i need help
Printed From: IslamiCity.org
Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Family Matter
Forum Description: Discuss Family Issues
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=22609
Printed Date: 23 April 2024 at 3:20pm
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Topic: i need help
Posted By: zaramarie
Subject: i need help
Date Posted: 05 February 2012 at 4:12am
 please i need help, i have been living with my husband for 6 years now, 3 weeks ago he told me, he did not do nikah with me and it was all a lie,i have ask him what we did when he took me to the mosque in Islamabad 6 years ago, but he will not answer me, he has now left me and gone to live with a friend. Will ALLAH forgive me for this sin, i dont know if im married or not, my husband will not answer my questions. what is the sin for living with some one when it was all a lie |
Replies:
Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 05 February 2012 at 7:30pm
| Zaramarie are you able to speak to those at the mosque where the marriage took place? A marriage is simply an offer and acceptance, that is witnessed and your wali present for your representation. There should also have been an agreed upon mahr. Was there something that caused this strange behavior from your husband? Do you have a father or brother who can make the necessary inquiries on your behalf? You may want to also seek legal redress, as this may indeed be a penal code violation in Islamabad. |
Posted By: zaramarie
Date Posted: 06 February 2012 at 1:51am
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the marriage took place in Islamabad,i am from united kingdom. no i dont have any family in pakistan. I did not know we were doing nikah until we came out of the mosque and my husband told me he has just married me, i was so shocked because my husband done nikah with my daugter 1 year before.i thougt i was having prayers done because i became muslim. so i worked hard to bring him to england, which i did 3 years ago.from then he started meeting up with other people from his vilage in pakistan, they have been living here for some years.Then he started to change badly. there is just to much to tell you about. this is a very long story about what happened. |
Posted By: Dayem
Date Posted: 06 February 2012 at 7:28am
You are a VICTIM here, there is no sin for being a victim. On the contrary you need to seek immediate legal assistance, as abuayisha above said. |
zaramarie wrote:Posted By: iec786
Date Posted: 06 February 2012 at 12:38pm
|
I did not know we were doing nikah until we came out of the mosque and my husband told me he has just married me, i was so shocked because my husband done nikah with my daugter 1 year before.i thougt i was having prayers done because i became muslim. so i worked hard to bring him to england, which i did 3 years ago
In Islam you cannot be married to the Daughter and to the Mother.It was Haraam for him to do this to you.What you should do is go to an Imam where you live and get a fatwa from him.Good luck sister.allcolour |
Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 06 February 2012 at 5:29pm
| How were you able to bring him to the UK? |
Posted By: zaramarie
Date Posted: 06 February 2012 at 11:31pm
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i work and sent all the documents he needed for a settlement visa he was refused 4 times but he got it in the end, his visa was for 2 years,then he reapplied and it was extended for another 3 years, i should tell you that my Daughter is my stepdaughter not blood related. |
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 10 February 2012 at 3:01pm
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no sister, I don't think you committed a "sin" id you were deceived into a real or fake marriage. Do you think dear sister, he used you to get a visa? My duas for you... Hayfa ------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 10 February 2012 at 4:21pm
Was it a work visa? Student Visa? Visit visa? Spousal/Marriage visa?
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Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 11 February 2012 at 5:56am
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Wow! Speechless.... Sister, If you have the resources to do so... do do do SUE HIS behind off. Lodge complaints, have him deported.. whatever. I have no help/advise to offer but my duas and support. You are DEFINITELY not responsible (except maybe for being too trustworthy). You are a victim here. I pray to Allah that He eases your troubles, Finds you a solution and gives this man what he deserves. ------------- "O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young." |
Posted By: Shifa-muslimah
Date Posted: 15 February 2012 at 2:18pm
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Dear Sister Zaramarie !!! Assalama-alaykuim Your story is not shocking to me as I have heard such stories million times. Though my heart saddens to see that rather a muslim supporting you and being a good model for you to show what really Islam is all about . Sadly and unfortunately he used you for his own greed and selfishness. May Allah protect you from such men and guide him to the straight path ameen. As a sincere sister and living in UK for a long time as well. I would like to advise you that if you can please contact the Immigration British embassy and report him how he deceived you in getting married to you and lying to you. Make sure you collect all the documents and Proof to support your Case . Another option is that you forgive for the sake of Allah and Let Allah deal with his sinfull act. You depart from him for good, go to the local Masjid in your area and consult an Imam as how you can get an islamic divorce if you are actually islamically married to him. If not then just go to the civil court and get a divorce and stand on your two feet and start a new life. With the will of Allah .. Allah will replace you with a better partner who will appreciate you as a good muslim lady and take you as a true wife . I know it will be easy said then done.. but its not too late.. if you believe you are strong and have full faith in Allah then let him go .. though you do have the right to take revenge for betraying you .. deceiving you ... and that is to DEPORT him if you win the case and if that is the will of Allah. I pray Allah gives you patience and tolerance in this difficult time and give you what is best for you and him ameen... |
Posted By: lady
Date Posted: 15 February 2012 at 8:07pm
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Assalaamaoalikum. this is good advice Shifa when you said:
"Another option is that you forgive for the sake of Allah and Let Allah deal with his sinfull act. You depart from him for good, go to the local Masjid in your area and consult an Imam as how you can get an islamic divorce if you are actually islamically married to him. If not then just go to the civil court and get a divorce and stand on your two feet and start a new life.
With the will of Allah .. Allah will replace you with a better partner who will appreciate you as a good muslim lady and take you as a true wife . I know it will be easy said then done.. but its not too late.. if you believe you are strong and have full faith in Allah then let him go .. though you do have the right to take revenge for betraying you .. deceiving you ... and that is to DEPORT him if you win the case and if that is the will of Allah. I pray Allah gives you patience and tolerance in this difficult time and give you what is best for you and him ameen..." [/QUOTE] |
Posted By: Shifa-muslimah
Date Posted: 16 February 2012 at 3:35pm
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JazakAllah Sr :) rest Allah knows best of all... |
Posted By: zaramarie
Date Posted: 17 February 2012 at 8:18am
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thank you for all your advice, but today i learned that it has been posted all over facebook that my husband is gay, with pictures of him and his boyfriend. i am so cosfused i just dont know were to trun and what to do. |
Posted By: icforumadmin
Date Posted: 17 February 2012 at 8:43am
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Salam,
Just forget him and move on. Your live is now and the future, not the past, Allah almighty is the most forgiving and merciful.
Take care.
Admin
|
Posted By: samirfaithful
Date Posted: 19 February 2012 at 12:13am
essalam aleykoum sister
its not diffecult to get solution as request separation with such person who wants to live with gender i mean man.
u can do it without any regret ok sister its ur law only.
my last advice for been more convincing about that subject is to see good imam near where u live and he can guid u more than us.
essalam aleykoum sister.
ur brother in god.
|
Posted By: Shifa-muslimah
Date Posted: 20 February 2012 at 1:21am
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Sr ZaraMarie, Being confused is not going to get you anywhere, trust me. You have to be strong my dear sister ... get up and think hard ... act now or regret all you life. Its not a time to be confused but a time to act and react . I personally don;t believe in Facebook stuff and neither should you my dear sister. First of all you need to find out if you really are actually MARRIED or not ?? Islamically...... then according to what your situation is then you can take the next step. Ofcourse decision is in your hands. Try to find the truth from his relatives and close friends if you he is really Gay or now. May be its just another trick to get you off the shoulder without doing anything..he wants to get rid of you anyway right ??? Also I don;t know if you know the dua of Isthekara... you can find that on the internet.. it is a dua of seeking guidance when a slave of Allah is very confused and does not know where to turn too .. it is probably the best time to do is now these days.. you pray 2 rakat nafl salah intention of Isthekara . And ask Allah to guide you if he is good for you and if you should stay with him.. one way or another inshAllah you will be guided ...Allah will open doors for you and you will find out . While Praying do your research and get the facts ..it is very important ..please do not rely on silly places like Facebook. Also contact your local imam to get clarification on your marriage. Please don;t think and act soon... May Allah be with you ameen wa'salam |
Posted By: Nausheen
Date Posted: 21 February 2012 at 9:27pm
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What do you exactly mean by your husband told you that you were married?
Didn't anyone ask for your permission before declaring you husband and wife?
You can't just step out of a mosque and start being called someone's wife without already knowing you are being wedded to him.
Please explain that part of your post.
Another point - no person is punished for other's sins, so definitely you are not at fault, but his is.
You should not let go of the matter without reporting it to proper authorities. He must be discouraged for what he had done, by penalities and punishments - this is neccessary for the sake of other sisters he might fool, or for other men who might dare do the same with someone else. Irregularities in society should not be left for Allah alone to deal with - because Allah has made us His vicegerant on this planet.
Wish you all the best
------------- <font color=purple>Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.[/COLOR] |
Posted By: zaramarie
Date Posted: 22 February 2012 at 3:38am
| no he did not ask permission he told me we were going to mosgue for pray because i truned to islam,i did not understand because every thing was done and said in pushto,it was only after when i ask he told me we just done nikah. |
Posted By: Nausheen
Date Posted: 22 February 2012 at 7:30pm
|
that was fraudulent my dear!
Even if they were doing everything in pushto, there should have been a translator for you who should have asked your permission for the formalities of the nikah.
You should be collecting evidences, see a lawyer, see an imaam and challenge not just this person who called himself your husband but also the mosque and the imaams who allowed such activities in their presence.
All of this could be a very emotionally draining process. Do you have a support system - friends, family acquantences? Even if your support system is a list of screen names you communicate thru a computer screen - is better than going through this alone.
It is clear he did this to get his visa - you were used and abused. Report this to appropriate authorities.
Zaramarie, may Allah make it easy for you.
Im really sorry that someone who calls himself muslim has been trecherous and scheming. May your strength and your adherence to the faith deliver you safe through these trouble times.
My prayers are with you!
------------- <font color=purple>Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.[/COLOR] |