Why do Muslims Marry their Cousins?
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Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Groups : Women (Sisters)
Forum Description: Groups : Women (Sisters)
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=7968
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Topic: Why do Muslims Marry their Cousins?
Posted By: Muslimah07
Subject: Why do Muslims Marry their Cousins?
Date Posted: 23 December 2006 at 3:28pm
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SalaamAlaikum, I recently met 2 Arab Muslim Women who were both married to their First Cousins. I'm American, and I am curious to know in WHICH countries is this Common?? ..WHY do they do this? Does EVERYONE in that particular family marry their First Cousin as a Tradition--and will familes get upset if their children marry someone Outside of the family? (does the family NOT accept "outsiders"?) In America, this is uncommon (and maybe illegal)--so I am very curious. I am not saying it's wrong--because the Arab Woman I met had LOVELY, Healthy children and they were a Wonderful Muslim family--I'm just curious. If you have experience with this--please explain this to me. Salaam
------------- Peace |
Replies:
Posted By: herjihad
Date Posted: 23 December 2006 at 3:56pm
Salaams and Bismillah, My first thought is: Why not? This is allowed in Islaam. Current research shows that previous ideas about genetic deficiencies arising from this are inaccurate. Places I know that do this: Phalastine, Lebanon -- but not so much, Syria. I feel like most places allow or encourage this. It is illegal in America. I believe the law is we can marry a third cousin. I'm from Appalachia, and although many jokes are made about this practice being common there, I don't know anyone who has married a close cousin. ------------- Al-Hamdulillah (From a Married Muslimah) La Howla Wa La Quwata Illa BiLLah - There is no Effort or Power except with Allah's Will. |
Muslimah07 wrote:Posted By: niqab_ummi
Date Posted: 23 December 2006 at 4:57pm
------------- Umm Abdelkhalek |
for some living in the west especially those who become muslims at a later point in life rather than being raised muslim this can seem like a foreign and strange custom....Insha'Allah I would like to post a response to a very similar question answered by a prominent Scholar here in America....Oh and to add to the list of countries Egypt, lybia,Tunisia, Sudan, Somalia, Ethiopia, Nigeria, Mali, Algeria, Yemen,Saudia,The Gulf Region...Oman, Qatar, etc....
Posted By: aply123
Date Posted: 24 December 2006 at 6:23am
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Salam
The fact of marrying with a cousin or a cousin is not a thing prohibited by the human or illicit law in the religious law. I did not read the answers because you excused me I cannot include/understand English quickly. Here I will try to give you my idea it remains to you then freedom to choose or make your conclusion.
The origin of this phenomenon is mainly related to the polygamy which generates a group which defends these interests. This group in sociology is called a tribe. This phenomenon is not specific to Arabic but you can also find it at the Jews. By making married a woman with his cousin one is spirit to protect the interests from the tribe. With the disappearance of the tribes this mode of marriage remained only by practice and not for an economic and political goal. The Christians who prohibited polygamy do not have this phenomenon. Nevertheless the Christian middle-class classes marry between them to preserve and amalgamate the heritages and fortunes.
Between us and according to the experiment is better to marry with a cousin, because the union with the chance to last in time. Here the two married ones is plain for a goal determined well, whereas the other marriages do not have a quite precise goal, it is especially the goal of the pleasures which prevails. In the coran one speaks about the marriage from a point of view of Contract (meethak), here the pleasures are an element in a general contract signed in front of a judge and in the presence of the witnesses. in french :
Salam Le fait de se marier � un cousin ou � une cousine n�est pas une chose interdite par la loi humaine ou illicite dans la loi religieuse. Je n�ai pas lu les r�ponses car vous m�excusiez je ne sais pas comprendre rapidement l�anglais. Ici je vais essayer de vous donner mon id�e il vous reste ensuite la libert� de choisir ou de faire votre conclusion. L�origine de ce ph�nom�ne est li� en grande partie � la polygamie qui engendre un groupe qui d�fend ces int�r�ts. Ce groupe en sociologie est appel� une tribu. Ce ph�nom�ne n�est sp�cifique aux arabes mais vous pouvez le trouvez aussi chez les isra�lites. En faisant mari� une femme � son cousin on est entrain de prot�ger les int�r�ts de la tribu. Avec la disparition des tribus ce mode de mariage est rest� uniquement par habitude et non pour un but �conomique et politique. Les chr�tiens qui ont interdit la polygamie n�ont pas ce ph�nom�ne. N�emp�che que les classes bourgeoises chr�tiennes se marient entre elles pour pr�server et fusionner les h�ritages. Entre nous et d�apr�s l�exp�rience vaut mieux se marier avec une cousine, car l�union � la chance de durer dans le temps. Ici les deux mari�s sont unis pour un but bien d�termin�, alors que les autres mariages n�ont pas de but bien pr�cis, c�est surtout le but des plaisirs qui pr�domine. Dans le coran on parle du mariage d�un point de vue de Contrat (meethak), ici les plaisirs sont un �l�ment dans un contrat g�n�ral sign� devant un juge et en pr�sence des t�moins. |
Posted By: aamna
Date Posted: 26 December 2006 at 1:14pm
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My husband is from Pakistan and it's really common over there. He's had several cousins who've had a 'crush' on him, meanwhile for me the thought of having a 'crush' on MY cousin feels absolutely disgusting because it's uncommon in my culture.. but that's their culture. For them, It can be your first, second, third, fourth, distant cousin, etc., usually someone from the family. He said people usually marry within the family because they know about the boy/girl and their families for years.. i.e. the parents are not giving their child away to a complete stranger who may be putting on a friendly mask until after the marriage, which i think can still happen even if the marriage is between cousins anyway. |
Posted By: UmmAminata
Date Posted: 28 December 2006 at 9:02am
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Salaam O Alaikum Muslima I have a brother in law married to his cousin. And that is my only experience. Islamically speaking it is not harram to do so, so this of course is the foundation for many Muslims who practice this. My husband is from Senegal West Africa however his farther is from North Africa, what I have seen is that for the sake of family integrity people marry within, He's some what of chart of how I see it in my head First choice Marry cousin Second choice Marry within in local tribe Third choice Marry within local ethinic group Fourth choice Marry within nation Fifth choice Marry within cousin nation Sixth choice Mary within the world ------------- Mrs. Dia |
Posted By: rookaiya
Date Posted: 29 December 2006 at 12:34am
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i was married to my 3rd cousin. for us we didnt even know that we were cousins, until the day they came to propose marriage. i was shocked to learn that my moms mom n his dads mom were first cousins and that our parents were second cousins. but both families didnt have a problem with that issue. it was only me who was taken aback at first cos i thought its really freaky to marry your own cousin. i guess it depends on how close u were to the person growing up. im very close to some of my first cousins n they are like my brothers and i cant imagine myself getting married to any of them. it would be like incest for me. so i guess it all depends on how u as a person feel about it. also in my culture, its frowned upon to marry your first cousins from ur fathers side. u cant marry your fathers brothers sons. cos u all have the same surname and its viewed as taboo and total bad luck. unheard of. |
Posted By: UmmAminata
Date Posted: 29 December 2006 at 7:02am
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also in my culture, its frowned upon to marry your first cousins from ur fathers side. u cant marry your fathers brothers sons. cos u all have the same surname and its viewed as taboo and total bad luck. unheard of.
Interesting... ------------- Mrs. Dia |
Posted By: Muslimah07
Date Posted: 31 December 2006 at 9:51am
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Salaam, Thank You Niquab-Ummi, Rookiya, Aply, Aamna, and UmmiAmmit for all the answers and insight. Although I was raised Muslim, I did not know this at all. Can I be honest? I understand that Allah has allowed for people to marry their cousins, and now I see this is common in the Middle East. However, now that I've read what goes on, I dont know WHY I find this a little "disturbing" and may Allah forgive my lack of understanding.
UmmiAmmit gave a List of preferences that she has noticed... First choice Marry cousin Second choice Marry within in local tribeThird choice and Aply wrote The origin of this phenomenon is mainly related to the polygamy which generates a group which defends these interests. This group in sociology is called a tribe.
I cant help but think that this would create an extreme "Tribal" mentality amongst familes. If people only marry "within the family", I'd bet that these familes think of themselves with a sort of Tribal/Clan/Cult/Ethnic Group mentality who "Shuns" any "outsiders" from from their "tight-knit tribe". I used to work with a beautiful young Muslim Sister from India--she was the sweetest person you ever met, and she fell in love with a nice Muslim man from Pakistan--He wanted to marry her. But his Muslim Parents told her they did not like her--because she wansn't from "their tribe". Plus, A Sister on this post said that her in-laws do not accept-- her because her husbands family really wanted him to "marry his cousin". I mean, is this how we are sopposed to be as Muslims?
Niquab's post said Some clans restrict marriages to amongst their kin only � a practice far from what is advocated. If you look at the Middle East & African nations--people divide themselves up into these Tribes, and wars actually get started from people "defending the tribe". Look at the so called Shiites, Kurds, and Sunni fighting in Iraq right now. I'd bet all of their "tribish" behavior stems from the fact that they all marry their cousins--producing a Big Ethnic Group of people who are all related an form into a "Clan" who "shuns" and "hate" anyone not from their clan or tribe. BUT Allah says in Koran "I have created you into nations and tribes--that you may get to Know Each Other"...and he also says "Be not divided among yourselves"
My husband is from Pakistan and it's really common over there. He's had several cousins who've had a 'crush' on him.. I'm sorry, but its bad enough to have women around town trying to get with your husband, I dont want to have to worry about my husband's own family members coming after him! That' too much and too close--they're family so you have to deal with them for the rest of your life at family functions--gee whiz!
Niquab-Ummi's post said:By permitting such marriages Islam does not encourage them. It advocates the cementing of social relations through marriages between totally unrelated families. Sometimes we Muslims take things to the extreme. Just because Allah allows Polygamy--it doesn't mean that evey married man should run out tomorrow and get 3 more wives. Just because Allah allows people to marry a cousin doesnt mean this should first and number 1 option for getting married! I'm like Rookiya--I have a Huge family--and cousin are like brothers and sisters--we grow up together, play and fight like hell. I couldnt imagine that happening in my family, but I still respect people who do this--I just wish Muslims would begin to think outside the box and see the benefits of marrying "outside the family" and stop being so divided into Tribes. SALAAMS
------------- Peace |
Posted By: divinepearlz
Date Posted: 07 June 2012 at 8:53am
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It is important that you post the who ayyat. Innvation will get us in trouble. The surah and ayyat that you speak of has more to say than what you stated. The ayyat specifically states that the Prophet ONLY has that prviledge. We are creating our own downfall by adding things that are not so and then lying on Allah (swt). To be a liar is bad but to lie on Allah (swt) is beyond horrible. I seek refuge in Allah (swt) from innovation. I seek refuge in him from that which will lead me to teh fire. I ask that He protect me and my family from the heat of the fire. Surah Al-Ahzab ayyat 50 specifically states:
 Sahih International O Prophet, indeed We have made lawful to you your wives to whom you have given their due compensation and those your right hand possesses from what Allah has returned to you [of captives] and the daughters of your paternal uncles and the daughters of your paternal aunts and the daughters of your maternal uncles and the daughters of your maternal aunts who emigrated with you and a believing woman if she gives herself to the Prophet [and] if the Prophet wishes to marry her, [this is] only for you, excluding the [other] believers. We certainly know what We have made obligatory upon them concerning their wives and those their right hands possess, [but this is for you] in order that there will be upon you no discomfort. And ever is Allah Forgiving and Merciful. |
Posted By: seeja
Date Posted: 20 September 2012 at 12:19am
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In Islam, the correct form of relationship between a man and woman is marriage, the one in which full social responsibilities are undertaken by them and which results in the emergence of a family. The choice of a marriage partner is one of the most important decisions a person will make in his or her lifetime. It should be taken as seriously as any other major decision in life - with prayer, careful investigation, and family involvement. There are certain blood relations, which are considered Haraam as far as marriage is concerned. As a general rule, anyone who is Mahram is forbidden for marriage. The list of such relatives is given in the Holy Qur'an as follows: (See Holy Qur'an, ch. 4, verse 23-24) Haraam for Man: � Mother, � Daughter, � Paternal Aunt, � Maternal Aunt, � Niece, � Foster-Mother, � Foster-Sister, � Mother-In-Law, � Stepdaughter, � Daughter-In-Law, � All Married Women, � Sister-In-Law (As A 2nd Wife) Haraam for Woman: � Father, � Son, � Paternal Uncle, � Maternal Uncle, � Nephew, � Foster-Mother's Husband, � Foster-Brother, � Father-In-Law, � Stepson, � Son-In-Law. In Islam consent is very important- that is neither women nor men can be married against their will. Islam has given this freedom of choice to both young men and women - they cannot be forced into a marriage that they don't want. ------------- Islam (Total Surrender, Submission, Obedience, Sincerity and Peace with Allah) is for all people, in all places and in all times |