The path of marriage

Category: Faith & Spirituality, Featured, Life & Society Topics: Family, Marriage Views: 13426
13426

"Your goal in the end is towards Allah: He will tell you the truth of the things wherein ye disputed. It is He who hath made you (His) agents, inheritors of the earth: He hath raised you in ranks, some above others: that He may try you in the gifts He hath given you:..."(An'am, 6:164-165)

Life is a journey but there is no journey quite like Life. It begins from Allah and ends at Allah and the events that unfold in the journey are also premeditated by Allah . It is a journey specifically designed for mankind and, like most journeys, the experience therein is meant to enrich the traveler. Life on Allah's Earth is His scheme for Man's development. As Man journeys through, opportunities for his growth may come in the form of trials and challenges or as favors and gifts.

Though we are given freedom to choose which path to travel on, we have also been shown the path called " Islam " which promises success in the Hereafter. It is a path that calls mankind to strive for comprehensive harmony with his Creator, society and Nature as a "way of life" in his pursuit to fulfill his potential as the best creation of Allah (Quran 95:4-6).

As Man is mind, body and soul, Islam prescribes the attainment of correct thought, action and motivations as equally important prerequisites for well-balanced growth of the human personality towards its perfection. Thus iman (conviction), amal (action) and ihsan (God-serving conduct) are inter-linked in a comprehensive definition of the Islamic way of life, as found in the discourse between the Prophet Muhammad and the angel Jibrail 1

Marriage is not an incidental aspect of this way of life. Instead, it is part and parcel of it, as it figures significantly in each of the three aspects of iman, amal and ihsan. As a matter of faith (iman), Muslims regard it as a form of gift from Allah . As such, we enter into marriage with a great sense of responsibility and reverence. And being from Him, we are always careful not to abuse it for selfish gains. Instead, our marriage and family should be a major source of strength and support in our service to Allah . and society.

For this purpose, in the practice (amal) of Islam, an aspect of Islamic law (Shariah) is devoted towards marriage and family. And through law, Islam proactively guides the conduct of partners in marriage to ensure that they transform their families into a cohesive unit of contributors to society. In principle, Islamic family law (munakahat) aims at ensuring harmony within the family and the community at large, in good times as well as in instances of divorce, as illustrated in Section III. When harmony prevails in the community and order is maintained in a family unit - broken or otherwise - the family unit functions in its best form possible and will thus, be able to maximize its potential in cultivating true servants of Allah and of society at large.

Ultimately, the aim of Islam is to cultivate human character and, at the social level, human culture with the disposition of peace and harmony, out of love for Allah , mankind and the world. However, Islamic character and culture are more than just a matter of faith (iman) and action (amal), as they involve our entire being - in other words, every moment of our existence should be a conscientious service toward Allah And this is what the Prophet . defined as "best character" or ihsan. The attainment of ihsan however, requires a lifetime of attention and nurturing by the more enlightened ones who understand human nature and the necessary process for cultivating good characters. For a child, the family atmosphere of love, affection and joy is their best chance for getting the attention and nurture from more enlightened parents and other significant adults.

Thus, marriage and family are part and parcel of Muslim life, as they figure significantly in the development of our iman, amal and ihsan. In a manner of speaking, if life is a journey and Islam is the path to a successful destiny, marriage is a vehicle well-suited for the journey towards peace and tranquility in this life, and success in the other.

When we achieve peace within ourselves and with our spouse, we can then contribute to the development of the community by undertaking the task of spreading the peace of Islam to others. This could be in the form of being involved in community services or by helping others who are in need. At the very least, we will represent the image of Islam and our good and kind conduct to others, serving to publicize the teachings of our faith. Thus, at another level, we strive to extend tranquility beyond ourselves toward others. Across this entire process, what will be uppermost is the attainment of Ultimate Peace with our Creator.

"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect." Rum, 30:21)

Source: "Tranquil Hearts" by Enon Mansor, Fatimah Eunos & Osman Sidek


  Category: Faith & Spirituality, Featured, Life & Society
  Topics: Family, Marriage
Views: 13426

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Older Comments:
MUBARAK FROM NIGERIA said:
Well thank Almighty ALLAH,you come to realized it.Oh God i wish iam not single.
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ZAKIR MUNAWAR HUSSAIN FROM INDIA said:
Sir,
Assalamu allaikum !

Now I'm 31yrs old. My parents are looking girl for me. After a long search they decided to marry me to my mother's sister's daughter. My parents are asking my decision for this. I openly said them that, you are looking a girl for me, before that think that you a bringing home your daughter in law and you life long gift for me. Why should ask my choice when you are present me a life-long gift for me. What I mention above is correct or not. Please let me know your opinion.

your's faithfully
Z. Munawar Hussain.
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ZAKRI NASIR FROM NIGERIA said:
assalamalykum,
the article is educative it also stressed the importance of marriage in islam, may Allah reward you abundantly ameen
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MOHAMMED JUNAID ZULMANAN FROM PAKISTAN said:
To Oyinda: I refer to the comments made by the gentleman informing us that marriage is prohibited and the lady where she is of the opinion that you and your spouse may be able to practice both religions. First of all the stance that marriage is prohibited is too strong. Read the Quran and it says that muslims can marry the people of the book. However, your concern that once you have children, will you and your spouse's view start changing. I can guarantee with 100% certainty that they will. There will be a struggle between you and him to pull the kids towards your respective religions. I have seen too many people go through break ups in similar situation. Later on the kids get confused and end up not following anything because to them that is a "safe" place and they are not condemning either of their parents becasue of their different beliefs. How will you explain to your children that Jesus is not the son of God when your husband teaches the exact opposite. I will certainly advise you against this marriage. I am forty and been through and done that. I did not get married but was almost there with a Catholic girl.

Now about the comments made by the lady that perhaps you and your spouse can find a common ground and practice both religion together. Yes these religions are not mutually exclusive as they were in their original form. However, the fundamental principle of Christainity has deviated so much from the truth that even to think of such a thing is to condemn oneself in the hereafter. As a muslim the most important principle that you have to adhere to is Tawhid. You cannot mix and match Tawhid just because your heart desires things to be different. You cross the boundry of Tawhid, guess where you end up.
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AISHA FROM UGANDA said:
The article is realy intreastng but i think marriege isnt such an esy thing as potrayed in the article.It all bout paience and forgiveness.Other wise thanks for the splendent articleMy Allah reward you the best
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ALI FROM USA said:
Dear Laurie,

In Islam, a woman is either your mother, your sister, your daughter, your aunt, etc. A woman is held in a position of respect. According to tradition, a man approached the Prophet Muhammed (PBUH) and asked him whom should he bestow his respects upon. The Prophet answered "your mother."

"Who next?" asked the man.
"Your mother" replied the Prophet.

"Who next?"
"Your mother"

"Who next?"
"Your father" replied the Propher after the fourth time. This goes to show the amount of respect bestowed upon motherhood and women in Islam, Laurie. Please don't judge Islam by the culture of its followers; rather, base your judgements by reading about the rights given to women in Quran which upgraded women's status, and were revolutionary in the era and the area where they were revealed. Peace.
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OATUNJI YAKUB FROM NIGERIA said:
I apreciate the message but iwould like to read about islam in spain
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THEJELLYMILL FROM USA said:
Laurie: what's wrong with Muslim women dressing the way they do? I cover all except my face and hands. I am a 19 year old college student and there is nothing degrading about the way that we Muslim women dress.
From my perspective what is really degrading is some girl at my college wearing a miniskirt and halter top teetering around on high heels, her hair dyed a fake blond and her skin tanned and fried to a gross leathery almond-color. Is this beauty? Is this freedom? No.
Even for those that do not go to these extremes to be "beautiful": what is the point of going out and having men stare at you like a piece of meat in a supermarket? Even if they don't do anything to you (verbal/sexual harrassment is one concern as well when one is wearing hardly more than one's underpants) there is still something unsettling about knowing that someone is staring at your chest, legs or backside.
Men in Islam are required to dress modestly and a lot of them do. Just think of this though. Men are usually the ones that have to go out and make a living so it would be harder for them to cover themselves more. Even if you are too "feminist" to admit it, it's the truth most of the time and has been for all of human history - men are the protectors and providers in most family units. Plus men are usually not graceful and beautiful in the same sense that women are and men can seldom use physical beauty to get things that they want the way women sometimes can, a FACT that most people with common sense are aware of. The number one reason to cover though is obvious: it is because God and His Prophet commanded us to. Do you consider Mary, the mother of Jesus to be oppressed? She wore a veil.
Please ask a scholar about women preaching, I am not qualified to answer that.
All I have left to say is that I find it sad that you would let silly reasons like these get in the way of perhaps discovering a new path in this life that could lead to happiness in the next. Peace.
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THEJELLYMILL FROM US said:
good article masha'Allah
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TANVIR said:
to Laurie
I think you are mistaken and taking a minority for generality. There are a lot of women preachers in Mosques around the world. There is no gender inequality in Islam it is a mere misconception from westeners when they look at cultural habits of some communities. In Islam men and women are equal in all respects but simply that their role in this world is not similar.
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MOHAMMED JUNAID ZULMANAN FROM USA said:
This is to Laurie. This is a second successive article that you have made your views known to us. It is a shame that you do not look at the standards imposed upon the female by the western society. They are reduced to mere objects; sex toys if you will. Want examples? Paris Hilton, an heiress who had to take her clothes off to get recognition and make her own fortune. Second example, one of the singers of Wilson Phillips (I don't recall her name) who had life saving weight surgery. A muslim woman in her place would have thanked Allah for the surgery by praying. What does this singer do. Goes on playboy to show her body to the whole world.

You know if these are the western standards that you talk about, keep them. My wife and I are educated muslims. I never told her that she had to wear a head scarf. She does it on her own because she believes and fears Allah. That is something that you lack because your point of view is that these restrictions are imposed by the men. These are from Allah for the believing muslims.

So please get off your high horse and look at yourself in a mirror. I'm sure you will not like what you see.
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OMAR FROM UGANDA said:
Dear Laurie, Islam safeguards (very highly) the sanctity of woman. Her role in family and society is unrivalled; Man's responsibility towards her is clearly stated, as is hers towards him.
Modesty (in character, dress,speech) is a highly held virtue in Islam. A typical picture of a true muslim man and woman dressed modestly will yield a man in long white tunic and a lady in a long black/green/red abaya (dress)- all non body hugging/non-revealing- and that is modesty in dress.( not tight, half-sized tops and bottoms revealing all - that's my view)
Laurie, in order to understand Biology/Physics/Literature/Mathematics, one has to devote resources (time, money, willingness) to learn about the discipline.Likewise Islam requires time inorder to understand and appreciate the values propagated by Islam. All are aimed at having a society that can live in harmony with each other. The fact that many people say/do something does not make it right.Because of our limited knowledge as mortals we many at times wish for things whose repercussions we know nothing about. Recall that age (puberty)while in school, many do not think it worthwhile attending school, but imagine if our parents let each of us proceed with our whims annd wishes, many would not reap the fruit of a good education.It is because our parents know the value of education that they fight on with us through those tumultous teenage years.Laurie, from your response,I perceive a fairly open-minded person-take time,read literature,attend public lectures on Islam so that when you make your choice of opinion on Islam, you do so with a well informed mind. Just like in school,how one chooses an Arts class as opposed to a Sciences class.
Likewise what maybe perceived as gender and power inequality in Islam by the mortal mind, may not be that, it may in fact be that-(like our parents in the example above),God knows that it is best that the position of man and woman be as it is in the TRUE spirit of Islam.ALLAH KNOWS BE
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IMANI NIA FROM USA said:
Islam presents a total way of life for the believer weaving the fabric of harmony and peace in every aspect of life. It is my belief that Allah has designed a mate for all of us so that we can be a garmet for one another and a reflection of all that is pure and holy. Allah u Akbar
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DR EDRISS FROM US said:
salam alaikom
Sister Oyinda,it is clear Haram what you did or what you are trying to do.when someone tells you it's Haram, you can go and read for yourself what Allah told you to do. it's Allah who made Haram and not humanbeing.

we are in very complicated time sister, and we get tested everyday with different temptations. you have to seek inside you what do you want to do? do you want please Allah or do you want just find a way to convinct yourself you are alright.

there are manythings in this life who works like drugs: once you fall in using it, you can not accept it to be wrong. that's why Allah told us in Quran "do not come arround the bad things: the clear and the hiden of it" we are adviced by Allah to not come by the bad things! not just fall in the trap. you come arround people who drink everyday, big probability you end drinking. the same for drug. the same for hanging with not moslem men. and you should know that Allah knows what's inside our souls and what's we claim.

sister, since you talked about your story here, it is clear that you give Allah big Value in your heart. and you should wake up to do the right thing! you are not gonna lose your respect for Allah for nothing. if you were evil woman, you will not bother to respect Allah from day one. we all get weak sometimes in front of satan, but with the help of Allah we get free. do your best to read more Quran and remember Allah in everything you do. you don't sound from the women that lose their life to satan that easy. May Allah be with you sister.

Sister Nour, May Allah bless your heart sister. my beloved sister, think how many problems Islam is facing? moslem men of our time are overwhelmed by so manythings. I wish for you my sisters, to come with others sisters who share similar problems and do your best to comeout with solutions to the problems we face. there is The Quran, the hadith and the ways of Fekh, be part of the solution sister not just the problem?
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MOHAMMED MUSTAPHA SHAIBU FROM GHANA said:
asalamu alaikum,an introspect and insightful
article.
To all muslims who are married let
us those unmarried be inspired in the way
you manage your marriages by this we will
hasten to this noble institution.To my brothers
as heads of homes let as not result to physical
assault at the least provocation.islam enjoins all
muslims to make tranquility prevail in our marital
homes, anybody whose conduct is contarry to this
does not portray islam in its true sense.

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YAAZIZ FROM CANADA said:
To attiya, oh my heart goes out to you. There is nothing to say or do, I realize, but pray. So I pray for you as tears stream down my face. I pray you get the best, much more than you deserve. Because I am like you, or like you were, very optimistic and ready to do what is right and perhaps I'm even a little delusional. And this is also why I am afraid and have not approached marriage because of the hurt. Yeah I'm scared and this problem looks a huge mountain in front of me. I'm standing on a hill in the mountain of dreams, telling myself its not as hard as it seems...
Like all of the other huge problems out there for which there is nothing I can do like poverty, hunger, war, and oppression, there is nothing I can do but pray. So I pray for you and all the other sad souls in this world. All the while optimistic about the one to come. May Allah help us, forgive us, and accept us...
SLM
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SAIDA FROM TANZANIA said:
For my self marriage is a very good life ever in the life time especially if all are practising 5 prayers a day. There are quarrals no misunderstanding and so on. In fact it is a sunna but it is a great reward for Allah.
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LAURIE said:
The day I see men dressed as modestly as women and women preaching in the Mosque; that is the day I will start to look more keenly at Islam. There is a power and gender inequality in this religion which needs addressing before you will get many westerners giving it the time of day. I do not mean to denigrade the Religion just some pure facts that I see as a flaw in the Religion. But this is only for me I may be completely wrong.
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NOON FROM USA said:
Magnificant Teaching.
Thank Alla You.
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NUUR_ULHAQQ FROM LION CITY said:
Beautiful article.

Dear Olinda your situation reminded me of my own experience years ago. By the Grace of Allah, He Gave me strength to make the right choice to choose love for Allah over love for His Creation. I decided to part ways with the man I loved after 3 years of being together and seeing little progress in his study of Islam. It is easy to say that we submit or we love Allah but it is sad when our actions prove otherwise. Allah Tells us in clear terms whom we should marry. So if we truly love Him, we should obey Him and insha Allah when we make choices acceptable to Him, He will make things easy and Replace our "loss" with something better. So I ask Allah for Strength and Help in making the right choice. May Allah be Pleased with you. Ameen.
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ALI AZIZ FROM AUSTRALIA said:
What a beautiful article. Insha allah i will try to buy the book from where this article is from. These days it is lot of struggle to find a decent partner but with dua and struggle it is possible. I pray that allah bless all of us with peace and love.
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MUHAMMAD YUSUF GHANCHI FROM SAUDI ARABIA said:
The explanation of the two verses of Surah Al An'am are excellent in its rendering by the authors of the article. I congratulate them. The journey of life, its purpose, means through marriage, progress and end, extending into the other world and its reward has been well explained. I also find that the description of the three components comprising Iman, Amal and Ehsan makes it easy to chart our lives according to the will and commands of ALLAH. May ALLAh rewaqrd the authors of this article and look forward to see more like these.
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ATTIYA FROM PAKISTAN said:
aslamo alaikum
i found the article well thought out and well put up,i found the meaning of this article practically when i entered into marriage with a crippled man at birth with the intention of ihsan having the iman that he was meant for me by Allah and i was no one to reject him on the basis of his fraility, then can u imagine that person used the very same verse of surah rum mentioned here 2 tell me that there is no love among us, and certainly in that marriage there was no tranquility from the very beginning. today divorced by him i am unable to comprehend who was at fault, what was the riza of Allah and what was the taqdeer in that, yes my iman, my amal and then my level of ihsan wanted me 2 go beyond and reach towards others but today i feel that i probably misunderstood and misjudged myself for i have come out with weaker iman from this tragedy.anyone enlightened enough to tell me where i went wrong
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TAHSEEN KAUSER FROM UK said:
There are so many sisters and brothers who get exploited in this beautiful bond that Allah has send that although, we understand we are spellbound and helpless.
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RINDA ROSE FROM CANADA said:
Marriage to me is a very sacred thing and I think it is the ultimte gift. Both my boyfriend and I are Islamic and have talked about the idea of marriage and what it means to us. We both want an Islamic marriage. I look forward to it one day. This day in age, people take marriage for granted and get married for the wrong reason. If you have faith and belief in something anything can work. To have someone in my life to love is the ultimate gift from Allah. Everyday I am thankful to have such a great guy in my life.
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SHARIFA FROM USA said:
To Oyinda, I cannot keep silent about the comments the gentleman made which, to me at least, immplied that if you were a good Muslim you would be able to Connvert your christian perhaps husband to be. I TOTALLY disagree with what he says; I believe this is a matter between you, your intended and Allah. In reading the first two paragraphs of this article, it is clear that some matters are put before us in life, perhaps predestined yet we have choices. My suggestion would be that you and your intended both look deeply into both religions - you may even make a decision to marry and practice both religions together. In my mind they are not mutually exclusive. The true meaning of Islam is "surrendur" to Allah; if both parties to the marriage are surrendured, one can embrace that as the cornerstone and build from there. We are here to love first Allah and to let that love guide us. The answer ultimately lies in your heart and the heart of your intended. I cannot find it within my heart to believe that my BELOVED will turn away anyone who is completely surrendured to him. May Allah guide you in finding the answer for you; it lies deep within your heart and He will make it known to you.
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RAMY FROM USA said:
This is a fine article. Now for the real world. How can one deliver on one's obligations towads one's children. Our legal and social environment has made the children of divorce virtually the personal property of their mother, even when the divorce is of her will. As such the children become the ultimate tool of "negotioation", if not the instruments of black mail or extorsion. The leaves the father the disctinction of signing the checks, while becoming an occasional visitor to his own children. This happens between muslim and muslima too. What kind of example does this set for children and youth? How in the world does this contibute to the emancipation of women? Why do we then wonder why there some many "dead-beat" dads? Muslims or otherwise. Are they all bums? or are some running away from perpetual humiliation?
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MOHSINA FROM INDIA said:
SIR,IT WAS INDEED A VERY INTRESTING ARTICAL .AND I HAVE SOME QUERIES REGARDING.SINCE WE ARE EXPECTED TO GIVE ONLY THE COMMENTS ...I WILL BE OBLIGE IF U ANSWER MY DOUBTS REG...
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HICHAM FILALI ZEHRI FROM MOROCCO said:
Dear Sir or Madam,

I have participated in the last census in Morocco; and part of the people I interviewed are(or let's assume it good WERE) women working in sex. My duty as an employee was to ask for information. As a human though, my duty was a mission to help with Hope even to these kind of people. What I concluded is that the women are not satisfied with their job ! One female stated that here dream is to GET MARRIED. And hence I got the idea.

One other thing to decrease frustration is to support the institution of the Family or help youngs get married. Many will not think to make terrorist attacks if are linked to a wife and children. Migration will decrease too; and even if it happens, it is likely that immigrants will be back to their families. However assuming that there is no intention to be back, so at least these immigrants will be Good ones for the sake of their families.
Moreover many unemployed will be enforced to get a job or work hard to satisfy the need of his wife and family. More important is to sate how having a partner like a wife is to the human mind and soul. It will decrease that feeling of frustration. Needless to note that only Serious people who should qualify to receive The Marriage Relief. My idea here is Collective marriages each year.

Sincerly,
Hicham FILALI ZEHRI

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ARIF AHMED FROM CANADA said:
Sister Oyinda, As Salaam Alaikum! Just wanted to put in a word that it is forbidden for a muslim to marry a person of any other religion except Islam. Hence it is incumbent and important that the person whom you wish to marry reverts back to Islam and follows the Islamic way of life for your marraige to be legal in the eyes of Allah Subhana Wa'Tallah!

In other words marrying someone outside your own religion of Islam is strictly forbidden as per the Shariah and I pray that you are able to solemnise your relationship with this gentleman into a strong bond of marraige after having him revert back to Islam. I say revert back as it is the belief of all muslims that every human being born on this earth is a muslim and its only due to the fact that he/she is born in a non muslim family that makes him/her follow the religion of the parents. Hence when the shahadah is performed the person who bears witness to one God and Mohammed (May Peace & Blessings of Allah be on him)as Prophet of Allah basically reverts back to Islam. May Allah guide you towards the right path and grant you wisdom to make the right choices. Ameen
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MARIAM FROM USA said:
for oyinda...I am sensitive to your feelings, however as a Muslim you must know that women are prohibited from marrying non-Muslims. If your feelings for your man are so strong, perhaps you may want to discuss the possibility that he may want to convert to Islam. Have you ever told him about Islam or attempted to teach him anything about it? Is he willing to listen? These are important questions, dear oyinda, the answers will tell you a great deal about your relationship and its future.
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NIMO FROM SWEDEN said:
Thank you for a beautiful and enlightening article.
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NOUR FROM USA said:
Bismillah IrRahman IrRahim
While I respect the writers of this article for the points made, I feel it necessary to state that there are many women (and men), who are unmarried for one reason or another. I choose to speak as a woman, as we have not the same choices as men; our biological timeclocks tick making our marriage prospects limited. Life goes on for as long as Allah deems us Alive. While marriage is ideal, many of us remain unmarried, forced to find peace with our God, forced to find peace with our lives despite being alone. We find joy in giving to others, we contribute in a positive way to society, we do the best for our children in spite of not having a husband. Many of us loose our husbands at an early age to death or divorce.
Many of us, particularly American Muslimas are the only Muslims in our families, yet life goes on and we try to find peace with what Allah has given us. All to often men take the marriage vows in gest looking to gain one thing or another, leaving us when that which they've sought after has been achieved. We go on hoping and praying to Allah for guidance despite the fact that we do not live the ideal life.
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ADAM IBRAHIM MUHAMMAD FROM NIGERIA. said:
Paraphrasing the saying of our great teacher and Prophet (SAW), when an individual marries he/she compeletes HALF of their life. So he/she needs to now strive in the way of Allah in faith and deeds(good) to compelete the remaining half and enter Jannah insha-Allah.

This is why marriage is a serious issue in Islam and this is why we protect our women and Vice Versa.

To Oyinda,
what type of relationship do you have with him all these three years? How come u are not able to change him to the beautiful religion of Islam? U aint that good? I'll advise, that u go to the nearest mosque, find the Imam or any good muslim to give u a run down of the act of worship in Islam known as marriage. The dos and donts of it, how u begin and how u strive to attain the peace in it as this article explained, etc. First though, u need to stop that relationship until after the lesson, may be.
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MAL FROM AUSTRALIA said:
v good article.Wish this was given at the time of Nikah
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OYINDA FROM USA said:
Thank you for your article I found it very interesting. I have had marriage on my mind for a while now and I have been in a relationship for almost 3 years. But the only thing is that he is christian while I am muslim. We love each other and dont see our differences as a problem but at the same time we realize that it may be an issue when we decide to get married and have a family.
I have friends whose parents have the same situation and many of them chose one when they wanted more meaning to life and some are still undecided but I still feel that some chose a certain path probably because it seems easier, and I dont want my children to decide merely because one seems easier than the other.
Please give your opinion and suggestions.
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