ThankYou Found A Soluntion

Salaam Alaikum  Wahrahmatullah

I'm going to be leaving now, as I'm working from home, and doing some volunteer work for teen mothers, so I won't be on the web for awhile anymore.

I wanted to say thank you to all the sisters who took the time to listen to my rants, and my sorrows. I wanted to tell Hayfa, Najsmahar, Rookiyah, and USA Niqavbi, thank you for your feed back and time- I know you didn't have to give it, and I know I can be a very intense and demanding woman sometimes, so May Allah bless you for your patience.  I truly didn't think that being at this website would ever benefit me this much, I've even met a sister from here in person who is very nice.

I also wanted to say that I've decided to join the Masjid Muhammad Community, and will not associate in other communities unless I'm seeking Islamic knowledge that isn't available there. After seven years of having to worship and associate in racially hostile enviournment that are often politically, and emotionally charged has been very draining, and exhausting to the spirit and the mind,  I just simply can't take it anymore. When it was just me and my husband, isolation wasn't such a big deal.  When it was just me and my husband the cultish behaviours didn't matter, but having a baby changed everything, and my step son may be comming to live here during certian times of the year so this search for healthy community is really important to my family.  We aren't expecting perfection, but we aren't expecting all out toxic dysfunctional communities that operate like cults.  I feel like the saying don't seek perfection is often used as a cover up and an excuse for what those of us in  our right mind  know is just totally wrong and totally uncalled for. I don't believe you have to hit rock bottom in order to work your way up.

I still believe it's totally absurd that African American parents are spending $20K, $30K $40K  in the Islamic school systems and are dealing with closed systems that operate just like the American Public school models of the 1940's and 1950's especially those who are from older generations why some one in their right mind wants to relive Jim Crow every day is totally insane to me. I still feel for sorry for African American men and women living in interracial relationships that are condemned by the Arab/Indo/Paki/Turk family, their children are emotionally and some times physically abused and the commuity at large isn't exactly welcoming either.

So I've found the Masjid Muhammad community and I had a very wonderful experience there. I find the people to generally be college educated, middle class, proactive, positive, mild and moderate in their approach to Islam, politically involved, and most of all, I do not have to cross ethnic and cultural barriers. My children aren't going to be discriminated against, and I feel comfortable there.. I feel safe there..

Concluding, I just wanted to say to any other African American parents out there especially mothers, what I have learned from my seven years of hanging on, is this: It wasn't me. It was never about me. Some body's else ill mannered, ignorant, abusive behaviour is not my concern and I'm not responsible for their choice to do so. I've learned that people who are sick, and racism is a "disease"{ spelled that way on purpose}, have this ability to create a situation of such chaos and dysfunction, that its hard to pint pont the issues with out getting lost in details, and hold people accountable so that the rights of others are respected. My psychologist told me she counsels non-Muslim African American youth who are in private schools that are racially hostile, and severely politically charged, and that the children's sense of self has been completely shattered and she feels like she has to start over from birth with them. That really freaked me out. She hasn't been successful in convincing the parents to pull the children out the school. Furthermore, I know this may come off as elitist, but I thought my education, social status, and social capital would sheild me from the type of racism and insanity I've experienced but I was terribley wrong. I'm not that wealthy and didn't attend Ivy league schools either so I can't imagine how it must be for those with dissimilar backgrounds.

I can't describe the proufound sense of relief I have and I wish everybody well.

Salaam o Alaikum Wahrahmatullah

May Allah forgive us all our sins, grant us all paradise, and grant us a wonderful life in this world and the here after.

Ameen