second marriage
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Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Family Matter
Forum Description: Discuss Family Issues
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=27664
Printed Date: 25 April 2024 at 2:49pm
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Topic: second marriage
Posted By: ambar
Subject: second marriage
Date Posted: 22 January 2014 at 10:24am
Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu!!!
Iam a 23 year old married gal. This is my second marriage. I lost my husband from my first marriage of 1and a half year to a heart attack. My parents got me married to my maternal cousin a month ago. His is also a second marriage. But he is not yet divorced his first wife which was the promise made by his people during their proposal to me. Only when they said that he would divorce her my parents agreed for this. And asked them to get things settled and cleared first and then plan for our marriage but they insisited on the marriage to happen soon and before the divorce because the guy's mothers' health was deteriorating and she wanted me to be her daughter in law. On their assurance my parents agreed and got me married to him without informing any of our relatives since they would not agree for it.
The guy's mother(my aunt) was very happy during the marriage and everything went well. But a few days later her behaviour changed. And it changed real bad. She started taunting me for having come into her son's life as people from their family started pointing fingers and accusing them of deceiving their first daughter in law. She would lock me up if anybody from Her relatives visited the house. Each day got more and more difficult for me.
And on top of it my husband told me that he never had any intentions of leaving his first wife and got married to me just for his mother's sake. And that he will not divorce her until she herslef asks khula. Because if he divorces her, he has to fulfil her demands which he is not ready for.
I feel totally devastated after this.
His first wife has filed a dowry and maintainance case against my husband and his mother and two of my sisters in law. My mother in law is blaming me for this and has thrown me out of their house. Now she says that she would request her first daughter in law to take back the case and return home assuring her that i (second wife) will not return.
My husband, however is saying that he would not leave me and take care of both wives.
My parents are adamant that he leaves his wife if he wants me.
I am now staying with my parents. And he has not come to see me or contacted me over phone ever since i came here.
My parents are deeply aggrieved and are inconsolable.
Please advise.
Jazakallahu khaira!!!
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Replies:
Posted By: Abu Loren
Date Posted: 23 January 2014 at 2:56am
Wa Alaikkum Asaalam
Your marriage is invalid! They have cheated you and you should report them to the local authorities. Alternatively see your local imam who should help in this matter.
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Posted By: ambar
Date Posted: 23 January 2014 at 6:06am
But the nikah took place in the presence of my maternal uncle (mother's brother) one of my cousin brother my father my mother my husband's mother and his two sisters. And we do have the nikah naama as the proof.
Is the marriage still invalid?
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Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 23 January 2014 at 9:15am
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The marriage is valid, and it is not allowed to request that one divorces his wife to accept a proposal from another wife. It is now for you to decide if you want to remain married to your husband or seek a khula.
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Posted By: Abu Loren
Date Posted: 23 January 2014 at 9:29am
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How can the marriage be valid when they've lied to her and deceived her to marry her cousin?
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Posted By: ambar
Date Posted: 23 January 2014 at 9:45am
I or my parents are not demanding him to divorce his first wife. It was they who cried with us about his first wife's unacceptable behaviour. She was always into fashion and nevr took interest in handling the family.
There was not even a lil piety in her as per them. And hence they wanted to get rid of her and bring home someone pious and smeone who could take up the respnsibilties of their home .
They asked us infact literally fell on our feet for the acceptance of this proposal. But now they deny each and everything.
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Posted By: ambar
Date Posted: 23 January 2014 at 9:48am
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And now i do not have any identity. My parents are not very well-off. I had a job in a reputed company which i was asked.to.leave by my in laws. Iam financially suffering now andmy husband has till.date never given me.a penny for myself.
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Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 23 January 2014 at 1:44pm
"..which was the promise made by his people during their proposal to me."
People can say, and claim what they like. This has no bearing upon her husband divorcing his first wife, or the validity of his second marriage. And Allah Knows Best.
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Posted By: abuali
Date Posted: 21 May 2014 at 1:49am
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Your Nikah is valid because you both did it in the right way but the problems you are facing are because of mis commitment and weakness of your husband and your husband family, May Allah guide them because they didn't think about this all before marry you which is direclty impacting you now. You are legally his wife now so i pray that all problem will be solved and your husband handle this all issues.
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Posted By: Nausheen
Date Posted: 02 June 2014 at 1:15am
Assalamualaikum,
May Allah help you in these troubled times.
First of all, as stated earlier by two people, your nikah is valid.
Second, what do you want to do? Search yourself and ask this question.
you said "My husband, however is saying that he would not leave me and take care of both wives. "
If so, is this situation too bad for you? ie you cannot accept being a second wife?
Its hard to give you any advise based on your story, because as you have said there has been mis-communication and change of words on the side of your husband's family. However, if your husband is a good muslim and wants to give you and his first wife the rights due according to sharia then I think on your family's part its but an ego hassle.
Islam allows multiple marriages. Your inlaws are your aunt and cousins, If you go back to your husband's home and accept your situation and status things can settle down in due course of time, Allah willing.
Talk to your husband and decide the matter without forcing him to divorce his first wife. He does not have to if he does not want to and no one has the right to ask him to do that.
And Allah know best.
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<font color=purple>Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa
Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena
wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.[/COLOR]
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