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asking financial support from ex-boyfrend

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ratnasari View Drop Down
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    Posted: 09 August 2007 at 11:59pm

Salam to all brothers. I post this topic in sister forum, and I post it here too and I would like to see if there were any different advice, opinions and different comment here.

i have question which the issue is about my own sister... as I feel uncomfrotable to use word 'my sister', so I prefer to use word 'a woman', ok?

a woman had long term relationships with non-muslim boyfriend for many years, and involved in zina for many times and years. and then saying that repented for her sins. as looking for serious marriage and better material life, a woman want to immigrate illegally to other country. and woman still keep in touch with her ex-boyfriend which she says to her friends that relationship with ex is just 'as friend'. Because of good sexual intimate relationships in the past, woman get financial support and flight ticket from her ex Easily, in condition she must met her ex in his place before she travel to her dream country and find good muslim husband with high class status and extra financial stable. 

1. my question, is it permissible in islam for a woman to travel alone and find good husband with extra financial stabe/high class status in another country which the source of financial and flight ticket is by- contacting her non-muslim ex-boyfriend to get financial support and flight ticket because her non-muslim ex-boyfriend is the only one person who can give material support to her (which the sexual intimate relationships in the past influence him to give financial and ticket to her)? and also the condition for her to get the financial support and ticket is, she must meet her ex-boyfriend first (her ex-boyfriend working in another country), well I don't know, maybe her ex-boyfriend offer her to stay few nights with him and give her more financial support.

note that, a woman will not and will never tell her future husband and her female friends that the material and flight ticket source is from contacting her ex-bf.

2. my 2nd question is, I wear hijab and do prayer, and night prayer too. but I give support to my sister to contact her ex-boyfriend that she used to have intimate sexual relationship with him.. to get money or flight ticket, because I want to see her happy for her dream come true, to migrate to other country and suggest her to use fake bank statement so that she gets visa.. and marry a man with extra finacial stable and handsome so that she can have beautiful children. but I warn her very much that she shouldn't and never ever tell her future husband about this, about her ex-boyfriend, the money, ticket etc. as she is a divorce woman, she told me that her future husband will never suspicious about her virginity which she lost it before her marriage to her first husband. Im agree with her.

I dont get what I wish in my life, so I wish my sister get what she really want. I am a good muslima because I do prayer, zakat, fasting and night prayer, well whats problem if I want to see my sister happy right, because Islam ask us to be good with our own sister right? If she contact her ex is wrong, I belief she can repent in the future when she get new good muslim husband, and she will never tell her past to her new husband. and many women do this too.

I have aunty who is few years older than me. actually I was angry to my aunty that my aunty say that my support to my own sister is munafiq or hypocricy behavior because I appear to be good muslim. my aunty is not doing night prayer and doing sunnah fasting like me, and I think she has no right to to say that to me.

My aunt asked me to stop my sister from getting the ticket fee from her ex-boyfriend. My aunt said that my sister's nonmuslim ex-boyfriend gave her financial support and fight ticket fee because, first, influence and temptation of sexual intimate in the past, and she said if my sister didn't have any sexual relationship with him, he will never give money to her. She added, no man will give money to woman without something that he want from a woman especially if he has sexual experiance with her.

And second is, my aunt said that her ex-boyfriend gave the money and ticket with condition that my sister will stop by the country where he works and offer her to stay few nights at his home, before she take flight to go to her dream country. Thats mean, my aunt think that the man probably want her to have sexual intimate with him to 'pay' the price. And my aunt said that act is nearly to prostitution and calling my behavior to let my sister doing that is like hypocricy!

And third, how dare my aunt say to me, " then your sister using the resource of act of likely as prostitution and use it to go to another country and find good muslim husband with high class status? how poor is her future husband."

I am angry at my aunt for saying that because I think she has no right to say that to me. I pray more than her, I do night prayer more than her, and fasting more than her, my ibadah is more than her, while she has less ibadah compare to me. My intention is good to make my sister happy. So whats problem to let my sister happy.

And third, how dare my aunt say to me, " then your sister using the resource of act of likely as prostitution and use it to go to another country and find good muslim husband with high class status? how poor is her future husband."

I am angry at my aunt for saying that because I think she has no right to say that to me. I pray more than her, I do night prayer more than her, and fasting more than her, my ibadah is more than her, while she has less ibadah compare to me. My intention is good to make my sister happy. So whats problem to let my sister happy.

I don't agree with my aunty. I wish somebody here in this forum can tell me that this issue is permissible.

please give any comment and advice. I wish to hear from somebody to say that it is permissble for me to support my sister to achieve her dream.




Edited by ratnasari
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Sign*Reader Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 August 2007 at 5:28pm
What dream country are you talking about?

Kismet Domino: Faith/Courage/Liberty/Abundance/Selfishness/Immorality/Apathy/Bondage or extinction.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Kashimoto Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 February 2008 at 12:00pm
USA where else
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote anam Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 March 2008 at 4:23pm
What your aunt said was correct.But when you say ''how dare she''It means you dont like being told by her.That is a separate problem you could tell her not to interfere.
Now comes the qs what should one do if one is dealing with such a condition.I dont know whether your sister would listen to you or not.But i have guessed that she would not obey you either.As if you are religious you already must have tried telling her that what she did was wrong.It is difficult to see ones own family in problems or any sort of pain.In my opinion it is not wrong to help her and if she finally has planned to go the right way then help her do that.As far as staying with her ex boyfriend is concerned you can only advise her that she should not do that.Rest is upto her.
   At the same time this all makes me think if it was your brother what would have you or anyoneelse done.Would any such qs come to anyones mind?This is the double standard which we unfortunately have in almost all societies.Males go and live with foreign women without marriage,even have kids without marriage and everyone is willing to accept that.There are no qs no discussions.(they are wrong to do so well according to me)But noone thinks of cutting them off money or stop helping them.It is accepted as a necessary evil which only clever men get themselves into.
   I can only say what i would have done and that would have been to continue helping my sister and as well advising her not to do anything wrong.Though i still dont agree with this dream country and dream life.
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