should men ask their wives to marry a second woman
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Topic: should men ask their wives to marry a second woman
Posted By: imanchhammoudeh
Subject: should men ask their wives to marry a second woman
Date Posted: 28 June 2008 at 10:18am
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Assalamu alaikom everyone,
I'm a woman who has been happily married for 6 years and have two kids. i thinks that my husband might not be as happy with me as i am with him. we keep debating about wether or net a man should ask kis wife to marry another woman. I personally think he should ask the first wife, but he says no. I over heard him talking to one of his friends that if a man should marry a second, that he should do it secretly, without letting his first wife know. because that would cause lots of trouble. i think it would get him into more trouble if he does it his way.
i need someone to tell me if my husband's right or i'm right...or just tell us what is right from wrong.
Wa Jazakum Allahu khairan
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Replies:
Posted By: starmoment
Date Posted: 30 June 2008 at 11:59am
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asalam aleikum sister.
Your husband has to tell you, since it will affect you, and ir
t,s according to quran and sunnah.
masalama starmoment.
i mean 6 years 2 kids, this serious business for you, you have your rithts as a muslimah
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Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 02 July 2008 at 2:54am
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There is no such thing as a "secret Nikah" / secret marriage. . . one of the essential requirements of a Nikah is its publicity i.e. presence of witnesses, not only those who bear verbal witness, but stand-bys. . . so that any Fitnah can be avoided. . . and the man is able to announce his honourable intentions.
There are ahadith that mention that one should invite as many guests as they can on the Nikah . . .and make it as public as possible.
If the muslim state sees that men are abusing the privelage of more than one wife, or any other Islamic privelage. . . they can make a law that safeguards women, temporarily. Because the larger interest of women or society is more important.
Thus, a man SHOULD at the LEAST , INFORM his wife that he is marrying a 2nd time. Especially since his family-life is given importance by Islam. . .and if the woman is unhappy with it, it affects a family - AND the kids. There are countries that make it illegal for a man to conduct a 2nd marriage without permission by the first wife, because men were abusing this right. . . and the females were suffering. . .
There is such a thing as a "Secret Affair", but no such thing as a "Secret Nikah". The mere fact that a man is conducting a secret marriage means he is doing something wrong. If he cares enough for the wife, rather than going thru the trouble of keeping everuthing a secret, he make things work with the 1rst one. If they keep it a secret, it is to keep thier reputation of that of a "faithful' man . . .and so ppl dont point fingers at them. (many do so due to a midlife crisis, and want a younger wife to iflate the ego)
Disclaimer: I am all for Islamic polygyny . . .IF done the Islamic way, for Islamic reasons. . . . . NOT in favour of men misusing it and defaming Islam.
------------- "O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young." |
Posted By: martha
Date Posted: 02 July 2008 at 5:02am
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Everything regarding Islam should be out in the open. That includes multiple marriages. Although permission is not needed from the first wife, the husband nevertheless should tell her he is taking another wife. To do it otherwise is deceitful and can cause so much hurt. It's sad that men have such an ego that they forget the example of the Prophet(pbuH) All his wives knew the score, and had a choice whether to stay or leave. A man who secretly marries a second wife is really asking for trouble at some point. NOT because he has a 2nd wife, but because he was deceitful with the 1st.
Even in some countries where there are restrictions as such, ie needing permision from 1st wife to marry 2nd , men can and do abuse that way too, and the man doesnt inform the authorities of the 1st wife.
And Chrysalis is quite right to say that a secret marriage means the man is doing something wrong. He really needs to get closer to Allah and understand Islam more. If women were treated more compassionately then the polygyny issue would probably not arise. It takes effort from the man to explain all, and guide the 1st wife through the proccess, not just land her with knowledge of a 2nd and with comments such as 'in Islam a man can have more than one wife etc so put up with it'. Personally I think men have more issues with polygyny than the women, hence the secrecy.
------------- some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set |
Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 02 July 2008 at 8:11am
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"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds..." �Ralph Waldo Emerson A foolish consistency is one that serves no benefit for the end user. Sure it�s better not to tell your wife especially when she knows, and can articulate how idiotic the idea is � and when you don�t want to listen to a voice of reason. Of course keep it a hush-hush from your wife because she familiar with; the fact that you are unable to support another wife, that the sister you desire to marry would likely be devastating for your family, that all the time you spend on the internet has borne this result, knowing you�re a little �put upon� due to my having one child after another � and not having enough time to properly coddle you and your whims, that your prospect who is younger than your own daughter will not correct your inabilities, that plural marriage is illegal in your country, the truth that you are unable to emotionally or maturely deal with your present marriage, and that taking another wife would greatly hurt her. From a pure fiqh position informing your wife prior to marriage is not a condition for the legitimacy of the second marriage; however, fiqh assumes that we have intelligence! What sane, sensible or rational man would not share and explore such a major decision with his wife? Is a man able to give up a good paying professional career to work for Walmart without telling his wife? What is the permissibility of suddenly and without telling your wife that you have decided to move the family from A basic and fundament principal in our religion is that � there shall be no harm. Harm of an individual is always taken into consideration and greater harm is eliminated by a lesser harm. Brothers should not harm their wives by always talking about taking another wife, or searching the internet in her presents looking at or for other women. What about the fiqh of treating women with kindness? Wallah-ul-Musta'aan! |
Posted By: seekn
Date Posted: 05 July 2008 at 6:07pm
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Assalamu Alikum, Thank you above! I was getting somewhat worried reading this thread. ------------- "He will not be asked about what He does, but they will be asked." (al-Anbiya' 21: 23) |
Posted By: Nausheen
Date Posted: 10 July 2008 at 11:52pm
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yeah, even I got mixed up, because fiqh does not entail one has to make the second marriage open to the first wife.
Only exception I have heard is when something of the sort is said in the marriage contract. wallahu alam. ------------- <font color=purple>Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.[/COLOR] |
Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 13 July 2008 at 1:35am
That is true Nausheen, that in fiqh there is no such injunction which makes it compuslory for the man to "ask" his first wife etc. When there are no injunctions in Fiqh, Shariah, Sunnah about a particular issue - that leaves a Grey area, and Muslims are allowed to use Ijtihad, Ijma, Qiyas etc to form a consensus. Another more reliable way is to follow the Sahabah, especially the Ashrah-e-Mubassharah.
And we know from history that there were occasions during Umar's (R.A.) khilafat, that certain unforseen circumstances took place, in which muslims started to misuse Islamic Injunctions and created problems for the society. 2 such examples I can quote are when women started demanding sky-high Mahr amounts that men couldnt afford - and another when Divorces became so rampant that the same couple would be divorcing and remarrying each other. Thus Umar (R.A) made temporary policy changes to deal with the current issue at hand. Does that mean they were to be implemented on all muslims for the end of time? No. Just to deal with a specific problem in a specific area, at a specific time. Which is why those policies were abrogated later.
Hence, if a Muslim State observes certain unislamic trends on the rise - and yet they are not specifically dealt with in Islam/Shariah - the state, as a guardian of the Public, and responsible for wellbieng of every citizen has a right to make such temporary policies to deal with that issue. . . . For example, lets take the present issue at hand - All muslim men do not abuse thier right to 4-wives. . . . yet some do. Infact we can even pinpoint geographical areas where such abuses take place, because old-traditions/culture are at play. . . such as south-east asia for EXAMPLE. And thus it becomes the State's responsibility to deal with such issues in society and not turn the other way, simply because an injunction cannot be found in Shariah. It should be kept in mind, that in Islamic Law, certain aspects such as the Hadd-Laws are not changeable. . . but there are felxible aspects in it as well. ------------- "O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young." |
Nausheen wrote:Posted By: minuteman
Date Posted: 06 September 2008 at 5:13am
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Much has been written. If there was a condition during Nikah that husband will not marry (take a second wife) without the permission of the first wife then he has to take permission before marrying another wife.
Suppose the first wife does not permit it. Then the husband has the choice to divorce her which could be even worse. The problem of informing has been settled. He should inform the first wife when marrying another one. There is no secret marriage.
The man has the right to divorce the wife. Wife cannot divorce the husband. But the wife can resign (Ask for KHula'a). That she cannot or does not want to live with her husband. The request will go up and will be considered and approved if she presses for it resolutely. She has to give good reasons for resignation. But even if the reasons are not good, if she wishes to be free then freedom will be granted.
In case of Khula'a (resignation), the wife may have to forego some of the benefits of dowary.
In case a man marries another lady, he should not keep them under the same roof. He should provide living for each wife separately and treat them equally as much as he can. It is a sin to mistreat any one and love the other one.
Now I come to the practical side of the things observed in saudi Arabia on sea side. There were some Saudi women fighting (arguing) with the Pakistani women on the beach. What was the problem?
The Pakistani women were accusing the Saudi ladies that they do not care for their husbands. The Saudis were accusing the Pakistani ladies for being too possessive, for not permitting the husbands to have another wife. They were accusing the pakistanis for not letting the husbands enjoy themselves, by being too possessive, not allowing the second wife.
The Saudis said they were happy if the husband had two or three wives. They are securely living in their own house with their own children and have less work to do. Less attendance to husbands requirements, etc. ( I will soon post another case of very young girls marrying very men in saudia). ------------- If any one is bad some one must suffer |
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 07 September 2008 at 3:26pm
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As far as comfort,, it all depends on your environment and experiences, and outlook! I know of women to help a sister out asked her husband to marry the other woman..
No a man does not need a woman's permission to marry another. Yes the marriage needs to be annonced and not hidden. For instance some men overseas marry a 2nd wife and they "announce" it. But what does that entail.. No evites on interent back then...lol ------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: Yasmine Dixon
Date Posted: 15 August 2010 at 3:30pm
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Posted By: Yasmine Dixon
Date Posted: 15 August 2010 at 3:40pm
Asalaam Wa'alaikum, My brother are you stating this off of fact(knowledge) or opinion. When you give others advice in Islam it has to be able to be proven. Inshallah, we as Muslims can remember that. 
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Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 16 August 2010 at 11:59am
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Asaalamm alaikum, Welcome to the Forum Yasmin. i think you need to discuss with your husband what his interests and intentions are towards a 2nd or 3rd wife. That is fine to do. Is he talking to nonMuslim women? Generally he should not be talking to the women in most circumstances. 1. If he finds a woman interesting he should then refer her to other people to discuss Islam. If he thinks he wants to marry her he should never do it alone.. .. but there are many aspects you have not told us. which is fine. But without background no one can really give any recommendations. And if you want Quran and Sunnah and the legal I recommend you go to an Imam or Scholar... ------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: Divya_Mohammed
Date Posted: 17 August 2010 at 8:43am
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Assalam Alaikum
This is an issue that I am not comfortable with, both as a New converted Muslim and as a woman.
My husband loves me most but I dont have guts to even talk to him to find out his views on taking more wives, lest I dont open a pandora's box.
I have read translation of Islamic scriptures and understand the issue but my simple mind is unable to find a logic or a proper explanation as to why in 21st century someone would want many wives.
After all, the population mix globally and in each society, as a normal course is 50:50 and nowhere in Islamic world or non-islamic world there is a skewed gender ratio.
Of course a man can have many wives and can have enjoyment with them but even a woman can also have many men and can have enjoyment with them, i mean physically and emotionally. This is how human body is.
Also although scriptures say that the husband should be fair with all wives and treat as equal, where is the proof that he is indeed treating them fairly. In a crisis, all five of them may have five different opinions and who in the world, except Allah, can know who is telling truth and lies. May be nobody is telling lies but people may perceive differently and have different views on the same event.
Hope no one is going to mistake me for this dilemma in my mind . The only solution to my mind is to love the husband more in a way that the very thought of a second wife does not arise in his mind. But, despite best efforts, what is the guarantee that a man comes across another woman and decides to take her as second wife.
So I have decided to think less and with the belief that Allah knows best.
Allah Hafiz
Divya Mohammed
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Posted By: Yasmine Dixon
Date Posted: 17 August 2010 at 8:59am
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Isalaam Wa'alaikum, I thank you for telling me the best way to handle my situation. I will seek further knowledge so that i can have proof to give to my husband for why i am concern for his actions. I want my husband to have his rights and also want my rights to be for filled as promised in the marriage contract, Inshallah. " ALLAH knows best" Shrikron, may ALLAH bless you now and in the hereafter. Isalaam Wa'alaikum |
Posted By: Yasmine Dixon
Date Posted: 17 August 2010 at 9:25am
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As salaam Wa'alaikum, My sister Divya, I do understand where you are coming from. I am in the same dilemma. In these days in time it is hard to take care of one household. Men do have the right to marry up to three to four wives if they can treat them equally and provided equally for them. In this day in time we have Muslim brothers are marring more then one wife and not telling the first wife anything. I thought when you married your first wife you have to be able to communicate, trust,and respect one another. Within saying that I believe we as Muslim's NEED to check our intentions when we are married in Islam. |
Posted By: peacemaker
Date Posted: 17 August 2010 at 10:59am
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Assalamu Alaikum,
Sister Yasmeen Dixon, I think it would be better to consult a scholar.
Here is the excerpt of a relevant article that you may find useful, insha Allah.
The translation of the verse is as follows: "If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, two, or three, or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then (marry) only one�" (Qur�an 4:3)
From this verse a number of facts are evident: 1 That polygamy is neither mandatory, nor encouraged, but merely permitted. 2 That the permission to practice polygamy is not associated with mere satisfaction of. Rather, it is associated with compassion towards widows and orphans, a matter that is confirmed by the atmosphere in which the verse was revealed. 3 That even in such a situation, the permission is far more restricted than the normal practice which existed among the Arabs and other peoples at that time when many married as many as ten or more wives. 4 That dealing justly with one�s wives is an obligation. This applies to housing, food, clothing, kind treatment�etc., for which the husband is fully responsible. If one is not sure of being able to deal justly with them, the Qur�an says: "then (marry) only one." (Qur�an 4:3) http://www.islamfortoday.com/polygamy5.htm - http://www.islamfortoday.com/polygamy5.htm ------------- Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny? Qur'an 55:13 |
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 18 August 2010 at 1:08am
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Asalaam Alaikum, I agree with Peacemaker, that the restrictions really put boundaries on the whole concept. Hence it is not widely undertaken. Sister Divya: you know it has become clear to me that men and women think different. What seems unfathomable to most women, is not to alot of men. Its like they don't get us and we don't get them.. you know women are from venus and men from mars... And yes their are no guarantees. I've 'met' plenty of women who had the same mindset of loving their husbands and they wanted another wife. Especially as people change... from being 30 to 55... ------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 18 August 2010 at 8:54pm
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2 That the permission to practice polygamy is not associated with mere satisfaction of. Rather, it is associated with compassion towards widows and orphans, a matter that is confirmed by the atmosphere in which the verse was revealed. Permission to practice and what�s �associated with� is different from placing legal conditions on the practice of polygamy. In other words, a man can legally, according to Islam, marry a second wife for much of the same reasons he married his first wife, i.e., love, attraction, family status, wealth, etc. With respect to widows and orphans certainly it was commendable in some case to marry widows, but the ayah concerning orphan girls and �fairness� was that men were marrying wealthy orphan girls under their care for the less than altruistic reasons, but to enrich themselves, thus the admonition came warning them. That even in such a situation, the permission is far more restricted than the normal practice which existed among the Arabs and other peoples at that time when many married as many as ten or more wives. Other than limiting the number to four, what evidence is there for �far more restricted than normal�.� Wives must be treated fairly, but even this is only what one has the ability to control. In other words, his wealth and time are within his ability, but his emotions and love are a different matter. He will likely love one more than the other. |
Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 18 August 2010 at 9:08pm
I think women are well advised to go ahead and open Pandora's box, and better prior to marriage, when you can have placed into your marriage contract that your husband not take on any additional wives. If already married be proactive as often men are extremely fickle and need to be saved from themselves. They will wreak a perfect family for nothing more than an infatuation and/or sexual tension brought about through inappropriate contact with other women - what is often called emotional infidelity, where under the guise of "dawah" a lot of private and personal discussions are taking place. Do not stand idly by and allow this to happen, that is, if you care to save your marriage or your position as first and only wife.
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Posted By: peacemaker
Date Posted: 19 August 2010 at 4:12am
Assalamu Alaikum,
I think the writer has tried to convey the Islamic spirit that should prevail prior to practicing polygamy. If that spirit is absent, it is very likey that this practice would be abused.
Legalities are applied in the real life situations. Our prophet (SAW) was the best example to show how he did it. His first wife, Khadijah (RA), was fifteen years older than him.
With regards to restrictions, a woman can mention her preferences in the marriage contract. If her husband violates the contractual agreement, she may take him to the court.
Furthermore, an important Qur'anic injuction discourages one to practice it if he thinks that he would be unable to deliver the required justice to all his wives.
If one is not sure of being able to deal justly with them, the Qur�an says: "then (marry) only one." (Qur�an 4:3)
Allah knows the best.
May Allah guide us all.
Peace
------------- Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny? Qur'an 55:13 |
Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 19 August 2010 at 7:30am
I agree bro, however when I think about it - is that very realistic? I can only imagine the reaction of the prospective groom and his family if the girl or her family asks "do you ever plan on contracting a second marriage?". I don't know about other cultures, but in the subcontinent at least, where the culture is conservative and the Groom's side usually has an upper hand in marriage negotiations - too many questions from the girl's side are not welcomed. Apparently its a 'reflection' of how troublesome (read independent) the wife is going to be...... Unless of course the prospective groom is a pious individual or broad-minded. Which is a rarity in itself. This is only possible if the girl is a strong individual, has her family's support - and no external pressures to get married immediately. I ------------- "O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young." |
Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 19 August 2010 at 7:49am
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I think the best way for already married women to deal with the "possibility" of sharing their husband with another is not to obsess about it. I think if a wife constantly fears/worries that her husband might do something like that - she is going to lose all her trust, self-confidence and self-esteem.... and when that happens, she is going to worry all the time. This is going to effect her mood, humor, temper, personality and emotional connectivity. If that happens, even if the husband wasn't planning such a thing - he is going to find her less interesting or attractive. So even if he never marries, it still ended up destroying the marriage relations. (this applies to all women in all relationships who may obsess about the possibility of their partner cheating or straying)..not only muslim 2nd marriages) So Muslimahs should be strong and confident. We can only manage/control things to an extent, beyond that its no longer in our control, so its better not to try and take on burdens that were never meant for us i.e. don't fret about something that you have no control over - and leave the rest to Allah. But still... don't be a door-mat and let your husband get away with anything while leaving it to fate - like Abuayisha said, be proactive and make it clear that such an event would make you unhappy. (in a nice way, or humorously perhaps). Sometimes husbands need their wives to step up and show a bit of strength... (right?) ------------- "O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young." |
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 19 August 2010 at 10:24am
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I agree Chyrsalis if a man is going to either "cheat" or marry a 2nd to going to happen. We Muslims should strive for balance.. being assertive and yet helpful. We should be kind, giving and loving, but being a doormat is nowhere part of Islam. We are told are rights quite explicitly. And you are right about culture, where you are and the society you live in determines many of what we do. I know many sisters who are taught so much to rely upon the family to make decisions for them that they would not even think to say too much. On one hand it may be why we"western" women appear attractive cause we are more independent and less "needy" to get things done, but as many men have found out, we are also far, far more assertive usually and as a culture are taught to speak up for ourselves. This is not universal of course. I agree if we can discuss it beforehand, before the emotional attachment, so much the better. ------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 19 August 2010 at 10:41am
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"I think the writer has tried to convey the Islamic spirit that should prevail prior to practicing polygamy. If that spirit is absent, it is very likey that this practice would be abused."
Yeah I understand, but I think often these writers also seek to somehow justify plural marriage in contemporary times. Prior to Islam these marriages were common and Islam only limited the number and sought to ensure justice between the wives. No conditions such as those commonly stated by writers today were mentioned by Allah or His Prophet. We many times see written that only if the wife could not have children, or widows in times of war, sickness, etc. As time passes Muslims begin to adopt these writings as if they have textual basis and there are none- at least to my knowledge.
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Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 19 August 2010 at 10:50am
| Sister your point about obsessing is well taken, however it seems our sister who posted has noticed a possible pattern in her husband's behavior, and it was this I addressed. I think it would be nice if men find that a young and attractive woman is interested in Islam, that she is referred to a sister to answer her queries. |
Posted By: peacemaker
Date Posted: 19 August 2010 at 12:06pm
Assalamu Alaikum,
Brother, I don�t necessarily agree with the writer on every point. To deal with the matter appropriately, I also suggested the sister should consult a scholar.
With that said, I appreciate the fact that these personalities are far more knowledgeable than I am and who have done much better job to disseminate information about Islam.
However, if there is something that the writer has written in the context that contradicts the Islamic jurisprudence or fiqh, please mention it. With all due respect, this will be my last post in this thread due to limited time at hand. Jazak Allah Khair. Peace ------------- Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny? Qur'an 55:13 |
Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 19 August 2010 at 12:13pm
| Allah bless you Peace, and please know that the onus is upon claimant, which is why I asked for evidence - I'm here to learn as well. |
Posted By: peacemaker
Date Posted: 20 August 2010 at 6:38pm
Assalamu Alaikum,
May Allah bless you too, brother.
 May Allah enhance our learning and understanding of our beautiful faith. It seems to me that the best way to augment one�s learning is to go to the source, in this context the author. It is quite possible that I may inadvertently misconstrue his standpoint and that would be a disservice to the cause.
For those who may not be aware of him, the following link contains the biography of the writer:
http://www.alimprogram.com/scholars/badawi.shtml - http://www.alimprogram.com/scholars/badawi.shtml
Jazak Allah Khair.
May Allah guide us all.
Peace ------------- Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny? Qur'an 55:13 |
Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 20 August 2010 at 9:23pm
| http://www.islamfortoday.com/polygamy5.htm - http://www.islamfortoday.com/polygamy5.htm |
Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 14 October 2010 at 1:10am
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Salam Nausheen,
It is not mandatory for a man to take permission from his first wife but it is mandatory for a man to inform his first wife about the second marraige,
Regards
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Posted By: NuraB
Date Posted: 15 October 2010 at 9:05am
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Salamo Aleikom Sis Nausheen Would've, could've should've aside- I think brother the response of Brother Fais is the most conscise of this thread. Would I want my husband to let me know if he was thinking about marrying another? Of course. Could I handle being a co-wife. Insha'allah if the time comes, I will be strong. Should our relationship be strong enough that he tells me everything, even an interest in a second? I feel it is. These questions are not about me, dear sister. How would you answer the above? N.B. |
Posted By: Matt Browne
Date Posted: 06 November 2010 at 8:18am
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Secular laws rank above religious laws. In most societies monogamy is the rule. For good reason. ------------- A religion that's intolerant of other religions can't be the world's best religion --Abdel Samad Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people--Eleanor Roosevelt |
Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 07 November 2010 at 1:59am
Depends.
On paper monogamy is the rule. But in reality, is it really practiced by all? ------------- "O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young." |
Posted By: Matt Browne
Date Posted: 14 November 2010 at 9:22am
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Yes, in reality, it isn't practiced by all. I think it's a matter between husband and wife and how they want to deal about it when one or the other finds out. Most European countries have decriminalized adultery. ------------- A religion that's intolerant of other religions can't be the world's best religion --Abdel Samad Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people--Eleanor Roosevelt |
Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 14 November 2010 at 6:33pm
"Anthropologists say 83 percent of societies they have studied traditionally permitted polygyny � marriage with multiple wives. (The more common term �polygamy� has the broader definition of having multiple spouses.) Just 17 percent insisted on monogamous marriage." "Conservative infidelity statistics estimate that �60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an extramarital affair. These figures are even more significant when we consider the total number of marriages involved, since it's unlikely that all the men and women having affairs happen to be married to each other. If even half of the women having affairs (or 20 percent) are married to men not included in the 60 percent having affairs, then at least one partner will have an affair in approximately 80 percent of all marriages. With this many marriages affected, it's unreasonable to think affairs are due only to the failures and shortcomings of individual husbands or wives." - Menstuff.org Infidelity statistics. I am in no way saying everybody should be Polyandrous, and that multiple marriage is the way to go. It is a personal choice that is dependent on social circumstances - it is very subjective. However it is irksome when some people will ignore the trends in their own society and form opinions on issues they don't know about or don't understand. Just because there is a 'don't ask don't tell' policy on polygamy in the west does not mean it doesn't exist. Is Polygamy within marriage is worse than polygamy outside of marriage? ------------- "O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young." |
Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 14 November 2010 at 6:40pm
Why do you think they have decriminalized adultery? When 80% of the society is non-monogamous & sleeping around, how do you deal with that problem? Where do you start? Its easier to 'ignore' the issue and say do what you want. Its not easy to punish 80% of the society and hold it responsible for its action... so you just let things be and pretend it is the healthy norm. ------------- "O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young." |
Posted By: John S
Date Posted: 04 March 2011 at 6:13pm
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It is my position that the man should introduce the prospective second wife to the first wife, and if they get along and she gives him her approval then all is well. If he marries a second wife and the first is totally against it and/or can't stand the second wife (or vice versa), disruption in the household is assured and should be avoided. If the man disregards his first wife's negative opinion and marries again anyway and the house and family life is severely disrupted, isn't he committing a sin by placing his desire for the second wife between him and his first wife? I have absolutely no personal experience with multiple marriages, but I have seen the results of "open marriages" of friends and from what I have observed every one of them ended in disaster in one way or another. |
Posted By: Moly
Date Posted: 07 April 2011 at 5:47am
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Al Salam Alikum
According to Islam , husband should tell his wife that he wants to marry another wife , so if she agrees to he can marry another wife , otherwise if he insist she can ask for devorce. This is dependant on her consent and her tolerant for such situation
Salam
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Posted By: haniyyya
Date Posted: 08 April 2011 at 2:52am
| aslm... yes they can have a second a third and a fourth no problem life is so exciting for muslim men and we women can only have one even if he is not what we wanted we have to be patient and sacrifice so we suffer in this life but in the hearafter we will enjoy inshlh and the men enjoy here with four women and in the hearafter they will enjoy with 99 women thats just the way it is.... |
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 08 April 2011 at 4:12pm
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Uh John, It sounds good in teory, but I am on a board with women in polygyny and they would not agree... its very complicated.. one way is not good for all ..:) ------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 08 April 2011 at 6:01pm
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"According to Islam , husband should tell his wife that he wants to marry another wife ..."
Moly, what textual evidence are you able to site for this assertion?
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Posted By: free4uboo
Date Posted: 10 October 2011 at 2:19pm
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asa..i agree that a husband should tell his first wife if he is interested in a second wife, sometimes the purpose is not just to have a second wife ,it may be because illness may have came over the first wife the she may not be able to give her husband due rights. i want to know if the husband finds it difficult to marry another because so much time with frist wife has already been established and its hard on him to get another wife just because the first can not preform her wife duty in the bed...What should the husband do he has righ ts ? any aswers
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Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 11 October 2011 at 6:59am
| What is the question? |
Posted By: masnavi
Date Posted: 16 February 2012 at 4:09am
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This is perhaps the only intelligent comment in this thread: CONSULT A SCHOLAR!
Also, correct me if I'm reading too much into the Quran here. But is it possible to "deal justly" with a wife while in effect lying to her? Yes, yes. Your "culture" may permit and even encourage such things, gentlemen. I am asking, does your conscience? More importantly, does Allah? Islam---as a set of historically developed expedients for putting Quran and sunnah into practice--- is the way to Allah; it is scarcely Allah Himself. |