah, the Prophet's wife, as to what the Prophet did when he was inside the house:

"She replied, 'He used to remain busy serving and helping the inmates of his house, and when the time for swalah (prayer) would come, he would go out for the same'." (Hadith reported by Bukhari)

The principle of consultation, which is used in Islam to conduct all affairs, be they private domestic matters, business matters or affairs of state, is derived from the following verse of the Qur'an:

"Those who hearken to their Lord, and establish regular prayer; who (conduct) their affairs by mutual Consultation; who spend out of what We bestow on them for Sustenance;" (Quran 42:38)

Husband and wife are each other's best companions and advisers, complementing one another in their various roles within the family. A wife who acts as an adviser to her husband shares her views when consulted by him. A husband can count on his wife's knowledge and expertise when he asks for them. By consulting one another or seeking each other's views we can better understand an issue or problem and will be better advised in generating a solution.

Being able to conduct our family life with love, mercy and mutual cooperation and consultation will open the doors for the couple to develop tranquility within their home.

 

Source: "Tranquil Hearts" by Enon Mansor, Fatimah Eunos & Osman Sidek.


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  10 Comments   Comment

  1. shahnaz muhammad from United States

    subhanallah beautiful article eye opener pray to allah to follow the quran&prophets sunnah on the etiquette of successful marriages inshaallah

  2. Jamilah from Saudi Arabia

    This article is great for those who understand the importance of Marriage in Islam.Because most of the men now adays, they just taaken granted the woman.Recently a man approach married to me and i agree to hiscondition,even my Da'awah he ask me to give up,i did agree,so when the times come to see me (ru'uyah Shari'a) he doesn't like anyone knows about these matter.Of course i don't agree.I refused,in this way where is my right?The problem he is a proffesor in one of the famoust university here in Saudi and for the meantime he is a lawyer.

  3. allyson from England

    Wow, what an article it touched my heart, I have been married and the experience was really not a good one, it was a very one-sided relationship where all the pressure and anger from him was put on me which only made me afraid of him, so I would spend most of my time being afraid and hoping i could get some peaceful time, because I did not want to feel afraid. My boyfriend now loves me so much and is so patient with me he knows that I have been so badly hurt and we have no secrets from eachother and I do trust and believe in him so much, he has asked me to marry him, he is Muslim and until I just read this article I was so afraid to commit in this way again. But once again something from islam and and islamicity has made me feel that life can good. thank you again to the person who wrote this article and to Islamicity again for teaching me something very important trust,love, caring can be in my life

  4. Azaan Khan from Hong Kong

    Mashallah this is a great article and the brother who wrote this did a great job and am sure have taught a good way of life to newly weds...can someone not post articles about disobedient wives because there are women who within months of there marriage start running away from her husband without any geunine reason??

  5. Majidah from USA

    This article is very insightful and inspiring. It helps you to remember some very important attributes of marriage that the husband & wife should strive to attain. May Allah bless the person who wrote this article.

  6. belinda tampinongkol from indonesia

    This article very impressed of me.

    I had an bad experience of a marriage and hope it is not can happen again with my life.

    Alhamdullilah, i found now, someone that we can do together like was wrote in this, ALLAH SWT hear us to be together. ALLAH SWT choose for me the right person, he is a mualaf , Insya ALLAH, we can do this life with the basic of The Holy Quran.

  7. Ayesha from USA

    Being accountable and taking ownership of your individual duties within a marriage is what thid article said to me. May Allah (SWT) help me stop "pointing the finger" and focus on what I can contribute to my marriage, Insha Allah!

    ---Newlywed

  8. Khalid from USA

    Great article I'm gonig to share it with my wife and friends.

  9. Tahmina from Australia, Sydney

    Subha-Allah, this article is beautifully presented; I really did enjoy reading it. I didn't know much about the topic marriage and relationship in Islam, reading this article actually have given me a better understanding of the whole concept; I hope they keep on posting articles under this topic, May Allah swt reward you's for it.

  10. moruf olatoye from nigeria

    the article is articulate and impresive, i comment the writer efforts in guiding muslim couples to follow the path of noble the prophet