Groups : Women (Sisters)

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Need advices

Printed From: IslamiCity.org
Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Groups : Women (Sisters)
Forum Description: Groups : Women (Sisters)
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=30558
Printed Date: 18 April 2024 at 5:26am
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Topic: Need advices

Posted By: Nusfa
Subject: Need advices
Date Posted: 01 August 2014 at 8:00pm

I am a first wife indian living in Jeddah n my husband married a saudi lady after 12 yrs of my marraige with 2 sons n 2 daughters from him. She is now his sponsor Kafeela and he runs a business on her name with 50- 50 partnership between them. So basically as if I am useless to him and just a homemaker or maid for his kids. I am not allowed to interfere in any of his matters. Now it's almost ten years. But still neither my pain subsides nor am I able to take care of my family. I am working and spend my own money on my expenses as I don't want to burden him with my problems. He has 2 daughters from her. I am practically alone here as all my relatives are in india and the day he doesn't come to my house I am so inactive that I can't even cook or eat. My kids are facing psychological problems due to all these. Please help me get out of this mess.

Replies:

Posted By: Abu Loren
Date Posted: 04 August 2014 at 7:05am

Asalaamu Alaikum

From what you have written here it seems that you and the children are neglected. Ask him straight if he wants you and the children or if you and the children are a burden. You have a right to be happy and he should be providing for you and your children. You have the right to be happy and if you are not, then you must DO something about it. Living an unhappily married life is the greatest of pains.

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La Ilaha IllAllah

Posted By: Nusfa
Date Posted: 05 August 2014 at 11:16am

Thank you for your kind advice. He tries to keep us facilitated. But my problem is I can't overcome my pain and every time he goes to the other house. I will be sick and inactive and in pain. How do I overcome all this. These again causes conflict between us. I can't think of leaving him because of my kids. I can't provide them a life which they can have with their father. My husband thinks I am the root cause of all evil since I am not being patient. I want to be but how? I do everything to keep myself busy with my job read Quran n prayers and am active trying to learn n spread Islam through social media sites. But whatever I do deep down the pain never goes and it pops up every now and then ruining all my patience and sacrifices. Pls advice.
Jazakallahu khair

Posted By: Abu Loren
Date Posted: 06 August 2014 at 4:03am

I can see two choices that you can make but I think you should seek professional help regarding your situation.

1) You have to accept what has happened and continue living as you are now living and you must make small sacrifices such as controlling your jealousy and accepting the times that he is away from you when he is with her. You must accept your current life as fate and make these sacrifices for the sake of your children even if this life makes you unhappy.

2) If the above situation becomes unbearable then you must seek divorce because it is a Mercy from Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala. It is very easy to say divorce but one must realise the consequences of it.

Then at the end of the no matter what anybody advise you must follow your heart because this is your life and only you know what is best for you and the children.

Patience is a virtue and pray to Allah Subhana Wa Ta#ala that He guides you to life that is happy and pleasing to Him.

Salaam

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La Ilaha IllAllah

Posted By: Nusfa
Date Posted: 06 August 2014 at 9:15am

Jazakallahu khairan kaseerah!
Where can I find professional help for this?