How do I tell my future husband know I was raped?

Sarh777 wrote: ... but my fear lies on the fact that if I don't tell my future husband beforehand that I am not a virgin, he will find out anyways. And this is what worries me and confuses me about my future actions....

How do you imagine he will find out without you telling him? And once you tell him, know that you will be subjected to a detailed deposition, which frankly speaking, is none of his business. It is a knowledge that does not benefit and only harms.

Educate yourself regarding the hymen and bleeding. Once you have done this you will know that won't be an issue. He will never know you're not a virgin unless you unwisely volunteer this information.

as salaamoalaikum sister. I agree 100 percent with Abuyisha. No one knows if you are a virgin. Just like no one knows if a man is a virgin. You need to educate yourself about the hymen. A hymen can grow back. It can easily get broken even if you fall off a bicycle. If you make love with your husband, and you do not bleed it does not mean that you are not a virgin. Caringheart is not a muslim and so therefore, she will give you advise that is from what she thinks Christianity is. So please be careful with taking advise on these forums. You may make a huge mistake by telling him that you were rape.

Edited by lady - 11 January 2015 at 5:00pm

As abuayisha has noted, this isn't a good thread to get into a theological debate, and please note Sarh777 that I am not a Muslim; but I think there are a couple of more relevant questions that others may want to address:

1. What would a good Muslim man do if his prospective bride told him that she had been raped?

2. If he is not a good Muslim man, should you really want to marry him?

Perhaps this will be a test, for both of you.  If the two of you can get past this, then your marriage should be solid and lasting.  If not, then maybe it's just as well.

At any rate, I think everyone agrees that there is no need for shame.  At worst you made a mistake (which we all do), and you learned from it (which many of us unfortunately don't).  So that's a good thing.  Although I hope that what you learned was to avoid compromising situations where you have little or no control, rather than avoiding men altogether.  Most men are not like that.


Edited by Ron Webb - 13 January 2015 at 9:05am