hate living in Saudi Arabia; husband won't move

Assalamu Alaikum!
Oh dear, I feel your pain. What you are doing is not easy, particularly since you have children living overseas. I have been in Saudia for 33 years, but I came here as a new bride, and we lived for the first 16 years in Dhahran on the campus of King Fahd University of Petroleum and Minerals.

A couple of things have helped me keep my sanity. First of all, your being a Muslim is your greatest asset. Think of the move to Saudi Arabia as your own personal "Hijra", or immigration for the sake of Allah. Think of it as your highest goal in living here - not to raise your children as Arabs or to experience new cultures, but to be a better Muslim. If your intention is good, Allah will help you to cope.

Also, I hope you will rethink your aversion to learning Arabic. It's not easy, certainly, but it can be done. I don't know what kind of issues you have with your husband as far as going out of the house, but if you can find a center that teaches *spoken* Arabic with fellow foreigners, you will have an easier learning curve. There will be those who will tell you that learning Qur'anic Classical Arabic is more important, but my personal experience is that I learned to speak first, then the door opened for me to learn to read. Don't think you have to do it all at once. You will find that people warm up to you more quickly when they see that you are trying to learn to speak to them. Another option if you can't easily get out of the house (and I *know* what it's like) is to try and enroll in a correspondence course in Arabic. After I had been here for several years I took two semesters of Classical Arabic by correspondence from the Unversity of Wisconsin. The two semesters took me 4 years to complete! But I did it all within the walls of my own home. Think about it.

I don't know what city you live in or what facilities are available to you, but if you can find a circle of English-speaking ladies, you will find it eases your isolation. I cannot minimize the difficulty you will have in being accepted by the Arab women. It's sad, but true. After all the years I've been here, I'm still a foreigner. But if you can join a circle as I mentioned of fellow foreign Muslim ladies, they often hold Qur'anic lessons or other educational and social activities. Sorry, I can't give you more details, because I, myself, live a very isolated life, socially. But I have known other non-Arab ladies who have found a very satisfactory social life in the foreign community. I just hope your husband will be open-minded about it.

Just remember always that intentions count. If it is your intention to choose to live in a Muslim country in order to be a better Muslim and of course to be with your husband, then Allah will help you. Always pray to Allah to help you. He answers every prayer, even if we do not see the answer immediately.

I pray you will find peace and happiness and especially that your older children will decide to move back to your home eventually.

Wa Assalamu alaikum
Om Abdullah

 You may want to "PM" UmmAbdullah

My husband is not lonely at all.  His entire family lives here in Jeddah.  Most of the women in his family do not speak English and I refuse to learn Arabic.  I've enough knowledge to recite a few verses while I pray, but otherwise read the Quran in English.

My husband goes out quite frequently.  He has friends and relatives that call on him several times a week.  They go out for coffee, dinner, or just to walk and chat.  I do not have the luxury to do any of these things except with my husband; and we all know with two babies how hard just getting in a quiet moment at home is.

Edited by momoffour - 16 September 2008 at 12:57pm

I am a new muslim, yes. 

Honestly, I think my first mistake was bringing my older children here to begin with.  We are very happy in America.  But I thought giving them experiences to other cultures would be good for them.