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Your views on male/female friendships

Printed From: IslamiCity.org
Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Groups : Youth
Forum Description: Groups : Youth
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=3289
Printed Date: 28 March 2024 at 9:00am
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Topic: Your views on male/female friendships
Posted By: Sundas
Subject: Your views on male/female friendships
Date Posted: 18 December 2005 at 8:05am

Assalamoalikum. This is my first post... so please bare with me.

Earlier 2day, i was watching TV and there was a program about weather or not females should befriend males. There were speakers there who spoke from many points of views; Islamic point of views, Feminest Point of view, Neutral point of view, and also a Male who had no problem what so ever. There were many positive points and many negative points.

I personally thing that, especially living in the US at this age, it is impossible to grow up without making friends of the oppisite gender. If you don't, you are considered "odd" or "wierd" and many other lables are placed upon you. Also, i belive it is acceptable to have friends of the opposite gender as long as u know your limits.

A friend is some one you can trust, some one  u can call upon when you need help, or just some one you know is there for you no matter what. I dont think gender, race, ethnic background, or mentality should interfere with any of that.

If you look up the word "friend" in the webster dictionary, it states that a friend is "A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade; One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement; Friend A member of the Society of Friends; a Quaker."

What is your point of view on the topic?



-------------
Sundas



Replies:
Posted By: ASHI
Date Posted: 19 December 2005 at 2:48am

Wslm Sundas,

well i agree with u that friendship between males n females is fine as long as they dont cross their limits...

i mean just sharing of useful info or having an emotional attachment is ok....we r social beings n need 2 have friends or some1 we can easily speak 2.....n it depends on individuals too...if they r comfortable discussing their probs or their daily life with the opposite gender...i think its fine...but i dont know how far this is Islamically correct...



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"Expect great things from God, Attempt great things for God."
ASHI


Posted By: Angel
Date Posted: 19 December 2005 at 5:00pm
Originally posted by Sundas Sundas wrote:

A friend is some one you can trust, some one  u can call upon when you need help, or just some one you know is there for you no matter what. I dont think gender, race, ethnic background, or mentality should interfere with any of that.

My kind of thinking

The same with love, it knows no boundaries



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~ Our feet are earthbound, but our hearts and our minds have wings ~


Posted By: ASHI
Date Posted: 22 December 2005 at 2:13am

1 of my muslim friends, a girl is getting attracted 2 a hindu guy....coz most of her colleagues r hindus....

she says that her parents will never agree for this n will get hurt.....wot is she supposed 2 do....???



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"Expect great things from God, Attempt great things for God."
ASHI


Posted By: Nausheen
Date Posted: 22 December 2005 at 2:59am

Auzubillahi minash shaitan ir rajeem,

Bismillah ir rahman ir rahim,

Islamically any relationship between a man and woman (who are not mehram to each other), beyond that which is "necessary" is not permissible.

We are living in such societies where there is free mixing of sexes. Young men and women must be guided by their parents, teachers and guardians about their limits. Say for example mixing in workplace is out of necessity, while hanging out in shopping malls, cafes, sports centers, etc is unnecessary, and must be avoided.

There is no need to make friends from opposite genders and attach oneself on an emotoinal level in schools, colleges and universities, when there is no dearth of intelligent and supportive individuals from one's own gender.

If young people fear being labled as odd or wierd, pair with one of your ownkind .. ie a muslim. This way the trend of labels may change for you as an exception for being a muslim.

I may sound conservative or orthodox, but Islam does not allow treding on a road that may lead on to further complications.

Peace,

Nausheen



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<font color=purple>Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa

Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena

wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.
[/COLOR]


Posted By: herjihad
Date Posted: 22 December 2005 at 11:56am

Bismillah,

It is easy to tell people not to do a thing.  It is hard to imagine that they will listen all of the time.  We need to give the young Muslim sisters guidance they can really follow in THEIR lives.  I stress THEIR because they are not going to take advice which doesn't help them.  They will just ignore it.

However, if they have muhram men involved in their lives and really taking care of their responsibilities, then they don't have to worry about the following "alone with a guy"  advice .

Sisters, never meet with your male friend, no matter how dear he seems to you, alone in a secluded place.  Can you do that without being too wierd?

Well, maybe you can't for one reason:  Cars.  Getting to and from a place often involves getting rides from people, and that might seem hard to you to not go because only a guy can give you a ride.  And most likely the guy is fine and there is nothing to worry about.  Well, still I advise against it.

But if you are going to ignore that:  Always get his full name, phone number, registration, car color and make, his home phone number and address.  Write this down along with where you are going and when you will be back and give it to your other friend that will check to be sure you are where you are supposed to be and that you arrived safely.

And if something bad happens TO you, TELL.

Also, when you befriend someone and he says that he just wants to be friends and he continues to say that, well, sisters, it may not be true.  People cherish love in their hearts for years and don't reveal it unless they think the other person feels the same way.

For your friend who loves a Hindu: Will he convert for you?  Will your family or his family ever accept your marriage?  Think about the realities of life, like how will you raise the children, Hindu or Muslim?  Look in the sister's section under questions for possible spouse, something like that, that Ummziba posted.  There are many more pertinent things for your friend to consider. 

Love is a flame and may burn out with all of the wind the answers to these questions generate!



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Al-Hamdulillah (From a Married Muslimah) La Howla Wa La Quwata Illa BiLLah - There is no Effort or Power except with Allah's Will.


Posted By: ASHI
Date Posted: 26 December 2005 at 1:18am

well thanks 4 all ur advices....i too have conveyed the same 2 her...

i dont think this is possible...i mean he converting or his parents or her parents accepting...

lets hp 4 the best...



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"Expect great things from God, Attempt great things for God."
ASHI


Posted By: ASHI
Date Posted: 01 March 2006 at 2:23am

Salaam,

well...tell u wot??? the guy is willing to convert....the thing is..he is already an atheist, though his parents r hindu. He doesnt believe in the existence of God it seems..but he is willing to convert for my friend's sake..is this correct??

but it wud still hurt both of their parents...wot do u guys feel..???



-------------
"Expect great things from God, Attempt great things for God."
ASHI


Posted By: fatima
Date Posted: 01 March 2006 at 5:06am

Bismillah irrahman irrahim

Assalamu alaikum

sis this is very slippery slope, u need to tell the other sister to be careful, im sure u must of heard the hadith

Narrated 'Umar bin Al-Khattab: I heard Allah's Apostle saying, "The reward of deeds depends upon the intentions and every person will get the reward according to what he has intended. So whoever emigrated for worldly benefits or for a woman to marry, his emigration was for what he emigrated for.

there is another hadith which is about having intention only for sake of ur lord, i cant remember it fully but i will paraphrase it and Allah swt guide me and forgive me for my mistake. Sayyidina Muhammad (saw) said that on day of Judgement a martyr will go infront of Allah swt and will say that Ya Rab, I followed and struggled on your path and was killed, Allah swt will say to him, you did not do it for me, u wanted to be known as a martyr so the angels of hell are being told to take him to hellfire.

If some one wants to revert nothing can be better than this but intention should be for sake of our dear lord.  this sister needs to consider being in different religions ur ways of life are different, thinking, habbits and every thing, if someone is giving it up for u, then they might want u to give up some things too, what if it is that is part of ur religions? just remember for sake of another human u can only go uptill one point but if it is for ur lord then Alhamdulillah. what if he becomes a muslim and they still dont end up being married, what if it dont work out after the marriage, is he going to leave islam, there are alot of things to think about sis, just say to the guy read bout Islam and then with this thought that u reverting dont necessarily mean we getting married in the end and if u still want to come to Islam then Alhamdulillah nothing better than that

Allah swt says in Quran 'Who has created death and life that He may test you which of you is best in deed.'

this life is not even worth wing of fly in sight of our dear lord, it is said that if a person lives 60 years then thats merely 3 secs r mins of the day of Judgement, our sights should be living this life for next to please Allah swt, just think for a while which one u rather have

wassalam



Posted By: Khadija1021
Date Posted: 02 March 2006 at 4:31am

Assalmau Alaikum

Sister ASHI, a Msulimah is only allowed to married a brother who is good with him deen due to the role he plays in her life.  No one is allowed to enter Islam simply because they want to get married.  The Shahadah made by a person without sincerety is not accpeted by Allah so how can a sister accept that person as a husband?

Allah Hafiz

Sister Khadija



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Say: 'My prayer and my rites, my living and my dying, are for Allah alone, the Lord of all the worlds. (Qur'an, 6:162)


Posted By: Abeer23
Date Posted: 03 March 2006 at 1:23am
Originally posted by ASHI ASHI wrote:

Salaam,

well...tell u wot??? the guy is willing to convert....the thing is..he is already an atheist, though his parents r hindu. He doesnt believe in the existence of God it seems..but he is willing to convert for my friend's sake..is this correct??

but it wud still hurt both of their parents...wot do u guys feel..???

As salamu alaikum.  Hmm, this guy seems risky if you ask me.  The sister should continue to make da'wa for him.  If he converts, then he does so for the good of his own soul and Allah azza wa jalla will reward her for her efforts.  But I wouldn't advise her to consider marrying this man.  If he's only converting for the sake of marriage just imagine the problems she'll face trying to raise muslim children.  It will be close to impossible.  I just can't imagine anything worst than being a muslimah and giving birth to unbelieving children. Ma'adh allah!

Salaam



Posted By: ASHI
Date Posted: 04 March 2006 at 2:34am

Salaam

thank u all for providing ur views...yes of course it is risky to get married to a guy who is converting just for the sake of the girl....as i told you he doesn't believe in any God presenlty.....

but wot if he converts n doesnt have any problem if the children r raised as muslims....he truly loves the girl...at least this seems to be for sure...



-------------
"Expect great things from God, Attempt great things for God."
ASHI


Posted By: fatima
Date Posted: 04 March 2006 at 4:27am

Bismillah irrahman irrahim

Assalamu alaikum

If i was the friend of this sister, i would ask her how serious is she and how sincere is she to her religion? no offense intended here sis, just read ur post, the guy dont believe in God but will pretend to believe just to be with her and she be happy with that? sister ur friend's compromise on her beliefs is starting right from here, Allah swt knows the deepest secrets of hearts, Allah swt knows that for this person who is athiest for the moment a person could be more important than God bcos he dont believe in God. but for a believing muslimah how has this person bcome more important than her lord?

im sure there are many muslims this sister will find more suitable than this person, we all get so much confused in this word love, what is it? how did it start between these two people, im sure by talking to the person and by being with him, is that allowed in Islam u think sis, please tell ur friend dont base decision of ur life on something which does not even come in mightb allowed area.

sis we need to consider the fact that this life dont go on us liking or disliking some thing, the ayah where Allah swt tells us 'Fighting is enjoined on you, and it is an object of dislike to you; and it may be that you dislike a thing while it is good for you, and it may be that you love a thing while it is evil for you, and Allah knows, while you do not know' (2:116). this ayah is although for jihad but we can use it in general sense too.

wassalam


 



Posted By: ASHI
Date Posted: 09 March 2006 at 1:24am

Wslm Sister Fatima,

ur words r really hard hitting n made me think about this...i conveyed the same 2 my friend n she was upset bout it for a long time....

first of all wud like 2 clarify that these 2 people never use 2 speak...though the guy always seemed 2 be interested in her...they r colleagues...they somehow started chatting online n their friendship bloomed, eventhough they still dont directly speak 2 each other much...

but wotever u said is right...i mean 4 him God is not imp since he is an atheist n naturally its easy 4 him 2 convert....but my friend says wot is wrong if he converts n if ther's a possibility of she convincing him bout the existence of Allah swt....wot if he really starts believing in islam?? i know this is not easy n v v risky though......

i know my friend can find better suitors 4 herself...but then she too loves him....n by love she means she really cares bout the guy n wants 2 live with him..n cannot think of marrying some1 else..since he has already occupied a place in her heart.....



Posted By: fatima
Date Posted: 09 March 2006 at 4:37am

Bismillah irrahman irrahim

waa'alaikum assalam

JazakAllah khair for not getting offended for that was the only way i could have put it,

now there is a hadith about 'The grey areas' the matters which are neither haram and nor are they put in halal category, Sayyidina Muhammad (saw) said that it is like a person leaves his herd of sheep graze near a land of a king.  now this person can't control each n every single sheep and if one of em strays onto forbidden area, this person is blameworthy, but same time we also know the hadith that actions are by intention.  the reason me mentioning it here is alhamdulillah showing some1 the straight path is noblest of causes but sister needs to ask herself, would she have tried in the same manner if she was not interested in the guy?  is she trying to bring some1 in fold of this beautiful deen bcos our Lord, the Majestic deserves to be recognized and worshiped by each n every sould r is she doing it to make this guy halal for herself? is the guy only interested in Islam bcos he is interested in this sister r is he a seeker of truth? sister needs to ask herself these question knowing the fact 'We created man and We know what dark suggestions his soul makes to him and We are nearer to him than his jugular vein'. (50:16)

Honestly sis, we all get so confused in this word 'love' true love is only for Allah swt and for sake of Allah swt, if this sister can leave anything n anyone including family, deen and her lord then she loves him, otherwise its likeness r attachment any1 feels for a nice person if u talk to him r her constantly, take it from some1 who's been there honestly once in prayer ask ur lord sincerely that u have fallen short, fell into something which is not allowed and no one is there to help u but Allah swt as He has power to change hearts and pray that ur heart settles and gets peace with whateva is good for u with ur lord, for this world n next and then refrain from disallowed and if this person is meant to be then it will be, and im sure there are going to b practising brothers around if u think guy is sincere in his quest or even he is on a quest for truth then direct him to a knowledgealble brother and pray for goodness for both of u, because if he reverts even if he dont end up wiv u, for rest of his life u get share of rewards for whateva good he does without  his reward lessenin a bit, so subhanAllah just remember this sis that shaytan runs in our veins like blood and only way to deal wiv his whisperin is seek refuge in The One who sees him and tackles with him where we cant,  say to the sister that give place in ur heart to The Lord of everything that exist and inshaAllah matters will become easier for this sister

wassalam

p.s. sorry bout font i cudn't find a way to change it back



Posted By: ASHI
Date Posted: 17 March 2006 at 9:39pm

Salaam sister Fatima

thank u for providing me with ur suggestions...have conveyed the same 2 my friend,.....

we all dont know wot's in store for my friend....lets hope for the best..inshallah everything will be alright....

n hey its ok that u cudnt change the font.... i cud read n understand it n that is more than enough i guess....

JazaakAllah khair.



Posted By: Amirul
Date Posted: 19 May 2006 at 6:45pm
T make friend with the opposite sex is ok as long you take care your self.I cant touch the other sex because it is haram.


Posted By: Tazmanian Devil
Date Posted: 12 July 2006 at 3:24pm

SALAMZ>>>

Ok...how am I gonna say this???

Talkin 2 da opposite sex is HARAAM fullstop. You make a friend wid them..and den u say...'were just mates'...but its not lyk dat.Islam has already laid down the rules and its not 4 us 2 change things according 2 our opinions. A friendship may sound innocent but the rules of Allah have a lot of logic behind them...FEAR ALLAH. People give up bare things 4 islam...their famillies,wealth...and even their LIFE...giving up a friendship is nothing...making friends wid da opposite sex is NOT ok...no matter what ne1 may think...

 

KEEP DA PEACE>>>>

 



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mUsLiM bLoOd iZ mA kInD
mUsLIm pRiDe iZ mA mInD
sO sTeP aSiDe N lEt uZ tHrU
cOz iTz aLl aB8 dA mUsLim cReW!!!!


Posted By: Suleyman
Date Posted: 13 July 2006 at 12:36am


Posted By: fatima
Date Posted: 13 July 2006 at 4:04am

Bismillah irrahman irrahim

Wa'alaikum assalam wa rahmatullahe wa barakatuhu

Originally posted by Tazmanian Devil Tazmanian Devil wrote:

SALAMZ>>>

Ok...how am I gonna say this???

Talkin 2 da opposite sex is HARAAM fullstop. You make a friend wid them..and den u say...'were just mates'...but its not lyk dat.Islam has already laid down the rules and its not 4 us 2 change things according 2 our opinions. A friendship may sound innocent but the rules of Allah have a lot of logic behind them...FEAR ALLAH. People give up bare things 4 islam...their famillies,wealth...and even their LIFE...giving up a friendship is nothing...making friends wid da opposite sex is NOT ok...no matter what ne1 may think...

 

KEEP DA PEACE>>>>

 

MashaAllah for a 14 years old, you got very deep understanding. May Allah swt keep you on His straight path.

just a question and hope you dont mind hun, dont you think a lady should have an elegance about her? cool dude attitude suites non-muslim tom boyish people but mashaAllah you are a muslimah who cares bout her deen. Just a thought, hope you forgive me if it offends you, actually living in UK i might be able to come and personally say sorry but hope you dont mind.

wassalam

 

 



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Say: (O Muhammad) If you love Allah, then follow me, Allah will love you and forgive you your faults, and Allah is Forgiving, MercifuL


Posted By: Tazmanian Devil
Date Posted: 14 July 2006 at 3:04am

a-yo peeps salamz>>>

dnt worry>>>no offence given...no offence taken...sowi man but elegance aint ma thang....neva been 'elegnant' and prob neva will B...lol...I am who I am...sowi ab8 dat...

PEACE OUT>>>>



-------------
mUsLiM bLoOd iZ mA kInD
mUsLIm pRiDe iZ mA mInD
sO sTeP aSiDe N lEt uZ tHrU
cOz iTz aLl aB8 dA mUsLim cReW!!!!



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