fulfill my haqq or grant me a talaaq

salaams NS

he didnt come last nite as promised. he send me a message saying that he had car trouble. the kids were very disappointed as we had waited for him for iftaar. but thats fine . im ok. ive decided to focus on my studies for now. im doing my masters in bussiness administration and its difficult.

what also bugs me sometimes is my ex hubby. i moved from our home 2 years ago n came to another city. he married someone else 3 days later n gave me talaaq a month later

then in may this year he n his wife n their kid now move to the same city where i am. n we all happen to be working for the same company, on different floors.

almost every othr day i bump into the 2. its makes me so sda. thsi is the man i was married to for 7 years. we have 3 kids togther. n he discarded like nothing. fine, i accpeted that n i took a transfer to another city. y must he now come to where i am. thsi is very unfair. seeing him hurts me so much. i cant even say salaam to him.

he used to come to my office to chat, but i told my manager about it and he was barred from communicating with me at work. our youngets son who is 3 is sickly. he was hospitalised twice, n his dad was here , same city noth thimes, i called him n told him. he never once bothered to come n see the child. he hasnt seen his kids in 2 months

my eldest daughter wrote him a letter n gave it to me to give to him, since we work in the same building. she wanted to know whay he doesnt come to see them or collect them for the weekend. he replied that he would come soon,but he never did

it breaks my heart to write this , as my eldest daughter was very fond of her dad, but he has excluded himself from the kids lives.

so now they are holding onto their new daddy. so it really a double blow for them too, should my second nikah not work out.

i sometimes ask myself why am i this unlucky in my marriages. i have yet to discover the answer to that.

Dear Rookaiya,

First of, your second marriage is not in the category of "not working". You are having difficulties which are very common in a polygamous marriage when the first wife did not consent to the second wife.

Your present husband, it appears that he is in the middle of a tug of war, but really he is trying and lets him give some credit for that. And a lot of credit for having concern for your children and trying to be a dad for them.

I really admire that you can deal with your ex and his wife after what you have gone through. Its simply amazing and I can imagine what you must be going through on a daily basis and coming out even stronger each time.

From what you have said here, it is pretty obvious that your ex does not want to be part of your kids lives. It's wrong!

But you have to see something here, he is not involved and looks like he does not want to.

So this is the reality of your life and you need to accept this. Its important to accept this.

Only by accepting the reality, you can deal with it. If you are emotional and focus on "why and what" , you wont move on.

Islaam does not recognise any relation between ex es . This is the wisdom behind it. You and your ex have become nothing to each other by the talaaq. He is just another man you come across at work or anywhere else. what he does with his wife is is his problem. And frankly, you should not be thinking about him for even a spilt second.

This is what Allah has sent for you and what I see (an maybe others) is different from what you see. And Allah SWT, He sees a big picture of which we have no knowledge and in the end its best for us.

I see your ex husband as someone who can get acrried away and what a decision to make!, leave the marriage and the kids and start off with a lady who drinks. Then try and speak to the first wife (you). He is a guy who does not care for his child when he is sick, does not respond to his daughters letters.

Why are you frustrated at this behaviour? And you are contradicting yourself again, you want to say salaam to him and also you know that he is not a great father.

Even if he was involved with the kids, I would be very wary as to what kind of a environment he is exposing them to, this is another big issue that will start. his wife and he appear to be liberal and who knows what their principles are? Surely not very islamic.

I think each time you see him, you should thank Allah that He made you away from such a man!

Plus, you have moved on too. You are married to this guy who promised to be a good dad for your kids, you have a new baby and you are working and have family support and doing MBA. MashaAllah!

Let me ask you a q about your first marriage, when you discovered that he was having an affair, did you ask for a divorce or did he?

Your marriage and your life will work out, this is a part of Allahs Plan.

-NS

No news that he is miserable w her.

She must be so insecure that he will go back to you or will find another woman like her!

Let me ask you the q again,

1)who initiated the divorce proceedings

2) Do you speak about your ex to your present husband? Like your hurt and your feelings etc

3)Are you in touch with your ex now? If yes, is it about the kids or just staying in touch.

NS

Rookaiya,

Ramadan Kareem to you and your family!

You are indeed an admirable woman, from all what you have stated, you have surely gone thru so much and alhamdulillah, you have been so, so strong thru all of it.

May allah reward you for your strength and courage, with an honorable compensation from His treasures, Ameen.

Dear sister, I wish to point out to you, that your ex hubby is islamically not a mahram to you anymore. So thinking about him, discussing or pondering over his personal life would not be right for you. Further you are somebody's wife, so for his (your present husband) ghairah and his dignity, you should leave your past life as a chapter closed, insha allah. There is no reason for you to feel sorry for him or even to think weather he deserves what he is getting or not. Just let him be. You concentrate on your life, your husband and your children.

Insha allah your marriage will work, since your husband sounds to be a man of Taqwa, masha allah.

Hold on and be strong!

Through allah's Grace and Favor is all success and felicity.