fulfill my haqq or grant me a talaaq

Does your husband pay the rent, utility bills and provide you with the basic needs that a husband must provide for his wife and family. Does he take you shopping and take you to parks, outings etc.

I know of divorced and widowed sisters who married a second time, with conditions that the husband will only visit them once of twice a month. They are either very rich or self-employed and do not need financial assistance. All they need is a man to satisfy their natural desires from time to time. They agreed to this setup from the outset. But what I have being reading here is that you accepted the marriage on a proper co-wife situation and basis.

Recently I read online somewhere that the Saudi Arabian scholars have passed a Fatawa to okay �Misyar�marriages where at the outset the second or third wife relinquishes most of her rights. Personally I don�t thing this type of marriage is proper according to the Shariah because it attacks the sacredness of marriage, but who am I to argue with the fatawa of Saudi scholars. However, I don�t think you made such a commitment.

If your husband were really sincere and really cared about you than he would not let you suffer so much at the expense of pleasing his first wife. Why??? Only the feelings of his first wife count. Does he think you have a rock for a heart? If he really cared about you then he would have told his first wife to learn to live with the situation and not go running every time she calls. Your days are your days and her days are her days.

I know sis it is more difficult for the first wife than the second wife in these situations because the second wife already knows and accepts the situation and the first wife is forced into a situation which she cannot accept. And sad as it is, she has to accept the new situation and learn to adapt or else the happiness of both families is at stake and many lives will be ruined as a result.

I know of some woman who can cope with their husband�s zina activities but refuse to allow them to have another wife. Audho Billahe minash Shaitanir-Rajim! May Allah Subhanahu wa Ta�ala protect us from such sins. Ameen!

Beside the fact that your husband is not giving you your rights by sharing equal time with each wife he is committing a great sin. You should make him realize that.

You stated somewhere that he does not what to give you Talaq because he wants to please Allah. So how is he pleasing Allah by denying you your rights. Remind him of the Ayah from Surah An-Nisa' 4: 3 ����.but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with them then ONLY ONE��..�

Now I can understand why you are so depressed and have negative thoughts (your other post) dealing with your ex and the present situation. Yes remember after every difficulty comes ease and every trial/test is an expiation for some of ours sins. Alhamdulillah Allah is Most Merciful and Compassionate.

Regarding your ex-husband�s relationship with his children, I would say that you must look at it as a blessing in disguise. It can be very hard on the children, children always suffer more in these situations. Let�s look at it this way, his new wife is a non-Muslim and she drinks. Maybe your husband also drinks. Insha Allah this way Allah Subhanahu wa Ta�ala is protecting your children from some Haram elements coming into their lives when they are so young and still do not differentiate the difference between wrong and right, Haram and Halal.

Allah Subhanahu wa Ta�ala tells us in the Glorious Qur'an Surah Al Baqarah 2: 216

Fighting is ordained for you, though it is hateful to you; but it may be that you hate a thing which is good for you, and it may be that you love a thing which is bad for you. Allah knows, you know not.

Although Allah address fighting specifically here, according to the Ulema, the highlighted section generally refers to all situations.

Remember sister we can only advise you by what we read here, our advice can be wrong, (May Allah forgive us if it is wrong); only you know your real situation so I would advise you to seek help from the local Imam and your immediate family, then approach your husband and his first wife pointing out the reality of the situation. By your husband lying to her or the wife ignoring it, is not going to make the problem go away - You are his wife and thats a reality. It will only make it more difficult and painful in the future. One sister mentioned that Divorce is most hateful to Allah, I totally agree with her but Allah Subhanahu wa Ta�ala is most Merciful and He will not want you to suffer. Please note I am not saying that you must ask for a divorce, but it is about time you stood your ground.

I pray that Allah Subhanahu wa Ta�ala will bless you with lots of Sabr and reward you with Khair both in this world and the next. Ameen!

Sori for this long post, but I have just returned from a long absence, and felt this topic needed a response.

Wa Alaikum Salam