seeking advice on bringing up kids

I am not an expert on this, since I have no kids. I think Hayfa has given the best advice. But I will add my 2 cents, partially in defense of Muslimah07, but mostly about what I've witnessed/experienced.

Where I live and basically everywhere I go, people beat their kids. By this I mean they literally BEAT their kids. For things I find completely harmless. One day when I was at work, I was playing with a little boy who seemed to be very hyper, continuosly running around the store. He wasn't messing up anything or nothing like that. Everytime he stopped, he'd give me something, like his hat, then run around and take it back etc... so when the people he was with tried to make him come to them, he would hide behind me to get away from them. At first I thought it was very odd. But then when his father caught him, he hit him very VERY hard  It made me very angry because the boy was so sweet and wasn't doing anything wrong. YES, he was running around the store, which his father didn't like. But it wasn't wrong of him to run around. I don't know what the guy thought the kid was doing but... that is just one example of what I see everyday

On the other hand, there was a girl that used to live in my nieghborhood, and her parents had never spanked her all her life. She was rude to them, rude to others, and physically abusive to her parents. She was like...12 years old. Another account is that there was a little boy I used to see at the masjid. His parents never spanked him, and he was physically abusive to his mother, and would beat up other kids. He was 4. This may be because of the father but, that's another subject.

I was spanked as a child, and I didn't like it. There were a few times I was spanked and didn't think it was fair and it still bothers me to this day. But I forgive my mother because she was raised in a foster home with a very abusive lady. She was even beaten with fan belts off cars. But she was never abusive to me or my siblings. The mentality of physical punishment is just something she was raised with. However, her, (and my dad's) method was to talk to us and tell us what we did wrong, and then give us the punishment. Then sometimes it was just, "Ok, do you want a spanking, or do you want to talk about it?" Talking about would seem like the best choice, but "talking about it" meant listening for HOURS!!!!!!!!!

I will say that Muslimah07 is NOT "advocating" "violence" against children. I think physical punishment/discepline is ok to a certain degree. I do plan to physically discepline my kids when I do have some, but definately in a manner that will not physically or mentally scar them for life. Hand spankings are as far as I'm willing to go! And talking is always the best way to get a child to understand things. I mean CONVERSATION. "Talks" meant dinner was gonna be late, we were gonna miss Tom and Jerry, and butt cramps. Seriously talk with your children. They are "only" kids, but they understand way more than we think.

As for "spare the rod; spoil the child," coincedently, a lady was talking to me about that today. She told me that "beat your child," or something like that, is in the Bible. I was shocked at first, but then thought about how shocked people are when they find out "beat them lightly" (in reference to wives) is in the Qur'an.

Salaam

I am not an expert on this, since I have no kids. I think Hayfa has given the best advice. But I will add my 2 cents, partially in defense of Muslimah07, but mostly about what I've witnessed/experienced.

Where I live and basically everywhere I go, people beat their kids. By this I mean they literally BEAT their kids. For things I find completely harmless. One day when I was at work, I was playing with a little boy who seemed to be very hyper, continuosly running around the store. He wasn't messing up anything or nothing like that. Everytime he stopped, he'd give me something, like his hat, then run around and take it back etc... so when the people he was with tried to make him come to them, he would hide behind me to get away from them. At first I thought it was very odd. But then when his father caught him, he hit him very VERY hard  It made me very angry because the boy was so sweet and wasn't doing anything wrong. YES, he was running around the store, which his father didn't like. But it wasn't wrong of him to run around. I don't know what the guy thought the kid was doing but... that is just one example of what I see everyday

On the other hand, there was a girl that used to live in my nieghborhood, and her parents had never spanked her all her life. She was rude to them, rude to others, and physically abusive to her parents. She was like...12 years old. Another account is that there was a little boy I used to see at the masjid. His parents never spanked him, and he was physically abusive to his mother, and would beat up other kids. He was 4. This may be because of the father but, that's another subject.

I was spanked as a child, and I didn't like it. There were a few times I was spanked and didn't think it was fair and it still bothers me to this day. But I forgive my mother because she was raised in a foster home with a very abusive lady. She was even beaten with fan belts off cars. But she was never abusive to me or my siblings. The mentality of physical punishment is just something she was raised with. However, her, (and my dad's) method was to talk to us and tell us what we did wrong, and then give us the punishment. Then sometimes it was just, "Ok, do you want a spanking, or do you want to talk about it?" Talking about would seem like the best choice, but "talking about it" meant listening for HOURS!!!!!!!!!

I will say that Muslimah07 is NOT "advocating" "violence" against children. I think physical punishment/discepline is ok to a certain degree. I do plan to physically discepline my kids when I do have some, but definately in a manner that will not physically or mentally scar them for life. Hand spankings are as far as I'm willing to go! And talking is always the best way to get a child to understand things. I mean CONVERSATION. "Talks" meant dinner was gonna be late, we were gonna miss Tom and Jerry, and butt cramps. Seriously talk with your children. They are "only" kids, but they understand way more than we think.

As for "spare the rod; spoil the child," coincedently, a lady was talking to me about that today. She told me that "beat your child," or something like that, is in the Bible. I was shocked at first, but then thought about how shocked people are when they find out "beat them lightly" (in reference to wives) is in the Qur'an.

Salaam