Sister-in-law

My husbands family is a joint family my in-laws, my husbands brother and sister(divorcee with 3 kids)stay together both are married.My  major problem is my sister-in-law , who does not do any housework , she is  now re-married and has gone out of the country with her second husband and has left her 3 kids her responsibility at our home. mY mother-in-law is involved with them and expects the daughter in laws to take care of them even though its her daughters responsibility.
  Even when she was at home she never took care of her kids, all know this .  But no one tells her anything. The kids have are becoming very ill-mannered as they do not listen to thier grand-parents since they have been pampered extensively since they know they dont have both parents to control them.

They have a belierf that only if i do housework im a pious and dutiful daughter-in-law ,  otherwise iam not worthy of their house.Even   though they can afford to keep a maid they want  only the daughter-in-laws to do housework regardless of the fact that i work and come home   and  may be tired sometimes, my work is not appreciated and mean things are said and done indirectly, which hurt.

My in-laws are to a certain extent financially dependent on my husband , we stay in a rental 2 bedroom flat with 9 members.The main   solution i could suggest was to stay seperate so that i dont have to be emotionally depressed all the time as i do not feel a part of the   family they always single me out no matter how much i try. They do not like me, to a certain extent i feel they are jealous of my parents   been financially stronger or may be im imagining things .

Please suggest how to solve this problem ,as these matters are strainig r relations.

Walaekum Assalaam ,

First of all i would like to thank you Hayfa for taking ur time and to read and answer my query.

I thank Allah for the supportive and loving husband he has given me , i understand that he has a reponsibility of his parents. I have spoken to him and although he understands my problems , he says he cannot tell his mother or sister directly to stop doing things they do or stop commenting etc, etc.

Since they uneducated he says they will taunt him by saying that "u favour ur wife and ur completely fallen for her fmaily , u dont care for us any more . etc, etc"... He says whenever he has tried to discuss something that has gone wrong , he was put into the mess as if he created it , he was also blamed for his sisters divorce as well , which all know was only his sisters fault.

i made him understand that i cannot live like this, u have to seperate from here , we can still provide for then financially but at least we can seperate and have peace.

MAy ALLAH give me strenghth, he is not ready to seperate and i dont know how to convince him.

asak,

all of u , first of all i wud like to apologise for not replying earlier, things have been going on reallt fast in my like , thank allah for his blessings , and for my patience and belief in him has paid of.

i spoke to my husband re my problem , he seems to have realised due to certain problems dat happend. and has agreed to seperate , we were busy looking fro a new house for us, before we did that we had to buy a new house for his parents as we were in renatl house together. so we bought for them , and thye will be shifting there soon , while we r looking a new house for ourselves only. im so happy and releived now. hew still has to tell his parents. he agreed its best this way . he initiated this talk. so it feels even more better, i wud like to thank all sisters for replying to me and lovesakeenah i wud luv to listen to ur story , im sure i may get inspiration from  it. thx again for ur advise. take care , ahz.

Hey Nikky,

this is great news.

I pray it continues to go well for you.