please help

Wa Alaikkum As'alaam

Do not marry a deceptive person. A muslim is to respect and be kind and merciful to his parents.

From what you say about him he sounds like a liar too. Sorry.

Can a thing begun in deception ever be blessed by God?
let alone by parents, whose blessing you should also want, and may need.  Don't let selfish impatience rob you of God's blessings.  Do as God would want you to do and accept His will in it.
To quote someone else:
"The right thing is rarely easy, and the easy thing is rarely right."


Edited by Caringheart - 13 October 2012 at 1:01pm

Asalamu Calykum sis,

Hope you are in good health and emaan. Glorified is Allah for having guided you to Islam and may ALLAH make the process easy for you. From what you have told us of this guy I would highly recommend you not to marry him, as you would be starting your marriage on the wrong note. Also please be sure to protect yourself against opportunist people, you never know what their real intentions are. I am sure you are good judge of character, however, sometimes  we get blindsided by love. If this man cannot even tell his parents that he is getting married and he wants to lie to them, he is up to no good sis. As your sister in Islam know that I care about you and sometimes I see Muslim men take advantage of our new Muslim sisters, so for this reason please be cautious. Hope all of our advice helps you in reaching a good decision. And again someone who lies is up to no good, whatever the case maybe. For some parents it is hard to accept the fact that their son`s might get married to someone who has children but believe eventually they will come around.


Edited by Idil - 24 October 2012 at 3:45pm

Assalamulaiakum wa rahmatullah dear sister,

Gave a bit of thought to your situation and the replies that follow.

I dont think this man is beginning his life on a lie if he chooses not to tell a few people he is getting married.
A foundation based on lies would be a scenario where he'd tell you something which he is not, or ask you do something which you should not to lure you in marrying him.

May I ask, is this brother from Asian culture?

In Asian cultures many, many parents think they should control their children's lives including the decision of who to marry. If this brother is simply trying to circumvent that control, and his only choice is to reveal the facts after you are married to him - it is because he is left with not many choices - my personal opinion.

However, since others have cautioned you against him, it would be worthwhile to find out about his character, manners etc from the mosque he visits, or through families/friends who know him from sometime.

If you are native and he is not, make sure he is not using you to win a permanent resident status or some other legal benefit.

Please do istekharah before making any decision.

May Allah be your Protector and Guide, Ameen.