I need an advice
Printed From: IslamiCity.org
Category: General
Forum Name: Introduction: Who am I?
Forum Description: Introduce yourself here.
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=21796
Printed Date: 16 June 2024 at 1:40pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.03 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: I need an advice
Posted By: Yasmine2772
Subject: I need an advice
Date Posted: 17 September 2011 at 5:49am
|
Assalamualaikum
I'm a new user here. English is my second language. I'm sorry if I write something wrong in this letter. I'm in a big problem and I need some advices please. I married to a man who converted to Islam. On the very first day he tried but then the time has come. His nationality has a culture of paying respect to the family member who passed away. And one day when we traveled to his country during that period of the year. He joined his brother to kneed down and respect to his passed away grandmother and father. He said it's just a culture and nothing more than that. He doesn't considered that those tomb or name tags are real.......T_T I was shocked and ate up my own tears. The only thing that I know is our marriage is over. I have to take care of my mother and my son. And I have debts to the bank. I'm employed but without him supporting. There will be a big changes in our lives. I know that if I leave something for the seek of Allah is the greatest thing I will do. But can I buy sometime. Can I ask for the forgiveness of Allah and ask for his help to pay off the debt as soon as possible and have some saving, then leave my husband after that. Can I think like " I need 5-10 years to get out of this marriage."??? Sorry again if my writing make any of you confuse. I will be waiting for any of your reply. But I have a mother that I have to take care of and also a son who I never let my husband taking care of him. |
Replies:
Posted By: Pati
Date Posted: 17 September 2011 at 1:34pm
|
Hi Yasmine, I don't know if I really understood you. Do you want to stop your marriage because he went to visit the tombs of his relatives with his brother? Really? Even if you have a son? I don't know where is that huge mistake in respecting the relatives. They were his family, and you should forget if there was (I guess) a cross or not on the top of the tomb, because the main thing here is the love and respect he was feeling to his relatives. On the other hand, if the marriage was having other problems, what you didn't specify, you should balance both things: to keep fighting to make the marriage work, something that is always God wish because you married on His name and to honor Him, or to give up now and stop everything without even try. The second part has no sense, if you want to stop the marriage, do it as soon as possible, but don't "use" marriage to get money. Just ask him for divorce, if you really have a strong decision taken, and arrive to an agreement with him regarding the monthly money he should give you for your son. But deep inside, I think you don't want to divorce him, and you want to give a second chance. Try to be open with him and try to solve differences. You should appreciate what he did for you, he rejected his culture and accepted yours, and he did only for you, to be able to marry you. Can you imagine yourself doing that for him? That question I am making it to lot of mixed marriages where there is one of them converted, and the other one keeps complaining. Kind regards and I hope you will solve your problems soon. Patricia ------------- No God wants the killing, but the peace. The weapons are carried by people, not by religions. |
Posted By: Yasmine2772
Date Posted: 17 September 2011 at 2:59pm
|
Hi Pati,
You have given me a very good advice. |
Posted By: peacemaker
Date Posted: 18 September 2011 at 5:56am
Assalamu Alaikum, Welcome to the forum, sister. I hope that you would like this place, insha Allah (God willing). I suggest you contact a scholar or mosque in your area to deal with this matter amicably and appropriately. Also, you may consult a relative or a close friend who knows you both. May Allah make things easy for you. Peace ------------- Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny? Qur'an 55:13 |
Yasmine2772 wrote:Posted By: safi70
Date Posted: 04 October 2011 at 7:52am
|
"On the very first day he tried but then the time has come." sister what do you mean by this? Is your husband abusive, mean to you? Is he a good person. Is that the only reason you are considering leaving him?
|
Posted By: semar
Date Posted: 04 October 2011 at 9:25am
|
Salam,
Marrige and family are very important in Islam. No one is perfect. He is "NEW" new means "new", sometime we asked too much to the "new". Everyhting need a process, Leaving him just because what he did: (He joined his brother to kneed down and respect to his passed away grandmother and father, He doesn't considered that those tomb or name tags are real), Islamically it's not a wise thing to do. ------------- Salam/Peace, Semar "We are people who do not eat until we are hungry and do not eat to our fill." (Prophet Muhammad PBUH) "1/3 of your stomach for food, 1/3 for water, 1/3 for air" |
Posted By: mrs shadab
Date Posted: 05 October 2011 at 11:25pm
|
sister its evry easy to take decision to mary with some one ,,,but very hard to keep struggle and make compromises to mantain this relation,,it needs sacrifices and the top most understanding , mutual respect and faith to each other,,,its good advice that u should go to any known, humble scholar to deal with this problem,,u may give ur husband a second chance ,,and u can also ask and make him understand that what actually u feel...then take a decision ,,in this manner u 'll be satisfied with ur decision otherwise u'll remain in unsatisfactory condition,, wassalm.. |