Family Matter - Parents and Children

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Parents and Children

Printed From: IslamiCity.org
Category: Religion - Islam
Forum Name: Family Matter
Forum Description: Questions realted to familly matter.
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=44046
Printed Date: 28 April 2024 at 2:03pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.03 - http://www.webwizforums.com

Topic: Parents and Children

Posted By: Musilmah
Subject: Parents and Children
Date Posted: 17 July 2019 at 10:09am

Asalamualikum everyone, I am a muslim sister from Canada that wants advice on how to deal with my current problems with my parents.

My parents are the most amazing people in my life and I thank Allah everyday that I was born to them as they have always sacrificed their time, money and health to provide the best for my siblings and I. As the oldest I especially have a strong relationship to them and particularly my mother who I would do anything in the world for. Despite my father's family not supporting girl's education my parents have both always encouraged all of us siblings to achieve our dreams, and my dream is to become a doctor that I am extremely close to achieving applying to medical school soon. I have always been the poster child by choice because I've never wanted to do anything to make my parents unhappy as it causes me alot of pain and stress. The problems started occurring after I had my nikkah to my cousin on my mom's side. She had said yes to the proposal when I was very young (before asking me) because she was excited for me to be married into her side of the family, and having been very clustered and focused on my studies my entire life I never really put a lot of thought into marriage and life, all I knew was that I wanted to be able to continue my studies and training while living a simple life based on the sunnah. Even though I expressed my concerns at the proposal because he was from another country and he wasn't aware of how much time, effort and determination it takes to become a physician, my mom laughed off my worries and never took me seriously and I didn't have the heart to fight with her about it. So I had my nikkah with the intention and dua that I have the patience to deal with all my problems in the future. I thought marrying into my mom's family she would support me more and take my side if I ever had any problems in married life with studies and work life balance, but the complete opposite has occurred. After coming back to Canada after the nikkah/engagement I tried to talk to my fiance who I had never spoken to before, and being busy trying to keep up with studies, research, extracurriculars and volunteering I wouldn't have much time to talk to him and also I wanted to become friends with him before thinking of our relationship as husband and wife, but he didn't really respect that and talking to him often left me sad and stressed when he would complain about me not giving him time because this was not at all what I had envisioned life to be like. I made the decision that I didn't want to talk over the phone anymore because we would just fight and it would leave me a stressed state that I couldn't talk to anyone about, because my mom would only yell at me that I was dishonoring her in front of her family if I had any problems. After I finally told my mom about my troubles when I could keep it in no longer she accused me of finding another guy in college and saying that she should have never let me live on campus because it had changed me. That hurt me to my core for my own mother to accuse me of being characterless, when in fact I didn't even like being on campus as I loved living with my family, and for me on campus life consisted of going to class, extracurriculars and coming back home to study and sleep. Whenever she thinks that Ibhave done anything to make her family unhappy she stops talking to me and doesn't pick up my phone when I call her from college tye whole week until I go back home on the weekend and she expresses her deep disappointment at me. My father is a little better, because even though he is quick to get angry and once even told me I should just separate myself from the family if I didn't want to listen to them, he always apologizes later and realizes his mistake. These past time has been the hardest and loneliest time in my life and I express this to no one but Allah in my prayers. It is ironic because I think Allah is testing me with the one thing I hold dearest in this world, my relationship with my parents, and I am very scared of what will happen in the future if these problems are not resolved. I would appreciate and thank and advice on this, Jazakallah

Replies:

Posted By: Dr. Aslam
Date Posted: 23 October 2019 at 5:38pm

Salam Alaikum,

Respect your parents and listen to them but the decision about your life must come from you. Explain to them your perspective and assure them no matter what you become you will always be their daughter.

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Best Regards,
Aslam Abdullah