Asalaam alikum,

  I would post this question on a fatwa website, but they take a long time and I dont think I have a long time.

  A few nights ago I almost commied zina, I am not married and the non-muslim was not ethier, but I almost commited zina with him. I say almost becasue we did everything but the inthercourse.

 I feel I should tell my sisters...I know what they will do, they will beat me and send me to morocco to live there...

 But I don't resent that treatment, It will keep me out of trouble and let me be the good muslimah I used to be and want to be.

 I live in the US, and go to public school, I was getting so tried of all the Islamic rules I had to follow about everything, and I guess I just wanted to break them, I still want to sometimes...

 I feel sooo bad, guilty, I feel I am going out of control.

 what should I do?

Excuse me???

 Well-done?!

 How I am not telling the truth?

 I didnt repent, I am afirad i might sin again...

024.003
YUSUFALI: Let no man guilty of adultery or fornication marry and but a woman similarly guilty, or an Unbeliever: nor let any but such a man or an Unbeliever marry such a woman: to the Believers such a thing is forbidden.

ASSALAMU ALAIKUM

Ayesha17, I�m sorry to inform you but if you did everything but have intercourse, than you still committed zina.  Why is it that so many Muslims think zina is only the act of sexual penetration?  All of the acts which lead up to the sexual penetration are also zina.  It is not simply with our private parts that we make zina.  We make zina with any of our body parts if we use that body part in a sexually lustful way outside of the sanction of marriage.    

I have had Muslim friends in other parts of the world who have told me the things they or their friends have done but they always end by sayings, �But it�s okay because we didn�t commit zina.�  Some of them even commit sodomy thinking this is better because it is not zina. 

What is wrong with this world?  How can we justify our actions like this?  How can anyone say that it is Islamic-ly okay to do anything with another person that is something that should only be done between a husband and wife?  If it is an act which Allah allows only between a husband and wife, then to do it with a person outside of wedlock is zina�even if you stop just short of sexual penetration.  We are not even permitted to do such acts (such as masturbation) to ourselves.  So, how can we think for even one second that we can do it with someone else? 

Ayeshai17, what you are saying reminds me of something the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said during his last sermon.  He said:

Beware of Satan, for the safety of your religion. He has lost all hope of that he will be able to lead you astray in big things, so beware of following him in small things.

What you are doing, and say you might do again, is to follow Shaytan because you perceive what you are doing to be small in comparison to �intercourse.�  But in reality, it is not just a small thing. 

I beg you to truly reflect upon what you are doing.  You need to make a choice.  Do you want to follow the way of Shaytan or Allah?  If you want to follow Allah, then you only have one choice; that is, repent and ask Allah for forgiveness.  To repent means that your promise to not repeat the behaviors is sincere.

If you notice in the above quote, the Prophet (pbuh) states that we have to beware of Shaytan for the safety of our religion.  This means that our religion�our deen�is safe only insofar as we actively choose to follow Allah and not the ways of Shaytan.  The Prophet�s (pbuh) words are also a warning that it is the small things which will be our undoing, so attend to the small things too.  Inshallah you will see that you are definitely at a crossroad, and Inshallah, you will make the right choice and stop dancing with Shaytan.

The ayat Brother Suleyman pointed out to you is clear warning of what will be your lot in Islam if you continue on the path you are on.  It saddens me to think you may do some things now that will affect your ability to have a good Muslim marriage in the future.  Please sister, think carefully on this matter.

ASHUKRU-LILLAHI RABBIL-ALAMEEN WALA-HAWLA WALA QUWATA ILLA BILLAH

ALLAH HAFIZ

Sister Khadija

"I have had Muslim friends in other parts of the world who have told me the things they or their friends have done but they always end by sayings, �But it�s okay because we didn�t commit zina.�  Some of them even commit sodomy thinking this is better because it is not zina.  "

  You misundersntad me...I don't NOT say what i did was ok...

 I do regret it, very very very much. I repent.

 But I don't have intercourse with him, I think that has to count for something

Bismillah,

sometimes muslims judge a lot

Are you Muslimah, or Muslim bashing?  Sometimes everyone judges a lot. 

Why don't you take a deep breath, do a search on this forum for other people's dilemna's strikingly similar to yours, and see if you can find an balm to calm your heart. 

I've heard Morrocco is a nice place to live.  Maybe you should consider going home.

ayesha17 wrote:  Asalaam alikum,     A few nights ago I almost commied zina, I am not married and the non-muslim was not ethier, but I almost commited zina with him. I say almost becasue we did everything but the inthercourse.  I feel I should tell my sisters...I know what they will do, they will beat me and send me to morocco to live there...  But I don't resent that treatment, It will keep me out of trouble and let me be the good muslimah I used to be and want to be.

Wa alaikum as salam.  Ayesha, do what's best for you in terms of your religion.  If Morocco is more conducive to you living in accordance with Islamic law and restrictions, then by all means sister you should go.    

Salaam

Dear Ayesha17,

I will try to answer your question from a non-islamic perspective. First of all, I do not agree that a girl or a boy who loses their virginity before marriage is necessarily doomed. Our sense of morality need not be subject to the opinions of others. Ultimately we judge ourselves, fairly or unfairly and we pay our own prices right in this life time whether we agree or not. Sexual intercourse can't be a sin, because God gave this gift to all animals including human beings and if God intended it to be something that you should do only after marriage, then he would also have made it impossible to have sex before marraige.

Having said that, I would like to advise caution. Sexual relationships necessarily involve intense emotional involvement. Unfortunately for human beings, coming of age co-incides with the time when our educational careers should take off. Is it  necessary to have this additional distraction when the most productive period of one's academic career is about to begin? We need to prioritize our lives around what is important rather than what is immediate. Delayed gratification pays and it makes sense to put off things which we are not yet ready to handle emotionally and intellectually.

Morality is ultimately an individual decision. You don't have to do anything because you are being pressurized by someone or a group of people. You choose what to believe or not and what is important for you. I hope this is useful and you will make the right decision. Good luck.

Regards,

Human

Human, you are simply pathetic.  You don�t want a Muslim woman to delay having sex until she is married because her God tells her to do so but you want her to delay it for educational reasons.  You advice by saying:

We need to prioritize our lives around what is important rather than what is immediate.

Prioritize according to what is important?  According to whom?  You?!?  If a person chooses to be a Muslim, then they prioritize their life around Allah.  Is there something wrong with that?  There is no compulsion in Islam.  If someone doesn�t want to be Muslim they don�t have to be.  But if they are and they want to be, then when they ask for advice from other Muslims (yes, believe it or not this is a Muslim forum board), we can�t just say, �Oh, forget what Allah has to say and do your own thing.�  Islam means to submit our will to Allah not to our whims, lusts and desires and it would be wrong for anyone to advice her in ways which would cause her to sin according to her own faith. 

What planet do people like you come from?  It is obvious that your morality and your sense of reality are nothing more that whatever you want it to be at the moment.   You state:

if God intended it to be something that you should do only after marriage, then he would also have made it impossible to have sex before marraige.

From what warped synapse did you pull that one out of?  Do you really believe adolescence is something which Allah created or even intended for us?  Read your history.  Adolescence is a creation of modern society.  Although it may have its position aspects, it also has many negative ones.  We need to find better ways to help our youth survive this period of their life instead of using it as an excuse to become morally bankrupt.

If you want to give advice to others, I strongly suggest that you find a forum suitable for you to do that.  Let me see, I believe there are quite a few atheistic web sites out there.  Need a few links?  

Khadija

 thank you for all your help.

 I am toturing myself with guilt, I feel so worthless. I can't believe I brought myself so low, I mean...ya allah...

bismillah irrahman irrahim

assalamu alaikum

its good to have this guilt cos inshaAllah it will take u to repentance, just want to clarify inshaAllah that every thing else other than sexual intercourse comes under minor sins so alhamdulillah Allah swt saved u from a major sin, now rest is ur responsibility, an islmic environment is going to help but that is not the solution, u need to learn to control ur desires bcos if Allah swt has forbidden it then it means he has given us will power to control these emotions of ours.  In a hadith Sayyidina Muhammad (saw) told one of young sahabi (ra) to get married if he could afford it r otherwise keep fast. its up to u to try n keep fast.  it is also related that Allah swt comes on lower heaven in the last third part of night n says that is there any1 who wants to ask me for something. if u can find in u then try to get up about 2hrs b4 sunrise n pray nafal n inshaAllah ask for Allah swt's forgiveness. try never to miss a fard prayer inshaAllah n read some part of Holy Quran every day.  inshaAllah with time it will help.

i know many ppl ask this n say that they find it weird that islam dont allow normal socializing of women n men, so sis that is the reason. cos Allah swt, our creator has knowledge of every thing n his full wisdom knows what it is goin to lead to. try not to involve with boys at ur school other than if u have to with course work n keep it minimum, there is this dua by Sayyidina Muhammad (saw) "Rabbe A'udhubika min hamazati-shayyatine wa A'udhubika rabbe an yahdaroon" which means that O Allah swt save me from whispering or influence of shaytan n it coming back to me again. try to memorize it n inshaAllah keep repeatin it when u hav some bad thoughts and u can also try saying salat an-nabi in ur heart most of time. try to perform all the faraid inshaAllah n learn bout ur deen inshaAllah n stay strong. n keep in ur heart n mind that u cant hide from Allah swt. n another hadith that shaytan is the third of two na-mehram male and female (when they alone) so try not to b in that situation. I pray that Allah swt guides us all to his path inshaAllah ameen

wassalam 

Dear Khadija,

Thank you for your comments.

Khadija1021 wrote: Prioritize according to what is important?  According to whom?  You?!?  If a person chooses to be a Muslim, then they prioritize their life around Allah.  Is there something wrong with that?  There is no compulsion in Islam.  If someone doesn�t want to be Muslim they don�t have to be.  But if they are and they want to be, then when they ask for advice from other Muslims (yes, believe it or not this is a Muslim forum board), we can�t just say, �Oh, forget what Allah has to say and do your own thing.�  Islam means to submit our will to Allah not to our whims, lusts and desires and it would be wrong for anyone to advice her in ways which would cause her to sin according to her own faith.

Excuse me, but I think it is individiaul choice. If someone were to believe they are muslims, it is their choice. They don't have to go around asking others whether to do this or that. As for God's will, God alone knows what's right and what's wrong. Even Muhammad is not around to answer your questions. You contradict yourself when you say there is no compulsion in Islam and then say you must live by what somebody's interpretation of Quoran. Whose interpretation? There are so many different sects within Islam, so many different so-called scholars and most muslims don't even understand Arabic. Get down from your high horse and come to the world of the mere mortals.

Khadija1021 wrote: From what warped synapse did you pull that one out of?  Do you really believe adolescence is something which Allah created or even intended for us?  Read your history.  Adolescence is a creation of modern society.  Although it may have its position aspects, it also has many negative ones.  We need to find better ways to help our youth survive this period of their life instead of using it as an excuse to become morally bankrupt.

Contradiction after contradiction. For a muslim who believes everything happens by the will of Allah, you blaspheme by saying our current evolutionary stage was not intended by Allah. Who are you to pick and choose what Allah intends for us? If you want to believe there is a omni potent God, it also means, EVERYTHING happens due to the will of the same God, good and bad.

 

Khadija1021 wrote:   If you want to give advice to others, I strongly suggest that you find a forum suitable for you to do that.  Let me see, I believe there are quite a few atheistic web sites out there.  Need a few links?   Khadija

It is not for you to decide who posts here or not. As I clearly stated in my post it is a non-islamic perspective. Unlike you, most muslims live in a world where there are others and they respect others opinions too.

Regards,

Human

Human,

From a Non Muslim  to a Non Muslim.  That was poor advice.  This girl is dealing with an issue that very sensitive and you need to stay out of it. 

In this day and age is more important to tell young women its OKAY to say NO.  Too many girls feel societal pressure to HAVE sex, not religious pressure to abstain.

They do need to be told that its good to wait till marriage, even if they aren't religious.  In this case, her immortal soul is at risk because of her religious beliefs.  Let Rami and Khadija and the other muslims here give her advice on it and stay out of it.  Its not your place.

Dear Angela,

Thanks for your advise. I will try to keep out of such things. However, if you read my whole post you will see that I am saying the same things, for non-religious reasons.

Regards,

Human

Bismillah, In God's name,

This is a religions forum, Human!  Religious reason one:  Obey God.  Religious reason two:  God advises us to do things that are good for us.  So all the seemingly non-religious good reasons not to do it are really God's reasons too.  Think about it.

Human,

I clearly stated that if someone chooses to be Muslim then they prioritize their life around Allah. 

2:256 Let there be no compulsion in religion: Truth stands out clear from Error: whoever rejects evil and believes in Allah hath grasped the most trustworthy hand-hold, that never breaks. And Allah heareth and knoweth all things.

I never said anyone has to live by what someone else interpretation of the Qur�an.  We are told in the Qur�an that if we (each person) is to read and learn the Qur�an.  If there is something in the Qur�an which they do not understand, then they should turn to the life of the Prophet (pbuh) through his Sunnah for the answer.  If they are still not clear what to do they are to turn to others in the community who are more knowledge than they are to help them understand the issue they are having difficulty understanding. 

I realize there are many sects in Islam but I also know that not only does a person not have to be a member of any of these sects; they are warned in both the Qur�an and Sunnah to not split into sects.

6:159 As for those who divide their religion and break up into sects, thou hast no part in them in the least: their affair is with Allah. He will in the end tell them the truth of all that they did.

Although many Muslims believe that we must follow a particular school of scholars, there is no proof of this in the Qur�an or Sunnah.  I�m not saying that we should not turn to scholars in order to become more knowledgeable; however, it is not obligatory that we follow this or that scholar.  It is only obligatory that if we don�t understand some aspect of the Qur�an or Sunnah that we seek help from other Muslims in the community who are more knowledgeable than we are in order to help us resolve the issue.

I�m sorry if you think I live on a high horse.  Muslims are clearly told in the Qur�an to be careful from whom they seek advice because:

7:21 He (Shaytan) swore to them, 'I am one of those who give you good advice.'

Allah also states that we are not to listen to the advice of those who are not Muslim when it comes to the way we are to live our life:

25:52 Therefore listen not to the unbelievers, but strive against them with the utmost strenuousness, with the (Qur'an).

If a person wants to live the life of Islam (which literally means submitting their will to Allah), then he/she will seek the advice of his/her brethren and not those who will lead them to do something other than what Allah commands through the Qur�an.

10:105 "And further (thus): 'set thy face towards religion with true piety, and never in any wise be of the unbelievers;

I know you think I contradict myself but you simply don�t understand Islam so it is hard for you to see that there is no contradiction in what I said.  Allah knows all things and nothing happens unless Allah permits it to happen, that doesn�t mean that all things which come into being are things which are right or good for a Muslim to follow.  I never said that adolescence is an �evolutionary stage� so please don�t put those words into my mouth.  And I didn�t blaspheme so please don�t accuse me of doing so.  Allah doesn�t create all things that happen, He permits all things to come about in this world.  Because humans have freewill, they do create things in this world; however, no things come about unless Allah permits them to.  See the difference?  There is one.  Here is an ayat that shows this point clear:

30:41 Mischief has appeared on land and sea because of (the deed) that the hands of men have earned, that (Allah) may give them a taste of some of their deeds: in order that they may turn back (from Evil).

So, it is clear that some things come into being due to the actions of humans.  Allah permits those things not that He creates them. 

I never told you not to post here; however, as has been told to non-Muslims in the past, this site is an Islamic site; so, when a Muslim asks for advice; they should be advised according to what is correct in Islam and not according to what is right by the Torah or Gospels or some other faith or non-faith.  If you want to have discussions on our Islamic forum then it is best that you stick to threads where individuals are not asking for advice.  There is a non-Muslim on this forum who gives advice to Muslim but she does so in accordance to the Qur�an which she studies and has knowledge.   If she doesn�t have Islamic knowledge regarding an issue, she simply reframes from giving advice, which by the way is what Muslims are told to do too. 

3:66 Ah! Ye are those who fell to disputing (Even) in matters of which ye had some knowledge! but why dispute ye in matters of which ye have no knowledge? It is Allah Who knows, and ye who know not!

6:144 �But who doth more wrong than one who invents a lie against Allah, to lead astray men without knowledge? For Allah guideth not people who do wrong.

I am not trying to be rude.  If I were to visit a forum group that was other than Muslim, I would not be giving advice if others were asking for it unless they specifically asked for an Islamic opinion or if I knew enough about their belief system to advise them according to it.  There is a difference between threads where Muslims are asking advice on how to live right in Islam and threads which are for discussing a particular topic of interest and I don�t think it is too difficult to distinguish between the two of them.

I don�t know why you think I don�t respect your opinions.  I do.  You have the right to believe and live however you want to; however, when it comes to advising Muslims on how to live their lives, that is not your territory.

PAZ

Khadija

 Salaam all,

  I feel very bad and giulty still.

  "In this case, her immortal soul is at risk because of her religious beliefs."

 I agree with this, I was trying to find words for how i feel.

 I feel I can no longer judge somebody, before I did that sin, If a women came to me with the same problem, or someone came to tlak to me with no hijab, I would look down on her, beucase I felt she lower then me. I know its wrong to feel that way, but thats what I felt. I would sooner slap her then help her, and I would scorn her, even if she was coming to me for help, or someone to talk too. Even if she repented.

 I guess this will leave a mark for the rest of my life, and people of this form will look down on me. But thats ok, I desrvere it.

  Human, this will sound harsh to you, But do you know the pently for Zina in my religion? I don't think they pracice it much any more, but it still scared me, since khadija said what I did was still Zina.

 Is what I did still Zina?

Dear Ayesha,

If my memory serves right, the penalty for zina could be death by stoning. Excepting a few countries that are a blot on the humanity, I don't believe this is in practice now.

I am sorry that you are feeling so low at this time. I am a firm believer in forgiveness and forgiving the self is most important. We all make mistakes, but we have a lot more to give to ourselves and to the humanity. So there is nothing that "blots" you for lifetime, not even zina. Do some introspection and examine your beliefs and practices. I am sure you will find the right path.

My best wishes are with you.

Regards,

Human

"Do some introspection and examine your beliefs and practices"

 Human, there is nothing for me to examine, I am very happy being Muslim, My religion holds a lot of value to me.

  Maybe you are confused of why I brought the penlty of Zina up, I said it because even though they don't praice it, it still scared me.

  I love Allah, I just hope He can love me again.

 you think I deserve it?

 Asking for and wanting Allah's love is a big thing. I don't even know where to start, from the beginging I guess.

bismillah irrahman irrahim

Assalamu alaikum

Allah swt says in Quran "say (O Muhammad), if you love Allah swt, then follow me, Allah swt will love you and forgive you your sins, for Allah swt is forgiving and merciful" (3:31)

Alhamdulillah sis we are been shown a clear path, all u have to do is try wiv sincerity cos Allah swt makes his path easy for people who want to follow it.

Now on the point of Zina, im sure i read it or heard it from a shaykh bout this whole issue but cant remember where so inshaAllah will do some research. but i know zina punishable by had rulings only if there was a sexual intercourse, it is said looking at some1 na-mehram with desire or touching or even kissing is zina of that particular part in a sense that even that is haram but it does not come under major sin so i dont think this would come under zina in which case for an unmarried person, punishment is eighty lashes and stoning is for married people, this comes under minor sins in which case u have to repent to ur lord sincerely and inshaAllah with time scars would heal.

this is what i think from few things iv read in books and heard from scholars in few speeches but Allah swt knows best. it will be good if brother rami r some1 could find something regarding this

wassalam

Sister Ayesha:

If you feel this guilty now, how much worse would you feel if you do this again? If you truly wish to repent, then ask Allah to forgive you, and Allah is the MOST MERCIFUL, MOST FORGIVING, and then remove yourself from the temptation.

ok, now how do I stay away from th guys????????

 I wear hijab, abaya, i never really talk, but they always flirt with me or near me...what i do???

 I don't want to be temtaped to do it again...

Sister,

If a building was on fire you wouldn't stand close to it as it burned because you might get caught in the fire. If the guys come around you, leave.

One of my best friends has 6 very beautiful daughters, Masha'Allah. All of them went or go to public school and all of them wear hijab and jilbab. The oldest is now 24 and not one of them has ever had a boyfriend, or even been alone with a boy. They just don't do it. They don't look at boys, they don't talk with boys, and if a boy tries to talk with them, they walk away.

If you don't give them some type of an opening, then they can't come through the door. 

If you think you can't walk away, then maybe you should really think about returning to Morocco where you won't have the temptations.

I think you are a young woman and young women have feelings and perhaps you like the attention a little bit. But Sister, it's definitely not worth continuing or going further down this path. It is something that will affect you forever. It is much easier to stop something at the beginning than to try to go back and change something that has already been done.

If you are 17, then perhaps it is time you start to think about marriage. I know that is young but it is halal, and a safety and a protection for us.

You know that it is wrong, and you feel guilt for your actions already, you should not make it worse.