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Sahih al-Bukhari 5224 (Book 67, Hadith 157) #5003
Sense of Ghira in Marriage

SUMMARY: The hadith is about Asma bint Abu Bakr, who was married to Zubair and was carrying date stones from his land given by the Prophet (ﷺ). The Prophet (ﷺ) offered her a ride on his camel but she felt shy due to Zubair's sense of Ghira.

Narrated Asma' bint Abu Bakr: When Az-Zubair married me, he had no real property or any slave or anything else except a camel which drew water from the well, and his horse. I used to feed his horse with fodder and drew water and sew the bucket for drawing it, and prepare the dough, but I did not know how to bake bread. So our Ansari neighbors used to bake bread for me, and they were honorable ladies. I used to carry the date stones on my head from Zubair's land given to him by Allah's Messenger and this land was two third Farsakh (about two miles) from my house. One day, while I was coming with the date stones on my head, I met Allah's Messenger along with some Ansari people. He called me and then, (directing his camel to kneel down) said, "Ikh! Ikh!" so as to make me ride behind him (on his camel). I felt shy to travel with the men and remembered Az-Zubair and his sense of Ghira, as he was one of those people who had the greatest sense of Ghira. Allah's Messenger noticed that I felt shy, so he proceeded. I came to Az-Zubair and said, "I met Allah's Messenger while I was carrying a load of date stones on my head, and he had some companions with him. He made his camel kneel down so that I might ride, but I felt shy in his presence and remembered your sense of Ghira . On that Az-Zubair said, "By Allah, your carrying the date stones (and you being seen by the Prophet in such a state) is more shameful to me than your riding with him". (I continued serving in this way) till Abu Bakr sent me a servant to look after the horse, whereupon I felt as if he had set me free.
حَدَّثَنَا مَحْمُودٌ، حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو أُسَامَةَ، حَدَّثَنَا هِشَامٌ، قَالَ أَخْبَرَنِي أَبِي، عَنْ أَسْمَاءَ بِنْتِ أَبِي بَكْرٍ ـ رضى الله عنهما ـ قَالَتْ تَزَوَّجَنِي الزُّبَيْرُ، وَمَا لَهُ فِي الأَرْضِ مِنْ مَالٍ، وَلاَ مَمْلُوكٍ، وَلاَ شَىْءٍ غَيْرَ نَاضِحٍ، وَغَيْرَ فَرَسِهِ، فَكُنْتُ أَعْلِفُ فَرَسَهُ، وَأَسْتَقِي الْمَاءَ، وَأَخْرِزُ غَرْبَهُ وَأَعْجِنُ، وَلَمْ أَكُنْ أُحْسِنُ أَخْبِزُ، وَكَانَ يَخْبِزُ جَارَاتٌ لِي مِنَ الأَنْصَارِ وَكُنَّ نِسْوَةَ صِدْقٍ، وَكُنْتُ أَنْقُلُ النَّوَى مِنْ أَرْضِ الزُّبَيْرِ الَّتِي أَقْطَعَهُ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ عَلَى رَأْسِي، وَهْىَ مِنِّي عَلَى ثُلُثَىْ فَرْسَخٍ، فَجِئْتُ يَوْمًا وَالنَّوَى عَلَى رَأْسِي فَلَقِيتُ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ وَمَعَهُ نَفَرٌ مِنَ الأَنْصَارِ فَدَعَانِي ثُمَّ قَالَ ‏ "‏ إِخْ إِخْ ‏"‏‏.‏ لِيَحْمِلَنِي خَلْفَهُ، فَاسْتَحْيَيْتُ أَنْ أَسِيرَ مَعَ الرِّجَالِ، وَذَكَرْتُ الزُّبَيْرَ وَغَيْرَتَهُ، وَكَانَ أَغْيَرَ النَّاسِ، فَعَرَفَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ أَنِّي قَدِ اسْتَحْيَيْتُ فَمَضَى، فَجِئْتُ الزُّبَيْرَ فَقُلْتُ لَقِيَنِي رَسُولُ اللَّهِ وَعَلَى رَأْسِي النَّوَى، وَمَعَهُ نَفَرٌ مِنْ أَصْحَابِهِ، فَأَنَاخَ لأَرْكَبَ، فَاسْتَحْيَيْتُ مِنْهُ وَعَرَفْتُ غَيْرَتَكَ‏.‏ فَقَالَ وَاللَّهِ لَحَمْلُكِ النَّوَى كَانَ أَشَدَّ عَلَىَّ مِنْ رُكُوبِكِ مَعَهُ‏.‏ قَالَتْ حَتَّى أَرْسَلَ إِلَىَّ أَبُو بَكْرٍ بَعْدَ ذَلِكَ بِخَادِمٍ يَكْفِينِي سِيَاسَةَ الْفَرَسِ، فَكَأَنَّمَا أَعْتَقَنِي‏.‏

TOPICS
marriage  *  respect  *  shyness  *  nikah  *  husnekhalq  *  hayaa  *  ghirah  *  ghira

QUICK LESSONS:
Show respect for your spouse; Do not do anything which would make them feel embarrassed or ashamed; Remember your actions can have an effect on how others perceive you as well as how you are perceived by your spouse; Be mindful of public situations with your partner; Carry out duties assigned by Allah's Messenger ﷺ .

EXPLANATIONS:
This hadith is about the importance of respect and shyness in marriage. It tells us that even though it may be difficult at times to show respect for our spouse or feel shy in their presence, it is important to do so. Asma bint Abu Bakr was married to Az-Zubair and she used to carry date stones from his land given by the Prophet ﷺ. When the Prophet ﷺ offered her a ride on his camel but she felt shy due to Az-Zubair's sense of ghira. This shows us that we should always be respectful towards our spouses and not do anything that would make them feel embarrassed or ashamed. We should also remember that our actions can have an effect on how others perceive us as well as how we are perceived by our spouses.

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