Marriage Issues - Newly married and trying so hard |
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Salmanc
Starter. Male Joined: 14 December 2015 Location: United Kingdom Status: Offline Points: 2 |
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Posted: 14 December 2015 at 7:33am |
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Asalamoalikum, I just wanted to add my 2pence worth...
It sounds like he was not mature enough to handle a relationship that requires his attention and communication throughout. This has nothing to do with age, its to do with experiences and an acceptance of your situation in life that you are in at that minute. If a person doesn't want to listen, it can means a number of things: - arrogance - inferiority - (maybe ones own situation, seeing others, seeing friends) - feeling trapped (freedom issues) - feeling like he hasn't fulfilled his life "wants" and got married too early - Something personal that he doesn't want you to know about (health, his desire toward someone, the position he feels he is in life, depression etc etc) Sometimes people are EXCEPTIONALLY good at hiding their inner most thoughts and use things to mask it - cleaning obsessively, going to the gym obsessively etc. Being attractive is a two way thing, its not one way. In fact it is incumbent for a man to look presentable to his wife in marriage, the same as it is for a woman. But it doesnt sound like he is really hammering away at his body to look nice for you. The best thing you can do in my opinion is to sit him down by himself and let him talk about how he feels about things - the marriage, whats holding him back and sometimes you have to take the role of a psychologist to really understand his problem without answering with a solution there and then. Then once this is done, making sincere dua to Allah SWT to change the heart of your husband and make him more loving and aware, and asking your parents to do the same will help. If that doesn't then you need to escalate the situation to parents and get them involved properly. JazakAllah |
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fais
Senior Member Joined: 24 August 2009 Location: Oman Status: Offline Points: 344 |
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Abu Loren,
Please use good Language. You are assuming that he could be homosexual. you have no right to call someone Ediot. Abu Aisha is a respected member and we really respect him for the sensible advise he gives. Please mind your language. |
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abuayisha
Senior Member Muslim Joined: 05 October 1999 Location: Los Angeles Status: Offline Points: 5105 |
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Well generally speaking sin is,and will always be, ubiquitous, however that doesn't justify suspension of proper Islamic etiquette. In other words, if a man's wife is a few hours late from school or work, would it be appropriate to think the very worse and foul scenario simply because 'in these modern times this is a great problem for Muslim.' I'd say that would be a recipe for many broken homes, and possibly broken bones as well.
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Abu Loren
Senior Member Joined: 29 June 2012 Location: United Kingdom Status: Offline Points: 1646 |
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I don't know where you are coming from. In these modern times this is a great problem for Muslims. It is better to be open and honest than living a lie. |
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La Ilaha IllAllah
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abuayisha
Senior Member Muslim Joined: 05 October 1999 Location: Los Angeles Status: Offline Points: 5105 |
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Abu Loren in our faith we don't seek after the sins of others asking them to reveal that which Allah has concealed. If a person has enough shame to sin in secret and not bring it forth into the open, then we think good of him, and his weakness and transgressions are between him and his Lord. Therefore, based on what our sister has said about her husband, it would be woefully inappropriate for her to ask if he is homosexual, as well as for you to suggest likewise.
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Abu Loren
Senior Member Joined: 29 June 2012 Location: United Kingdom Status: Offline Points: 1646 |
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How is that an assumption you eediot. |
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La Ilaha IllAllah
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abuayisha
Senior Member Muslim Joined: 05 October 1999 Location: Los Angeles Status: Offline Points: 5105 |
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O you who believe! Avoid much suspicion, for some suspicion is a grave sin (liable to God�s punishment) Quran 49:12 The Prophet (saw) said; �Beware of assumptions, for assumption is the falsest of speech, and do not be inquisitive, and do not spy upon one another, and do not vie with one another, and do not envy one another, and do not hate one another, and do not shun one another; be fellow-brothers and slaves of Allaah.� Bukhari Edited by abuayisha - 23 May 2015 at 9:04pm |
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Abu Loren
Senior Member Joined: 29 June 2012 Location: United Kingdom Status: Offline Points: 1646 |
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I have a different take on this problem. I suspect that he is scared of the responsibilities of being a husband and he misses his 'freedom'.
Also ask him straight if he is a homosexual. |
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La Ilaha IllAllah
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