FOR COLIN

Cassandra wrote:

Colin: Come on, Man. You can share it with me. I won't mention a word to Kev, or Gregg. You aren't human are you? You are some Cosmic, or is that Comic plant sent to give real belly laughs to us mere mortals in despair? (Before you even think about it - I can't Stomach any more!) Tell us, pleaze: Which planet do you come from? Is it KPAX? Please, I'll be in line for a passport tomorrow morning before they open.

Cassandra, you have discovered my big secret. No, I'm not in fact a Human....or as we call members of your species: "Planktonites".....I come for a small planet beyond the Haemorrhoid Belt close to The Klingon Ring, in deep space sector 9. My planet's name is Kortinas MK111.

Our ancient history teaches us that thousands of light years ago, Kortinas MK111 - a small planet geographically very similar to yours - was beset with turmoil just like Earth is experiencing in this present moment of spacetime. We suffered endless wars, religious intolerance, great social inequality and inedible airline food. It was during this period of upheaval that a great Kortinian visionary was born. We know him simply as Col.

From an early age is was clear that Col was no ordinary Kortinian, He introduced to us the revolutionary concept of what you Planktonites call "humour" - Although I understand that a sub-species of Planktonites, the Yanktonites, spell it "humor" - anyway, back to our Kortiinian history lesson... Col's concept of humour was so revolutionary that it wasn't understood by most ordinary Kortinians. In fact, it was several hundred years after his passing that the population began to fully appreciate what a great legacy Col had bequeathed to his people.

Tiring of the strife that was an everyday part life on her Planet, The Seven Hundreth Great leader of the Kortinians: Queen Kev of Neasdenia, began to study the writings of Col. Queen Kev soon realised that she may have found the answer to Kortinias MK111's woes.

She ordered all of Kortinas MK111's top scientific minds to explore the benefits of humour. After many years of exhaustive experiments, they reached the astonishing conclusion that if they could induce laughter in their Kortinian guinnea pigs, it was impossible for them to kill, to hate, or to do anything bad against their fellow Kortinians..... They even showed signs of being able to tolerate airline catering...

In conclusion, that's why I'm here on your planet at this time of great negativity and suffering. You Planktonites are fortunate that the great universal God has also blessed you with the gift of humour. Sadly, it is clear from your present global situation, that you are not utilising this gift to it's full potential.... The name I give myself is "Colin". In the Kortinian language, Colin means "Disciple of Col".... My mission here on Earth is to awaken you to the possibiliites of liberation from your strife-torn existence that humour, if used wisely - (And in accordance with the Fifth Kortinian Convention: Amendment 859/000447) can bring to your beleaguered people.

Oh yeah... and don't forget....eating on long-haul flights may never be the same...

Colin

PS. The Islamicity leg of my Mission is nearly over. I have important work to do on a place that you know as The Pond. (see link below).

Edited by Colin