fulfill my haqq or grant me a talaaq

i went back n read the previous posts n im really sorry that i got so carried away. i dont know waht came over me

NS i really appreciate all your help as well as others who took time to read n respond n try n help me out. now i go n do this n its like im ungrateful. im not ungrateful. please bear with me, as i dont know what came over me n why i got so out of control

alhamdulilah, i have now calmed down n im trying very hard to feel better. Pain is something else . one would thing that im no stranger to pain but see what i went n did

what now? do i pretend that i never called n continue with the 2 week break. i could kick myslef now for demanding that he fulfil my haqq. ive went back to square one all over again. please dont give up on me NS. please dont cos i dont know y im being so self destructive now

salaams

thanks for the response. alhamdulilah, my hubby came over last nite n had iftaar with us. i did ask for his forgiveness for my behaviour n he said that he understood y i acted the way i did. as a peace offering, i bought a gift set for my co wife but told him not to disclose that its from me.

i will continue to make lots of dua, n insha allah i will be able to control my lower self much better n not act in a self destructive manner.

shukran

my hubby n i reached n understanding. this is his plan though im not sure if it will work. his first wife moved out some time last year cos she said she wouldnt accpemt me as a co wife. they were separated for a whole year n there was even talk of talaaq.

then in may this year he went to live with her in the accomaodation that she moved to. he told me a month later that he did this as a way to cool her heart n convinve her to move back to the matrimonial home. he asked me to be patient through all this

now he told me last nite that he as convinced her to move back to the matrimonial home n insha alaah in december, she will move back in

now his plan is that once she moves back in, he will then come to see me on a more regular basis, seeing that their matrimonial home is abt a 10 mins drive from my home. he feels thats it will be easier indeed once she moves back in

in the interim, he hasnt told her that he n i have not broken up. she is under the impression that he has cut all ties with me. he said that he had to do it this way, in order to get her to calm down. he was unable to achieve this any other way

i told him that what if she moves back into their home n finds out about us n then moves back out again, what will he do then. he said that he dounts that she will do that. he advised that this time around he will handle things with much more care n consideration for her. he is currently reading that book i downloaded for her on polygamy n the first wife.

he said that he will acknowledge her pain n he will take full responsiblity for alll the hardship n suffering that he put her through. he frimly believes that his plan wil work n he has asked me to support him n not fight him on this

i said i will think about it. im not sure though

Dear Rookaiya

You need to understand two things here.

1) You are looking for sympathy and conflict. You need to focus on finding a solution.

2) You seem to be extremely distressed by your situation. I agree that it is a difficult one. But looking back at your posts, I dont think that you have managed to heed any advice. Let me ask you how many suggestions you did follow. If you had spent the past 2 weeks as suggested, you would have been a different person today, inshaAllah. Its plain commonsense.

I am ssuming that your plan of action is that everything and everyone has to changebut you (becuase you are the one that is deprived). Well, deprived or not, one cannot change our situation unless we change oursleves (its in the quran)

For now,

1) take whatever your husband is offering you. If you see from his point of view, it is most likely that this so-called plan of his is a way to cool you down.

2) Dont send anymore anonymous gifts to your co-wife. She is going to feel that the husband and you were in some sort of a pact against here and some people may take it as an insult. You are her co-wife and you need to keep your dignity at all times.When you are asking for a rights similar to hers, why put yourself down so much to become anonymous?

 When you are reconciled with her, you can give gifts. Right now, as UmmTaaha said, you can give gifts to your husband.

I am giving you very practical advice to deal with things.

I cannot be very sympathetic because I always believe that with Allah's Help and our wisdom, we can always find a solution. However , like everyone I am very busy too and I have a 42kbs dialup net connection( so annoying)

If you want me to keep posting, let me know. There is a new rule here, either you will take the advice or you will reply saying why you cannot do it.

NS