believe in what?

Dear 1hope, I hope you are still somewhere near here and you are wondering about the replies since this is the basic instinct lying behind the act of questioning.

I wonder if you are suffering a bit of misunderstanding about the religion. The scope of religion is beyond this world so neither the culture nor the ideology are enough to define the term of religion.

I can understand that you are to pass through a difficult way from the modern culture based mainly on a positivist perspective to the green garden of Islam, but every convert and even every Muslim born in a Muslim family are to walk this painful way. so you are not the only one. No one person chooses Islam in one night. The heart of a person passes through different stages so that it becomes open to reality and I think what happens to you is this.

As the other members, I have difficulty in seeing your situation clearly since you are not to give the details about the thing that bothers you. But if it helps; I want to give an example from a book written by a scientist who deals with  religion related psychology: he compares the first days of Yusuf Islam (Cat Stevens) when he was trying to dress as Arabs of old days and today where he has no doubt in wearing a shirt and trousers as every men in western culture does. The explanation is that : this giant transition from one religion to another is an important stress for the person and he is to stick to some cultural symbols at the beginning to gain some strenght in his decision, but as the convert gets experienced about the perspective of Islam, Islamic phenomena and as the soul matures he is no more to look for the cultural symbols.

I hope you solve the problems or at least open a door for the people in this forum who want to understand you. If you believe in Islam then believe that misgivings come from the devil. Allah will not leave you.

As salaam.