Bismillah,

I've been thinking a lot about how Muslim sisters who are different in culture, backgrounds, and religious outlook can form a strong, unified companionship worldwide that would guide us out of many difficulties. 

Through a common love, we can achieve great things.  What do you think?

Assalamu alaikum,

You are so right, herjihad.  Women are capable of forming the most intense and loving bonds of friendship with one another.  Most women I know are closer to their "best" girl friend than they are to their spouse!

The biggest stumbling block to achieving great things is that men do run the world (this is pretty much true in almost every corner of the globe!).

Perhaps we women can make a difference with the influence we have over our children, spouse and family.  It only takes one determined person to make changes in our world, imagine what kind of changes could happen if most women became determined to make them so!

A good place to start is by raising our sons to care for and respect women (as well as men).

Peace, ummziba.

As-Salaam Alaikum sisters,

I just wanted to add my two cents.  I think we as women need unity.  There is so much division between us as sisters.  non-hijabi women vs. hijabi women.   It is shame how we talk about each other behind each other back, for example, "she think she is cute because she has her new hijab and jilbab on."  Or "I am going to take that sister's husband because she is not good enough for him and she is too ugly."   This is the mentality that are among some muslim women.   It also breaks my heart that there are some muslim women who think I am not good enough to be around because I am not of their heritage or culture.  I have experienced this myself.   When it comes to being a woman, being married and raising children all of us are going through the exact same thing.  The only difference is you like Biryani and I like collard greens and cornbread.

Trinicha

I'm from the US but what are Collard Greens exactly?

Sorry...just had to laugh.  My husband's best friend is living with us and he's from the south.  I poke fun at him all the time about his grits.

 As-salaam alaikum

Collard greens is a delicacy among the African-American community, and I think among Southern whites also, but mostly in the African-American community.  It is usually eaten during the holidays.  Grits is also delicacy too.   I haven't had grits in a looooonnnnng time.  I used to eat grits when I was little.

Bismillah,

Grits with fried eggs on them.  Sounds like suhoor tomorrow!  (Grits are good for you too.)

I haven't tried collard or any other kind of the greens my aunt used to pick out of the yard for us to eat in years. (And she didn't teach me which greens were the edible ones!)  And the seasonings would have to be different -- no fatback and bacon.

Let's work to develop a format to get past hijabi-non-hijabi classic conflicts.   As for the cultures excluding one another, it's helpful to know that not everybody does that. 

 If we developed some kind of teaching dialogue for people who are really cross-culturally interested in one another, that would be a start.  Because sometimes we take offense at things, or get the wrong message when offense wasn't intended.

I had a friend, who I should call an acquaintance, from Egypt once.  We visited and made plans for the future.  Then I notice she's busy and not calling or returning my calls, I realize that another sister from Egypt has moved into town, and of course, she wants to bond with someone from her own country, which she misses.  I understand, but she dropped me like a hot potato!

So that kind of thing is unavoidable.  But breaking down barriers because of silly misunderstandings in culture can be achieved with effort.

how far have we gone with this unity sisters. im in africa and i feel very isolated from other sisters, who are in america or india or other parts of the world. sometimes people speak of things ive never heard of. this :grits" u talk about. i dont even know what that is. sometimes i fell silly to ask questions, cos everyone else seems to know and im clueless.

what action plan can we implement to make this unity a reality. even on this forum, we dont really interact as often as we should. most times when i come online , the other sisters are not here. that cos of the time differences i guess. but it would be nice to be able to communicate the same time, rather than reading a comment after some time, and then commenting later and waiting for a while for someone to respond.

As Salamu Alaikum

For a long time I have been praying for Unity amongst the sisters, and the Ummah.

I strongly believe despite our differences on some issues we can learn from each other and support each other. Religion, culture and social issues- all enrich our lives and make us better human beings. Sharing these experiences takes us one step further, we are enriching the lives of others too. Insha Allah!

Basically from an Islamic point of view there is more we agree upon than what we disagree. Let�s concentrate on these issues more, and discuss them for example � concentrating on our Salah.  (I think I should make this a topic under Islam in Diversity) lol

Jazakallahu Khairan sister Herjihad for starting this thread, Insha Allah we can move forward from here on.

May Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala guide us and keep us on the Path that leads to His Jannatul-Firdaus Ameen!

Wa Alaikum Salam  

Assalamu'Alaikum,

JazakAllahuKhair,

I think this is a very important issue...as muslimahs the role of that of the woman and mother in Islam is very great...

Not only do we give dawah to our sr's in Islam but we guide and direct our children to follow our example and to follow the Quran and Sunnah.

Many times the best dawah is by our own actions...

I as an American muslimah have found here in the USA different levels of unity in different regions of the country and abroad over seas in muslim countries as well...

I think we have a good Ummah wanting all of the same things...

Insha'Allah with everyone seeking the same path we will unify more and become a stronger Ummah....even in the face of adversity and changing times...MasSalaama

Bismillah irrahman irrahim

Wa'alaikum assalam wa rahmatullahe wa barkatuhu

I think we need unity as a ummah too so we need to start somewhere. One thing i have seen is the more longing a person has for Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, the more caring he/she is. Alhamdulillah as a muslim we all share this love for our Lord so it should come natural to us.

I want to thank sister alwardah for mentioning topic of 'islam in diversity' in 'basics of islam' section. The reason we felt a need to start the topic was exactly this issue of unity and a heart warming peaceful coversation about issues. For all of us mojority of matters are coming from islamic point of view so if we discussing that then inshaAlla we get to know more about each others view. We get to respect each other and have a strong bond so thanks again sis.

I think we need to have approach of 'benefit of doubt' for our brohters and sisters. Not to judge each other, whatever is said to us take it calmly. We also need to understand the fact that some people are more into religion than others. People who are more religious should approach their muslims brothers and sisters in a way that they dont feel insulted or inferiors. And if some one gives an islamic ruling to us in a way which is not very nice, still we should acknowledge the fact that they want us to be better and closer to our Lord. First and foremost we need to have patience with every thing and inshaAlla things will get much better.

Their is a beautiful hadith that a muslim should help his brother whether he is opressed or opressor. Sahabah radhiAllah unhuma asked Sayyidina Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wassalam that we know we should help the opressed but how are we suppose to help opressor. His reply was by stopping him.

Wassalam

AsAlamlakium! Sisters,

I am glad that someone has brought this topic up. I live in Tenessee and in the city where I am from, the community is small. There is absolutely no unity among the Muslims. I do not attend the events that go on in the masjid becaue everytime I go, the cliques are formed and I am literallly  sitting alone. For the last Eid celebration, I went and if it was not for our 5 year old son sitting near me, I would not have not had anyone talking to me. I left crying. I asked my husband what was wrong with me because when we lived in Flordia, the community did not welcome us either. It was a huge community which made the cliques greater.I do not believe in talking about people, especially another Muslims but I do believe in confronting problems. I am African American and I feel that I am in the deen with every other muslim , offer my salats, pay zakat, and saliqua(sorry about the spelling) like everyone else. So I do not understand what the problem is. I have searched myself and made adjustments but nothing has worked. My family and I have had our hearst STOMPED on so many times that we stay at home and do not attend special events. My husband attends Jumah in Nashville, Tn, which is a more loving commnity. I like going there but with our business I cannot always go . Also to comment on grits, try them as a side dish with your fried fish. It is delicious. I can eat collards every day. I love them Asalamlakium!

Assalamu'Alaikum Immeca67,

I'm so sorry you've had those experiences....

I'm a convert to Islam...I've been a muslimah for almost 19 years and have seen the division and the unity at it's best and worst...

Unity is something we all have to strive for and being that we all as muslims and humans come with baggage and flaws it is a constant struggle and something worth working hard to achieve....

I empathize with you about the isolation...don't let it shake your Imaan...

Just stay positive and remember why you are going to the masjid... the house of Alllah(swt).

I wanted to tell you about a few experiences I had and what I'm working on to overcome them...you know the saying "every coin has two sides"...Well it's kind of true I often felt the way you did and yes sometimes it was sr's not wanting to expand their social circles due to the fact that they really enjoyed speaking in their native tongue. Sometimes it was me just be shy and not initiating conversations...But remember even if sr's are not seeming to be friendly we should always make Dua' for them to be guided and forgive them for their mistakes and pray for ourselves to be forgiven for our own mistakes.

When we lived in CA...at our masjid I was often in the same position you were. I found out later that the sr's thought I was Arabic and just didn't want to talk to anyone...Being that I'm shy by nature and have been my entire life I didn't realize that by me not speaking up I was helping to promote the issolation...After that the word spread and even though the cliques you mentioned will always exsist I did have some conversations during monthly dinners and summer picnics etc...

Here in MI we attend a masjid a couple of miles from our home. It's the nearest to us and it's mostly Indo-Pak sr's so there's a even larger language barrier. At least with Arabic I can pick up about 50% of the conversation. I know little to no Urdu at all...But even though the sr's are very much divided into cliques they are always very friendly... At first I thought it was me as well there are so many cultural differences from everything from language to dress and it was stopping the growth of social relationships. But last summer at the annual picnic I was sitting in the sisters area and started looking around and noticed that although many sr's had ongoing conversations many also were like me just kind of starring at times at the kids running around playing....We've been attending the masjid for almost 7 years here in MI and it has taken time to forge friendships.

Insha'Allah you sound like a very kind person just stay strong in your deen and do what you can to promote a positive muslimah image to everyone and say your "Salaams" and just attend and go to the functions at the masjid for the sake of Allah(swt) and ask Allah(swt) to send a friendly sr' to visit with you....and don't be super shy like me and initiate the conversations sometimes...that's something I'm working on...

MasSalaama

Wa alaikum asalaam..

Any sisters here from Southern Az? The Ic without a Imam?

Lets go make some halal Cheese or chicken enchiladas!

Salam,

Speaking of sisters' unity, does anyone have any suggestions on how a sister can make friends if she is new in a town? How about fitting jobs for conservative muslim women who practice gender segregation?

Salam sisters,

One thing would be to get involved in some activity. For me it is good to "do" something as I get to know people. Sitting around and just chatting can be tough. But if you have a joint purpose you connect over that and the  relationship can develop.

Thank-you Hayfa for this great advice! You're right, I never thought of it, but it's true that connecting over some activity is really bonding.

I have been looking around for a muslim (especially sisters) charitable or islamic organization to get involved with. I really need to work and make some money but this is the area of my interest. I am also tremendously interested in health, especially natural health.  Does anyone know any job openning like these (islamic, charitable, health, possibly combined) in North America or Europe? I would consider other continents too....perhaps....

About the cover, it kind of depends too on where you are/live. In the west, I wear just the hijab, but when I travel to the gulf countries I wear the full niqab. This is because otherwise not wearing it would attract attention since almost everyone does, but if I were to wear it in the west, it would also attract unwanted attention and possible trouble for obvious reasons. One thing that's neat about the niqab is that you can put all the make-up and fancy clothes and jewelry under the abaaya and no outside man sees so you don't get the sins, but then when you arrive at your family/women oriented destination, you look great! I think it is also ok to wear just the hijab, but then it is not fitting to load on the make-up and attention-grabbing accesories.

Yes it is so much culturally dependent.. though I have that fine hair and it ends up a mess no matter what i do.. lol

One way to get a job, I have found is to start by volunteering somewhere. Typically people will hire someone they know (and can trust). If an opening happens then you have a better chance then if they did not know you.

Where do you live? The options that are available will depend upon that. And in the west many social services do not necessarily focus soley on Moslem women but all women.  And that is fine too. The more visable, to a degree, that Moslem women are the better it is. If people do not meet Moslem women, especially other women, how do they find out about Islam? There are al ltypes of dynamic women throughout te world. Andwhy should we not meet each other??

"One way to get a job, I have found is to start by volunteering somewhere. Typically people will hire someone they know (and can trust). If an opening happens then you have a better chance then if they did not know you."

Again, this is great advice; Jazaka'Allahkhir! I will definately look into volenteering somwhere - makes sense.

I agree with you that we should give dawah and to women makes the most sense. But tell you the truth I have been mixing with non-muslim women and family  since I became a muslim 14 years ago, and I am frankly sick of them. I mean, I will always remain in contact and care for my Christian family, but I am tired of their always differing and arguing with them about fundumental views. I have very few muslim women friends and I don't even live near those so don't get a chance to ever really socialize with them. With my non-muslim girl-friends, even though I used to be close to them in my pre-islam/youth days, there is now always this barrier that just can't be broken, and maybe shouldn' t be broken - when you consider that the very foundation of their day-to-day habits, their beliefs are different from yours. For example, the normal and accepted type of socializing for westerners includes drinking alcohol, gender mixing, etc. Whenever I mix with them, they are not too keen on my restrictions (refusing to sit with them if they drink, refusing to mix with their spouses, etc.)

I will never give up on giving dawa, but at this point in my life, I really need the support of muslim sisterhood. This sisterhood is also very important for maintaining the deen and iman. I know this American woman who, after having lived 17 years as a practicing muslim, went astray after her divorce. I am not saying that she left Islam, Awtho'billah, but she stopped wearing hijab, stopped praying, even married a non-muslim. I think one of the reasons (although I don't know- Allah only knows) that she went astray was because after her divorce she had no muslim community to fall back on. She found herself in the middle of a non-muslim society and- -out of a need for companionship and human contact obviously- she had to turn to someone, and the only people around her were kafirs. There is never an excuse for turning away from Allah, no matter how isolated we feel (as it is only a test from Allah and we should stick with Him no matter what). However, we must also realize our weeknesses and avoid situations that will lead us astray and into haram. So, my conclusion to this is that sister unity (with well-intentioned and God-fearing sisters of course) is sometimes very important to maintaining our iman.   

you know, it is always a mix as we want support and "sisterhood" and yet it seems to be very difficult? And why I wonder? And alot has to do with what does that mean? How do we define it..

It is interesting what you point out about mixing with the non-Moslem women. Having lived in the west my whole life, what I noticed is that they are a product of their society. Just as anyone living in the Middle East or Africa.

I know my Moslem friend sand such may drink or something.. but I do not go with them. But we have other things in common. I try to support their success they are looking for, a good job, good relations with people, a difficult boss. We have many things in common. We do karate together.

I�ve been reading a biography of the prophet (PBUH) who had people he trusted and relied upon who were not Moslem.  I make friends by the person.

I�ve also seen that the Moslem women�s community has failed each other. I know plenty of women who gave up cause of women �sisterhood� with other Moslem women cause the women have no idea what that is. We argue, we put each other down, and often we do not feel good about ourselves so that is why we do it.  Somehow we believe that Moslem women are different, or behave differently. You think that is the case, but it is not.

Plus you add onto the added angle of cultural challenges. Let me tell you, women who grow up in other cultures often cannot relate or understand others from another culture.  Dysfunction is not restricted to non-Moslems. Yes having a community of women friends who are Moslems is a great idea. 

Honestly, in my small opinion, people have a difficult time building a community cause we actually expect too much from it. It cannot be all we want it to be.  The thing is I do not expect anything from my �sisters.� What they give to me is a gift. And if there is nothing coming then so be it. A good quote by Dr. Dyer is:  

Love is the ability and willingness to allow those that you care for to be what they choose for themselves without any insistence that they satisfy you.  

Build it one woman to woman at a time. Not all nonMoslem women ar eout partying and drinking. Most of my friends do not.   There are good, caring people all over...

how do we get this sisterhood started. as a single mom of 4 kids, i have difficulty in getting support from my married sisters. i can understand their position that  they may feel uncomfortable around me. i may be too needy and may be unwittingly interfering in their marriage, when i have a flat tyre, i need the sisters hubby to change it for me. if one of my windows are broken, i need the brother to intervene yet again.  so how does someone like me, a singel mom of 4 get acceptance from my fellow sisters without them seeing me as a  threat.

One thing a friend of mine has done, and she is a �new Moslem� is organized every month or so a sister�s night out dinner. She is very kind to make sure I have a ride. But they have an email list and keep in touch Especially with women busy with family and such.. email is great. Then we have dinner.. whoever can come, comes.

You do have to build relationships. Build the friendship and support and then as k for help when you need it.  I�d say, in my small opinion, is to do t hat first. Then you will know each other�s boundaries.

I don�t think people think of you as a threat as more they get overwhelmed. And why does her hubby need to be the one to fix things? There are many people who could help, another neighbor etc. My sister is a fix-it person with more tools then most people. If she cannot fix it she�ll ask a neighbor, maybe our brothers etc.  If you do feel that you are a �needy� person then one thing to do is spread it around. I work with volunteers and they are kind and giving but I do not ask for too much. I spread it around as to who I can ask for help on a project or to teach a class.

If you make a friend, make sure to exchange and help in any way you can, for instance, watch her kids for an afternoon so she can run errands.. even a small thing makes a difference.. If you do not have a lot of money or time, be creative. It is the small things that build. Not the grand gestures.

And what if you don't have any friends that have money?

Or family that is angry with you because you are a revert.

Surely you can't depend on your inlaws.

Im a fully working mother earning good . But hate my job.  Its so tuff to find another because Im muslim.

Do you other sisters also find it hard?

sajida, where in SA are u. its the first ive heard of muslims not being able to find work here based on religion. most employers here use affirmative action and black economic empowerment to employ staff

If Sajida is in the US, Canada or the UK (at least this is where I've had experience in) then there is no doubt that the prejudices she claims against her are real. I have had TONS of terrible experiences in all these places due to my being a muslim and wearing the hijab; in airports, in stores, housing applications, etc. People right now in the west are so islamophobic. I have never actually applied for a job, but I can imagine that it can happen there too. There may be affirmative action all you want but people don't always have to abide by it; there are a million ways and excuses and false pretenses to to reject an applicant, that are not actually "illegal". They can always say that the chosen applicant had something extra that the rejected muslima applicant didn't have, however meaningless that something may be to the boss in reality. There are also very subtle and intimidating ways to be prejudice against someone that can be devastating.

In France and even Turkey they have actually passed a law that bans hijab worn by students and public/government employee; not very subtle bigotry there!  UK has been starting to raise debates about banning the veil and other hijab issues. Then there's Mr. Bush's "ideological struggle" that hints how he would like things to be in his supposed paradise of "freedom and democracy."      

unity nur, theres no "ifs." sajida herself confirmed that shes in south africa and thats where i am as well. she lives in the same city where i lived for 5 years.

Muslims like Ahmed kathrada and Prof Fatima Meer were part of the struggle for liberation and they even served time on robben Island with Nelson mandela. Alhamdulilah they paved the way for Islam here. Muslims are not exploited based on deen here. Most companies allow workers to go for Jumah on Friday. Ive yet to come across a company that refuses.

some companies even make concessions and allow muslim workers to start early so that they can leave early during the month of ramadaan.

Muslims here are better off than our American counterparts. freedom of religion is respected and taken very seriously.

ive come across so many muslim nurses in hijaab. in some hospitals even the matron if shes muslim , wears hijaab. even in parliament, muslim Mps are not stopped from wearing hijaab.

theres a case currently thats before the constitutional court. its a freedom of religion case. its about a hindu school girl who was disallowed from wearing a nose ring to school, as this was against the school policy. her parents argued that the nose ring was part of her religion. others said it was cultural and not religion. the matter went to court. in the trial court (court a quo), the ruling was in favour of the school and the girl was told she had to remove the earring. then they appealed. the appeal court ruled in favour of the girl, saying that it was part of her religion to wear the nose ring and as such the school had to respect her religious freedom. now the school has taken the matter before the constitutional court. everyones waiting to see how the conts court will rule on this matter.

True indeed.

Its because I wear full pirda outside. When its Zohr I go and put on my dress with my pirda and go to mosque.  (the female section is very small and apart for men, actually for travelers) and the work say its a bad impression, unprofessional.

And wherever I applied when they hear my muslim name and surname goodness I never get it.

sadija, maybe i spoke too soon. i havent come across an attorney in court in niqaab. nor does anyone at my work use niqaab. maybe im talking out of ignorance. the last job interview i attended was 6 years ago and at that stage i never used hijaab. my hair was always exposed.

the true test will come now, when i have to attend a job interview in hijaab for the first time. thats when i will know for sure that muslims are discrminated against based on our dressing.

i have sat on a few interviewing panels in the past and ive never come across an applicant in niqaab or even hijaab for that matter.  i dont know what my reaction would have been to  an applicant in niqaab.

im not used to seeing people in niqaab cos very few ladies in my aread wear niqaab. but if i come across a niqaabi on the street on in the supermarket ive never really made salaam, or made any effort to speak to the sister. i felt afraid somehow. theres an air of mystery about someone in niqaab cos they know who u are, but u cant tell who it is.

sadija, did u attend an interviews in purda and if so, what are some of the things u experienced. im very curious especially since i sit on interviewing panels. it would be good for me to know more here and i can also conscientise my colleagues on this issue.

Rookaiya, I didn't know our sister was in South Africa, but thank-you for clearing that up. I wish you the support and guidance of Allah when you go to your interview, which insha'Allah will be successful.

Sajida, I really sympathize with you for what they are putting you through. It is really insensitive, not to mention preposterous, their excuse that your innocuous attire is unprofessional. I wish people would just mind their own business and live and let live.