A serious question that I truly need help with.
Printed From: IslamiCity.org
Category: Religion - Islam
Forum Name: General Islamic Matter
Forum Description: Discuss Islamic matters/issues that not covered by other sub catagories
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=21142
Printed Date: 19 April 2024 at 6:41am
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.03 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: A serious question that I truly need help with.
Posted By: sayyeda786
Subject: A serious question that I truly need help with.
Date Posted: 23 June 2011 at 10:10pm
|
Salam everyone who reads this,
I was born a Muslim and have not practiced as much as I should have until recently. I always knew there was no God but Allah and Muhammad (PBUH) is his messenger. However, I did things in the past which I should not have - the specifics are unnecessary. However, I have been continuously praying and praying to Allah and have truly been asking for forgiveness. I am a much better muslim now, alhumdulilah, and abide by Islamic decorum. I have recently met a man whom I am suppose to wed. We were discussing our pasts and he asked me if I have even been with a man before, in any sense. The answer is yes, but I told him no because I do not want him to know of my past, but see me as pure (which I am in that sense). The only reason I told him no is because I truly asked for forgiveness and believe that Allah has forgiven me for all that I have done in my past. I don't think it is necessary for my soon to be husband to know any of this, but do you think it's wrong that I'm not telling him? I really don't want him to know and changed my ways completely solely for him. I know Allah has forgiven me, and I will continue praying that he does forgive me even further. I just need some advice as to what is the right thing to do. Jazak'Allah for anyone who can provide any insight. I truly appreciate it. |
Replies:
Posted By: semar
Date Posted: 23 June 2011 at 11:38pm
|
Salaam,
Islam is about now and the future. We don't need talk to much about the past, specially the bad stuff. You don't need to tell everything, specially the bad stuff, many times bad story trigger unnecessary problem during marriage live specially in difficult situation.
In case your future spouse ask about that, you can avoud that topic by topic by asking him " is that very important for you?". And start talk about the future. Umar ibn khattab was very-very bad person before Islam, but he was the one of the best human being after Islam. ------------- Salam/Peace, Semar "We are people who do not eat until we are hungry and do not eat to our fill." (Prophet Muhammad PBUH) "1/3 of your stomach for food, 1/3 for water, 1/3 for air" |
Posted By: lady
Date Posted: 24 June 2011 at 7:05am
| Assalaamaoalaikum Sayyeda. I think that you should not tell him that. Yes it was wrong to lie to him about it, but you should have not told him about your past, unless you have a disease that will affect him if you all decide to get married. I am happy that you are praying to Allah(SWT) for forgiveness. Ask yourself how long have you being practicing the islamic decorum? Really pray to Allah and ask HIM if you are ready for marriage now, and if this guy going to be a good husband for you? Sometimes people, hurry to get married after changing their life. I am not saying that marriage is not extremely important; Allah has that when a people marry then they have completed half of their religion. This is a wonderful thing. But I want you to be able to have that single life where you are able to concentrate on getting your life back where it needs to be. And have time getting use to living life like that so you are confident in the choices you make when it comes to choosing what is best for you. If you are ready for marriage then, Alhamidullah. Just make sure that you when you marry, you are doing it the islamic way. NO talking to him by yourself, etc. Also too, I hope that your family will agree with him as well. If you start off right,. then you will get good results. Sorry, if you did not want this advice because you did not ask me for this opinion. I just want to see muslim sisters being careful when it comes to choosing their future husband. My marriage was arrange and I have been married for 4.5 years, and all of those years brought much happiness to my life. Alhumdulillah. take care. |
Posted By: islamispeace
Date Posted: 24 June 2011 at 12:00pm
|
Walaikum as-salaam. I agree with brother Semar. What you did in the past is over and done with. There is no reason to bring it up. However, I think you can be honest with your fiance but remind him that you made a mistake and that you have repented. If he is a good Muslim, he will look past your mistakes and focus only on the present. We all make mistakes. No one has the right to condemn us except Allah (swt), especially if we have repented and moved on. ------------- Say: "Truly, my prayer and my service of sacrifice, my life and my death, are (all) for Allah, the Cherisher of the Worlds. (Surat al-Anaam: 162) |
Posted By: semar
Date Posted: 25 June 2011 at 1:42am
|
Salam,
To me you should keep the 'bad' past for yourselves, unless he insist. ------------- Salam/Peace, Semar "We are people who do not eat until we are hungry and do not eat to our fill." (Prophet Muhammad PBUH) "1/3 of your stomach for food, 1/3 for water, 1/3 for air" |
Posted By: Sign*Reader
Date Posted: 25 June 2011 at 2:46pm
|
If he insists then there is no future in this marriage! It begs the questions, why does he want to marry you for what qualities in the first place? ------------- Kismet Domino: Faith/Courage/Liberty/Abundance/Selfishness/Immorality/Apathy/Bondage or extinction. |
Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 25 June 2011 at 5:44pm
|
Yeah, I also see no good reason to reveal what Allah has concealed, and which you have sought repentance. What I find extremely important is that once you are married, that you never, ever, mention this. There was a recent study that said: "Your brain doesn't like to keep secrets. Studies at the University of Texas, Austin, have shown that writing down secrets in a journal or telling a doctor your secrets actually decreases the level of stress hormones in your body. Keeping a secret, meanwhile, does the opposite."
Your brain also doesn't like stress hormones. So when you have a secret to tell, the part of your brain that wants to tell the secret is constantly fighting with the part of your brain that wants to keep the information hidden...." http://www.npr.org/2011/05/31/136495499/incognito-whats-hiding-in-the-unconscious-mind - http://www.npr.org/2011/05/31/136495499/incognito-whats-hiding-in-the-unconscious-mind |
Posted By: pure_columbian
Date Posted: 29 June 2011 at 6:11am
|
I think what you need to ask yourself, is this, are you willing to start off your marriage and a new life with your husband, based on a lie?
If you do marry him after having lied to him and if for whatever reason he finds out later on that you lied to him, he will at the back of his mind be wondering what else you lied to him about.
The best way would be for you to tell him the truth. and if this marriage is to be then it will still happen, but you cannot start off your new life based on a lie.
|
Posted By: seekshidayath
Date Posted: 03 July 2011 at 6:30am
Walaikum salaam wa rahmatullah Sister, you were right by answering him with a NO. It was your past, also are we not allowed to expose our sins Read this saying of our beloved Prophet { sallal lahu alayhi wasallam } Abu Hurayrah reported: �The Messenger of Allaah said: �Every member of my nation will be forgiven, except those who expose their wrongdoings. An example of this is that of a man who commits a sin at night which Allaah then conceals, but, the next morning, he goes and says (to people): �I committed such and such a sin last night� - while Allaah had kept it secret. During the night Allaah had concealed it, but in the morning he tore up the cover provided by Allaah Himself.� [Al-Bukhaari & Muslim] All Praises be to Allah, The Merciful, that the beauty of Islam is everytime we sincerly repent, we do get remembered of the sins we committed despite repentance. And every time repent for that sin, we are not only forgiven, but also rewarded as that sin is turned into a good deed. SubhanAllah. So sister, you may remember your sin tomorrow and may feel that you were wrong by hiding it with your husband, then don't pay an ear to those whisperings. Wishing you a happy married life :) ------------- Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: �All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent." |
sayyeda786 wrote:Posted By: Indah
Date Posted: 08 July 2011 at 2:58pm
|
Salaam, Sister let me ask you, do you feel good and comfortable not telling him? how are you feeling now? if you feel good and comfortable than you don't have to tell him, you tell him or you are not the benefit is for you, not for him not for somebody else. It's for your peace of mind. you can keep your secret or your past as long as you want to. Trust life and let it flow, by any means is when you trust life it's mean you trust Allah, and you know Allah will never let you down, Allah will give you what the best for you. And if your heart keep telling you to tell him than tell him, if he is not accept your past it's mean he's not accept who you are and not deserve you, Allah will give you somebody else who deserve and love you unconditionally and Allah blessing will come to you.. amen... And when he accept you than you know he's the right person for you, the gift from Allah just for you. Just believe, trust Allah & life stay blessed  |
Posted By: honeto
Date Posted: 26 July 2011 at 4:35pm
|
Salam, I think you did the right thing. Once Allah has guided you and you have asked His forgiveness and guidance, and you sincerely live up to the promise of obeying Allah it is your duty to not to talk about whatever bad you did in the past, if you want Allah to forgive you. So, even though he should not insist on knowing your past. Ask him if he is interested in your past of your future, only if he is being too investigative, I hope he is not. Pray to Allah often to bring peace, love and understanding between two of you. If he is also a practicing and good hearted Muslim he will understand and look forward, not backwards, Inshallah. May Allah make your path easy, Ameen. Hasan ------------- The friends of God will certainly have nothing to fear, nor will they be grieved. Al Quran 10:62 |