feeling lost

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   Welcome.
Maybe your not really fed up with his behavior yet to leave. I had been married for ten years and while many of times I wanted to leave I was too afraid, having much the same feelings as you are feeling. BUT when you reach a point" I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" The last time you say it, you will feel like killing yourself, but get help and live. When you leave it is like you feel soooooooooooooooooooooo good. You know you have climbed a big hurdle, been tested in every extreme and you did it! I never went back to him even though he wanted to have me back. (He was 17 years older than I.) It was especially scarey to be living in an area where rent is $1500-$2000/month & I with no college education & two kids. I never thought I could have the life I do today. Alhamdollilah.
I went through so many years wanting to leave, but then  afraid to really leave. The final straw was when I was so depressed I felt I needed to go to the emergency room. Sukran Allah for antidepressants and he actually helped me find a nice town house to rent. He gave me child support even before the courts had put in on paper. 
I messed up my credit in order to be away from him as the life in Northern California is so expensive, but I feel it is better than being dead. 
My kids have a decent life and they have their mom and dad less than a mile apart and I have my happiness. Alhamdollilah. 

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habebe39 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Joined: 04 July 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 18	Post Options Post Reply Quote habebe39 Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 05 July 2005 at 7:48pm
	Welcome. Maybe your not really fed up with his behavior yet to leave. I had been married for ten years and while many of times I wanted to leave I was too afraid, having much the same feelings as you are feeling. BUT when you reach a point" I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" The last time you say it, you will feel like killing yourself, but get help and live. When you leave it is like you feel soooooooooooooooooooooo good. You know you have climbed a big hurdle, been tested in every extreme and you did it! I never went back to him even though he wanted to have me back. (He was 17 years older than I.) It was especially scarey to be living in an area where rent is $1500-$2000/month & I with no college education & two kids. I never thought I could have the life I do today. Alhamdollilah. I went through so many years wanting to leave, but then afraid to really leave. The final straw was when I was so depressed I felt I needed to go to the emergency room. Sukran Allah for antidepressants and he actually helped me find a nice town house to rent. He gave me child support even before the courts had put in on paper. I messed up my credit in order to be away from him as the life in Northern California is so expensive, but I feel it is better than being dead. My kids have a decent life and they have their mom and dad less than a mile apart and I have my happiness. Alhamdollilah.

J.R. Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 25 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 87	Post Options Post Reply Quote J.R. Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 06 July 2005 at 2:57am
	Assalamu Alaikum, Sister, I am not you and I'm not in your shoes and I have never met this man so I can not judge him correctly. All I know is that you are a MUSLIM WOMAN something every man should treat like gold. As a Muslim woman, and a woman in general, you deserve to best life and best treatment. You deserve so much better than this and any man who hits a woman is not a man. You're in my prayers and as always Allah knows best. Allah hafiz, J.R.
	Smile

sahara Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Joined: 11 July 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 13	Post Options Post Reply Quote sahara Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 11 July 2005 at 10:12am
	I went through something similar before become a muslim. I'm taking mental health assistant course in college. First find someone you can trust to talk to. Then find a place for you to live so you are safe. With a clear mind and a safe place, you can make decision on what to do next. Don't let any one push you to go back before you are ready. This is important if you have children

Jenni Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 10 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 705	Post Options Post Reply Quote Jenni Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 11 July 2005 at 8:33pm
	Dear sister, I hate to quote Dr.Phil the tv guy, but I must. Certian things in life and in Islam are dealbreakers in a relationship. Before marriage I told my husband, abuse, alcohol, drugs or adultery are dealbreakers. There is no second chance. He agreed and holds me to the same standard. You are only 41 and should waste no more time on this man. Pray for him, encourage him to get help and move on with your life. If you meet a man in the future, get to know his family and if he is divorced ask to speak to his ex wife to find out why. Love is not a reason to do stupid things. You must protect yourself!!!
	You cant be a good muslim if you are not decent and have a cold heart. Be a decent and kind person and care for women and children and the elderly.