Salam everyone,

   I am a new member here and would like to meet new muslims.  I am an American muslim with no muslim friends.  I have a pretty interesting story and lots of conflicts with my social life and my religion and would like to get advice from those that know the religion well.  Thanks for taking time to read my message.

salaams mona

im rookaiya and im in south africa. i have been muslim all my life but everyday i learn new things. i did attend madressa until i was in grad 8. but ive learnt alot through interaction with people and have studied on my own as well. even on this site, i have learnt some new stuff that i was ignorant of before

im even embarassed to say that i never used to wear hijaab before as i didnt think it was necessary. but i found very useful info here n logged onto the hijaab shop site as well n found ideas on how to wear hijaab

its not easy being a muslim. even in some muslim communites u find that our own muslim brothers n sister mock us n say things like, we are trying to act holy, when we wear hijaab or when we beconme deen conscious

i am very pleased to say that Allah swa has tested me with a very trying polygamous marriage and that has increased my level of imaan. i perform my salaah everyday now n i make lots of dua. i have even changed my style of dressing. had it not been for these difficult circimstances i would have continued as before , not being regular in my prayers and just living my life heedlessly

oops...........sorry if i got carried away there

what experiences u would u like to share mona?

Wa salaam sister Mona..

In spite of my living South of the border for now, I am also an American muslim that works in  a southern US city. It is not always easy to be Muslima, especially if we choose to wear the hijab and make visible our deen. The men do not have this issue, they can hide it seems! Dont limit yourself too much, be visible!

Let me begin by saying I am a 21 yr old mother of 2;  a 3 yr old boy and a 1 month old baby girl.  I am currently studying to be a doctor and hope it doenst take the rest of my life to get there.

Well, I don't really know where to begin.  I guess I can start by saying that up until I was 7 years old, I was raised solely by my mother who was catholic.  I always had a sincere love and respect for God.  When I was 7, my father who lived hundreds of miles away, decided to be apart of me and my siblings lives.  He was a muslim, not religious at all, and basically wanted us to be raised as muslims.  We went to the Mosque every sunday where I learned to read arabic, though I still don't speak it or understand it, and also to recite some surahs.  I accepted Islam as the truth almost immediately and decided I wanted to dedicate my life to Allah. 

Unfortuantely, my father was abusive to my mother both physically and emotionally throughout the time we lived with him.  And altough he never laid a hand on me or my siblings, we were always afraid of him.  ANd although I loved Islam, I disliked some of the teachings my father told us about.  When I was about 15, my father decided that me and my sister should be raised by his family back in Jordan.  Fearing that she would never see us again, my mother took us and fled my father's house.  A decision I was happy she had made.

We ended up moving to a crime-ridden city filled with drugs, protstitues, gangs, etc.  Basically, there was no moral way of life there, no one spoke of religion or God.  Being a teenager living in this negative environment, I subconciously started ignoring my religion (but never lost my faith).  I ended up meeting this guy in high school, we had a baby and moved in together.  All this time knowing that this was forbidden in Islam but I guess I didn't care.

Last year I stumbled across a muslim chat room and met some muslim people. My living situation started bothering me since I knew it was wrong.  I asked some of the brothers and sisters I had met in the chatrooms what I could do to make my life halal.  I think I was hoping to hear that it wasn't that bad but thats not the response I got from anyone.  So I found myself trying to find the answer I was hoping for.  I guess my father had taught me that Allah (swt) was a very strict God and everything that was commanded to us had to be that way or no way.  My interest in Islam grew as I looked through websites wanting to fill in the gaps in my knowledge about the religion.  In doing so, I found a very different perception of Islam.  I learned that Allah was the most Kind, the most Gracious, the most Forgiving...and somehow I knew that He would guide me to making my life halal. 

I met a young muslim man who helped me in my journey to learning this "new" Islam i had stumbled across.  I say new because it was as if I was learning a whole new religion.  I just loved it!  Allah's rules and commands did not seem so strict to me anymore but rather as guides to help us live the happiest life we could, one that was harmonious and stress free.  When everyone else was telling me to leave my boyfriend, he was the only one who gave me an alternate option.  He told me that we should sleep in separate beds and for me to teach him islam, only if he was interested, and if he took the shahada we could get married.  So thats what i did.  I used this website and others that the muslim brother recommended to show him what islam taught and also show him that christianity was very contradictory.  After about 2 months of researching and learning, he decided to take the shahada and we got married that night.  I chose a temporary marriage to make sure he didn't convert just to marry me.  I told him that God knew his true intentions and not to convert for any other reason than because he truly believed that Islam was the truth.  I was so happy that I finally had made my life halal.  I was a new muslim with my new muslim husband and my son. 

Well, now its almost a year later, it'll be a year at the end of november, and I don't know how I veered off.  My husband (if I can still call him that) does not display any interest in Islam or religion for that matter.  I mean, I never bring it to his attention, we never talk about religion and it just seems evident to me that when he took the shahada his heart was not in the right place.  I also find myself trying to avoid Islam.  I mean I still truly love and respect Allah (swt) but I guess i want to deny the fact that my life is not where I wanted it to be.  Now, after about 7 months, I find that I can no longer avoid it, I feel the need to come back.  I want to start praying again and slowly become the muslim I want to be.  But I am so confused.  I don't even know if my marriage is still valid or not. 

I guess I feel trapped.  I am the only muslim surrounded by people who are ignorant to Islam.  They only hear about it on the news and form the media.  I do not hide that I am a muslim because I am very thankful that Allah chose to show me the truth, but i do not practice it.  When people ask me about it I am happy to tell them what I know.  I hope to one day move to Dubai in UAE so I can truly be the muslim I want to be because I know that will not be possible here in the USA.  Not because I am afraid of people knowing I am a muslim but because I want to get away from the negativity that I am surrounded by.  I failed to mention that my mother had converted to Islam while still living with my father, but once we left she went back to being catholic.  I always talk to her about Islam and we always talk about how Great Allah is, but she says she doesn't want to be a part of any religion, just believe in God. Neither my brother or my sister display any interest in any religion, and neither does my "husband."  His family is catholic and they attend church regulary but they keep pressuring us to baptize our kids.  None of my friends are muslim or even religious for that matter.  I wish I could make everyone God-fearing as I am, and show them that Islam is the truth but I know its not possible and I guess thats why I am scared.  What do you think?

I guess I forget that sometimes, we are not perfect and are not expected to be.  But I still need some advice on my situation with my husband.  We did a temporary marriage after he decided to take shahada, but I'm am not sure that he did it with the intention to really become a muslim.  I think it was more because I told him I couldn't be with him since he wasn't muslim.  Is our marriage still valid if that is the case?

Yes, your marriage is still valid since he is a Muslim after he decided to take the shahada.

What you need to do now is to show the true way of Islam. We can never change anyone directly but indirectly we can. What I mean is you have to change to be a better person by being a practical Muslim. Never leave your solat and always dua for your family. InsyAllah everything will be fine.

Muslims have to show our way of life through examples we set across. When your husband sees the inner peace you have by being a Muslim, InsyAllah he will follow. I will remember you in my Dua, sister Mona

My husband's date of birth is 10-15, we are both Libra.  As far as the "new" Islam...like I said in my statement, not that its new for its the same Islam that was introduced 1400 years ago, but my whole understanding of the teachings and expectations of the religion completely changed.  It was as if Allah (SWT) allowed me to view Islam through a new window...one that allowed me to see the way it fits into our lives like a piece of a puzzle.  I used to see Islam as a strict and demanding religion and thought of God as being relentless.  I now know that is not true at all but actually the complete opposite.  The rules that Islam imposes on us is not to keep us in ball and chain but rather to allow us to live life in harmony with one another and fulfill our purpose....i.e....to please Allah and be rewarded with paradise in the afterlife.

As for the the temporary marriage....I was told by that muslim man that I did not need witnesses as a Shia.  The only witness I needed was Allah.  So I went to a Shia website and found the marriage formula and we recited it.  The same for taking Shahada...no witnesses needed...only Allah.  I chose to be Shia on my own by doing the research just as one does when becoming a muslim.  It is not a cult...I believe it is the right sect of Islam. 

I thank everybody for their advice...I feel so much better now.  In a way I feel like Allah (SWT) is letting me know that I'm doing the right thing and that with some time and effort things will go the right way. 

Dzul wrote: Yes, your marriage is still valid since he is a Muslim after he decided to take the shahada.

After reading your latest message, I am sorry to say that from the Mazhab I come from (Asy Syafii) your marriage is not valid. Perhaps the other enlightened formumers might explain to you further. 

Recite The Seegha (Arabic Formula of Words) To Commence The Mutah

You are now ready to recite the Arabic formula of words, which, once completed, means that you two are now halal for each other in the eyes of God and the Law of Islam. Please note that this procedure can be done by the two persons wanting to enter the Mutah marriage themselves. There is no need for a Wakeel (someone who recites the seegha on your behalf) nor the need for witnesses. However you can opt for a Wakeel and you can also opt for witnesses if you so wish. If you like, you could even put this procedure into writing with both your signatures. These are options if you feel you would prefer it that way - however not necessary for your Mutah to be valid.

The seegha is quite short but must be recited in Arabic. Below you will find the Arabic formula written in English transliteration, along with its meaning. There is also a link to an audio file with the vows for the Mutah marriage recited in Arabic. It has been recited slowly with gaps, so you can repeat after it (if you want to). Otherwise you can just use the text below. 

http://www.mutah.com/thevows2.wav - The Vows For The Mutah Marriage (.wav file)

First the lady says:

Zawajtuka nafsi fil muddatil ma'loomati 'alal mahril ma'loom. 

Translation: "I married myself to you for the known period and the agreed upon dowry."

Then man replies: 

Qabiltu.

Translation: "I accepted."*

Congratulations! That's it! You are now halal for each other for the time period that you agreed!

Best wishes,

The Mutah Matchmaker

Mutah.com

Assallamalaikum Sister Mona,

Yes, I am aware of the Muta'ah. But it is illegal in my country or the mazhab I belong to.

I sincerely hope you can find a good Ustaz to guide you here. I am just merely telling you what I know from the very shallow knowlegde that I have.

Wassallam

Mutah marriage is only legal for Shia not Sunni

you have to check with a reliable islam preacher .. Imam ..

Salam alkoum

The only reason I did a Mutah instead of a permanent marriage, like I said before, was to make sure my husband was not taking shahada to get married.  I was telling him I could not be with him because he was not a muslim and I was afraid that he would convert just to get married and not lose me.  I am sure that Allah (SWT) will guide me to finding the right sect of Islam for He knows that I am sincere in my search.  I do not think it is right for anyone to talk bad of another sect.  You must have respect for all sects of Islam just as you must respect other religions.

Alaa...thank you for your advice.  You speak wise words.  I was thinking about doing it that way but was not sure that it would be acceptable.  I agree that I should not hurry in my religion because I tried to do that and I did go back to my ways.  I am going to take a different approach and learn Islam well and create a foundation of faith before I try to become the Muslim I should be.  I know many people will think this is not the right way but I know myself and I know I need more time.  I love Allah (SWT) and I want him to pleased with me and I will seek His guidance and hope that He will show me the right way.