Need advice on marriage
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Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Groups : Women (Sisters)
Forum Description: Groups : Women (Sisters)
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=34393
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Topic: Need advice on marriage
Posted By: indo.saudi
Subject: Need advice on marriage
Date Posted: 22 August 2015 at 12:58am
Assalamualaikum!
I'll get right to it. This is going to be a long post. I'm posting this here because I want advice from my muslim sisters.
I'm a 28 year old muslim guy and my parents have been looking for a match for me. I also registered for a few matrimonial sites.
Now the thing is that I am going for my masters (to North America) in a few days which is going to be a 2 year course. All of a sudden a good match came along - this was initiated by my mother's friend who is the aunt of the prospective bride. They requested for my bio data and pictures. Initially they rejected the match because they were not willing to send their daughter to North America.
But my mother's friend convinced her parents to meet with me. I requested for her bio data and pictures which I liked. The meeting with her parents went well and they were now happy with the match. Now a meeting between me and the girl was set up.
During this while I was beginning to have second thoughts. The reason was that everything was happening too fast and I was (still am) all set to leave in less than a week. I also felt that looks-wise the girl fell a little short of my expectations.
Nevertheless, I went ahead with the meeting, which didn't last too long. For some reason the girl didn't seem keen on having a serious discussion. But this brief meeting was enough for me to judge my compatibility with her. It was a yes from both sides and the match is as good as fixed.
Those second thoughts are still there in my head and they are growing with every passing hour. I am performing istikhara - two days have passed without any signal.
I want to go back on my word and refuse the match, but I don't have any strong reasons. Looks and the super fast process are the only two that I can think of. Except for these two, the girl has almost everything that I want in my future wife.
Ideally I wanted a couple of meetings with the girl and discuss a lot of things before agreeing for the match. But I've made a mistake by succumbing to societal pressure. I said yes without being 100% sure about it.
I'm not sure what to do next.
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Replies:
Posted By: Abu Loren
Date Posted: 24 August 2015 at 3:44am
Wa Alaikum Asalaam Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu
In these types of situations our instincts are tob be relied on and I don't think they lie. Yuu are not 100% happy with this girl for some reason, and that reason could be that in your head alarm bells started to ring when she would not talk to your seriously.
Don't given in to family pressure, trust your instincts and may be just may be you two are not meant to be together.
Allahu Alum!
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La Ilaha IllAllah
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