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Sahih al-Bukhari 5124 (Book 67, Hadith 60) #4906
Hinting Intentions of Marriage

SUMMARY: A widow should not be asked to marry directly, but rather the intention of marriage should be hinted at. If she agrees while still in her Iddat period, then the marriage is valid.

Ibn 'Abbas said: "Hint your intention of marrying' is made by saying (to the widow) for example: "I want to marry, and I wish that Allah will make a righteous lady available for me'. " Al-Qasim said: One may say to the widow: 'I hold all respect for you, and I am interested in you; Allah will bring you much good, or something similar 'Ata said: One should hint his intention, and should not declare it openly. One may say: 'I have some need. Have good tidings. Praise be to Allah; you are fit to remarry'. She (the widow) may say in reply: I am listening to what you say,' but she should not make a promise. Her guardian should not make a promise (to somebody to get her married to him) without her knowledge. But if, while still in the Iddat period, she makes a promise to marry somebody, and he ultimately marries her, they are not to be separated by divorce (ie, the marriage is valid).
وَقَالَ لِي طَلْقٌ حَدَّثَنَا زَائِدَةُ، عَنْ مَنْصُورٍ، عَنْ مُجَاهِدٍ، عَنِ ابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ، ‏{‏فِيمَا عَرَّضْتُمْ‏}‏ يَقُولُ إِنِّي أُرِيدُ التَّزْوِيجَ، وَلَوَدِدْتُ أَنَّهُ تَيَسَّرَ لِي امْرَأَةٌ صَالِحَةٌ‏.‏ وَقَالَ الْقَاسِمُ يَقُولُ إِنَّكِ عَلَىَّ كَرِيمَةٌ، وَإِنِّي فِيكِ لَرَاغِبٌ، وَإِنَّ اللَّهَ لَسَائِقٌ إِلَيْكِ خَيْرًا‏.‏ أَوْ نَحْوَ هَذَا‏.‏ وَقَالَ عَطَاءٌ يُعَرِّضُ وَلاَ يَبُوحُ يَقُولُ إِنَّ لِي حَاجَةً وَأَبْشِرِي، وَأَنْتِ بِحَمْدِ اللَّهِ نَافِقَةٌ‏.‏ وَتَقُولُ هِيَ قَدْ أَسْمَعُ مَا تَقُولُ‏.‏ وَلاَ تَعِدُ شَيْئًا وَلاَ يُوَاعِدُ وَلِيُّهَا بِغَيْرِ عِلْمِهَا، وَإِنْ وَاعَدَتْ رَجُلاً فِي عِدَّتِهَا ثُمَّ نَكَحَهَا بَعْدُ لَمْ يُفَرَّقْ بَيْنَهُمَا‏.‏ وَقَالَ الْحَسَنُ ‏{‏لاَ تُوَاعِدُوهُنَّ سِرًّا‏}‏ الزِّنَا‏.‏ وَيُذْكَرُ عَنِ ابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ ‏{‏الْكِتَابُ أَجَلَهُ‏}‏ تَنْقَضِي الْعِدَّةُ‏.‏

TOPICS
wad  *  marriage  *  widow  *  intention  *  promise  *  respect  *  zawaj  *  alarmalah  *  niyyah  *  ihtiram

QUICK LESSONS:
Hint your intentions respectfully when proposing marriage to a widow

EXPLANATIONS:
This hadith teaches us that when it comes to proposing marriage to a widow, one must do so with respect and caution. The intention of marriage should not be declared openly but rather hinted at in a respectful manner. For example, one may say “I want to marry and I wish Allah will make a righteous lady available for me” or “I have some need; have good tidings; praise be to Allah; you are fit to remarry”. The guardian of the widow should also not make any promises without her knowledge or consent as this could lead to an invalid marriage if she does not agree while still in her Iddat period. However, if she does agree during this time then they are not separated by divorce as the marriage is valid.

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