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Sunan an-Nasai 3237 (Book 26, Hadith 42) #17849
Marriage Advice from the Prophet Muhammad

SUMMARY: The Prophet Muhammad advised Fatimah bint Qais to marry 'Abdur-Rahman bin 'Awf or Usamah bin Zaid, and she chose the latter.

Narrated 'Amir bin Shurahbil Ash-Sha'bi: 'Amir bin Shurahbil Ash-Sha'bi narrated that he heard Fatimah bint Qais--who was one of the first Muhajir women-- say: 'Abdur-Rahman bin 'Awf proposed marriage to me, along with others of the Companions of Muhammad. And the Messenger of Allah proposed that I marry his freed slave, Usamah bin Zaid. I was told that the Messenger of Allah had said: 'Whoever loves me, let him love Usamah'. When the Messenger of Allah spoke to me I said: 'My affairs are in your hands; marry me to whomever you wish'. He said: 'Go to Umm Sharik'. Umm Sharik was a rich Ansari woman who used to spend a great deal in the cause of Allah, and she always had a lot of guests. I said: 'I will do that'. He said: 'Do not do that, for Umm Sharik has a lot of guests, and I would not like your Khimar to fall off, or your shins to become uncovered, and the people to see something of you that you do not want them to see. Rather go to your cousin (son of your paternal uncle) 'Abdullah bin 'Amr bin Umm Maktum, who is a man of Banu Fihr'. So I went to him".
أَخْبَرَنِي عَبْدُ الرَّحْمَنِ بْنُ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ سَلاَّمٍ، قَالَ حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدُ الصَّمَدِ بْنُ عَبْدِ الْوَارِثِ، قَالَ سَمِعْتُ أَبِي قَالَ، حَدَّثَنَا حُسَيْنٌ الْمُعَلِّمُ، قَالَ حَدَّثَنِي عَبْدُ اللَّهِ بْنُ بُرَيْدَةَ، قَالَ حَدَّثَنِي عَامِرُ بْنُ شَرَاحِيلَ الشَّعْبِيُّ، أَنَّهُ سَمِعَ فَاطِمَةَ بِنْتَ قَيْسٍ، - وَكَانَتْ مِنَ الْمُهَاجِرَاتِ الأُوَلِ - قَالَتْ خَطَبَنِي عَبْدُ الرَّحْمَنِ بْنُ عَوْفٍ فِي نَفَرٍ مِنْ أَصْحَابِ مُحَمَّدٍ وَخَطَبَنِي رَسُولُ اللَّهِ عَلَى مَوْلاَهُ أُسَامَةَ بْنِ زَيْدٍ وَقَدْ كُنْتُ حُدِّثْتُ أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ قَالَ ‏"‏ مَنْ أَحَبَّنِي فَلْيُحِبَّ أُسَامَةَ ‏"‏ ‏.‏ فَلَمَّا كَلَّمَنِي رَسُولُ اللَّهِ قُلْتُ أَمْرِي بِيَدِكَ فَأَنْكِحْنِي مَنْ شِئْتَ ‏.‏ فَقَالَ ‏"‏ انْطَلِقِي إِلَى أُمِّ شَرِيكٍ ‏"‏ ‏.‏ وَأُمُّ شَرِيكٍ امْرَأَةٌ غَنِيَّةٌ مِنَ الأَنْصَارِ عَظِيمَةُ النَّفَقَةِ فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ يَنْزِلُ عَلَيْهَا الضِّيفَانُ فَقُلْتُ سَأَفْعَلُ ‏.‏ قَالَ ‏"‏ لاَ تَفْعَلِي فَإِنَّ أُمَّ شَرِيكٍ كَثِيرَةُ الضِّيفَانِ فَإِنِّي أَكْرَهُ أَنْ يَسْقُطَ عَنْكِ خِمَارُكِ أَوْ يَنْكَشِفَ الثَّوْبُ عَنْ سَاقَيْكِ فَيَرَى الْقَوْمُ مِنْكِ بَعْضَ مَا تَكْرَهِينَ وَلَكِنِ انْتَقِلِي إِلَى ابْنِ عَمِّكِ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ عَمْرِو بْنِ أُمِّ مَكْتُومٍ ‏"‏ ‏.‏ وَهُوَ رَجُلٌ مِنْ بَنِي فِهْرٍ فَانْتَقَلْتُ إِلَيْهِ ‏.‏ مُخْتَصَرٌ

TOPICS
marriage  *  advice  *  muhammad  *  qais  *  zaid

QUICK LESSONS:
Seek advice from elders before making decisions related to marriage; Follow guidance of elders; Be modest when around strangers; Respect people regardless of their wealth or social status; Show gratitude towards those who help you out in life matters such as marriage etc.; Appreciate those who give you good counsel etc..

EXPLANATIONS:
This hadith is about marriage advice given by the Prophet Muhammad to a woman named Fatimah bint Qais. He suggested two potential suitors for her to marry - 'Abdur-Rahman bin 'Awf and his freed slave Usamah bin Zaid. The Prophet then advised her to go with her cousin Abdullah ibn Amr ibn Umm Maktum instead of Umm Sharik who was a rich Ansari woman who used to spend a great deal in the cause of Allah but had many guests at home which could have caused an issue for Fatima's modesty. In this hadith we learn that it is important for us to seek advice from our elders and follow their guidance as they are more experienced than us in life matters such as marriage. We also learn that it is important for us to be modest and not expose ourselves unnecessarily in public places or around strangers even if we are wealthy or well known people like Umm Sharik was at the time.

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