Al Salam 3olaikom

I was wondering how should weddings these days be prepared. Everything is changing and I have noticed that most muslim weddings are very much like western style (with respect to all religions). Especially because I am living in Canada.

I have more to say but I want your opinions first.

Peace to all

Salam.

Assalaamoalikum sister

u r absolutely right.People have made a game to religion.They dont even bother to teach there children about islaam specially in foreign countries.People have made it the issue of dignity that if there is no mehendi,no songs and dances then no marrieges.although all these customs r forbidden in islaam.and that all is because of media which attracts people to have more and more sins.and its the nature of man that bad thing facinates him and he will be far away from simple and good thing.

Al Salam 3olaikom

Thank you for your ideas.

Jenni:  that sounds like it was a nice wedding.  

Eventhough the men and women are separated is it right in Islam to dance to music and wear what ever you want. I heard once there was a wedding and the women and men were seperated. Lots of the women were wearing very "little clothing" (if I could say), and there were pictures taken. After a few days the pictures were distributed around that men saw them.

And like you said M1583: "media which attracts people to have more and more sins"

I think we are being challended by the media. Sometimes it is hard to just ignore

Here in Canada, I have went to some weddings that at first, after all the people arrive and take a seat, the bride and the groom come in with their "brides maid" and "the groom's best man" (I don't know what is the purpose for them?). Then when the bride and groom have a seat someone makes a speech and then Quran is read. After that dinner is served, and when all that is finished music is put on and everyone dances. (This is a wedding were both men and women are together). I have never been to a wedding were men and women were seperated.

If you tell someone that you are having a religious wedding, most people wont come, weird hah.

That is why everyone is doing the MODERN way weddings.

Salam

Jenni wrote: I suggest having a party at the brides house before and have dancing if you want. You can take a video and keep it private to watch only with your girlfriends. don't make any copys. I think dancing is totally out of line with men around. However if the wedding is mixed with men and women I think its ok if you seat single women and men seperatly and families together and don't have music. Ours was a family type wedding so people being together at the end especially the reception was not a big deal becuase we were just eating dinner. And most of the people were married with kids.

Yes you are right, what you are saying is no problem. I heard that music and the instruments are forbidden except for a "daff" in islam. I don't know for sure

Assalaamoalikum

Rose and jenni it is nice to have people like u around.thanx alot that u guided me rose.

And jenni im not sying that mehendi is forbidden in islam i was talking about the occasion of mehendi.and dance is forbidden in islaam.am i right or wrong??i wat know is that people have taken it in a wrong way.Wat ever was in that wedding which u joined was i think is the good that ladies and gents were seperate.but mostly it is not going in that way.infact i have seen that girls and boys dance together.even girls dance in front of men and i think that is not good.

i dont know much more about islaam.but i a;ways seek to know more and more.and i would be very pleased if u people help me.

Rose::the bride and the groom come in with their "brides maid" and "the groom's best man" (I don't know what is the purpose for them?).

Rose u have asked that what is the perpose 4 them? I dont that what is the perpose of groom's best man.But i know what is the perpose of brides maid.I have read that it is good to have bride's maid with bride that after nikah she has to talk about bride's different  features in front of groom.like her hands her eyes etc so that groom attracts towards bride.As i have heard that the good woman is that who apeals her hasband by different good  ways so he can not go to other woman.

If i am wrong in any way plzzz guide me.

Salam,

I know that the bridesmaid is to help the bride on her wedding day, but anyone can do that and it is not mentioned in Islam.

M1583,

You're welcome. I am glad that I was of some help to you. We are all here to help eachother and discover the outstanding truth of Islam.

M1583 wrote: I dont that what is the perpose of groom's best man.But i know what is the perpose of brides maid.I have read that it is good to have bride's maid with bride that after nikah she has to talk about bride's different  features in front of groom.like her hands her eyes etc so that groom attracts towards bride.As i have heard that the good woman is that who apeals her hasband by different good  ways so he can not go to other woman.

I don't think this is right. But I hope someone answers your question.

Salam.

WEDDING is the first stone of oundation of the family,so muslims are least bothered about taking care of these stone which will have a great impact in future life,

today muslims marriages are filled with all those things for which prophet mohammed saws hated most.

in our marriages we are least bothered about the sunnath of prophet but we are more bothered about people what they say we never think are we making ALLAH angry ,we only se are the guest ok what they r talking about arrangements,

prophet mohammad saws said near to the day of judgement Hallal will become haram and haram will become hallal,the best example of these words we will get in marriages.

i have seen in muslims marriages,after the nikah if the bridegroom comes and speaks to his newly wed wife the whole gathering will talk about him like he doesnt have manners and all,

in the same gathering if a vedio grapher who is non mahram comes and takes the vedeo of the bride no one will talk infact they ask the others to show the bride more to cover her in the video ,so we r talking against hallal and for the haram.

may ALLAH guide every muslim to right path,

the best marriage is the one with less expensive simple wedding and if we do the marriage taking care of making almighty and his prophet happy than that marriage is the successfull one.  

Prophet used to like that marriage in which the miskeens were invited but today we most of them ignore the poor family friends.

we should not forget the poor friends and we have to invite them first.

�Western-styled garments are designed primarily to emphasize the shape of the female body and to attract the attention of members of the opposite sex, these immodest apparels are worn by Muslim women who, in anticipation of the opportunity to show themselves off at impending weddings or engagements, start making preparations on a lavish scale by acquiring the more "modern" versions of these abominably styled clothing. What is even more deplorable is the practice of equipping the bride with several of these immodestly designed suits, and subjecting her to a most humiliating display on an elaborately prepared stage after clothing her in an exquisite western wedding gown and obliterating all her natural beauty with cosmetics. And to ensure perfection in the scrupulously observed rituals of the west, the bride is provided with a retinue of bridesmaids, flower-girls and page-boy, with their faces similarly disfigured with the same satanic object of attracting the maximum of lustful stares.�

I have read that in Islam weddings, the groom can hold a Walima (a banquet).

The relatives, neighbors, and friends are invited in order to make them aware of the marriage. Both rich and poor of the family and community are invited to the marriage feasts.

Rose wrote:    �Western-styled garments are designed primarily to emphasize the shape of the female body and to attract the attention of members of the opposite sex, these immodest apparels are worn by Muslim women who, in anticipation of the opportunity to show themselves off at impending weddings or engagements, start making preparations on a lavish scale by acquiring the more "modern" versions of these abominably styled clothing. What is even more deplorable is the practice of equipping the bride with several of these immodestly designed suits, and subjecting her to a most humiliating display on an elaborately prepared stage after clothing her in an exquisite western wedding gown and obliterating all her natural beauty with cosmetics. And to ensure perfection in the scrupulously observed rituals of the west, the bride is provided with a retinue of bridesmaids, flower-girls and page-boy, with their faces similarly disfigured with the same satanic object of attracting the maximum of lustful stares.�

Assalamu alaikum,

This is so sad.  It is plain to see that the Muslims doing this have not been properly taught our beautiful religion, nor are they passing on the knowledge of Islam to their children.

It reminds me of the aboriginals here in Canada who, over many decades, lost their native languages and customs, mostly from the interference of the Christian churches, not to mention the government itself.

Or, the example of Japanese weddings these days, where you see them either not doing them traditionally or doing that and also a western style wedding.

People all over are losing their culture to "western" culture.  Please, let's all do everything we can to teach and maintain our religious culture and more than that our Islamic traditions and sunnah of the Prophet.

Peace, ummziba.

I don't wish to cause disharmony but wanted to point out that different cultures do things differently. What may be alien to one culture may be acceptable in another.

I was disheartened when on a television programme recently I saw that Christian churches have encroached on the beliefs of an ancient tribe in Africa. There was also a tribal woman, her hair braided and bound with earth, wearing beads and traditional dress of her tribe, in a supermarket! It looked bizzarre and made me sad. I was sad because I like the fact that there are people out there in our beautiful and varied world who are so far removed from modern life and that live the same way that they have lived for thousands of years.

We should understand that they have their way of doing things and other people have other customs. It is tempting to tell everyone about your faith/religion/culture because it makes you so happy. If we start saying that the way other people get married is wrong, then we run the risk of being seen as forcing our beliefs on others.

I personally enjoy difference. If we were all the same, our world would not be as full of variety as it is today. Yes it is sad that the cultures are getting diluted and I can see that the West has an effect on the rest of the world. I think the most important thing about a wedding day is that everyone, particularly those getting married has a wonderful day-a day to remember for a long time and that they are in love and honour that love the best they can. Those that disagree or are offended by the clothes of the couple could always not attend. As long as no-one is getting hurt.

There are many interfaith/ interculture weddings where it makes sense to blend the two as best the couple can.

Like I say, I do not wish to offend but wanted to put my point across. I may have opened up a can of worms here or perhaps just a good discussion

Clara

Hi Clara,

Perhaps you misunderstand my point.  I was not saying that we should teach and maintain our religious culture and Islamic traditions to others - I meant that we (Muslims) need to teach it to our children and encourage it within our community.  (Of course there is nothing wrong with teaching your ways to others, as long as they are not forced on others!)

I love the diversity of this world, and Allah even says in the Qur'an that He made us all different that we may know one another.  I was only saying (much as you are) that we all need to cherish our own cultures and religious practices and not discard them.

I would rather see a Japanese bride in a kimono than a white "western" style wedding dress.  I would rather see a Muslim bride in proper hijab, a Scottish groom in a kilt, and so on.

For Muslims, you must understand, obeying Allah is always the priority.  Muslims who forget this or grow away from it are the ones who are doing things like having "western" style weddings and so on.  In doing this, they are forgetting to please Allah.

This is one of the problems with "globalization" where instead of different and unique things all over the world we find McDonald's, KFC and Coca Cola in even the most remote countries.  And all the rest of the "western" stuff that goes along with it.  It is just a shame.

Now, I hope I have not misunderstood you - I think we are both on the same page on this matter!

Peace, ummziba.

Clara,

     You are more than welcome to give your opinions. It is beautiful to be "unique". I am referring to the Islam in our generation. The whole purpose of Islam is to accomplish our goals of being sincere to our religion. Yes, the west is influencing the concepts of the Islamic religion. And I am infuriated to see this happening. I do not intend any animosity or disrespect to any other religion.

I strongly emphasize the fact that most Muslims, either living in an Islamic community or not, are not following its� treasures.

When I see a Hindu woman, as an example only, wearing her Sari, Ghagra,  Choli, I am impressed; Or the Sikhs, that won a very long battle with the government to allow  them to wear the turbans because is was sacred to them. I think that it is great to be devoted and loyal to a RELIGION: Too many meanings to explain how pleasing it is to be of a certain religion. And I am thankful for being who I am and what I do or wear to satisfy my God ALLAH (swt).

�Being different is one thing, making a difference is another�

Hi again!

Thank you, I am glad you did not take offence to me joining the discussion. I am still finding my feet in the forums.

I agree about the big Western brands going global! It is so annoying and a little sad to visit other countries in the hope of tasting their unique cuisine and culture only to be confronted with these huge, scarily familiar Western fast food outlets! I have to say I never eat at McDonalds or KFC and it is rare that I drink Coke. I like eating real healthy food with as few synthetic ingredients as possible (I don't eat meat anyway, only fish).

I agree too that it is lovely to see unique dress among people of different faiths. I have been reading a book about a young girl growing up in Japan in the 11th century. Their culture sounds colourful and interesting. I now want to see more pictures and maybe even go there on day although I suspect that the traditions are more diluted too, for reasons we have touched on.

You sound so happy and proud to be Muslim women. I wish more westerners could see that. Unfortunately many people still think of Muslim women as quiet, hidden away or oppressed. I have worked with Muslim men and women and found that they are great people, very open and fun to be around. One particular girl used to have me in stitches quite often! I am living in a part of England right now that is predominantly typical white, working to middle class, there are few people of Asian or African origin, few Muslims, Sikhs and Hindus. I am moving closer to London soon, back to the place I grew up. I am so looking forward to being in the middle of a more diverse neighbourhood once again.

Religious people often seem much calmer and more grounded to me. Some of my close friends are devout Christians and I often feel that I wish I could feel what they do. But to be honest, I don't feel I have found a religion I can believe in yet. Yes, I could go along with it all, go to church every Sunday etc but I really want to feel that devotion and belief in the religion. I admire them for the people they are but I am still searching for something that suits me. Hence all the questions and my joining this forum!

Having guidelines to life must be very comforting too. I rely on my own ideas of what is right and wrong, influenced a lot by my upbringing I guess but I am sure I don't always get it right! Life is difficult for all of us sometimes I know. At the end of some days, I'd love to just know that there is someone looking out for me and that I can trust my life to them/him.

Anyway, I am going on!

Thanks again for making this a comfortable place to ask questions and express my opinion!

Clara

Assalamu Alaikum,

Good topic!  I was reading a fatwa one day regarding marriage and came across a question written by a "Christian" woman who was marrying a Muslim man.  I was amazed and the way this woman went on and on about the glories of this wedding day and all she had planned out.  And it didn't stop there, they were planning on a two week honeymoon in the Bahamas as well.  This woman was revealing all of this to the Imam and complaining that her soon to be husband's family was refusing to come to the even.  So much for allowing Muslim men to marry Christian women because the "man" is the head of the family.   It seems that today, most newlyweds start out with a debt big enough to put a siezable downpayment on a house.  There are countless couples getting divorced in the western world who are still in debt for their wedding.  It's utterly crazy!  I know women that have married for the wedding more than for the man they are getting married to.  So sad! 

Inshallah someday I will get married to a pious Muslim and I will be so happy to do it the way the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said.  I actually saw an Islamic wedding dress on line that I would be so happy to wear that day.  It is lovely and costs less than $100.  Also, the only real expense I want spent on my wedding is a dinner so that I can invite the poor to attend.  How better to start a blessed union than to do so by holding fast to the pillars of Islam?

PAZ, Khadija

AlSalam 3alaikom,

I know women that have married for the wedding more than for the man they are getting married to.  So sad!    Yes, your right I have met women like that, they get married to the man because of his position at work, the type of car he drives, the cash, the looks,...I could go on and on. I can't believe some people would sacrifice their lives for something so superficial. Khadila, I hope you find the pious man. We must be good examples for other people.  Showing what is real, genuine, and honest in the Islam world. It seems that today, most newlyweds start out with a debt big enough to put a siezable downpayment on a house.  There are countless couples getting divorced in the western world who are still in debt for their wedding.  It's utterly crazy! This is all happening because we worry what other people gossip. We want to be the center of attraction. You know, nowadays, everything is expensive and at times you will have to put that extra "dollar". No doubt, money is the first and main source in life, that is why we must spend wisely and for our sake only not for others. Salam