non-muslim going to muslim wedding, advice please!
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Topic: non-muslim going to muslim wedding, advice please!
Posted By: mother-in-law
Subject: non-muslim going to muslim wedding, advice please!
Date Posted: 17 April 2013 at 8:21pm
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Hello All, I hope I'm in the right place, and thank you in advance for possibly giving your advice and words of wisdom:
...Not only am I going to a Muslim wedding, I am the new mother-in-law! My son recently converted to Islam (I am not Muslim) and is marrying a Muslim girl. Her family is not very "strict", and she (being young and not always dressing modestly?) is telling me I don't need to cover my head when I go to the mosque ceremony. Is she just being nice and trying to make me feel more comfortable? I don't mind covering my head if that would be the respectable thing to do, but I don't want to go overboard and look Muslim like I'm trying too hard to fit in if it would be ridiculous for a non-muslim to cover her head... I just got a great dress... floor length with a matching sweater/jacket, so the outfit is fine, I just don't know if I should cover my head or not. I want to be respectable to even "the grandmas", not have people think, "oh well, she's not muslim, she doesn't know any better". Also, what should I expect to happen at this ceremony? My son just tells me I don't have to do anything, just be there, and I'm imagining just standing politely somewhere doing nothing while everyone is praying, etc.... as the mother of the groom but not Muslim, what should I do?? How can I make myself fit in politely and feel like part of it but not overstep anything? They just keep telling me "don't worry, don't worry", but I'm beginning to feel like I'm just showing up at a stranger's wedding when this is MY SON and I want to feel a part of it. As you can see I'm nervous, and perhaps worrying too much... help, anyone? 
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Replies:
Posted By: semar
Date Posted: 18 April 2013 at 11:43pm
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Salaam/Peace,
Wearing long dress and jacket is enough. You don't have to wear head scarf. That's perfectly fine, most probably you will find some muslim ladies there that not wear scarf too. Regarding prayer: Muslim wedding ceremony is very simple, the core ceremony less then 10 minutes, who invlove in the ceremony are bride, groom, parent/father of the bride, the imam and two "official" witnesses (usualy relative or friend of the bride or groom, who know well the couple). Very much there is no audience's involvement, audience just act as "informal witnesses", so there is no prayer from the audiences at all. So like your son said that you just need to be there, that's all. The only thing for you perhaps just family photo (it's not part of the ceremony). So no worry, just enjoy some 'muslim' dishes. ------------- Salam/Peace, Semar "We are people who do not eat until we are hungry and do not eat to our fill." (Prophet Muhammad PBUH) "1/3 of your stomach for food, 1/3 for water, 1/3 for air" |
Posted By: Imaan
Date Posted: 19 April 2013 at 12:51am
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As-Salaamo 'Alaaykum,
Sister!! Don't worry about anything. You don't need to cover your head but if you are not feeling comfort then go for scarf(then you become satisfied)and wear that what you want. You need little confidence about this ceremony. Feel happy because it's you son's wedding. 
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Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 19 April 2013 at 7:07am
| Yeah, I agree with Semar; just enjoy! You sound like such a wonderful person so just be yourself. Congratulations and all the best. |
Posted By: mrs shadab
Date Posted: 20 April 2013 at 6:19am
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congrats..
i also do agree with both of them ,,and it's true that u really sound like such a very KIND and wise woman ,who has not only given a permission her son to marry a muslim girl but also is there for her son 's happiness.. hat's off to you ..
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Posted By: nothing
Date Posted: 22 April 2013 at 6:16pm
Don't waste the opportunity that the food is free in this occasion, so bring all your family you can march with big handbags. Alright just be happy in the wedding, that is the rule, and no grumpy looking.  Congrats for this happy occasion. |
Posted By: mother-in-law
Date Posted: 24 April 2013 at 9:11am
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Thank you all SO much for your support and advice, especially semar for describing the ceremony. I feel a lot better and now I'm getting more excited about the wedding; it's in only a few weeks! You are all so nice and warm and encouraging; if I need other advice I will definitely feel comfortable coming back here!
Peace and love to you all! 
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Posted By: janmarie0120
Date Posted: 20 August 2013 at 9:06am
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Good morning,
I read your post posted back in April of 2013. My current situation is exactly like yours! My son (recently became Muslim) is marrying a Muslim girl this Friday. I have the same questions you had disclosed in your post. I wonder if you are able to enlighten me with any advice or information as I assume you have now gone through this same experience. Kind regards, Jan |
Posted By: sanaqueen
Date Posted: 11 September 2013 at 5:11am
| Good afternoon friends |
Posted By: mother-in-law
Date Posted: 11 September 2013 at 1:31pm
Hello everyone! Thank you for all who were encouraging before the wedding, it was wonderful! And to janmarie, I'll tell you about it... dress as we said in earlier posts... First of all, more people in our family came than I expected. All the elder women came, and my sister, which I was very touched by. We all thought they would not be interested in the religious ceremony and only come to the reception (next year), but they were happy to be there (and curious, too). 
As for covering our heads, I offered to but one woman who was helping run things said, no, don't worry about it! and led me to my seat where I saw my family all with THEIR heads covered! I was embarrassed at first but after a few minutes a few other women entered without their heads covered; they were some non-muslim friends, and some of my family took them off because it was hot and they saw quite a few others with no head scarf. No one seemed to care either way after all! I was told to sit to one side of the bride, up front. I did not have to do or say anything... my son was up front with the men, and did the men's part with the bride's father and a small group of men. The words spoken by the imam were wonderful, I was moved to tears during the ceremony. It didn't last long, and then the bride & her mother went up front as well, followed by some other women of the bride's family, and eventually it all sort of broke down into picture-taking and congratulating me & her mother until we all made our way into the community room of the mosque. There was a LONG line of tables covered with desserts... anything you can name! The baklava was the best and they made sure to send me home with enough to last for weeks! While everyone snacked, I met some of her family and mingled, and worked my way to the imam to thank him. I'd like to add, my son's wife doesn't normally cover her head in every day life, so it was the first time I saw her dressed like that and she was BEAUTIFUL!!! She looked like a goddess, and I am so happy to have pictures to remember it by; it was truly a wonderful day and a great new experience for those of us who are not Muslim. Thank you again to those on this board who were supportive! 
Janmarie- do you have any specific questions? I'll try to check back here frequently over the next few days; ask anything, and then tell us how it went.
Peace and health and happiness to all! |