I need to get this off my chest.  A few Muslim women I've been meeting in university have married non-Muslim men.  I find it extremely hard to respect them.  Before Ramadan, I referred to one of them in an expletive.  A lot of my friends do not approve of the way I treat them.  I've also refused to help them on assignments and have deliberately not contacted them when doing group work.

I know it's not right to swear at people but I honeslty consider a Muslim woman marrying a Kafir a disgrace.  It insults me as a man and as a Muslim.  Are Muslim men not good enough for these women?  I also get insulted that these women are throwing away a religion that means so much to me just so they can be with some dirty kafir who most likely has a dubious past.  Cause lets be honest, most kafirs have had previous relations if you get my drift.  

Are these women considered Muslim?  Did those women forgo the title of Muslim by marrying a Kafir?  Am I correct in feeling contempt and hate for forgoing their belief in Allah for some stupid man? 

Bismillah,

Are you right???  NO.

Find peace within yourself, AstagfirAllah.  There is enough pain and suffering in the world without you adding to it.

Many people will agree with you, I am sure.  It is not getting people's support that matters ultimately does it?  Do you think Allah, SWT, wants you to be filled with hatred for these women?  Wow, I have rarely met such women either.

This is the same hatred that American men and women feel toward me for marrying a Muslim and becoming a Muslimah.  It is hard to live with their racism, bigotry, social outcasting.  Brother, you are doing the same thing!  Think about how life is hard enough for everyone without putting rocks in front of each other on purpose.

And you need to have peace in your soul, not be eaten up with hatred.  How can you achieve that?  Answer that for yourself by listening to Allah, SWT.

Assalamu alaikum Brother unhappy,

There are Muslims who drink alcohol, gamble, go to night-clubs, dress in "western clothing", don't always say their 5 salat each day, don't always fast in Ramadan, never give to charity, engage in usury, use foul language (yourself included?), and so on and so on...

Would you hate all of them as well?  Brother, hate the sin, but do not allow yourself to hate the sinner.  Say when something is wrong, it is your duty, but then let it go.  We are not the judges of one another, that is only Allah's job.

Also, your assumptions about "kafirs" are only that, assumptions.  There are good and bad human beings among all peoples.  You might also remember what "kafir" means, someone who has received the correct message of Allah and then rejected it, this hardly accounts for all "westerners".

Pay particular attention to herjihad's post (Oct. 23), the second last paragraph.  I, too, am a convert and understand the intense hurt the rejection of my family and countrymen has caused me.  What good person would wish to inflict that on anyone?

Brother, may Allah grant you tolerance, inner peace and an open mind.

Peace, ummziba.

As far as I see it, a woman who marries a kafir does not have her marriage sactioned by Islam.  Therefore, her marriage is null and void.  She is a fornicator and should be treated as such.  I sin myself, everyone does.  But at least I admit what I am doing is wrong.  Women who marry kafirs don't and infact whenever they lie with their husbands they commit a sin.  Fornication is a very great sin.

Furthermore, as for you women who converted to Islam and are treated like dirt by Americans.  I feel bad for your plight, however, know that you are in the right and those around you are in the wrong.  You have rejected the sinful life of a kafir for the beauty of Islam and I hold you in much higher estimation than the so-called Muslim women who marry kafirs and do the opposite of what you do.  It's not fair to place me in the same category as those people who frown upon your conversion because Islam is the right path.  That is an absolute.

As for my assumptions about Kafirs, I think I'm pretty correct in them.  People hate to generalize ideas and end up having no opinions on anything.  The fact of the matter is that most non-Muslims have had relations before marriage.  I believe in North America, 96% of people graduating out of high school have lost their virginity.  I guarantee most of those people are not married by that time.  Are these the type of people, Muslim women should marry?

Furthermore as for the definition of Kafir:  A person who rejects Islam when presented to it.  Okay I will agree with that definition.  But what do you call a man who marries a Muslim woman, who I am certain has been introduced to the idea of Islam and despite that still decides to be a non-Muslim?  A kafir!

As for being consumed with hatred.  Hatred is not an evil thought if it is directed in the right manner.  Christian ideologies consider hate as evil, but it is really not.  That's why Islam is better because it allows the Muslim acknowledge the gamut of human emotions and to respond to them in an Islamic fashion.  Arguments that I am consumed with hate have no bearing on me because this isn't a Sunday school lecture or an episode of the Carebears... this is real life. 

Bismillah,

That's hilarious.  Carebears.  And Papa Smurf too!

Thanks for the compliment.

You're right.  You can feel any way you like.  We thought you were looking for other people's opinions on the topic.  And since your name is Unhappy, we thought having less anger would make you feel happier.

Unhappy, everyone has to answer to Allah, Do you have a husband........, I was  a women of another faith and married a  Muslim man ,who has helped and guided  me a long way to understand Allah. AND YES, I AM A STRONG  GROWING MUSLIM WOMAN  BELEIVE IT OR NOT JUST LIKE YOU........

pEACE

Unhappy wrote: I need to get this off my chest.  A few Muslim women I've been meeting in university have married non-Muslim men.

Oh my, what a sacrilege  heaven forbid! Non muslim men are unworthy, oh my!

I find it extremely hard to respect them.

That is your problem.

Before Ramadan, I referred to one of them in an expletive.  A lot of my friends do not approve of the way I treat them.  I've also refused to help them on assignments and have deliberately not contacted them when doing group work.

I don't aprove of you treating them unrespectfully either!

I know it's not right to swear at people but I honeslty consider a Muslim woman marrying a Kafir a disgrace.  It insults me as a man and as a Muslim.

really ?

Well its not your life.

You got something against non muslims ? Sounds like do.

Are Muslim men not good enough for these women?

As one poster mentioned, some are not good enough.

I also get insulted that these women are throwing away a religion that means so much to me just so they can be with some dirty kafir who most likely has a dubious past.  Cause lets be honest, most kafirs have had previous relations if you get my drift.

What makes you think they are throwing away their religion ? For all you know they are practicing and their men let them. Not ALL non muslim men are bad or had relations before marriage.

Are these women considered Muslim?  Did those women forgo the title of Muslim by marrying a Kafir?  Am I correct in feeling contempt and hate for forgoing their belief in Allah for some stupid man?

Now this is what I really hate and it makes me hard to respect you to! 

Who do you think you are? I don't care whether you are muslim or not, you seem to have no respect!

You are not their keepers nor do you have a right to tell them who to marry!!!

We are all human beings, and love knows no boundaries. Get our yourself, this is life!

Assalamu Alaikum:

My husband is from Morocco. His very good friend has a sister who was married to a Muslim. He treated her very badly. They finally divorced and now she has remarried a non-Muslim man who treats her like she is a queen. She is extremely happy and says that she wishes she had never been married to a Muslim.

Is this Islamically correct? No. Is it a fact of life. Yes. Just because a man is a Muslim does not mean he is a good man or will make a good husband. I do not agree with what this sister did, but I can understand why she did it. If someone abuses you badly enough you don't necessarily want to put yourself back into the same situation again.  

Perhaps instead of despising these women for choosing the husbands they have, you should try to understand why they made this choice and pray for their souls.

bismillah irrahman irrahim

Assalamu alaikum

well unhappy i agree with u on one thing, u feeling bad bout what they done.  n u r absolutely right cos their marriage is not lawful in islam so they commitin fornication. but on the other hand ur feeling that it insults u is quite strange cos we as muslims are allowed to hate r dislike act (not the person but act) for sake of our lord so if u state that islam allows it n its for sake of ur lord so where do u come in the equation

another thing im quite sure bout is those girls migh belong to so called "modern islamic families" n might not hav been told all of their lives rights n wrongs in islam.  so instead of treatin them like u do try to talk some sense in them.  its not bout u its bout our dear lord if u love ur lord (i think u do) then turn this anger in something more constructive.  As a muslim we should have enuf luv n taqwa of our lord to forget bout "me" n try to spread our lord's message in a way that other people like it n take it on board.  cos if u insult some1 n then tell them u r wrong n even somewhere in their heart there might b feelings they r wrong they still wont admit it cos u hurt their ego.  n a person of this world has more ego.  we should be bearer of light for people n crush this ego of ours for sake of our lord.

lastly i know many sisters hav stated that there r many non-muslims betta than muslim brothers. i dont agree, a person who is not recognisin his lord might b betta in sense of this world but it dont mean that u justify this sinful act with such explanation

unhappy lastly a muslim should be contempt with blessings of his lord not UNHAPPY

wassalam

OMG?!!!

Unhappy, can i just ask what makes you such a good muslim?? You've done nothing but be malicous, backbite, cause hurt and your proud of yourself. You are purposefully hurting the feelings of these people and feeling that what your doing is good and better. I'm probably correct in saying, that your pride has led you to sin in so many ways.

Feeling that you are better than someone just because your a muslim is soooooooo wrong.

Look at the prophets uncle - he was not a muslim - but he helped the prophet in so many ways - he will have the lightest punishment in hell - but he was never a muslim!!!

I'll count just a few of your sins for you now, so that next time you think before you do something.

To become abusive and to use profane language is a sin.

To declare any muslim a sinner or Kaffir

To maliciously accuse and slander someone

To gossip and backbite against either muslims or non-muslims.

To taunt and criticise the faults of others.

To discontinue talking to a fellow muslim for more than 3 days without a valid islamic reason

I strongly suggest you look within yourself first. They may have committed a mistake, but they could also maybe convert the people they married. You need to be more humble as a person.

 I feel the same way all the time, that same angar.  But I don't think its my place to say if you are right or wrong.

Assalamu Alaikum Aisha:

Why do you think you feel so much anger? Are you unhappy in your life?

Unhappy wrote: I need to get this off my chest.  A few Muslim women I've been meeting in university have married non-Muslim men.  I find it extremely hard to respect them.  Before Ramadan, I referred to one of them in an expletive.  A lot of my friends do not approve of the way I treat them.  I've also refused to help them on assignments and have deliberately not contacted them when doing group work. I know it's not right to swear at people but I honeslty consider a Muslim woman marrying a Kafir a disgrace.  It insults me as a man and as a Muslim.  Are Muslim men not good enough for these women?  I also get insulted that these women are throwing away a religion that means so much to me just so they can be with some dirty kafir who most likely has a dubious past.  Cause lets be honest, most kafirs have had previous relations if you get my drift.   Are these women considered Muslim?  Did those women forgo the title of Muslim by marrying a Kafir?  Am I correct in feeling contempt and hate for forgoing their belief in Allah for some stupid man?

Your anger is understandable but all the Muslim women are not going to marry non-muslim men. And the good muslim women will certainly not marry non-muslims. Its absurd to get irritated too much about it. Perhaps you should try to ignore/neglect them.

Auzubillahi minash shaitan ir rajeem,

Bismillah ir rahman ir rahim,

As far as I see it, a woman who marries a kafir does not have her marriage sactioned by Islam.  Therefore, her marriage is null and void.  She is a fornicator and should be treated as such.

And how should you treat a forniator in Islam? - a fornicator in a secular country? - I do not really know what sharia can really be applied on such people.

The very first thing that Islam says is to have compassion for those who wrong their souls. Pray for them, that they may receive guidance.

If you really care for these women, and want to do something about it, you should try to send an effective an purposeful message.

We are living in times when correcting the wrong, with ones own hands will not be easy, and the least level of Imaan would be to consider it wrong in one's own heart - many responses you have received so far also indicate this.

You are not wrong in hating their sin. However you should still give these people respect as human beings.

Those who believe in Islam but do not have amal saleh (righteousness in deeds), are still muslims. They are not mo'min as long as they do not believe and follow, but we should treat them as our fellow muslims.

On the otherhand if a muslim does not consider a serious sin as sin, then indeed he has denied the word of allah. Am not sure if this person will be considerd a kafir, but for sure he/she is a munafiq (a hypocrite).

I sin myself, everyone does.  But at least I admit what I am doing is wrong.  Women who marry kafirs don't and infact whenever they lie with their husbands they commit a sin.  Fornication is a very great sin.

When we sin, just admitting it will not make us mo'min. We should work constantly to correct our mistakes, and guard ourselves against returning to them. And, if we busy ourselves in these matters, we will learn how much work is needed on our own selves. Most of the times this realisation humbles people and they start seeing the sin of others in a different light.

You are right, these sisters are in sin, but do you think your attitude of rejection is giving them any message? If it is, do it for the sake of allah, if not, then do something else. Look into yourself to see if your behavior can guide them. Anger alone does not help. Anger with adl (justice) channelised in the right direction is how muslims should react in social crisis like these.

Maa salaama,

Nausheen

O unhappy, how unhappy to read your initial post.

It is correct that a Muslimah cannot marry a non-Muslim unless he first accepts Islam. As a Muslim all you had to do was your duty to guide and advise them referring them to Ayat 221 in Surah Al Baqarah (2) and then leave the matter in Allah's hands. HE would have rewarded you for your efforts.

Now you are sinning by calling them names Auzo Billahe minash Shaitanir-Rajim. You are in a worse position than them, from an Islamic point of view.

Remember we are only responsible for our own actions not for others, all we can do is sincerely advise others whom we see committing sins, the rest is up to them to accept our advice or reject it.

The best thing for you to do is repent sincerely to Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala and do a lot of goods deeds to expiate for your sins.

May Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala forgive us our sins Ameen!

If you really care for these women, and want to do something about it, you should try to send an effective an purposeful message.

I will prefer to forgive a non-Muslim who killed Muslims or attempted to kill me (irrespective of whether he accepts Islam or not) rather than forgiving such women.

I will advise brother Unhappy to ignore them because there is nothing else(that is, Islamic)  he  can do about them in the present circumstances. Besides, they are very few in numbers.

That's funny. That is my first encounter with the mods. here  (and so early). I didn't know that the 'Ho' word is disallowed here.

"Be quick in the race for forgiveness from your Lord, and for a Paradise whose width is that (of the whole) of the heavens and of the earth, prepared for the righteous, those who spend (freely) whether in prosperity or adversity; who restrain anger, and pardon (all) men; for Allah loves those who do good." (Al-i-Imran: 133-134)

"Let not those among you who are endued with grace and amplitude of means resolve by oath against helping their kinsmen, those in want, and those who have left their homes in Allah's cause; let them forgive and overlook; do you not wish that Allah should Forgive you? For Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."  (Noor: 22)

It is narrated by Ibn Abbas: "Allah's Messenger has said: May I show you the sign of a wicked people?" the people said; "If you are pleased, you may tell us." He said:  "The most wicked person among you is he who keeps himself aloof, is harsh on his slave, and does not give any gifts to others. May I not tell you of another person more wicked than this?" The people said: "Definitely, O Messenger of Allah! If you are pleased." He said: "He who has rancour against the people and the people have rancour against him." Then he asked: "May I tell you of a more wicked person than this?" The people said: "Definitely, O Messenger of Allah! If you are pleased." He said: "He who does not pardon the error of others, does not accept their apologies, and does not forgive their crime." Again he asked:  "May I not tell you of a more wicked person than this?" The people said: "Definitely, O Messenger of Allah! If you are pleased." He said: "He from whom no good may be expected, and from whose wickedness there may not be security."   (Tibrani) 

 I also get insulted that these women are throwing away a religion that means so much to me just so they can be with some dirty kafir who most likely has a dubious past.  Cause lets be honest, most kafirs have had previous relations if you get my drift.  

wow! sounds like youve got some issues there buddy.call it a hunch but have you considered that religion may not have been a factor in the decision to marry them and not you for instance?could it be your foul attitude towards people you don't even know.but obviously hate because they got the girl and aren't muslim.do i detect jelousy?is that why they are "dirty kafir."whatever it is, its certainly racism! sounds like these women aren't racist like you and apparently neither are the "dirty kafir."