In raising a happy family, both parents play vital roles. However, the mother’s indispensable presence in the household is often celebrated daily. In essence, every day is Mother’s Day. Across many cultures, the immense contributions of mothers tend to overshadow those of fathers. 

Consequently, the sacrifices made by fathers often go unrecognized until they are no longer part of the family, whether due to an untimely death or a separation from their spouse. If mothers are seen as symbols of love, kindness, self-sacrifice, selflessness, and altruism, then fathers, by contrast, are viewed as role models for their children—particularly in areas such as time management, staying focused, crisis management, maintaining fortitude, goal setting, prudent spending, and prioritizing the needs of others.

It is an undeniable, unspoken and uncelebrated fact that fathers have pivotal roles in most families. For a wife, having her husband by her side provides support and protection as she navigates the challenges of life. Similarly, for a daughter, the presence of a father figure instils confidence, knowing there is a man to protect, guide, motivate, and advise her as she faces the world beyond the safety of home. 

As for a son, having a father in the household offers a role model—someone to look up to learn how to protect the family, relate to and care for the women in the home, handle financial responsibilities, etc.

The Position of a Father in Islam

In Islam, a father figure in a household is seen as the provider, guardian and moral guide. In the Qur’an, men are seen as the protectors and maintainers of women (Surah Al-Nisa 4:34). Apart from the Qur’an, in the Prophetic Hadith, one finds the instruction given by the Prophet ﷺ on everyone being a leader under whatever capacity one is positioned:

“Every one of you is a shepherd, and everyone is responsible for his flock.”

In light of the above Qur’anic and Hadith references, every father will be answerable to Allah on the Day of Judgment for how he managed his family and took care of his wife and children. As a Muslim father, one is particularly serious about how Solah (prayers), Siyam (fasting), Tilawah (recitation of the Qur’an), and other rituals are observed within the household. 

A Muslim father is always particularly concerned with the family’s moral and spiritual development. He must ensure that he acts as a role model for his wife and children. In most instances, however, his over-caring attitude is mistaken for being a busybody or acting as the ‘policeman’ of the house.

His sense of responsibility compels him to monitor the type of people his son associates with. As for his daughters, he insists they return home by sunset at the latest. Night visits to restaurants and shopping malls are only permitted in the company of their parents, especially the father.

Due to all the controls he imposes for the sake of his family's well-being, the father is often a less popular figure than the mother in many Asian societies, particularly among Muslims. Nevertheless, the father does what he believes is right in the sight of Allah and His beloved Prophet ﷺ.

In a Muslim household, a father’s responsibility becomes less when his son establishes a family of his own. When that happens, the son must put into practice all that he has learned from his father.

At that moment, too, the father should not try to impose his will on the affairs of his son’s family. The father’s involvement in his son’s family matters is only possible whenever he is asked to contribute ideas to solve problems.

As for the daughter, the father’s obligations towards her become less as she marries someone. From that point in his daughter’s life, the husband will take over many of the responsibilities from her father.

The Psychology of Being a Father

Regardless of whether in the East or the West, most fathers tend to have stoic personalities. They appear tough on the outside, often seeming less considerate. Unlike mothers, fathers try to remain calm and composed when handling family matters.

Mothers, who share a special bond with their children from conception, tend to show their emotions more openly. In contrast, fathers stay strong to address the immediate crises faced by the family. As stoics, they hide their emotions to instill confidence and strength in the rest of the family. Though fathers are normal human beings who do cry, their tears rarely fall outwardly. In other words, they cry within their souls.

A father always wants his children, in particular, to be more successful. As he grows older and his children take over the responsibilities of running household matters, he might feel that he has lost his grip on the family. At that moment, he should not feel that he is less important or isolated. This stage in life is a normal process experienced by many fathers.

During old age, a father should look at his life from a positive perspective. He must feel that he has done his best for his family, and now is the time for him to take a well-deserved rest, enjoy life with his wife and retired friends, perform Ibadah, and focus more on preparing for the hereafter. Besides that, he should appreciate what his children do for him in his old age.

Children’s Obligation towards their Parents

In Islam, children should be thankful towards both their parents. As good Muslims, individuals should first show their obedience to Allah and the Prophet ﷺ. Upon doing so, they have an obligation towards their parents. In the Qur’an, they are instructed to behave ethically and speak kind words when communicating with their parents, particularly when the parents have reached old age. 

In most instances, when parents become old, they face poor health conditions, have less energy, lose their sharpness of hearing, and experience poor eyesight. It is expected that Muslim children, when dealing with elderly parents, should be more tolerant and polite towards them. The obedience, respect, and kindness of children towards their parents have been highlighted in the following verses of the Qur’an:

"And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff", and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word."

"And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, "My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small"" (Surah Al-Isra, 17:23–24).

"And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination."

"But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness...(Surah Luqman, 31:14–15).

According to the last reference from Surah Luqman, children in Islam are only permitted to go against the wishes of their parents when the parents try to make them believe in and worship other gods besides Allah.

Although we are well-informed in Islam that a mother’s position is three times higher than that of the father, nevertheless, the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ has also stated how fathers should be treated by their children. Among the many Hadith, in the following one, the Prophet ﷺ spoke about the pleasure that lies in the pleasure of a father towards his son:

"The pleasure of Allah lies in the pleasure of the father, and the displeasure of Allah lies in the displeasure of the father."

Key Takeaway for Young People

At the moment, though we live in a modern setting surrounded by electronic gadgets and other communication tools, it is always better for us to remain polite and humble in front of our parents. Even though we may be more modern, affluent, intelligent, and enjoy fame, glory, and success, it is always safer for us to keep ourselves close to what has been commanded by Allah (SWT) and the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ.

Disrespecting and mistreating our elderly parents is a grave sin in the sight of Allah. It is always better to take care of our parents while they are still around, rather than live in regret after they have departed from this life. For our parents who have returned to Allah, let us not forget our obligation to pray for their blessed souls to be placed among those who are righteous and closest to Allah.

The views expressed herein are those of Dr. Mohd Abbas Abdul Razak of the Department of Fundamental and Interdisciplinary Studies, AHAS KIRKHS, IIUM, and do not necessarily reflect the views of IslamiCity.