Still not married
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Category: Culture & Community
Forum Name: Groups : Women (Sisters)
Forum Description: Groups : Women (Sisters)
URL: https://www.islamicity.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=12375
Printed Date: 18 April 2024 at 6:10am
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Topic: Still not married
Posted By: Alinea
Subject: Still not married
Date Posted: 04 May 2008 at 6:04pm
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As-salam-A-Lai-Kum, I need some guidance on what to do. I am almost 32 years old and still not married. My mother does not seem so concerned in finding me a suitable match. My father passed away several years ago. I have tried searching for myself through several matrimonial sights but only come across people who either loose interest in me or are too moderinzed in there ways. I am very tired of searching and also very alone. Can anyone please offer me any advice on what I should do. I don't have very much contact with the Muslim community and really don't know anyone who can help me. I pray to Allah and ask for guidance but I must not be understanding something because I can't find the right person that will marry me. WaSalam |
Replies:
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 05 May 2008 at 6:18am
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Asalam Alaikum,
Welcome to the Forum. The dilemma the dilemma-finding a match in the US if you are more or less on your own.
Now is there a masjid you do to? Can the Imam act as your wali? some to try to match people up. But it is difficult.
wHere do you live? ------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: adham_medo
Date Posted: 19 May 2008 at 11:19pm
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salam alikom
hi sisters
dont worry my sister enshah allah you will marry in weeks > i am mohamed from egypt . i can help you to marry . i have more friends want to marry & they are serious .
i want you to conact me to my email till we can sort out meeting .
mailto:[email protected] - [email protected]
your brother mohamed
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Posted By: Salams_wife
Date Posted: 20 May 2008 at 9:35pm
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Asalamu alaykum Alinea, keep up your prayers and trust in Allah. If you seek to marry a muslim man, just be sure that you are careful about who you chose. Is it possible that if you think you have found someone your mother would cooperate to check the guy out? Is it just the search for the right husband that she is not interested in doing? Do you have any brothers or sisters that can help you? Inshallah your prayers will be answered and you will find a suitable husband soon. |
Posted By: martha
Date Posted: 21 May 2008 at 6:55am
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Hey Mohamed!
Where are you in Egypt? You sound like someone I have heard about!
 ------------- some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set |
Posted By: martha
Date Posted: 21 May 2008 at 7:12am
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Asalam Alaikum sister,
I can understand your worries. And it can be very lonely as a single woman.
Try to be involved with the muslim community if your circumstances allow. Try not to be disheartened. The fact that you have yet to meet the right partner is not to be seen as a failure. Instead, see it that there has been no one good enough for you....yet. Because I'm sure Allah has not forgotten you, He is preparing that 'special someone', and He perhaps is testing you too. Don't accept any old dross,to change your single status. Be patient.
On a lighter note... remember that marriage also is no picnic. It takes a great deal of effort from both parties for it to be the success Allah wishes.
Good luck. Let us know how things go for you. ------------- some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set |
Posted By: adham_medo
Date Posted: 21 May 2008 at 7:17am
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hi http://www.islamicity.com/forum/member_profile.asp?PF=58319&FID=47 - martha & everyone
i am mohamed from cairo . i was living in england ( manchester ) i dont think you know me . anyway i want to help any muslim . woman or man . & enshah allah she can find good muslim .
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Posted By: dian
Date Posted: 26 May 2008 at 2:33am
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Assalammu 'Alaykum sister Alinea! Allah states in the Qur'an that: "Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity...." (24:26). Always have husnudzhan, believe that Allah loves you and only wants to give you the best. Getting married is not an easy matter, it is an act of worship and there are a lot we must learn in order to be successful in that particular form of worship. It's not a day journey, we all really need a lot to prepare. maybe this is one of the reasons He hasn't given you a husband yet. He's preparing you and your husband to be so that you both are completely ready when the time comes... May Allah give us patience and make us see beauty in every condition He places us, ....May He answer all your prayers and ease everything you do,aamiin |
Posted By: Alinea
Date Posted: 28 May 2008 at 7:57pm
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Mohammed, I appreciate the offer but I don't think that your method will be good for me or for those you have in mind. By the way this is a womens only forum you should not be on here. Please respect the womens forum and stop reading our topics. I did not post this topic to try and get proposals. I post it because I am trying to understand my situation and seeking my options from sisters. Possibly others that may have been through a situation similar to mine. I am trying to have patience with my whole situation. Its just really hard most of the time and I don't know what else to do. I am certainly not jealous of those around me that have it all but i am envious of those that have good families. |
Posted By: dian
Date Posted: 28 May 2008 at 9:22pm
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Dear Sister Alinea, I know what you feel. getting married is an act of worship in our Deen, so if you are ready to get married, i think you should start going through the process according to the ways prescribed in our Deen. For a start i think you should get more involved in the muslim community in your surrounding. Talk to the imam of your masjid coz for the time being, maybe it is the best solution for you. You may also talk to your family and discuss this matter. We are supposed to dedicate every single second of our time in worship. i believe that your problem, more or less, influences your quality of worship, so that you will stay focused. i may be wrong, but sister i think you should take serious actions to overcome this situation. Don't give up sister, work hard and believe that His Help is near... Lots of love  Dian |
Posted By: Mystical
Date Posted: 02 June 2008 at 10:58pm
Why are you waiting on your mother? Anyway marriage isnt the be all and end all. Learn to be happy as a single and don't depend on marriage to define the person you are. If marriage is so important to you maybe you should stop being so picky and take whatever comes along.
 I see mohammad kindly offered his help but you rejected it. Maybe you should reconsider. |
Alinea wrote:Posted By: Shasta'sAunt
Date Posted: 03 June 2008 at 12:54am
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"Anyway marriage isnt the be all and end all."
Islamically marriage is half of our deen, our submission to Allah. If the marriage is good it helps to strengthen our faith and keep us strong. ------------- �No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.� Eleanor Roosevelt |
Posted By: Mystical
Date Posted: 03 June 2008 at 1:13am
Please explain. I don't understand what you mean by "half our deen". What would the other half be? Are you saying Allah expects all Muslims to get married? You know this from the Quran?
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Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 06 June 2008 at 12:15pm
What do you mean that Allah "expects" all Muslims to get married? According to Islam, Allah "encourages" all Muslims to get married . . . .and so did the Prophet. Does that mean that a single Muslim is NOT a good muslim, or has half-entered Islam? Absolutley Not. And there is no such thing in the qur'an.
Every where in Islamic texts it is written that IF Muslims are "able" to marry, they should. Thus stressing on the strongly encouraged part. That doesnt make not marrying a sin.
Obviousley any Muslim who cannot find a mate, or is unable to, or has other problems . . . will not marry. However, muslims should not delay marriage/not marry just because of ones education or career or finances, but should find a way to accomodate it with marriage. Why? Bcz Islam frowns upon promiscuity and random sex. Thus marriage is the way out.
The reason why sometimes it is termed as 'half-the-deen' is to stress upon its significance and benefits. When people have a legal, loving and secure relationship, and an outlet for sexual energy . . . they are better able to focus on other aspects, such as being contributing members of a society, gaining education, thier job etc etc.
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Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 06 June 2008 at 12:31pm
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Alinea:
I pray that insha'allah you find a suitable, loving husband, and your wish is fulfilled. . . .
However, until then . . .I would strongly advise you NOT TO FRET ABOUT IT. :) Leave it in Allah's hands. And trust him, and continue praying and hoping the best from Allah.
Try not to dwell on the issue too much! Find single (female) friends your age, so you dont have free time on your hands and are able to enjoy your life. Don't think about your single-hood too much. . . it'll only cause you to become depressed. Be strong and confident . . .tell yourself (and I believe that myself) that you don't have to have a man just to feel complete and happy! Why should u be dependent on someone else to live ur life? Come on . . . I agree, marriage is nice and all . . . but whats the point of thinking about all that.
All things have advantages and disadvantages. . . right? Bieng single has its pros & cons. . . so does marriage. So right now, at this point, until u do get married . . . .Focus on the advantages of being single, and disadvantages of being married! LOL. Yea, Yea all the married ppl will try n say tht marriage is a bed of roses . . . but not always!!! :)
You are in control of your life . . . and dont have to worry about pleasing/displeasing your partner. Your schedule revolves around you and your activities!!! You dont have to tag along with a partner on compulsory, boring family events or office parties! You dont hav to worry about Budgets, or spending . . . less housework . . . etc etc. Get a pet . . .explore your talents, hobbies. . . go out . . .and live your single-life to the max. Think of it this way, until u get married insha'allah you hav to really achieve something career/education wise while ur single. Once ur married, life will change drastically . . and things will never be the same again. So enjoy single-hood while u can.
Plus, its not like your very old. 32 is a gr8 age! :) A relative of mine got widowed at 23 , 2yrs after marriage and had 2 kids . . . fortunatley she realized that worrying abt things wasnt gonna help. She pursued her education AND her career. Alhamdulilah she got married at 33 . . .10yrs later. One would hav thot she had more chances of getting hitched at the tender age of 23! rather than 33 . . . but she did. . . Allah works in mysterious ways.
Best Of Luck! :D ------------- "O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young." |
Posted By: Zaharah
Date Posted: 06 June 2008 at 8:33pm
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As-salam-A-Lai-Kum.
Hello my sista just wanting to encourage you. I met and married my husband of 6yrs now online and im wanting you to know u can do the same thing. Just remain patient like you already are and Allah will see. Of course there are people out there that you need to be aware of but trust in your creator and never give up hope. I was once in your shoes and the moment i quit talking about it and it left my mind Allah blessed me. i was in my mid 30's and it happened when i let go of the fact that i waw getting older and not married. so keep the faith and soon you will be on your way. Insha Allah
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Posted By: proudmuslima3
Date Posted: 16 June 2008 at 9:54pm
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Asalamu Alaikum sister
Put ur trust in Allah, take this time 2 really learn ur deen,cause Insha Allah when u get married u will need it, and remember that Allah has a reason 4 everything.
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Posted By: truthseeker
Date Posted: 12 July 2008 at 6:52pm
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salamo 3aliko
Dear sister,
i understand ur feelings , but this is not the end of the world. u should trust Allah and know well that He is choosing us the best ,but we ,humans,lack patience and feel frustrated when we don't find what we want in our hands. Believe me sister, the best thing 2 do is 2 live ur life the way Allah has chosen and wait as He is saving u a good thing but be patient.the more the patient u r ,the best u win.May be it is just a test of ur faith or may be there is no one around deserving u . May be the time hasn't come yet .Never lose hope in Allah and always ask Him 2 send u the pious husband . By the way, i really liked ur reply 2 the online marriage solution.i shows that u r a true moslem.May ALLAH show us all the right path.
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Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 13 July 2008 at 6:57am
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I agree with people.. and there is so much you cn be doing..serve Allah. Work on your submission. You can get involvd in groups.. get involved in the masjid.. help the poor and the hungry. It is how we account for our time. And trust in Allah and his plan for you.
And really, find a good partner. I see women who are desparate to marry, marry the nxt one that comes alon, and regrets their haste. Some women choose to be a 2nd wife.. to marry a good man. They know he is a good husband and provider and take that route.. ------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: Alinea
Date Posted: 14 July 2008 at 6:30pm
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Chrysalis, Thank you for your realistic advice. Currently, I am trying to do just what you said. Like most girls I have been bought up to believe that marriage is the only path for women. Society and cultural norms make this even more difficult especially for women after a certain age. I have heard some very cruel comments directly and indirectly. Therefore, the process of trying to accept things the way they are is not an easy task. Yet, I am trying every single day to not let that be the focus of my life. My goal has never been to marry someone for the sake of marrying. I do believe that one must choose a spouse carefully. Most people say I am picky but I am not running after looks, or wealth. I am thinking about a person's imam, our compatibility levels, and his family. To me those are the important traits in choosing a spouse. However, I feel that men (at least the ones that I meet) are looking for perfection. Maybe I am yet to meet the right individuals who are more realistic about their life partners but I am also limited to meeting Muslims let alone those that have more realistic standards. I really appreciate your dua and advice. Thank you. |
Posted By: Alinea
Date Posted: 14 July 2008 at 6:33pm
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Truthseeker, Thank you very much for the advice. I am doing just as you and many othersisters have mentioned and trying to live life the way Allah has chosen. It is difficult at times but as you mentioned I just need to learn more patience. |
Posted By: Alinea
Date Posted: 14 July 2008 at 6:36pm
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Proudmuslima3, I really appreciate your response. You are right with the sentiment that Allah has a reason for everything. We are impatient human beings and I am no different. I am learning to have more patience. Thank you, |
Posted By: Alinea
Date Posted: 14 July 2008 at 6:40pm
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zahara, Thank you for the words of encouragement. As I mentioned to the other sisters I am learning everyday to have more patience. It is difficult sometimes but I have learned to think of Allah when the time becomes more challenging then usual. If Allah wills it will happen. Thank you, |
Posted By: Zaharah
Date Posted: 14 July 2008 at 10:28pm
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SALAM U know that we all have to be there for each other, we're SISTERS
 "Z"
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Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 15 July 2008 at 6:13am
Unfortunately sis, Society can be very cruel at times. . .
 Can't live with 'em, Can't live without 'em.Which is why society is not to be taken seriousley. And I know what u mean when u say that. . . I'm sorry to say that I myself know very close relatives who say the same remarks about others, externally coated with sympathy - but actually the purpose is malicious intent, or gossip or lack of any propductive purpose in life/activity.
I'm afraid the percentage of women who get married because of external pressures, for the sake of marriage is not insignificant.
Also, just wanted to say, what you require from your future spouse, is not at all picky. Give yourself that much credit. Also, unfortunatley the muslim world does have a lack of suitable matches these days. . . (sorry ppl who disagree!) But thats where Faith & Fate comes in. . . you know not what Allah has in store for you. And whatever he does have in store for you, is your special purpose and task, which may not even mean marriage! Or maybe it does! Walla hu Alam.
So don't worry that you have limited muslim contact, and thus face difficulties finding a spouse. Allah has already ordained how/if/when you are going to meet ur future spouse - that is the Muslim faith. We know not, the ways Allah works. Hazrat Umme-Salama (Prophet Muhammad's) wife just came to my mind. She was deeply in love with her husband AbuSalama, and he would say that if I die before you, May Allah give you a husband better than me. After AbuSalama was martyred, Umme Salama would often weep when she thought of her beloved martyred husband, and what he said, and she would say, 'Who could be a better husband than AbuSalama?' - Alhamdulilah Allah had His ways. . . and she got married to Prophet Muhammad sometime later! Subhanallah. Could she possibly have imagined/though of that?
 Also, Allah says Himself in a Hadith Qudsi, "I am as my servant expects me to be" meaning that Allah fulfills the expectations that His servants have of Him. . . which is why one should always have positive expectations of our Lord.
So do not give up faith in Allah, and continue to pray to Him, especially after midnight, before Fajr. In another Hadith Qudsi :
On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said that the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: Our Lord (glorified and exalted be He) descends each night to the earth's sky when there remains the final third of the night, and He says: Who is saying a prayer to Me that I may answer it? Who is asking something of Me that I may give it him? Who is asking forgiveness of Me that I may forgive him? It was related by al-Bukhari (also by Muslim, Malik, at-Tirmidhi and Abu Dawud). ------------- "O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young." |
Posted By: jannaseeker
Date Posted: 29 July 2008 at 4:15pm
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Sister Alinea, you are not alone, i turned 32 in April this year and putting my trust in Allah, He knows best. Prayer and lots of patience.
It is not giving me sleppless nights either, am happy and praying that Allah provides It is actually more difficult to find a good muslim husband especially when you are highly educated and independent...... Wa Allahu Alim ------------- Allahumma'ghfirli ummati Muhammad. |
Posted By: Gabriela
Date Posted: 14 September 2008 at 6:08pm
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Dear sister,
pray to Allah and put your trust in his response to your prayers.
Also, be carefull about bringing man from another countries as some man want to marry girls from the Western countries to get the visa. The best way is by going to mosque, meeting sisters who can help you or talking to Imam.
Wish you all the best.
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Posted By: mowgli
Date Posted: 15 September 2008 at 8:27am
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Assalamu'alaykum sister,
I feel for you, its a difficult thing to be uncertain about your future - like you, I too crave stability and certainty in my life, and feel that I can only find that in a stable, happy marriage. Just wanted to make two points: 1. That Allah rewards those who are patient. Until you are married, or in a position to be thinking about marriage to someone, try to reflect on the blessings in your life that Allah has seen fit to give you. 'Therefore remember Me, I will remember you, and be thankful to Me, and do not be ungrateful to Me.O you who believe! seek assistance through patience and prayer; surely Allah is with the patient.' 2:152-153 Secondly, if you are interested in finding someone who is committed to his deen, try looking through your local mosques. Some of them run marriage courses/events, and people who attend these type of events are more likely to be islamically minded. Hope insha'Allah things improve for you |
Posted By: hijabi4evr
Date Posted: 21 September 2008 at 6:48am
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salam sister i think you should talk to some of your muslim friends on helping you find a good match for you. im sure they know muslim guyz that would be just right. or if that doent work out confront your mom and tell her that you are seriuse about getting married and since your father passed away she should atleast try to help you find a suitable husband. this is just my opinion. i hope everything works out for you just fine.  |
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 23 September 2008 at 8:31pm
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Sad to saythat people are not inclined tohelp marry the single people for fear of being "blamed" if the marriage turns out poorly.
The local Imam at a mosque here introduced me to a brother. And we met face ot facwe and hw told us to take it from there as he does not want to be responsible. I guess he expected us to date..lol
If your family is not helping you, or you don't have a Muslim family the road is tough going.
Patience and prayer are important. ------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: Shasta'sAunt
Date Posted: 23 September 2008 at 9:21pm
Do you have a wali, or a close friend whose husband can check up on the brother for you? ------------- �No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.� Eleanor Roosevelt |
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 24 September 2008 at 10:09pm
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haha... no.. you know its the western lifestyle.. people are really just too busy.. and then the brother, who may become your wali, has to know you weel enough to then make adequate judgements.. and how does that happen?
People in general are more inclined to take a hands off approach.. there are a few people setting things up..
But me, I am not worried about it.. its in Allah's hands so to speak.
And the women are half afraid their husbands will want another wife.. .lol ------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 25 September 2008 at 5:22am
Thats true Hayfa! because some ppl DO hold others responsible, for failed marriages.
Thats a trend increasing in the Pakistani society as well. Previousley, whenever people met singles, widows or divorcees, they would try thier utmost to find them a match, it was considered the ultimate 'good' act, and ppl were very genuine about it. Now however, people hesitate, for fear of appearing intrusive or bieng blamed for a failed marriage.
But if a Muslim or Muslimah is interested in pursuing another for marriage, yet feel shy. . . they could/should try and approach a friend, or ask another Muslim family to intervene and help the process.(like be present at meetings, anf find out about the guy) Sometimes, if asked to, I think most would be willing and happy to help. . . because it overcomes the barrier of them feeling intrusive.
Also, since there are no other alternatives . . . meeting at a public place etc would not be considered dating, since marriage is bieng discussed. ------------- "O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young." |
Posted By: Ruhi Islam
Date Posted: 05 October 2008 at 3:02am
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Salam alaikum ww friends
Wow I really enjoyed reading all of that, beautiful advice, the story of UmmSalama was amazing, thanks for sharing.
And sister, like the others have said, don't worry, you are not alone, inshala Allah sw will give you until you are well pleased, and know that He hasn't forgotten you nor does He hate you, read surah Duha if you wish, very comforting.
Inshala all will be just fine
Regarding the hadith about marriage filling half ones deen/faith, yes I have heard of it and I hold it to be true, as far as I remember, the other half was to fear Allah.
Inshala by next Ramadan, you, as well as all the other single/widowed/divorced Muslims who want to get married will be wedded off, I need to eat some wedding sweets
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Posted By: Shasta'sAunt
Date Posted: 05 October 2008 at 4:44pm
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[QUOTE=Hayfa]haha... no.. you know its the western lifestyle.. people are really just too busy.. and then the brother, who may become your wali, has to know you weel enough to then make adequate judgements.. and how does that happen?
People in general are more inclined to take a hands off approach.. there are a few people setting things up..
But me, I am not worried about it.. its in Allah's hands so to speak.
And the women are half afraid their husbands will want another wife.. .lol [/QUOTE]
My wali was my best friend's husband. She knew me better than I knew myself...
Too bad you are not close to me, we have helped three sisters get married, Al HamdilAllah. But even with a wali you can end up with a lemon. People are not always as honest as they should be, so in the end it is all up to Allah.
I prayed Istikhara alot when I was single. Still not sure it worked
 ------------- �No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.� Eleanor Roosevelt |
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 06 October 2008 at 2:04am
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But even with a wali you can end up with a lemon.
Yes you can phrase it like that.. "lemon" lol
I agree with you on this. Know a number of sisters who went through this. And even a good friend, who was in good Muslim family got a "lemon" as the family completely lied and mis-represented who and what they were.
------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: Shasta'sAunt
Date Posted: 06 October 2008 at 3:17pm
Too bad there aren't "lemon laws" on husbands like there are on cars. You know, you have 30 days to return for a full refund if it turns out to be a clunker.... ------------- �No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.� Eleanor Roosevelt |
Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 07 October 2008 at 6:21am
Which reminds me of one of Islam's aspects . . . we all know that Gheebat i.e. Back-Biting is strongly frowned upon in Islam (talking negatively behind a person's back)
Did you know, that only case when a Muslim is 'allowed' to bring up something negative about another Muslim - behind thier back, is in cases of Marriage? If a Muslimah/Muslim asks another about information on thier prospective spouse, they are supposed to tell the truth, whether it be negative or positive. I believe I read a hadith about it too, but I cannot remember - so dont quote me on that. But I'm pretty sure of it. If all Muslims did that, we wouldnt end up with, how you put it, 'lemons' :p------------- "O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young." |
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 07 October 2008 at 7:28am
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ahh a husband lemon law!!! Yes, a great idea. lol ------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: Shasta'sAunt
Date Posted: 07 October 2008 at 11:33am
Salaams,
You are right, too bad it doesn't always happen that way. But sometimes I can almost understand why.
I knew a Sister here, she is living over seas now, who wanted my husband to check on a Brother for her. He did and got some very negative information from two men who had known the prospective groom for a long time. They told my husband that the Brother had a very bad temper so they would only tell him if the information remained anonymous from the Brother in question.
We set the Sister down and told her everything, including the fact that these two men did not want to be known by this Brother. She insisted on knowing who they were because she asked how could she completely trust them if she didn't know who was stating these things. She promised she would not tell the "groom" anything. My husband called the men and one older man said that it was fine as long as she knew but not him, so my husband told her.
She immediately went back to the man she wanted to marry and told him everything, including the man's name and the Brother showed up at his restaurant wanting to physically fight this old man, and caused a big commotion. It was a mess. Then she married him anyway and within a month she wanted a divorce.
The whole incident put my husband and both men in a bad situation, so I can sort of understand people's fear of getting involved. But we were honest with her and she not only chose to marry him anyway, she caused alot of trouble in the process. At least our collective conscience was clear, which it would not have been if we hadn't told her the truth. ------------- �No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.� Eleanor Roosevelt |
Posted By: Gulliver
Date Posted: 07 October 2008 at 11:37am
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If, according to hadith - half one's faith is to marry - does that mean that Jesus/Isa was sorely lacking in faith ?
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Posted By: Gulliver
Date Posted: 07 October 2008 at 11:39am
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I was married nine times. I'm Lizzy's cousin - Rip. LOL ;-)
Perhaps it means that to love another truly, as you love your own soul is half of one's faith. That may well be true. The other half is to love God with all you are. It's in the great commandments.
Love God
Love your neighbour (hubby for u ladies too)
as you love your very self.
"Love for your brother what you love for your self". Muhammad (pbuh)
PS I am so very sorry ladies. I did not know this was the women's section. I was somewhere else and this thread was there. Excuse me. I trust I have not offended anyone. I'll slip away again.
God bless
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Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 08 October 2008 at 8:45am
Good point . . .
However, I personally dont think that this hadith says that those that dont marry are 'lacking' half the faith, it says, that when one marries, it is as if they have completed half thier faith.
Its like saying, is the glass half full or half empty. . . one has a negative connotation, the other has a positive one. Saying, Half your deen is incomplete, sounds negative, but saying Half your deen is complete is postive.
The hadith goes something like this: "When someone marries, he has guarded half his Iman let him fear Allah with the other half' (narrated by Anas)
Meaning, that when a Muslim marries, it is as if he/she has already completed half the deen . . .why? Because marrying enables a person to acts that cause him/her to complete half the deen. One needs to go into details as to why marrying completes half the deen.
Does that mean that a person who has a bad spouse that leads the other astray - still completes half the deen? ofcourse not . . . which is why it is better to have no spouse, than to have a bad spouse. Marriage is an emotional and physical support system, which enables a person to be the best of what they can be - that includes religion. So according to islam, marrying enables us to be better muslims. That hadith was an encouragement to people to get married, or who already were married. It was probably never meant to look down upon those who were unmarried! One can be unmarried due to a variety of reasons! The only instance when singlehood is discouraged in islam is when a muslim, despite having the opportunity, means and resources to get married - refuses to do so, because they want to 'enjoy' singlehood. . .
One of the significant reasons is sex - unless human biengs have an outlet for sexual energy, they cannot focus on the more important things in life and function in a healthy manner. . . marriage allows us to do that. Also because in Islam promiscuity and extra/pre-marital sex is strongly haraam, so, fulfilling those desires in a halal manner, helps us complete half our deen by staying away from sins. There are also numerous actions in marriage that actually are reward-worthy. For example the Prophet is said to have said 'what a man spends on his family is sadaqah (i.e. reward-worthy)' and that a man is rewarded for a mouthful that he gives to his wife. Even the act of intercourse, if done in a halal way i.e. in a marriage is considered reward-worthy, because the person is choosing a halal way over a haraam one.
So that hadith tells us of the merits of marriage, and encourages it. It in no way looks down upon single.
Also, with regards to Jesus, Muslims believe that after his return, he will abide on this earth and get married for some time, before he dies a natural death.
------------- "O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young." |
Posted By: Gulliver
Date Posted: 08 October 2008 at 9:07am
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I really shouldn't be here as it's the women's section. But it came to my email inbox.
"Marriage is an emotional and physical support system, which enables a person to be the best of what they can be - that includes religion."
I agree with this. For two people to truly love each other and make a convenant of that love - elevates both of them, enobling them and empowering them to even greater 'deeds' - acts of love for God, than if they are alone. Not in all cases of course.
Some people do choose to dedicate themselves wholly to seeking God above and beyond all created things - including human loves. And can reach a place where all things are loved as God would love. Rare souls - but they do exist I believe.
I cannot begin to imagine why Jesus would come back to experience marriage - when he knows the love of God so wholly.
But then in the Christian tradition - there is no 'marriage' in Heaven - we are to be 'like the angels'.
I mean Chrys - come of it. Can you really imagine spending ALLLLLLLLLLL eternity with that guy ? LOL !!! ;-) I am kidding !!
We will all find out one fine day that's for sure.
Un bel di vedremo.........
Now there is a beautiful piece of music :-)
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Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 08 October 2008 at 9:27am
I dont mind brothers poking into the women's section now and then. . . they might learn something  , especially about women. Its hard to learn from us and about us if you stay on Mars and women on Venus, ainnit?
Oh, and just wanted to say, Jesus wont come back to 'experience marriage' , he will be resurrected to clear certain misconceptions about his divinity and relationship with God. The purpose of his return is not marriage, its simply stated in the texts, that he will get married, kind of like a prophecy. ------------- "O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young." |
Posted By: Gulliver
Date Posted: 08 October 2008 at 10:04am
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Which texts Chrys ? I'd like to read about that.
I could teach you plenty bout the brothers and the sisters - but you might not wanna hear it. LOL ;-) We're all human and we all feel the same kinds of things.
One of issues I got into a little bother with on odd occasion. The Catholic Church is called 'Mother' Church - but it's run and governed by men. A lot of the ol' horrible shennanigans that was going on would have been nipped in the bud long before now, if women had more say - especially married women with children. They'd have nipped a few of those guys in the buds - cut them clean off. I think, just thinkin' mind you - that with the emancipation of women in western societies - women felt a kind of pressure almost to act more like men, so as to 'succeed' - acting agressively - than bringing their real skills to the fore. I think they have one of those new fangled expressions for it these days - "emotional intelligence." Common sense. The nurturing caring roles. Even in business - common sense would suggest that if people are treated like human beings, with respect - they will give of their best in the work environment. Or maybe that's naieve. I don't tink so though. A little love and respect works miracles in all kinds of environments.
You're in Pakistan Chrys ? I thought you were in US for some reason.
God bless
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Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 08 October 2008 at 10:38am
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By texts I meant Ahadith (sayings) of the Prophet. The are compiled in authentic books, by scholars namely Bukhari , Muslim, Maalik, Dawood, Tirmidhi, Nisai, Ibn Majah etc. The above books contain sound traditions. I would reccommend you to get to know the basics and quran first, before moving onto the ahadith, since they are extensive.
I'll try and see if I can look up the exact hadith with source that mentioned that about Jesus . . . insha'allah.
Yup, am from Pakistan :) Born, bred, lived there. Though moved a year ago, abroad. . . ------------- "O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young." |
Posted By: Gulliver
Date Posted: 08 October 2008 at 12:21pm
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OK Chrys. Here's something common to human beings of both sexes.
Tell me sis, how do you deal with a 'broken heart' ? ;-)
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Posted By: Ruhi Islam
Date Posted: 09 October 2008 at 1:07pm
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Chrys, sister, I love reading your posts, but I must clarify one thing if I may, Jesus peace be upon him did NOT die in order to be resurrected, he was simply raised up to heaven alive, and will return alive, then after completing his mission (both prophethood and livelihood) he will die. So it would be more correct to say when Jesus returns rather than when he is resurrected. I'll post this now, but inshala I'll try and back it up soon. Masalama ------------- Judge the deed, not the breed. Islam & Muslims are two different things, a Muslim should not necessarily be associated with Islam. |
Posted By: Ruhi Islam
Date Posted: 09 October 2008 at 1:18pm
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I am sorry for going off topic, but this is really important:
(Quran 4:157) And because of their saying: We slew the Messiah Jesus son of Mary, Allah's messenger They slew him not nor crucified, but it appeared so unto them; and lo! those who disagree concerning it are in doubt thereof; they have no knowledge thereof save pursuit of a conjecture ; they slew him not for certain,
------------- Judge the deed, not the breed. Islam & Muslims are two different things, a Muslim should not necessarily be associated with Islam. |
Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 09 October 2008 at 10:51pm
Jazakallah for correcting me Ruhi !
I dont why I kept using the word resurrected! Its not the correct term for Jesus's return at all! Since he did not die! (Resurrection: raise somebody from dead: to come back to life after apparent death, or bring somebody back to life)
So thankyou for pointing it out . . :)
------------- "O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young." |
Posted By: anshab31
Date Posted: 07 December 2008 at 7:46am
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Iam 31yrs old no kids never been married to i want to get married
.my other sister her married one of my sist been married 3 times i don't want to be like that i was in enagae but the person don't want to get married now . |
Posted By: Gulliver
Date Posted: 08 December 2008 at 5:23am
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Did any other creature, get created, be on earth for whatever time, get 'raised' to 'Heaven' alive, to be sent back to earth to die, so he can go back to Heaven again some day ? Just wondering. Hi folks btw. Do me a favour Chrys. Go make me a cuppa tea. That's what you were made for - you're only a woman ;-) LOL That's supposed to be a joke !!! ;-) |
Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 08 December 2008 at 11:51am
No creature was created without a purpose. . . .
Jesus has/had a purpose. He came to preach Allah's message, He was 'saved' from the crucifiction by Allah. . . because He prayed to Allah for help, ... and will return inshallah, to set people straight about his alleged divinity and divine genes.
Come to think of it. . . . we can apply the same question to Humans. not only Jesus . . . i.e. why did Allah create us, send us down from heaven to earth....only to die and come back again? Wallahu alam. . . Only Allah knows best.
Well, maybe if you ask nicely and say pretty please
------------- "O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young." |