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fulfill my haqq or grant me a talaaq
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rookaiya View Drop Down
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Points: 385 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote rookaiya Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 November 2006 at 3:45am

salaams NS

just to give u some feedback

im now on day 7 of the 10 day thingy. Alhamdulillah this time is tuck to my guns and didnt cal or text hubby. instead on day 4 he called me to ask how i was doing

on day 5 he came over unannounced and to his diappointment i wasnt home. he went crazy n called me on my mobile which was off. the next morning he was oustside my door at 4am knocking for me to let him in

ive come to realise that i dont need to force anyone to do anything that they dont want to do. on my side ive done all i could and im now focusing on work, my studies and the kids. if  he and i are meant to be together then it will happen by the will of Allah. i cant force it to happen

it took me a long time to get to this place and i hope i can remain at this place n not go back to my old ways of trying to force things to happen. thanks everyone for all the moral support. and thanks NS for taking time to give me that step by step guide. i have made a copy for future reference, should i need it someday.

ive also started a blog where i vent out about my feeelings and all the stuff ive been through. u can find it under this name    http://frompolygamytosinglemom.blogspot.com 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
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najamsahar View Drop Down
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Points: 151 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote najamsahar Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 November 2006 at 2:18pm

Dear Rookaiya

Salamaleikum

Sorry for the late response. I am in the US on our annual vacation and we are living in our own home. This means avoiding the cost and inconvenience of a hotel but I do not have a phone line to connect to the internet, just a cell phone. Also we did not subscribe to any cable or wireless service to avoid the costs, 1 USD means 4 riyals so everything is a bit tight.

Anyways, nice to see that things are going well for you. From the last post, your goals seem to have changed. As long as this gives you peace, and you think this is the best choice for your kids and you, I wish you well and will keep praying for you.

Lastly, lets keep in touch, it was great to hear how you are fighting your battles.

Najamsahar.
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rookaiya View Drop Down
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Points: 385 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote rookaiya Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 November 2006 at 10:01pm

salaams NS

great to hear from u. i will keep u posted and thanks for all the support u gave me during my darkest moments. may Allah reward u abundantly for that
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rookaiya View Drop Down
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Points: 385 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote rookaiya Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 December 2006 at 3:27am

salaams NS

just wanted to give u and others feedback here. this issue has now been resolved alhamdulilah. thanks for all the advise. Allah SWA indeed answered my prayers and im happy to say that my hubby is now fulfiling my haqq. its not easy as his first wife is not too thrilled about it, but thats the situation. hes spliting his time equally between us both. 2 days with her n 2 days with me.  insha allah with time things will get easier especially for his first wife.
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niqab_ummi View Drop Down
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Points: 159 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote niqab_ummi Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 December 2006 at 6:57am

Assalamu'Alaikum Sister,

I just wanted first to respond to the sister who mentioned Prophet Muhammad(PBUH) and that he had many wives and they all got along....that wasn't always the case there were sometimes serious rifts between them it got to the point where Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) gave them an option to stay and be his wives and go to Jannah or to be released and they all chose Jannah and tried to keep the peace between themselves the best that they could Allahu-Alim....So even than you can see that human nature was a flaw for even the wives of our Prophet PBUH.

Now back to the issue....

I know myself if I was presented with a similiar situation as the first wife that I would be strong enough in my Imaan to accept the co-wife as long as 2 residences were maintained. I also know in my heart that it would be a daily battle to be a loving wife and accepting of the entire situation.

I think that the responsibility should remain with your husband if he has 2 wives or 4 he must maintain them fairly and justly. You should seek advice with the Imam or Mufti at your local masjid for assistance and guidance on this situation.
Sometimes an un-biased opinion from a Scholar might be all it takes to sort things out.

I know some sisters that say they would leave their husbands in a heartbeat if they took another wife, and I know some sisters that are in the co-wife and first wife roles. so I've seen all different situations in which it has worked out with the mutliple marriages and the situation is very fair.  I think you just need to get that outside advice and help from someone in an authority position to help resolve other issues...For example you may come to an arrangement rather than 1 day here and there you decide on every other week that would give both you and the other wife and the children time to spend with your husband/father as a family rather than constantly going back and forth every other day.

MasSalaama
Umm Abdelkhalek
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rookaiya View Drop Down
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Points: 385 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote rookaiya Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 December 2006 at 5:03am

asalamu alaikum

i will suggest to hubby that we see our local imam in january next year. this thing has been going on for too long now. so many broken promises. hes promised me so many times that he will fulfil my haqq n he does for a while. once he gets pressure from his first wife, he then pulls back n starts neglecting me again, giving me one excuse after the next.

i think an unbiased opinion form a learned scholar is exaclty what the 3 of us need to co exist under these circumstances.
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