How to be a Successful Muslim Wife
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Topic: How to be a Successful Muslim Wife
Posted By: Truth_light24
Subject: How to be a Successful Muslim Wife
Date Posted: 28 February 2008 at 8:15pm
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Here are the tips on 'How to be a Successful Muslim Wife' 1. Use your 'Fitnah' (beauty and overtures of allurement) to win the heart of your husband. All women
have the ornaments that Allah blessed them with. Use the beauty Allah has
bestowed you with to win the heart of your husband. 2. When your husband comes home, greet him with a wonderful greeting. Imagine
your husband coming home to a clean house, an exquisitely dressed wife, a
dinner prepared with care, children clean and sweet smelling, a clean bedroom -
what would this do to his love for you? Now imagine what the opposite does to
him. 3. Review the characteristics of the Hoor Al-Ayn and try to imitate them The Qur'an
and Sunnah describe the women in Jannah with certain characteristics.
Such as the silk they wear, their large dark eyes, their singing to their
husband, etc. Try it, wear silk for your husband, put Kohl in your eyes
to 'enlarge' them, and sing to your husband. 4. Always wear jewellery and dress up in the house. From the
early years, little girls have adorned themselves with earrings and bracelets
and worn pretty dresses - as described in the Qur'an. As a wife, continue
to use the jewellery that you have and the pretty dresses for your
husband. 5. Joke and play games with your husband. A mans
secret: they seek women who are light-hearted and have a sense of humour. As
Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - told Jabir to marry someone who
would make him laugh and he would make her laugh. 6. Thank your husband constantly for the nice things he does. Then thank him again. This is
one of the most important techniques, as the opposite is a characteristic of
the women of hellfire. 7. An argument is a fire in the house. Extinguish it with a simple 'I'm sorry' even if it is not your fault. When you
fight back, you are only adding wood to the fire 8. Always seek to please your husband, for he is your key to Jannah. Rasul
Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - taught us that any women who dies in a
state where her husband is pleased with her, shall enter Jannah. So ..
please him. 9. Listen and Obey! Obeying
your husband is Fard! Your husband is the Ameer of the household.
Give him that right and respect. 10. Make Dua to Allah to make your marriage and relationship successful. All good
things are from Allah. Never forget to ask Allah ta'ala for the blessing of
having a successful marriage that begins in this Dunya and continues on - by
the Mercy of Allah ta'ala - into Jannah. One more thing, my mom said the best way to a man's heart is
through his stomach...so feed him good.. Make him fat ------------- And those who annoy believing men and women undeservedly, bear (on themselves) a calumny and a glaring sin. Quran33:59 |
Replies:
Posted By: infomagination
Date Posted: 28 February 2008 at 9:01pm
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------------- "One morning or evening in the path of Allah is better than the world and all it contains. A hand-span or a whip's length of Jannat is better that the world and all it contains..."Sayings of Nabi(SAW) |
Posted By: Sign*Reader
Date Posted: 28 February 2008 at 9:58pm
Feeding the hubby nicely is great and there are foods that are well known for the well being of the old man but making him fat can't be one of them! Fat also mean - diabetes, heart disease and everything in between which includes early departure from this world also. It is a guaranteed to send love business south I mean all the way to Antarctica! I hope your mom didn't mean that  ------------- Kismet Domino: Faith/Courage/Liberty/Abundance/Selfishness/Immorality/Apathy/Bondage or extinction. |
Truth_light24
Posted By: Sign*Reader
Date Posted: 28 February 2008 at 10:02pm
Were you compatible in your personalities? that makes or breaks most marriages these days! ------------- Kismet Domino: Faith/Courage/Liberty/Abundance/Selfishness/Immorality/Apathy/Bondage or extinction. |
Posted By: Truth_light24
Date Posted: 29 February 2008 at 5:05am
Well sis S.R., maybe that sayings of my mom can only be applied to Asian coz my people likes to eat a lot and only a few become fat particularly from where I come from... Mom said, try to make your husband feel at home with you, make him feel that his home is in you and he will never leave your side. Love whom he loves particularly his parents because once you did that, he will love you even better and never ever betray you... ------------- And those who annoy believing men and women undeservedly, bear (on themselves) a calumny and a glaring sin. Quran33:59 |
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 29 February 2008 at 9:33am
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I tried all the above - and still my husband want to divorce me.... WEl then you were a succesful wife.. he was a failure as a husband. Can we see the "how to be a successful Muslim husband" now... ------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: Aminah07
Date Posted: 29 February 2008 at 11:55am
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Posted By: Sign*Reader
Date Posted: 29 February 2008 at 2:36pm
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Aminah07 Juma tul Mubbarak to you too BTW Did you really want to repeat the post that many times I see copied 4 times!Maybe some thing funny with your computer! ------------- Kismet Domino: Faith/Courage/Liberty/Abundance/Selfishness/Immorality/Apathy/Bondage or extinction. |
Posted By: Truth_light24
Date Posted: 29 February 2008 at 3:07pm
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Thats so nice, sis Aminah07. May Allah make your marriage happily ever after, ameen. Am not married yet sis but inshallah i will try to apply all this tips As for you sis Infomagination, maybe you have been a great wife to your husband and it is him that fails you, Allahu Alam. Just pray to Allah to make every thing easy for you sis for only Him can make you happy. Cry for the ONE (ALLAH) that can give you comfort and security, sis. Good luck. 
------------- And those who annoy believing men and women undeservedly, bear (on themselves) a calumny and a glaring sin. Quran33:59 |
Posted By: Aminah07
Date Posted: 29 February 2008 at 4:45pm
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Posted By: minuteman
Date Posted: 29 February 2008 at 11:19pm
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Thanks to Truth_light and Aminah for their good ideas. Those are the right guidelines for a successful marriage. I would only like to say something for a help to the husbands. It is mentioned ( In hadith??) that the woman was born from the rib of Adam. Even though that may be a christian idea, I am not sure and it may be in the hadith too. Please do not believe it literally. It is said that the prophet told the men not to straighten the rib, i.e. not to press the wife beyond its limit otherwise it will break. The actual meaning is that every time a man will do or say something, the lady will also have a say in that matter. That say may not be the ideal or good thing. But she will say something and suggest something. Give some regard to what she says and all will live peacefully in the house.
------------- If any one is bad some one must suffer |
Posted By: Aminah07
Date Posted: 01 March 2008 at 4:52am
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Posted By: martha
Date Posted: 01 March 2008 at 5:14am
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Some really nice comments from the sisters. Shame that not all sisters are given the entitlement to stay at home if they wish, to pamper the husband as she would like, and to have the freedom to live such an easy life. I'm sure many 'less fortunate sisters' would love their husbands to take full charge of the bills, that all worries and concerns lay with 'their man' , to maybe also have a 'servant' in the home, as many asians seem to have back home.Yes I think I could handle a similar life of ease very nicely. ------------- some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set |
Posted By: minuteman
Date Posted: 01 March 2008 at 5:40am
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That is also a good point of view from Martha, about those eastern do nothing type of wives. There was no lesson for them to take part in any earning affair. That is because Islam has put all the burden on the husband, so to say. But I hope it is not the final word. The mother of the faithful (Hazrat Khudaijah r.a.) was a practical business woman trading to distance countries. I hope not all husbands will bind their ladies to remain at home all the time. In the Indian sub-continent, the ladies are quite hard workers, working in the fields and doing their share of work in many ways. Islam has put the burden of earning on the man. But it is possible that man cannot meet the demands of the house alone. So what to do? If the lady will earn (working in office or school etc) then she will pass the orders in the house too. The ladies are not allowed to work in the offices or to show their faces anywhere. It is a complicated affair. Truth-light should please arrange some other program of good guidance for married ladies so as to keep in view the overall practical problems faced by the muslim families. ------------- If any one is bad some one must suffer |
Posted By: Truth_light24
Date Posted: 01 March 2008 at 6:12pm
Thank you so much brother and sisters for the enlightenment.  And I hope my soon-to-be-husband will allow me to continuously work after I got married. Am used to being a working woman and I think Its a waste not to practice the skill you painstakingly acquired for years in college.  ------------- And those who annoy believing men and women undeservedly, bear (on themselves) a calumny and a glaring sin. Quran33:59 |
Posted By: seekshidayath
Date Posted: 01 March 2008 at 6:26pm
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And truthlight, you said a wife shud sing for her husband It may make him run, if she is a bad singer ------------- Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: �All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent." |
Posted By: Truth_light24
Date Posted: 01 March 2008 at 6:52pm
Well Seekshidayath, in every rules there is an exception...if we think that our voice can be mistaken for a donkey, then better opted not to sing and lessen the talking as well..... Even the usage of khol, if the eye is too large, like frog-eye, i think better choose something that would make it look "normal" otherwise our betterhalf will have restless nights  ------------- And those who annoy believing men and women undeservedly, bear (on themselves) a calumny and a glaring sin. Quran33:59 |
Posted By: imp87
Date Posted: 03 March 2008 at 3:12am
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Brothers if you think you can find a wife like the one mentioned in the post.......... In your dreams
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Posted By: lovesakeenah
Date Posted: 21 May 2008 at 1:38am
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uuh uuh!Don't be a pessimist imp87.It is feasible.There're troubles in the world&human still remain the most complex of all God' creation.It still doesn't suffice to say there're no good women out there.
Jazakallahu khayran sis.Truth_Light for the informative&enlightening post.And sis.Aminah for sharing your successful marriage with us.Snd seekshidayath,you're very funny with the thought of not being able to sing.Meanwhile,you may have some nice steps if you can't do the singing.I've heard that works too (haven't practised it though).
I think I've got some more tips on marriage.I'd try to dig up my archives insha Allahu&post it here as well.It's for everyone-brothers and sisters masha Allahu...
yeah,I know,the response's a bit late.. ------------- "I have conviction that Allah has power over everything.Verily!Allah's knowledge includes and encompasses everything". |
Posted By: Shasta'sAunt
Date Posted: 21 May 2008 at 6:08am
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Assalamu Alaikum:
I think the best way to be a good Muslim wife is to marry a good Muslim man...
 I do have a comment about the fighting part. I know a Sister who allowed her husband to write into their marriage contract that she could never raise her voice to him or fight back. No matter how much he yells or provokes her, which he does.
Frankly, as someone who has been married for many years, if I couldn't fight back with my husband and have a good yell once in a while, I'd have to smother him with a pillow in his sleep.
It is not healthy to keep everything bottled up all of the time. Women are human also and have a need to let off steam and be angry just the same as men.
Don't let that pillow start looking good to you.....
------------- �No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.� Eleanor Roosevelt |
Posted By: lovesakeenah
Date Posted: 21 May 2008 at 7:25am
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Wa alaykum salaam waraahaamatullah wabarakatuh
Shatas'Aunt,am really sorry to say that the sister wasn't in her right thinking mind when she agreed to such frivolous contract.The thing is,wether we like it or not,we are humans and allowed to'express displeasure at anything that doesn't sit comfortably with us.The way we go about it is what matters.To think that you will not voice out is absolutely 'unimaginable'&almost inhuman.So,what are we talking about.The ability to control our anger is the major question&I do not think any woman should agree that a man treats her like thrash.Sorry for the language.Neither Islam nor civilization gives any man that right.....
Keeping so much within causes depression&can often lead to murder or suicide as we witness in the world today.I saw a programme that says majority of the women in Prison in United States are there because of a man (most charged with murder).............
Alliamdulillah ala nimata li'slam! ------------- "I have conviction that Allah has power over everything.Verily!Allah's knowledge includes and encompasses everything". |
Posted By: lovesakeenah
Date Posted: 21 May 2008 at 7:43am
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As-salaam alaykum warahamatullah wabarakatuh
Since we're still talking'bout relationships, thought I would share this with you all,for those who can afford it(the monetary aspect,I mean).
Boushra Team
Romance is an important factor in marital happiness. Giving time to such passion is considered to be an investment that produces a happy and stable marriage. Here are some romantic tips that help enhancing the intimacy between couples and reminds them how important they are to each other: Husbands:- While you are in the middle of a family or friends gathering; take your wife a side and whisper gently to her ears a warm thought like: you are the loveliest person amongst them all. - While you are shopping; take a quick break, smile at her face and say: I�m so glad that you are my wife. - Put your wedding invitation card �if you still keeping one- in a beautiful frame and hang it in the living room. That will make her feel how honoured you are of your wedding event. - Use intimate loving words whenever you can to call her. Instead of calling her (wife) use the word (darling) or (sweetheart). - On your anniversary; Try to surprise her with a new idea like sending her a similar bunch of flowers to the one she carried on your wedding day. Or give her your CV reminding her in it about all your virtues, abilities and longings to make her happy and fill the vacancy square with the following words: (to be your love and your husband for the rest of our lives). - It doesn�t matter what you give her on that day. What matters is HOW you present it. Buy her something like a ring and put it inside a rose that hasn�t bloomed yet, let her put it in a vase next her bed and the rose blossom she�ll see the ring (let us hope she won�t find out from the weight of the rose!). - Enlarge the best picture of your wife, wrap the picture in a nice gift wrap and give it to YOURSELF as a present. Open the present in front of her and let her feel the ecstasy. - Try to remember what type of candies she likes and buy a good quantity of it and surprise her with it. Put it in her hand bag, under her pillow or even between her cloths. - No matter how long you have been married, why don�t you call your wife (my bride) once in a while?? Wives:- Always remember your first days in your marriage; and all your passions at those days. Remember those warm feeling towards him. If you do that, the same feelings will come back to you immediately. - Put you marriage certificate in a nice frame and hang it on the wall � just like doctors usually do with their certificates!- that will assures him that you are proud of your marriage. - Print a copy of your marriage certificate and send it to him with some words like: (do you remember this day?). - Having a candlelit dinner at home is more romantic than dining out. So cook his favourite dish, wear his favourite dress and perfume and try to spend the whole night with him without the kids (please get one of your family to help you with that!). What would be more interesting is to have an authentic feature in this night like having an Indian night or a Moroccan night where you cook, dress up and decorate the room to match the feature you want. - While he is at work, try to finish the cooking early, have a shower, dress up and don�t forget to scent the house with perfumed oil or any other means. He will feel more comfortable and longing to go home and meet you. - Make some fabric bags and fill it with dried roses or scented plants. You can put them in his car or wardrobe. - Surprise him once in a while with a gift that he would like and keep with him all the time, like scented rosary beads. Or a hand made card �that you made yourself- and write some loving words in it. Or leather wallet with his name engraved in it. Try to be creative. - Before he comes at home, make small cards and print your lipstick on them, arrange the cards on the floor from the doorstep towards your bedroom. - After a tiring day, fill the bath with warm water, add some lavender or camomile oil in it, surround it with scented candles and call him for a relaxing bath. - If he has a laptop, write some love words on the screen saver. That will remind him of you. - On the bed, put a red rose on his side and cover it with the blanket. - You can write some warm, loving words on a small piece of paper and put it in his favourite book that he reads most of the time. Both:- Go to a second, third and fourth honeymoon... You deserve it. - Remember the first moments you saw each other. That will bring those warm passions back to you. - Go to the same places that you use to go to when you were newly married or even when you were engaged. - Choose a special night to go out without the kids. Dress up like you did when you went out together for the first time. That will remind you how important you are to each other and how you still love each other like before. - Try to arrange a short vacation for both of you without the kids. You don�t have to travel. You can rent a room in a hotel. Spend every minute of the vacation together. Remember that your partner is the reason why you are taking the vacation. Remember, you don�t have to do all of tips at once. Try to leave some time between one surprise and the other so they won�t be boring. Good luck and enjoy being romantic. source: http://boushra.org/common/viewarticle.php?id=157 - http://boushra.org/common/viewarticle.php?id=157
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Posted By: reply1231
Date Posted: 22 May 2008 at 12:44pm
very good replica.
i think the best Muslima is one who earns his own money
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Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 06 June 2008 at 1:01pm
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Why is the wife's list always longer than the Husbands ?
As for the "How to be a good wife" . . . I'm sorry if I offend the author. But I found some aspects of it demeaning . . . (edit: not referring to Sis sakeena's post)
Someone please post one for the husbands now. . . .:p
edited: due to unclarity. . . ------------- "O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young." |
Posted By: Truth_light24
Date Posted: 06 June 2008 at 4:20pm
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Lovesakeenah, I don�t think I can do all that
considering the fast moving life we have right now. Both man and wife got to work to support the family
and be home too tired..but one thing I knew of that would make a family go on
strong and can stand the test of time�. To have love, trust, respect and above
all, Allah in the relationship�and never listen to satan�s enticing words and
insinuations. The wife should make her husband feel that his home
is with her, making him feel at peace when he is home. Same way the husband too should make his wife
feels that she is precious and cherished and all this can be felt by each and
everyone if done with sincerity (thru the heart). To have time in everything,
kids, work, home, husband ��you may not have perfect family life but at least
you will be near perfection�inshallah! ------------- And those who annoy believing men and women undeservedly, bear (on themselves) a calumny and a glaring sin. Quran33:59 |
Posted By: lovesakeenah
Date Posted: 11 June 2008 at 2:37am
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As-salaam alaykum warahamatullah wabarakatuh dear sisters
I wish i could I could answer all your questions,but I can't unfortunately...
I mean,I also question why there are more write-ups about being a good wife,polygamy(ignoring the aspect that says a woman has every right to oppose this idea if it will affect her deen&relationship with the husband) and why the duties of a wife make the headlines in relationships,almost all the time.So ladies,without further ado,I am working on making my contribution in changing that cliche,masha Allahu...I'd let you know when am done(it's going to take a while....).
There are many things women can do to liberate themselves from poverty say for instance, becoming a widow&being unemployed...matters could be worse if children're involved.My dear sisters, we might not be able to live a perfect harmonious marital life,but we can surely make our troubles minimal by being educated on things to know and do prior marital commitment,masha Allahu.So,I guess I can start here then.I am gathering the materials needed for my Book on Marriage and Women's rights in Islam (not the title,but the focus of the book) masha Allahu.And amongst the things I want to do is make 'Questionnaires'.I haven't got to that stage yet,but I also intend to ask Sisters' opinions about what they feel are been left out when writing about relationships(Islamic perspective).What should be included and considered.The provisions that should be put in place to make the wife comfortable in her relationship.
I also intend to look at Cultural influences masha Allahu,amongst other things.Like I said,this project will take a while because of other external factors causing time constraints.
So,if I asked you what you would like to be aired,read,written more on this subject,what would it be?
Need I remind you again that,we're looking at this Islamically,meaning-in compliance with Qur'anic injuctions&the teachings of Rasulullah(s.a.w).May Allah grant us adequate wisdom&useful knowledge.....Ameen!
------------- "I have conviction that Allah has power over everything.Verily!Allah's knowledge includes and encompasses everything". |
Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 11 June 2008 at 4:15am
Jazakallah Khair ------------- "O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young." |
Posted By: ayisha098
Date Posted: 18 September 2008 at 4:38pm
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None of what you said applies to me. I hate dressing up and wearing jewelry and makeup. My husband prefers natural beauty as do I. He likes me for the way I am. As long as I obey him and clean and cook, and don't do anything haraam, he is leneit in what I'm allowed to do. The only thing my husband asks of me, is that I brush my hair every day, and wash my face with soap, because he says it makes me more beautiful to him. ------------- www.silentlair.com www.freewebs.com/wintesunmission www.myspace.com/spottedjaguar www.myspace.com/islamdawa |
Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 27 September 2009 at 11:44pm
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sama alaikum,
well sister Amina,masha allah it was great to read about your successful realtion may this continues till janna.
regards
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Posted By: Zaharah
Date Posted: 02 October 2009 at 11:14am
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Assalimu Alaikum Forum
Alhamdulillah....I've been married happily for 19 years and I like to think it's because I married a good muslim br. strong in his deen. age and beauty will fade with time if there's not a strong foundation the marriage will not last (Aminah)
Amen sister, and gravity will take over.Zaharah ------------- CHANGE- Let's change the way we eat, the way we live and the way we treat each other. You see the old way wasn't working, so it's on us to do what we gotta do to survive. Tupac A. Shakur... |
Posted By: Full of Hopes
Date Posted: 04 October 2009 at 1:08pm
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Asslamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatu Allah This is a wonderful nice post. We should pass it to all Muslim wives. May Allah be pleased.. -------------  And whoever seeks a religion other than Isl�m, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers(3:85)
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Posted By: Ali77
Date Posted: 26 October 2009 at 6:40am
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Halleo..your advices are very interesting,I not married yet but if I found woman has thith values I willing to
marry her and not exploit her and respect her by thith we can establish a nice family and successful sons.I think the buteay doesnot importer than behavour in woman,at last I thank you and please donot stop your useful advices and God bless you. |
Posted By: Ali77
Date Posted: 26 October 2009 at 6:48am
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ALSALM ALYCOM..my question is:I very worry about my future many time I ask my self,can I deal with life?
can I marry?how are my wife and sons appear?I ask you is this caused by unsuficient faith on our God or its normal feeling and thank you. |
Posted By: ops155
Date Posted: 27 October 2009 at 11:13am
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WOW!!! This is same thing from a non muslim view, sort of.
http://www.snopes.com/language/document/goodwife.asp - http://www.snopes.com/language/document/goodwife.asp
Rule 11 - Ignore 1-10 and have some self respect. |
Posted By: Full of Hopes
Date Posted: 27 October 2009 at 11:35am
May Allah help you. I feel. This is very normal. Just do istekhrah before you do anything. ------------- And whoever seeks a religion other than Isl�m, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers(3:85)
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Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 28 October 2009 at 7:44pm
Wow, really amazing how much things have changed since that 1950's admonition.
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Posted By: martha
Date Posted: 29 October 2009 at 1:32am
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I loved reading these 1-10 rules.
I think it is women that are changing, not so much the men.
In the UK for example 75% white British men still believe they should be the bread winner and that women should stay in the home and to a great extent follow these rules.
Unfortunately with the rising costs and women wanting more of a choice many decide to go to work and keep the home in order. Men have adjusted somewhat in their thinking..guess if the women are happier working some hours then he will surely compromise..nothing quite like a frustrated wife
 For many women the extra cash comes in handy...it gives them some freedom to spend on themselves(when man's wage doesn't cover these extras)...and also women like to also contribute to costs of holidays etc.
In an ideal world women can stay in the home...but bills need to be paid.
In asian countries women are begining to catch up with the thinking of western women. THey want more rights, more freedom..and so on.
Personally ( as I am old fashioned) I loved to follow the above rules when I was younger, married and had a family. THere is a huge sense of pride and achievment when you can accomplish in this way.
sigh..oh happy days... ------------- some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set |
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 29 October 2009 at 6:30am
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I think to think that women around the world sit at home and just take of the home.. is just not realistic. The vast majority of women work in some fashion "outside the home." Most rural and poor people- everyone works. We tend to view things from a middle class prism. And this is just not realistic. What is true is most have some type of division of labor. Women do X and men to Y. And it changes from culture to culture. Of course women also take care of the kids but they do a lot more. Poor women have always "worked" If you talk about women from other strata... what was the issue is that when you have a brain.. you are raised with an education... you actually enjoy that. And if you have a spouse who does not respect and see you really as a 'cleaning machine" it makes for a hard marriage. Its like in the list... be quiet, be nice, don't make too much noise. And then what happens when the woman being home either by themselves or young children. Being isolated causes alot of the dperession women face. We are humans and have social needs. And its about cater to 'his needs' and does he think about what his wife goes through? And I remember how they used to say these women did not 'work" and the men are not going to sign up for 'home duty.' ------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: martha
Date Posted: 29 October 2009 at 11:15am
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...be nice, be quiet, and don't make much noise..
Hayfa, it isn't realistic of course. You are absolutely right.
I used to watch my maternal grandmother..(she is like the one you refer to in your post) she was the ideal woman and ideal wife and mother and came from a privileged background. So pArt of her education was to prepare for married life. Fortunately she had a good husband.
Until the day she died she never grumbled. Her work was the home, she was fortunate in that sense...meals were on time and she had her own itinerary that she stuck to...washing Mondays, ironing Tuesdays etc etc. I loved that woman
She was also lucky to not be isolated after marriage. It makes a huge difference. I am sure she had her own personal grievances within that marriage tho...marriage is not a bed of roses..we all have to watch out for those thorns. BUt I am hugely grateful to her for her example. Some of it has stuck in my brain My paternal grandmother was completely different and she worked. She was poor. I loved her and loved her strength/determination too. But hers is another story...
The answer is I guess about balance in life. Divorce for example was once frowned upon. WOmen put up with a lot of abuse. THese days divorce is more acceptable and women don't put up with stuff.( I talk about the western world here) We will never live in an ideal world. Harmony in the home is a 2way practice. WOnder if we will ever get it right,lol. Women have to do a great deal...then and now. Work in the home, work outside, often both. I get tired just thinking about it, lol.
 ------------- some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set |
Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 29 October 2009 at 11:19am
| man! I do hate the sound of the vacuum cleaner. |
Posted By: martha
Date Posted: 29 October 2009 at 11:34am
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oh...the hammer drill gives me a headache! lol. All quiet now in my female enviromental friendly home Only have kitty and he's a cutey. ------------- some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set |
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 29 October 2009 at 3:37pm
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man! I do hate the sound of the vacuum cleaner. Me too.. can you sweep??? LOL ------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 29 October 2009 at 9:45pm
| Are you kidding!? I do it all. I didn't have sisters growing up. |
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 30 October 2009 at 11:57am
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Your potential is expanding Abuayisha...
------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: Nur_Ilahi
Date Posted: 03 November 2009 at 5:53am
Oh Thank God, my husband loves the vacuum cleaner. I had been married for nearly 25 years. Both of us are working. I am lucky when my children were small, I was working in 3 shifts. 2 days on and 2 days off. Only during weekdays when I was working, we would be sending our children to the babysitter. In other words, our children always have at least 1 parent at home. Knowing that we both are working, my husband was very helpful. Weekend, vacuuming and mopping the floor is his favourite household jobs. All nooks and corners will not be spared. And when my children were still using the bottles, once they were asleep at night, he would be collecting all the bottles and washed and boiled them. And if I worked night shift, he would be looking after both of them and early morning sending them to the babysitter. I think I am very lucky to have a husband like him, even though educationally, I have a more advantage over him. But over the years, he is earning more than me now. But whatever it is the most important is our mission is to submit to the will of Allah, together we join hands to bring our family to one destination. InshaAllah. ------------- Ilahi Anta Maksudi, Wa Redhaka Mathlubi - Oh Allah, You are my destination, Your Pleasure is my Intention. |
Posted By: Ali77
Date Posted: 03 November 2009 at 5:54am
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ALSALAM ALYCM. I donot marred yet but by this advices and notes I have been willing to marry and I ask my God to give me good wife which respect her hasbund and keep her house and
afread from God then I be very happy and make every thing to let she happy and satisfied.thank you |
Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 03 November 2009 at 9:18pm
| Masha'Allah, very nice...good man. Allah bless you both with good in this life and the next - saving us all from the fire. |
Posted By: Nur_Ilahi
Date Posted: 04 November 2009 at 4:28am
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Alhamdulillah. Ameen. I hope you too have a good family that would make you proud not only in this world, but the next too. InshaAllah. ------------- Ilahi Anta Maksudi, Wa Redhaka Mathlubi - Oh Allah, You are my destination, Your Pleasure is my Intention. |
Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 04 November 2009 at 9:16am
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Yes, yes. "Then which of the favours of your Lord will you deny?" Surah Al Rahman 55 |
Posted By: fais
Date Posted: 06 November 2009 at 10:10pm
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SALAM,
pray for me all,even i want a good wife now,who will be like hurul ain.
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Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 07 November 2009 at 4:46am
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Nur: your husband likes to vacuum... mashallah May all women be so blessed to have a husband who helps out. ------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: martha
Date Posted: 07 November 2009 at 6:34am
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Yes, it would be a blessing. As a fair number of men live in cloud cuckoo land I doubt they even know what a vacuum cleaner is, lol. In some places even some women don't have a clue either, and are left to sweep their way through life.
Certainly women don't generally get appreciated for the home-work they do day in day out. ANd if wages were paid to each woman for the 24/7 care of the home and children then they would be SO wealthy, lol. ------------- some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set |
Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 07 November 2009 at 7:08am
| This is no doubt a sweeping generalization, but I once visited West Africa and if Africa is the origin of man, it is also the genesis of lazy men. Everywhere you look women are working, carry water, selling, washing, sweeping, and men are lounging, sitting, sleeping or drinking tea. |
Posted By: martha
Date Posted: 07 November 2009 at 8:16am
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Abuay -'This is no doubt a sweeping generalization'
Abuay-'if Africa is the origin of man, it is also the genesis of lazy men. Everywhere you look women are working, carry water, selling, washing, sweeping, and men are lounging, sitting, sleeping or drinking tea'
Nice one bro! ------------- some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set |
Posted By: Nur_Ilahi
Date Posted: 07 November 2009 at 4:24pm
I believe all human beings have their own speciality, strengths and weaknesses. My husband loves the vacuum cleaner but at the same time he does not know how to cook. While my own brother loves to cook and always help his wife in the kitchen. I have my own weaknesses, cooking is not my speciality. But where the education of my children is concerned, I take charge, while my husband leave that to me. We husbands and wives should not compete but to complement each other. It will strengthen our marriage and of course giving and taking is a must in any marriage. ------------- Ilahi Anta Maksudi, Wa Redhaka Mathlubi - Oh Allah, You are my destination, Your Pleasure is my Intention. |
Posted By: Allah First
Date Posted: 08 November 2009 at 8:54am
| Abuyisha, very true indeed. LOL. And at the same time they have babies on their backs while doing those things.I mean the women............... |
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 08 November 2009 at 6:39pm
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cook, clean, education yes partners need to work together. Just cannot personally stand helplessness.. irritating...lol
------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: maRYam_shARifa
Date Posted: 04 January 2010 at 11:58am
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masha'Allah this thread is very informative.. alhamd'Allah i read it because i just got married yesterday.. hehe! thx for the tips!
maY Allah bless us more... ------------- eMbraCed IslaM withouT secoND thouGHts noR REgRETs.. |
Posted By: honeto
Date Posted: 05 January 2010 at 12:37pm
So true, we men don't try to comprehend what a load of work we leave for women at home around the world. We comeback from work and expect everything to be done and perfect not realizing that she is a woman not a magician. Only those of us can try to appreciate her, who have made the effort and spent a day in her place in order to solve the mystry. Actually she does more and goes through more than us. No wonder she is given higher degree in Islam. As far as wages, who can pay what she deserves and more better than Allah, who knows all. But as for my wife, she wants to see some of that in this life in shape of acknowledgment, love, affection and appreciation, and rightly so. Hasan ------------- The friends of God will certainly have nothing to fear, nor will they be grieved. Al Quran 10:62 |
Posted By: semar
Date Posted: 05 January 2010 at 9:28pm
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Salam,
Perhaps, that's why this ladies want to share the load;-
Malaysian Polygamy Club Draws Criticism
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/06/world/asia/06malaysia.html - http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/06/world/asia/06malaysia.html
 KUALA LUMPUR � Rohaya Mohamad, 44, is an articulate, bespectacled medical doctor who studied at a university in Wales. Juhaidah Yusof, 41, is a shy Islamic studies teacher and mother of eight. Kartini Maarof, 41, is a divorce lawyer and Rubaizah Rejab, a youthful-looking 30-year-old woman, teaches Arabic at a private college. The lives of these four women are closely entwined � they take care of each others� children, cook for each other and share a home on weekends. They also share a husband. The man at the center of this matrimonial arrangement is Mohamad Ikram Ashaari, the 43-year-old stepson of Hatijah Aam, 54, a Malaysian woman who in August established a club to promote polygamy. �Men are by nature polygamous,� said Dr. Rohaya, Mr. Ikram�s third wife, flanked by the other three women and Mr. Ikram for an interview on a recent morning. The women were dressed in ankle-length skirts, their hair covered by tudungs, the Malaysian term for headscarf. �We hear of many men having the �other woman,� affairs and prostitution because for men, one woman is not enough. Polygamy is a way to overcome social ills such as this.� The Ikhwan Polygamy Club is managed by Global Ikhwan, a company whose businesses include bread and noodle factories, a chicken-processing plant, pharmacies, cafes and supermarkets. Mr. Ikram is a director of the company. While polygamy is legal in predominantly Muslim Malaysia, the club has come under fire from the government and religious leaders, who suspect it may be an attempt to revive Al-Arqam, a defunct Islamic movement headed by Mrs. Hatijah�s husband, Mr. Ashaari Mohamad, who is the founder and owner of Global Ikhwan. Al-Arqam was banned in 1994 for �deviant� religious teachings. The club denies allegations that it is trying to revive Al-Arqam, and says that the aim of the club is to help single mothers and women past �marrying age� find husbands. The Ikhwan Polygamy Club says it has 1,000 members across Malaysia, Indonesia, Australia, Singapore, Thailand, the Middle East and Europe. It recently started a branch in Bandung, Indonesia, and plans to open another one in Jakarta. Most of the members are employees of Global Ikwan or former members of Al-Arqam. Members get together regularly for meetings and relationship counseling, which is given by senior members of the group. Under Malaysian law, it is legal for Muslim men to marry as many as four wives, although they must obtain permission from an Islamic, or shariah, court to marry more than one. Women�s groups say it has become easier for men to obtain permission to take multiple wives in recent years, a development they say coincides with a rise in Islamic conservatism in Malaysia. While some states require men to obtain the consent of their existing wives before seeking court permission to marry another wife, Sa�adiah Din, a family lawyer who practices in the shariah courts, said other states no longer required the wives� consent. In 2008, 1,791 men applied to the shariah courts, which apply only to the country�s Muslim population, for permission to take another wife, up from 1,694 in 2007. The government could not provide figures on the total number of polygamous marriages, but researchers including Norani Othman, a sociologist at the National University of Malaysia, said the number could be as high as 5 percent of all marriages. Despite the growing number of polygamous marriages, the club�s effort to promote the practice has put it in the sights of the authorities. The Department of Islamic Development Malaysia, a government department that is responsible for the promotion and administration of Islam, is investigating the activities of the Ikhwan Polygamy Club and says it believes Mr. Ashaari and his family may be promoting teachings contrary to Islam. A spokeswoman would not provide further details, saying the investigation was continuing. Al-Arqam had asserted that Mr. Ashaari had the power to forgive the sins of Muslims, an act Muslims believe can be done only by God. Some reports have suggested that the movement had as many as 10,000 members when it was banned. A leading religious official, Harussani Bin Haji Zakaria, the mufti of Perak State, said followers of Al-Arqam had claimed that Mr. Ashaari had the power to send people to heaven or hell. Mr. Harussani said he believed the polygamy club could be a front to resurrect Al-Arqam. �I think because they have been banned they want to attract people to come to him again,� he said, referring to Mr. Ashaari. The club has also been criticized by women�s groups like Sisters in Islam, a nongovernmental organization based in Malaysia. Ms. Norani, the sociologist, who is the lead researcher in a Sisters in Islam project investigating polygamy, said the practice could be harmful to women and children, particularly those born to first wives. She and her fellow researchers have interviewed 2,000 men, women and adult children who have experienced polygamous marriage. Although she stressed that her comments were based on preliminary observations, Ms. Norani said many of the first wives interviewed reported feelings of resentment and depression after their husbands took a second wife, and �a significant number� had considered divorce. She said she knew some well-educated, financially independent women in Kuala Lumpur, including business executives and lawyers, who had chosen to become second or third wives. �Usually they marry late, they do a second or third degree, they put off marriage until later and they find it difficult to find an unmarried man,� she said. �One of them said �all the good men are either married or gay.�� With 17 children among them, ages 6 to 21, Mr. Ikram�s four wives all have their own homes near their workplaces, but on weekends they gather at the family�s five-bedroom house on the outskirts of Kuala Lumpur. Most of the older children are at boarding school or university, but the children of primary-school age stay at the family house, where they are usually cared for by the first wife, Juhaidah, during the week. Mr. Ikram takes turns spending nights with each of his four wives. �It�s like one, two, three, four,� said Dr. Rohaya, pointing to each of the wives. The wives usually meet Mr. Ikram at the family house but they say there is no strict arrangement, and Mr. Ikram sometimes comes to their individual homes during the week. On weekends, at the family house, the women take turns doing the cooking. �We share clothes,� Dr. Rohaya said. �We�re like sisters, really.� None of the women grew up in polygamous families, and although they admit to having had some initial reservations, they all said they were happy and would recommend polygamous marriage to their daughters. Mr. Ikram rejected suggestions from the women�s groups that polygamous marriages may benefit men while causing hardship for women. �Actually, in a polygamous marriage it�s more of a burden to a man than to a woman because the husband has to face four different women, and that�s not easy,� he said, prompting laughter from his wives. |
Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 06 January 2010 at 7:10am
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�Actually, in a polygamous marriage it�s more of a burden to a man than to a woman because the husband has to face four different women, and that�s not easy,� he said, prompting laughter from his wives. Gallows humor no doubt.
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Posted By: martha
Date Posted: 06 January 2010 at 8:42am
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Hmm, nice photo...but which ones are the wives? ------------- some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set |
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 06 January 2010 at 9:13am
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The ones with the arms around the kids..
------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 06 January 2010 at 9:41am
heheh... ------------- "O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young." |
Posted By: martha
Date Posted: 06 January 2010 at 10:19am
Thanks :) It WAS a serious question btw...one just looks like a grandmother. ------------- some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set |
Posted By: Hayfa
Date Posted: 07 January 2010 at 4:59am
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oh she is probably the eldest wife. Its hard to tell ages especially cross- culturally.
------------- When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi |
Posted By: Nur_Ilahi
Date Posted: 08 January 2010 at 8:46pm
Dear Maryam, I wish to congratulate you and May Allah Almighty bless your marriage and for you to stay united till Paradise. Just another tip. To love is to sacrifice, to please the other party without asking anything in return. But of course True Love is Loving Allah, trying to please Him with obeying all His commands with honesty and sincerity, without even asking for His Paradise. Salam. ------------- Ilahi Anta Maksudi, Wa Redhaka Mathlubi - Oh Allah, You are my destination, Your Pleasure is my Intention. |
Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 09 January 2010 at 10:15am
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".....without even asking for His Paradise."
The Prophet of Allah (SAW) said of Firdous:
When you pray ask for Firdous, for it is in the middle of heaven and is higher in grade than the heaven and above Firdous is Allah's throne, moreover the canals of heaven flow from Firdous. (Bukhari) |
Posted By: Nur_Ilahi
Date Posted: 09 January 2010 at 7:49pm
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The Dua' of Ahlussufi - Illahi anta maksudi wa redhaka mathlubi O Allah You are my goal and Your pleasure is my only desire! ------------- Ilahi Anta Maksudi, Wa Redhaka Mathlubi - Oh Allah, You are my destination, Your Pleasure is my Intention. |
Posted By: Chrysalis
Date Posted: 09 January 2010 at 10:59pm
So Ahlussufi trumps Sunnah/hadith of Prophet/Sahih Bukhari ?  ------------- "O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young." |
Posted By: Nur_Ilahi
Date Posted: 10 January 2010 at 4:24am
I do not find anything wrong with this dua'. If you analyze further, the character of Redha and ikhlas meaning not asking anything in return is the main essence of this dua. ------------- Ilahi Anta Maksudi, Wa Redhaka Mathlubi - Oh Allah, You are my destination, Your Pleasure is my Intention. |
Posted By: wisdomseeker
Date Posted: 11 January 2010 at 6:00am
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Assalamu alaikum,
It is not that we are not supposed to ask for paradise, we sure are supposed to do, and we should surely do. The scene changes though when we are worshipping allah, that is while doing ibadath i mean, and not while making a dua....here....in the former case...we should do it, keeping in mind that we would do it even if there was no heaven or hell, for once we have recognized our creator we worship him unconditionally, and not bound by the condition that we do it only if we get the jannah in return. While, making a prayer of course we must ask for jannah, and for his grace to save us from hell. doesn't Allah say in the quran,with regard to those asking him during pilgrimage, that for those who ask only of this world and not for His blessings in the hereafter, they shall be granted things only in this world and will be deprived of his grace in the hereafter, whereas those who ask of both the worlds shall receive blessings of both according to their deeds.(al baqra) Forget me not when you pray for jannah,
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Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 11 January 2010 at 6:29pm
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".......according to their deeds."
True worship of Allah is based upon our deeds and obedience to Allah and His Prophet. Words without action mean little. We can call upon our spouse with beautiful words of praise, but if our deeds and actions prove otherwise, certainly it will lead to a failed marriage.
"...keeping in mind that we would do it even if there was no heaven or hell, for once we have recognized our creator we worship him unconditionally...."
Seems pointless - heaven and hell exist, and are used by Allah and His Messenger to motivate us to hear and obey.
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Posted By: wisdomseeker
Date Posted: 12 January 2010 at 3:10am
Did I say anything different?? I just quoted a verse, I did not mean anything contrary to what you said above, of course it is true.
I am not saying that the heaven and hell do not exist, of course they do,and nor am I saying that the existence of hell and heaven is not necessary to motivate us to do good deeds, what i am saying is only a "supposition", that if, if there were no heaven and hell, and we had recognized our creator as Allah, we would and should worship him unconditionally, worship is done in awe, respect and gratitude, not to gain something in return, though in this "real life" case we do gain. Well my above post was only in regards to worship. For everything we do, however tiny or huge, we aim for Allah's approval, his happiness with us, and ultimately the reward of jannah...I wonder if you read my whole post, Coz i think i made it ample clear to be a supposition and not a real situation, or other wise i would have easily contradicted my self, for i quote a verse from the quran which emphasizes the fact that we are supposed to ask for both the worlds' blessings. |
Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 12 January 2010 at 7:00am
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For everything we do tiny or huge is but for our own benefit in this life and the next. As long as our intentions are correct and our deeds in accordance with Quran and Sunnah we gain Allah's approval - and ultimately, insha'Allah, Paradise. |
Posted By: wisdomseeker
Date Posted: 12 January 2010 at 7:03am
| inshallah...very true |
Posted By: Nur_Ilahi
Date Posted: 15 January 2010 at 11:26pm
Islam is is a very deep and wide religion. It is not only about physical and spiritual obedience but more. did not Allah said in the Holy Quran - "And if all the trees that are in the earth were pens, and the ocean (were ink), with seven oceans swelling it therefore, the words of Allah would not be exhausted. Surely, Allah is Mighty, Wise" (31 :27). An ordinary Muslim would worship Allah due to afraid of hell and wishing for Paradise. This is called barter trade - I give something, you give me something in return. But we forgot that our Ruh or Soul which is the source of living is from Him. In other words, the capital (Soul) that we used for this 'barter trade' belongs to Him, and yet we act as if it is our due and demanding something in return. Allah (Exalted is He) has said in the Sacred Tradition [Hadith Qudsi]: The human being is My secret, and I am his secret. Ilahi anta maksudi, wa redhaka mathlubi - Oh Allah, YOU are my Goal and your Pleasure is my objective. This dua is the dua of those who understand the reality of living in this world. Salam. ------------- Ilahi Anta Maksudi, Wa Redhaka Mathlubi - Oh Allah, You are my destination, Your Pleasure is my Intention. |
Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 16 January 2010 at 1:29am
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Allah (Exalted is He) has said in the Sacred Tradition [Hadith Qudsi]: The human being is My secret, and I am his secret Hadith Qudsi?
An example of a Hadith Qudsi is: On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (radi Allahu 'anhu), who said that Allah's Messenger said: "When God decreed the Creation He pledged Himself by writing in His book which is laid down with Him: My mercy prevails over my wrath." (Related by Muslim, and by al-Bukhari, an-Nasa'i and Ibn Majah) Muslims regard the Hadith Qudsi as the words of Allah, repeated by Prophet Muhammad and recorded on the condition of an isnad (chain of verification by witness(es) who heard Allah�s Messenger say the hadith). "The human being is My secret, and I am his secret" is taken from a sufi book: "O Supreme Helper! The human being is my secret, and I am his secret. If the human being was truly aware of his situation in My sight, he would say with every single breath "to whom does the supreme authority belong today?" (Abdul Qadir Al-Jilani - Interpretation of Ghawthiyyah)
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Posted By: Nur_Ilahi
Date Posted: 16 January 2010 at 7:07pm
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Dear Abuaysha, As we know Sheikh Abdul Qadir Jailani is considered as the leader of all waliyullah. His teachings of Tasawwuf (Sciences of the heart) were being followed by many sufis and those who loves to purify the heart (Ruh) from sifah mazmumah (the evil characters) and to replace it with sifah mahmudah (the good characters). Just for information, there are no secrets in the Deen just differences in (knowledge), understaning and in receptivity. Hence this hadis Qudsi maybe alien to some, but not to those in the sufi world. Salam. ------------- Ilahi Anta Maksudi, Wa Redhaka Mathlubi - Oh Allah, You are my destination, Your Pleasure is my Intention. |
Posted By: abuayisha
Date Posted: 17 January 2010 at 7:31am
| Wallahul mustaan! I won't derail this thread any further..... |