Sisters, Asslamo alekum,

I am a male writing in sisters domain because of topic need.

I am in contact with a Christian women of 23 years in New Zealand. She wants to marry my friend who is a Muslim. She is ready to accept Islam as she loves him very much.

However, my concern is, whether such a move by her, which would be basically for lust/love, let her follow and practice Islam in true sense in the future.

Need your comments from a woman's perspective.

Allah Hafiz

Salamalaikum,

I have to say there are MANY MANY non-Muslim women who marry Muslim men and convert immediatley after or upon marrige to the guy and they turn out to truly embrace Islam in the best of ways.

But what about your friend, does he mind knowing the only reason shes converting is because of him? If he doesnt, then I would question his intentions also. If he's not that religious then it doesnt matter, but we cant stop anyone from converting, their true intention is with Allah and we must leave it up to God if He accepts their conversion or not. It's not really for us to judge.

Good luck to your friend!

Salamah

Salamah, Asslamo-alekum, and thanks for the prompt reply

fortunately or unfortunately there came a new twist to this story today morning. The girl has said no to reverting. She says that she likes Jesus pbuh a lot and cannot convert. She says that she will respect Islam but can leave her religion.

I am very confused as in what to suggest.

Please help

Allah Hafiz, Aamir

Hi

I'd advise you to tell your friend not to convert to islam unless she actually believes in it. I am born muslim myself and I have a friend who is an English revert and married a muslim man approximately five years ago when she was 19. At the begininig everything in her marriage was fine for her and she was happy. She started to pray five times and then she even started to wear the head covering and she would fast in the holy month of ramadan . However I think she failed to understand that being a muslim is not just about wearing a veil and praying. It is about how you lead your entire life. Although her husband was Muslim when she married him he was not fully practising. But gradually he has become more and more islamic. In fact she now finds him too strict. He does not like her working in a non muslim environment, he does not like the clothes she wears (as she wears the head cover..but with jeans etc!?), he absolutely hates the idea of her talking to other men. She cannot understand this behaviour and finds it oppressive. He cannot understand why she does not listen to him and his feelings and love for her have just gone out of the window. This has resulted in her not praying her daily five prayers anymore, abandoning the muslim head dress and going to clubs and pubs with her male friends and leading a life she use to lead before she was muslim. She is actually rather bitter towards islam even though she chose to convert and no body forced her to. I myself after speaking to my friend have come to realise that she converted for the wrong reasons. I do not like people using my religion like the way she has done (basically to satisfy a man) and then abandoning it. Looking back at the situation now both parties feel as though the past five years have been a total waste of time.Therefore I would advise your Christian friend to put the man aside and think about it.....can she live like a Muslim? does she actually believe in this religion ? or is this just somthing she does not mind doing to satisfy this man. I feel its a very serious decision to make and hastiness and emotions could result in disaster.

fathima wrote:   IF  she  is  redady   to  undergo   circumcision

That is NOT necessary! Nor is it a requirement to become muslim!

Assla-mo-alekum to all of you,

sisters so many thanks for giving your opinions on the topic. WEll, i would agree with ANgel that this is not a necessary requirement to marry Christian girl. My only fear is that after marriage (even after observing me practicing Islam fully), if she decides not to revert, then what would be the consequences.

COncequences include long term topics, as in, child reearing, festive manners and behaviour, and much more.

mail2aamir wrote: Assla-mo-alekum to all of you, sisters so many thanks for giving your opinions on the topic. WEll, i would agree with ANgel that this is not a necessary requirement to marry Christian girl. My only fear is that after marriage (even after observing me practicing Islam fully), if she decides not to revert, then what would be the consequences. COncequences include long term topics, as in, child reearing, festive manners and behaviour, and much more.

Dear Bro

I think this is good that at least she has spoken for her relegious feelings rather than mere sentimental ones. This indicate that she has the courage to standby the faith which she considers to be true. Now the ball is in the court of your friend. If your friend has also some religious priorities in his life, then, I am hopefull that the boat of life will not sink but Inshallah be carried to the one right direction. However, if he is not of kind that cares for his religion, then the problem may appear as in the case narrated by Queenie where cultural obsessions start to take priority over everything else. If we look carefully in that narration, it was the man who was getting stingy about her "hijab with Jean" (which is atleast better than no hijab with jeans) and not initiated by the lady. I think, seeing this personality conflict within a muslim man resulted in a unhappy ending of a marriage life in that narration. So, in a nut shell, if your friend likes her beside all her background known to him, then he should rather remain contended with whatever happens during their future journey in life would not be worse, but may have a chance to improve when Allah may guide the girl to Islam. Rest Allah knows the best.

Asslamualikum,

one can marry a christain women if she is an honourable women . menaing that she has not indulged in sex outside marraige or kissing etc.

however if a Chrsitaisn women ( or any kaffir women for that matter) converts to islam then her past sins are wiped out.

Also a person should be encouraged to convert if they believe Islam is the truth. If they are not prefect Muslims then them still it is better than them being kaffir.

As long as they do not believe or do things that invalidate their Islam.

Thinks that invalidate Islam please read on my site http://www.shariahway.com - www.shariahway.com

walikum salam

Abuubaida

Assalamu Alaikum:

As a revert, I've seen far too many women revert for a guy... without fully understanding Islam and what they are agreeing to.  They do it because they want to marry him... and for his family to accept them.  I usually counsel reverts to wait at least one year after reverting (preferably two) before marrying or considering marriage.  Why?? Many times after they do revert, if they are sincere, they find out that this guy (who they may/may not have been sleeping with prior to reverting) is not the type of Muslim they want for a husband!

If she's determined to revert, they should at least take a cooling off period before marrying... and the girl needs to make sure she has an excellent wali who can investigate this guy and stand up for her rights!

Peace.

Brother123 wrote: Asslamualikum, one can marry a christain women if she is an honourable women . menaing that she has not indulged in sex outside marraige or kissing etc. however if a Chrsitaisn women ( or any kaffir women for that matter) converts to islam then her past sins are wiped out. Also a person should be encouraged to convert if they believe Islam is the truth. If they are not prefect Muslims then them still it is better than them being kaffir.   As long as they do not believe or do things that invalidate their Islam. Thinks that invalidate Islam please read on my site http://www.shariahway.com - www.shariahway.com walikum salam Abuubaida

The allowance to marry Christian and Jewish women states that they are acceptable as wives for Muslim men if they are CHASTE women of the book.  They must be practicing their religion, avoiding sin, worshipping Allah as their religion has outlined, not just a card carrying Christian or Jew, because that's what their parents say they are.

The Christian and Jewish women at the time of the Prophet salla Allahu alaihi wa salam covered themselves in proper hijab.  This was part of their religion then.  They obeyed their husbands, this was also part of their religion.  They didn't mix with other men.  They stayed in their homes and cared for their families. What you see today is not what the Prophet salla Allahu alaihi wa salam experienced when he married Maryam.

I have seen the heartbreak of some brothers who married non-muslim women and when the children begin to grow, the brother begins to take his Islam seriously, but his wife cannot bear what she has been taught is oppression and possessiveness.  It tears the family apart.  And in the western nations, she has all the rights on the children.

Please advise your brother to find a better bride.  Love has nothing to do with it, what he is feeling is fleeting and will fade within the first year.  Real love and commitment takes time and patience, years!  He could find a better wife marrying a stranger who holds the same beliefs and boundries that he does.  No matter how much you think you love someone, if there is constant conflict in the home, you will eventually resent your spouse and destroy your family.

umsami wrote: Assalamu Alaikum: As a revert, I've seen far too many women revert for a guy... without fully understanding Islam and what they are agreeing to.  They do it because they want to marry him... and for his family to accept them.  I usually counsel reverts to wait at least one year after reverting (preferably two) before marrying or considering marriage.  Why?? Many times after they do revert, if they are sincere, they find out that this guy (who they may/may not have been sleeping with prior to reverting) is not the type of Muslim they want for a husband! If she's determined to revert, they should at least take a cooling off period before marrying... and the girl needs to make sure she has an excellent wali who can investigate this guy and stand up for her rights! Peace.

Masha'Allah, very very good insight and advice.  I have seen so many converts marry the man they were dating when they took shahadah, only to far surpass their husband's iman and ibadah, and regret having not taken the time to learn Islam before chosing their spouse.  Most brothers resent the wife who surpasses them in Islam, and will always challenge her status as a muslim ("You think you are a better muslim than me??? I was BORN a muslim!"), and will quite often throw her unchaste past in her face.

Salaam brothers and sisters in Deen,

Well when i started this topic i was very skeptical abt the insights tht i wud get. however, i held an assurance in my heart regarding the good quality of members on this discussion forum. Thus i always expected gud and insightful replies and suggestions.

I am so happy and feel content today to get what i wanted. You ppl have done a remarkable service by providing righteous suggestions.

After a lot of brainstorming and thinking over the subject and keeping in mind suggestions posted here, it has been finally decided NOT to marry this woman. Because we also chalked out a plan and tried to test this woman on Islamic perspectives.

We asked her many questions indirectly and gave her various scenarios over this period of a month (and all Questions and scenarios related directly or indirectly to Islamic rules).

This lady at the end turned out to be the modern day Christian who is as far from the true/right path as possible.

According to her respecting parents and giving thm time is crap and outdated. She says tht bozzing if done in control is infact gud for health. And many more...

Once again i thank all of you for replies to the topic. And helping a brother to keep to Righteous PAth.

Well i think i wud yet again bounce a query to all of u. This time a matrimonial one. If there are any sisters who r luking smone for marriage may consider this Guy of age 25, 5'11" height, fair color, average built, extremely intelligent and highly educated (from a very respectable family of the region), working as Consultant in a world's most reputed and one of the Fortune 20 IT organization. Currently settled in India. Highly Islamic upbringing and a very respectable guy because of his knowledgable and insightful views on almost any subject.

So u see tht i hav converted this topic to a matrimonial thing. i believe this wud help and i pray May Allah allow response from most suited partner for him, Inshallah.

May peace, blessings and mercy of Allah (swt) be on all of us, Ameen.

ur brother in Deen

Aamir

salaam,

u can contact or write to mailto:[email protected] - [email protected]

Allah Hafiz

aamir