Now we know what he does for a living!

Oh well....my secret's out.

BTW. Patty. Because you have published this offensive cartoon, I'm going to boycott all American products....

...I'm off to buy a Russian operating system (Appleski Macski) for my Chinese made PC!

lol

Cassandra wrote: I thought you were goin�in for one of them SuperDuper AQ models.  You know, the atomic ones?

Well I did try the Taliban 2000 (Version: AK47) operating system but for some unknown reason the clock/date was permanently stuck at 500AD.

Boycott if you will, Colin, but you'll come grovelling back when you get the urge for an order of "super-sized fries/Big Mac w/cheese, and a large Coke!!!!"  Oh yeah!  Mark my words....you'll be back!

(How's the Russian computer working out, Colin....uh, Colin?  Hmmm, where's Colin?)

(How's the Russian computer working out, Colin....uh, Colin?  Hmmm, where's Colin?)

Patski, ��� ������� ���������� �������� very well ���������� ���!!

Hmm, might have to read this one on my home computer....all I got was weird symbols....no cyrillic....

"all I got was weird symbols....no cyrillic...."

That's because that's all that's on it, Angela!

Oh, okay.....

Ya ponyala.  Ya ne znaio, pochemy on buil hoteet russkii computer.  Oni ne rabotat.  Oni tolko umerat y nabolsheye neyudobneye bremye.

Angela wrote: Oh, okay..... Ya ponyala.  Ya ne znaio, pochemy on buil hoteet russkii computer.  Oni ne rabotat.  Oni tolko umerat y nabolsheye neyudobneye bremye.

Bismillah,

Some of us need a translation!  Spacebo.

Peace

Translation.

I understand.  I don't know why he would want a russian computer.  They don't work.  They only die at the most inconvenient time.

Angela wrote: I don't know why he would want a russian computer.  They don't work.  They only die at the most inconvenient time.

Angela, there is nothing wrong with my new Russian Dellski Computer... apart from that is, the red screen of death......the annoying hammer and sickle pop-ups.. and the occassional (Moscow) freeze up......Also, those wonderful teknical zupport komrades at the Dellski Call Centre at Billgateskigrad in Northern Siberia, assure me that it is perfectly normal for my printer: (LexMarx Trotski-Jet XL5 model) to emit smoke and flames during long print runs.

The phoneline was bad... but I think the teknician I spoke to... a certain Boris Geekchenko, said something like: "Don't vorry Kolin my boy, even feelthy kapitaleest PC's have their fair share of kremlins you know". He went on to add: "Vot exactly ver you expectink for 20 roubles?"

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splutter..

Hey, I break silence on this one.  I think I just seriously embarrassed myself in public! I think I last did that in year 2 when I was 6.

Colin:  Come on, Man.  You can share it with me.  I won't mention a word to Kev, or Gregg. You aren't human are you?  You are some Cosmic, or is that Comic plant sent to give real belly laughs to us mere mortals in despair? (Before you even think about it - I can't Stomach any more!)  Tell us, pleaze: Which planet do you come from?  Is it KPAX?  Please, I'll be in line for a passport tomorrow morning before they open. Goodbye cruel world. Islamicity you can have my library and I hope you don't commit too much to the flames (JOKE!)  Mishmish: just love my cats as I do.  Patty: take care of my fish and my garden.  Whisper....Oh, never mind.

I am trying SO hard! Don't, I beg you, don't do this to me!!!

Come back Cassie.... 

You'll need your fix...you can't stay away.  Just tap that vein and sit down right here.....Its such a lovely place....

Cassandra wrote: Colin:  Come on, Man.  You can share it with me.  I won't mention a word to Kev, or Gregg. You aren't human are you?  You are some Cosmic, or is that Comic plant sent to give real belly laughs to us mere mortals in despair? (Before you even think about it - I can't Stomach any more!)  Tell us, pleaze: Which planet do you come from?  Is it KPAX?  Please, I'll be in line for a passport tomorrow morning before they open.

Cassandra, you have discovered my big secret. No, I'm not in fact a Human....or as we call members of your species: "Planktonites".....I come for a small planet beyond the Haemorrhoid Belt close to The Klingon Ring, in deep space sector 9. My planet's name is Kortinas MK111.

Our ancient history teaches us that thousands of light years ago, Kortinas MK111 - a small planet geographically very similar to yours - was beset with turmoil just like Earth is experiencing in this present moment of spacetime. We suffered endless wars, religious intolerance, great social inequality and inedible airline food. It was during this period of upheaval that a great Kortinian visionary was born. We know him simply as Col.

From an early age is was clear that Col was no ordinary Kortinian, He introduced to us the revolutionary concept of what you Planktonites call "humour" - Although I understand that a sub-species of Planktonites, the Yanktonites, spell it "humor" - anyway, back to our Kortiinian history lesson... Col's concept of humour was so revolutionary that it wasn't understood by most ordinary Kortinians. In fact, it was several hundred years after his passing that the population began to fully appreciate what a great legacy Col had bequeathed to his people.

Tiring of the strife that was an everyday part life on her Planet, The Seven Hundreth Great leader of the Kortinians: Queen Kev of Neasdenia, began to study the writings of Col. Queen Kev soon realised that she may have found the answer to Kortinias MK111's woes.

She ordered all of Kortinas MK111's top scientific minds to explore the benefits of humour. After many years of exhaustive experiments, they reached the astonishing conclusion that if they could induce laughter in their Kortinian guinnea pigs, it was impossible for them to kill, to hate, or to do anything bad against their fellow Kortinians..... They even showed signs of being able to tolerate airline catering...

In conclusion, that's why I'm here on your planet at this time of great negativity and suffering. You Planktonites are fortunate that the great universal God has also blessed you with the gift of humour. Sadly, it is clear from your present global situation, that you are not utilising this gift to it's full potential.... The name I give myself is "Colin". In the Kortinian language, Colin means "Disciple of Col".... My mission here on Earth is to awaken you to the possibiliites of liberation from your strife-torn existence that humour, if used wisely - (And in accordance with the Fifth Kortinian Convention: Amendment 859/000447) can bring to your beleaguered people.

Oh yeah... and don't forget....eating on long-haul flights may never be the same...

Colin

PS. The Islamicity leg of my Mission is nearly over. I have important work to do on a place that you know as The Pond. (see link below).

not only is he a comedian, he's a story teller

 so laughing!

(JUST FOR THE HALIBUT.......)

IMPORTANT NOTICE:

The Ministry of Gravity, Prevention of Levity Branch, informs you that HUMOUR will not be tolerated on this planet under any circumstances.  It has been reported that alien infiltrators are attempting through subterfuge and subliminal seduction to execute what has now been exposed as a failed Coup d'Etat.  Let it be known that henceforward this office will use any and all methods at its disposal to round up and eradicate the perpetrators.

Signed:     I. M. Doomengloom, Acting Minister

(This message has been co-sponsored by DISJOINTED AIRLINES).

"Fly DISJOINTED and arrive in several destinations at the same time!"