Mixed Marriage
Printed From: IslamiCity.org
Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Family Matter
Forum Description: Discuss Family Issues
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=15771
Printed Date: 25 April 2024 at 12:51am
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.03 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Mixed Marriage
Posted By: xenophon
Subject: Mixed Marriage
Date Posted: 11 November 2009 at 3:34am
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In 2005, I agreed to marry a woman. But we had to wait for her divorce. In the meantime, deploring the way I had been too long living, I at last converted to Islam. My wife did not convert. Partly because she is a member of the Chinese Communist Party. But mostly because Islam (the Religions of the Book generally) make little sense to traditional Chinese habits of mind. I married her because 1) she is as good a woman as one could ask for, 2) she divorced her husband to marry me---it seemed wrong to break a promise to marry her, especially so since she was already in her mid-forties.
I realize it is incumbent on me to bring her to Islam, if possible. Any suggestions how? |
Replies:
Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 12 November 2009 at 9:43am
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" I married her because 1) she is as good a woman as one could ask for, 2) she divorced her husband to marry me---"
Seems an oxymoron to me� |
Posted By: Akhe Abdullah
Date Posted: 12 November 2009 at 11:26am
| Salams X yes she should become Muslim that is best.May Allah Guide her to Islam.May Allah Help you to be a good leader.If she is into traditional ways as you say,then it should not be a problem at the risk of sounding sexist i wont explain further. |
Posted By: martha
Date Posted: 12 November 2009 at 12:15pm
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Best to let her come to Islam in her own time. Just be a good example to her, then the rest will follow.
THink of it like this. If someone had tried to revert you to Islam before you were ready, what would you most likely have done? Run the opposite direction? So be patient with her. ------------- some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set |
Posted By: xenophon
Date Posted: 13 November 2009 at 6:07am
| Point noted. Her ex-husband had shortcomings that brought on the failure of the marriage. I have asked Allah's forgiveness for the matter and realize I may have to pay nonetheless. Better to accept His justice than deny it. That being said, please refrain from subtle insults against my wife whom you do not even know. If you want to cast aspersions as to character faults, I offer a perfectly good target. I am trying to put two lives in order here. There are literally thousands of forums where you can parade your vocabulary and impress people with words like "oxymoron." |
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 13 November 2009 at 9:47am
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Asaalam Alaikum, i agree with Martha, be patient. It is really up to Allah. Work to better yourself and become the best Muslim you can be. Educate yourself. I know a number of women who married their Muslim husbands and later became Muslims. It is a journey. The first thing is to know does she believe in God. I do think that it SHOULD be part of your decision to marry. This is a basic question.. for men may marry "people of the Book: But does she deny the existence of God? You need to look beyond the surface - labels , etc and discuss - if you have not already- what she believes in. As a revert, I would not recommend any Muslim, especially a "new" Muslim marry a nonMuslim. To not share it in the home would be problematic.Think about 5 years down the road. What do you visualize. Islam is central to the core self, I think it would not work. To not share it with your spouse - unless you were already married, would be tough. Its tough if you are already married. Deen is most important. I'd chat with her and get an idea of where she is at in general with religion. Some people are very negative towards religion. Don't want to marry into that.. My duas for you. hayfa ------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: xenophon
Date Posted: 14 November 2009 at 5:29am
| Thanks Hayfa. It has recently occurred to me that one problem with her becoming Muslim is me. For too long a time after conversion I continued as my same bad-tempered self. Ready to argue too easily. Confrontational. Impatient. The only difference was I did salat, paid zakat, and read the Quran. A foul-tempered man who prays does not, for that reason, become more bearable. More recently, I've begun to making a systematic effort to follow the Prophet's (PBUH)teachings about self-control and anger. But I have a few years bad example to live down yet. Thanks for the duah again. |
Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 22 November 2009 at 12:10am
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Salam,
read durud when you feel angry,insha allah u will be able to controll your anger,
allhumma salli alaa mohammadin wa aalaa aale mohammadin,kamaa sallaita alaa ibrahima wa aalaa aale ibrahima innaka hameedunmajeed.
try this
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Posted By: xenophon
Date Posted: 23 November 2009 at 6:47am
| Thanks for the advice. I'll be trying that. |
Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 23 November 2009 at 9:11pm
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salam,
thats is so nice of to accept my advice,Jazaa kullahu khair.
regards
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Posted By: Full of Hopes
Date Posted: 01 December 2009 at 9:07pm
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asslamu alikum
I 100% agree that u should be more patient with her. Allah is the only one who brings the islam in her heart. But u shouldnt give up. I believe the best way is to be a good example of a good muslim. Show her the great islamic good manners and kindness. Say the right word in the right place. I also believe u need to ask a muslim scholar about ur case. We know Muslims can marry from the people of the book but how about the other religions? U should know. Salam -------------  And whoever seeks a religion other than Isl�m, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers(3:85)
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Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 01 December 2009 at 11:12pm
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Assalam alaikum, brother,keep praying for her in tahajjud,insha allah allah will turn her heart.to get hidaya from allah it is nesessary for her to have a soft corner in her heart for islam. I heard this from a friend about firaun,when aasiya the wife of firaun who was a beliver showed him the little musa (Alaihu wasalam) and said he is the coolness of our heart on this firaun said no the little child is not the coolness of my heart and refused to accept him,it is said that if he had accepted little moses allah would have given him hidaya.so work on ways how you can bring her to deen,i have seen this many times that wives follow the deen of her husband.
about marying the people of book,it is not permitted to marry the woman of bani israel as they all have become idol worshippers and it is more dangerous to marry them in a non muslim country as a woman has more rights on the child than father unlike in muslim countries.so the future of your child is also in danger if you marry them.
hope this helps.
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Posted By: honeto
Date Posted: 24 December 2009 at 5:16pm
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Assalam Alykum, praying for her guidance and becoming the best a Muslim example can be is the key as most of us agree and suggest. I would also say have you mentally prepared yourself if she does not become a Muslim? What have you planned for that? Have you talked before what happens in case if you have children? what about the household, will it be a Muslim household or not regardless of her becoming Muslim or not? The reason I bring these thing up is due to the fact that I was in a similar situation. When I married my first and only wife, she was not a Muslim, and I was not a practicing Muslim. But it must be a blessing and my mothers prayers that I showed my concern to my future wife about future direction of our household, and Children. I told her that I love her and want to marry her but if these conditions were not acceptable to her I cannot go on with marrying her, as to me she is important but so is what follows it. I promised her that I will not force her in becoming Muslim and it is not a condition for getting married. We agreed and were satisfied and we got married. Alhumdolillah we have been married for almost 14 years and she took Shahadah more than seven years ago. She comes from Catholic and Christian backgrounds, but herself never into organized religion. Even before saying Shahada she was helping raise our kids Muslim, even taking them to mosque and teaching them about Islam. May Allah reward her for that. Even though I had promised her that she don't have to become Muslim, I was ready, even though it was hard, in case if she does not become Muslim. So, regardless of the outcome, have you set a clear direction for your household with her? If not, I would suggest, its never too late. And get to an agreement which is acceptable to her and to you without sacrificing Allah's commands. Meanwhile I will pray that Allah help you to overcome your faults, and open her heart to the truth, Ameen. Hasan ------------- The friends of God will certainly have nothing to fear, nor will they be grieved. Al Quran 10:62 |