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Sunan an-Nasai 3349 (Book 26, Hadith 154) #17961
Moderation in Dowry and Respect for Martyrs

SUMMARY: This hadith is about not going to extremes with regard to the dowries of women, and not using terms such as "martyr" lightly.

It was narrated that Abu Al-'Ajfa' said: "Umar bin Al-Khattab said: 'Do not go to extremes with regard to the dowries of women, for if that were a sign of honor and dignity in this world, or a sign of piety before Allah, the Mighty and Sublime, then Muhammad would have done that before you. But he did not give any of his wives, and none of his daughters were given, more than twelve Uqiyah. A man may increase the dowry until he feels resentment against her and says: You cost me everything I own ('Alaqul-Qirbah)'" "And I was a man born among the 'Arabs, but I did not know the meaning of 'Alaqul-Qirbah' and others of you are saying -about those killed in this or that battle of yours, or who died: 'So-and-so was martyred' or 'so and so died as a martyr'. While perhaps he merely overloaded the backside of his beast, or lined his saddle with gold or silver seeking trade. So do not say that, rather say as the Prophet said: 'Whoever is killed in the cause of Allah, or dies, then he is in Paradise'."
أَخْبَرَنَا عَلِيُّ بْنُ حُجْرِ بْنِ إِيَاسِ بْنِ مُقَاتِلِ بْنِ مُشَمْرِخِ بْنِ خَالِدٍ، قَالَ حَدَّثَنَا إِسْمَاعِيلُ بْنُ إِبْرَاهِيمَ، عَنْ أَيُّوبَ، وَابْنِ، عَوْنٍ وَسَلَمَةَ بْنِ عَلْقَمَةَ وَهِشَامِ بْنِ حَسَّانَ - دَخَلَ حَدِيثُ بَعْضِهِمْ فِي بَعْضٍ - عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ سِيرِينَ، قَالَ سَلَمَةُ عَنِ ابْنِ سِيرِينَ، نُبِّئْتُ عَنْ أَبِي الْعَجْفَاءِ، - وَقَالَ الآخَرُونَ عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ سِيرِينَ، عَنْ أَبِي الْعَجْفَاءِ، - قَالَ قَالَ عُمَرُ بْنُ الْخَطَّابِ أَلاَ لاَ تَغْلُوا صُدُقَ النِّسَاءِ فَإِنَّهُ لَوْ كَانَ مَكْرُمَةً فِي الدُّنْيَا أَوْ تَقْوَى عِنْدَ اللَّهِ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ كَانَ أَوْلاَكُمْ بِهِ النَّبِيُّ ﷺ مَا أَصْدَقَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ ﷺ امْرَأَةً مِنْ نِسَائِهِ وَلاَ أُصْدِقَتِ امْرَأَةٌ مِنْ بَنَاتِهِ أَكْثَرَ مِنْ ثِنْتَىْ عَشْرَةَ أُوقِيَّةً وَإِنَّ الرَّجُلَ لَيُغْلِي بِصَدُقَةِ امْرَأَتِهِ حَتَّى يَكُونَ لَهَا عَدَاوَةٌ فِي نَفْسِهِ وَحَتَّى يَقُولَ كُلِّفْتُ لَكُمْ عَلَقَ الْقِرْبَةِ وَكُنْتُ غُلاَمًا عَرَبِيًّا مُوَلَّدًا فَلَمْ أَدْرِ مَا عَلَقُ الْقِرْبَةِ قَالَ وَأُخْرَى يَقُولُونَهَا لِمَنْ قُتِلَ فِي مَغَازِيكُمْ أَوْ مَاتَ قُتِلَ فُلاَنٌ شَهِيدًا أَوْ مَاتَ فُلاَنٌ شَهِيدًا وَلَعَلَّهُ أَنْ يَكُونَ قَدْ أَوْقَرَ عَجُزَ دَابَّتِهِ أَوْ دَفَّ رَاحِلَتِهِ ذَهَبًا أَوْ وَرِقًا يَطْلُبُ التِّجَارَةَ فَلاَ تَقُولُوا ذَاكُمْ وَلَكِنْ قُولُوا كَمَا قَالَ النَّبِيُّ ﷺ ‏ "‏ مَنْ قُتِلَ فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ أَوْ مَاتَ فَهُوَ فِي الْجَنَّةِ
TOPICS
dowry  *  extremes  *  dignity  *  piety  *  martyrdom  *  honor  *  uqiyah  *  alaqulqirbah

QUICK LESSONS:
Be moderate when giving out dowries for women; Respect those who die in the cause of Allah; Honor women; Have piety before God; Do not use terms like "martyr" lightly .

EXPLANATIONS:
This hadith is narrated by Abu Al-'Ajfa' and it talks about the importance of moderation when it comes to dowries of women. It was said by Umar bin Al-Khattab that if giving a large dowry was a sign of honor or piety before Allah then Prophet Muhammad would have done that before us but he did not give any of his wives more than twelve Uqiyah. The hadith also warns against using terms such as martyr lightly as some people may use these words for those who died in battle or overloaded their beast with gold or silver seeking trade but this does not make them martyrs according to Prophet Muhammad's teachings. He said that whoever dies in the cause of Allah is a martyr and will be rewarded with Paradise. Therefore, we should be careful when using such words and respect those who truly deserve it by dying in the cause of Allah.

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