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(Book 29, Hadith 13) #36230
Divorce and Control Over Self

SUMMARY: A man gave his wife control over herself, but when she said "You are divorced" three times, he was not allowed to take it back.

Yahya related to me from Malik from Abd ar-Rahman ibn al-Qasim from his father that a man of Thaqif gave his wife command over herself, and she said, "You are divorced". He was silent. She said, "You are divorced". He said, "May a stone be in your mouth". She said, "You are divorced". He said, "May a stone be in your mouth". They argued and went to Marwan ibn al-Hakam. He took an oath that he had only given her control over one pronouncement, and then she returned to him. Malik said that Abd ar-Rahman declared that this decision had amazed al-Qasim, who thought it the best that he had heard on the subject. Malik added, "That is also the best of what I have heard on the subject".
وَحَدَّثَنِي عَنْ مَالِكٍ، عَنْ عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ بْنِ الْقَاسِمِ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، أَنَّ رَجُلاً، مِنْ ثَقِيفٍ مَلَّكَ امْرَأَتَهُ أَمْرَهَا فَقَالَتْ أَنْتَ الطَّلاَقُ فَسَكَتَ ثُمَّ قَالَتْ أَنْتَ الطَّلاَقُ فَقَالَ بِفِيكِ الْحَجَرُ ‏.‏ ثُمَّ قَالَتْ أَنْتَ الطَّلاَقُ فَقَالَ بِفِيكِ الْحَجَرُ ‏.‏ فَاخْتَصَمَا إِلَى مَرْوَانَ بْنِ الْحَكَمِ فَاسْتَحْلَفَهُ مَا مَلَّكَهَا إِلاَّ وَاحِدَةً وَرَدَّهَا إِلَيْهِ ‏.‏ قَالَ مَالِكٌ قَالَ عَبْدُ الرَّحْمَنِ فَكَانَ الْقَاسِمُ يُعْجِبُهُ هَذَا الْقَضَاءُ وَيَرَاهُ أَحْسَنَ مَا سَمِعَ فِي ذَلِكَ ‏.‏ قَالَ مَالِكٌ وَهَذَا أَحْسَنُ مَا سَمِعْتُ فِي ذَلِكَ وَأَحَبُّهُ إِلَىَّ

TOPICS
divorce  *  control  *  self  *  talaaq  *  thaqif

QUICK LESSONS:
Think before you act or speak ; Respect marriage vows ; Take responsibility for your actions/words .

EXPLANATIONS:
This hadith is about the importance of control over oneself and the consequences of divorce. In this hadith, a man from Thaqif gave his wife control over herself, meaning that she could make decisions for herself without consulting him first. However, when she said “You are divorced” three times in succession, he was not allowed to take it back even though he had only given her control over one pronouncement. This decision amazed al-Qasim who thought it the best that he had heard on the subject and Malik agreed with him. This shows us how important it is to think before we act or speak as our words can have serious consequences that cannot be taken back easily.

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